SNL Cold Open: Michael Keatons Julian Assange Goes to Jail …

With Alec Baldwins Donald Trump nowhere to be seen, Saturday Night Live featured a different cameo during last nights cold open: Michael Keaton, who played the recently arrested Julian Assange. He was joined by Kate McKinnons Lori Loughlin, who interrupted three jailbirds stories of how they ended up behind bars to brag, You think thats insane? I paid $500 grand to get my daughter into USC.

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Met with incredulity by her new cellmates, the former Aunt Becky repeated herself: You heard me. I paid $500 grand to a womens crew coach to say my daughter was good at rowing. Im loco. Loughlin then reminded them that the hefty sum is not even including the $300 grand I blew on tuition before stunning them even further by revealing that, not only is her daughter a Communications major, but shes put that ongoing education to use by becoming, of all things, an Instagram influencer.

You think prison is hard? Ive done 68 Hallmark movies Ive seen hell, man, she said. And in half those Hallmark movies, I marry Santas son, so I have lost all sense of reality. Im gonna take your heart and Im gonna cut it out.

Aunt Becky may be the prisons new kingpin, but she isnt the only high-profile inmate. Pete Davidson is there as Michael Avenatti, but even his crimes cant compare to the craziness of Assanges. Thats right, its me, he said by way of introduction. Im the architect of anarchy. Im the king of chaos. Im the scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy.

They arent impressed yet, so he takes it further: Im wanted in the U.S. and Sweden. Im from Australia and I live in London in Ecuador you try figuring that one out. Then the capper: I attacked the U.S. military, bitches. Im an actual James Bond supervillain and Im one step away from destroying the goddam moon! Watch the full skit below.

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SNL Cold Open: Michael Keatons Julian Assange Goes to Jail ...