Opinion | When grief goes online – WION

Earlier this week, my family found itself in a rather strange predicament. A distant relative had died. My mother-in-law wanted to pay her condolences to the family. Visiting the grieving family was ruled out given the COVID-19 concerns we're all harbouring despite vaccines rolling out and official numbers coming down.

And then we received a strange invitation on Microsoft Teams from the son of the deceased. A virtual prayer meeting was to be held and we were all to offer our condolences -online.

To my surprise, my mother-in-law, who is very quickly adapting to the new normal, didn't bat an eyelid and decided that she would embrace this too and perform her duties.

What followed was the strangest exercise in coordinating a Microsoft Teams call. A few politically-incorrect giggles followed which didn't fit the occasion. And of course, some tech goof-ups are the trademark of every online class, virtual conference, or meeting, and in this case, a virtual prayer meeting.

We asked ourselves the all-important questions. Would it be appropriate to switch off our video while we offer condolences to the grieving family? What if my son wakes up and starts singing Peppa Pig anthems, or worse yet, what if he screams for a run to the washroom?

We sat down solemnly, patted our hair in place, and muted our microphones. After all, we didn't want someone asking "what's for dinner?" in the middle of this grave exercise!

Family members from across the country and even other parts of the world logged in. Multiple windows were opened, each struggling to keep a sombre face in an unnatural setting. Some forgot to mute their microphones and were heard juggling household chores while the family of the deceased tried to keep their Wi-Fi connection strong enough to handle the virtual grief.

And I thought to myself -- this perhaps is a new way of life. A new way of connecting or disconnecting. We've suffered through the pains of working-from-home and juggling household chores. We have borne the pain of separation from loved ones during lockdowns. And now, we must say goodbye to our loved ones in the most disconnected way too. And yet, we show up, we maintain a sombre face, we persevere.

At some point during the virtual prayer meeting, someone's son had to use the washroom, while another's house help asked what to cook for dinner. Some laughed at the faux-pas while others ignored them. We struggled to keep a straight face, momentarily forgetting why we were in this strange predicament in the first place.

And then it dawned upon me that the pandemic has changed us in more ways than one.

It's one thing when education moves online, weddings are held on video conferences and baby shower gifts are exchanged on Google Pay. But it is truly strange when grief goes virtual. When the end of life is marked with multiple chat windows and curious faces peering at one another. Some observe the other's clothes, some notice the weight gain, others feel obligated to connect with those with whom they have lost contact over time.

And for the elderly, it is an unfair battle. When I see my mother-in-law embrace technology, it gives me pride. When I see her preparing herself to monitor my son's online classes, I feel grateful. But when I see her sitting down on a Microsoft Teams call, grieving and yet worried if the Wi-Fi connection will betray her, I feel frustrated.

But then again, we fight on, we persevere, we realize that this is the New Normal. Who knows if people will ever congregate to offer condolences again?

I shudder to think of what else will move online. Any guesses?

(Disclaimer: The views of the writer do not represent the views of WION or ZMCL. Nor does WION or ZMCL endorse the views of the writer.)

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Opinion | When grief goes online - WION