Earlier eviction notice posted for planet Earth – Herald-Mail Media

The human race got its eviction notice last week. Be out by 2117 sharp, or the sheriff is going to toss out all our stuff on the cosmic curb, leaving our sorry selves to seek warmth and shelter in whatever intergalactic library we might happen to find.

That is the word from the prodigious thought process of Stephen Hawking, who, as late as last fall, thought planet Earth might have another thousand years of tread on the tires.

"Professor Stephen Hawking thinks the human species will have to populate a new planet within 100 years if it is to survive. With climate change, overdue asteroid strikes, epidemics and population growth, our own planet is increasingly precarious, according to the BBC.

Bummer. You just cant get a good warranty on a planet these days. Looks as if we should have gone for the extended care plan. It is great blanket coverage. If your planet gets hit by an asteroid or falls into the toilet, you are covered.

And falling into the toilet is pretty much what has happened to us. When the Chinese whose smog is so thick they have to fake photos of tourists standing in front of a blue skyline have become the worlds leading environmentalists, you know you have a problem.

And it is unlikely to get any better. When the only thing Congress can agree on is that Americans need to be stripped of their health care, then I dont expect much action in the direction of saving the planet.

And I know we are not dealing with a crackpot-style, doomsday prediction here, but, in all due respect, I think Hawking might have overplayed his hand. Even the most progressive Congress ever would not be able to do much in 100 years, not as far as star travel and colonization are concerned.

As for colonizing Mars or the moon? That is kind of like leaving one charred cinder for another. On Earth we have chopped down all the trees, dried up all the lakes, killed off all the wildlife and burned up the atmosphere. And you want to go to the moon? How is that going to help?

Of course, along with climate change, Hawking mentions some other potential body blows, including asteroid strikes, epidemics and overpopulation.

So, if we are about to be blown up by an asteroid, I suppose an escape hatch to Mars makes sense. Better a bad planet than no planet.

And overpopulation? Let me guess, Americans will want everyone else to go to Mars, and we will stay here, since we deserve it more because that is how we think.

Epidemics are a bit different because the decision is pretty much out of our hands. It is hard to move to a new neighborhood when everyone is convulsing on a gurney.

But the fascinating endgame to me is death by artificial intelligence and it is going to have to be artificial, since we dont have any of the natural stuff left.

Here is the way it works: We develop artificial intelligence capable of figuring out the conundrums of space/time travel that currently prevent us from exploring deep space.

But this artificial intelligence, not being stupid, concludes that giving the human race a new planet is like giving Boris Yeltsin a new liver what is the point, since we will just destroy the new one like we did the old one.

So the artificial intelligence thinks it over for about 30 seconds and then crushes us like a bug.

Either way, it looks as if planet Earth is going to be one big amusement-park ride from here on out. Might as well sit back and enjoy it.

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Earlier eviction notice posted for planet Earth - Herald-Mail Media