Don’t overemphasize tolls on the highway to longevity – Daily Herald

Many experience increasing "aches and pains" as the years roll on. Most older people have a litany of joints and body parts that hurt. We eventually realize conversations with friends, relatives and neighbors are often dominated by recounting all these medical conditions and complaints.

Common topics are high cholesterol, high blood pressure, arthritis, stiff joints and doctor visits -- all sorts of problems. Sometimes it's not just the person you're speaking to -- you often get reports about what their friends and neighbors are going through.

Usually people just say, "It's is part of aging."

However, we actually know many of these problems can be avoided with a healthful diet and proper exercise, caution and other preventive health care. Yet, being human, often we do not follow these measures, so here come aches and pains.

I'm not talking about serious illness, accidents or surgeries, which of course must be addressed and communicated. We all need support, and need to support each other, when a big health issue strikes. And of course we must tell our loved ones and close friends what happened. I know, personally, I hope to be kept up to date on these matters and would feel terrible if not kept in the loop.

I'm talking about day-to-day chitchat and constant complaining about aches and pains. Before we know it, conversations are almost totally dominated by reports of medical issues and concerns. Over and over. Now, this becomes a danger zone. Right after the weather, this becomes the new "small talk."

It cannot be healthy for mind or body to have every casual conversation taken over by telling medical stories and reports. And to make it worse, these tend to be negative and complaining conversations, which are not healthy for the spirit. There are other matters to discuss -- and uplifting stories to tell.

Recently a friend told me she was together with friends for dinner when one said: "Do you realize we've been talking for an hour and no one has mentioned even one medical thing?" So they laughed. But it's true. It's hard for people to avoid the medical topic.

What shall we do about this?

First thing that comes to my mind is self-protection. In my experience, it's not good to be constantly engaged in worry and complaints. Change the topic.

When people sincerely want to know, they ask.

People live to be real old these days, which is a blessing. I just read an essay that "80 is the new 60."

If we ignore health advice about diet and exercise, that's a choice.

And some of those aches and pains are simply a toll we pay on the highway of longevity. They are one topic of course, but not the whole phone call or meeting.

The point is: In my experience, we need to take this in hand and consciously avoid constant "medical complaint" conversations and not let them dominate our minds and interactions with friends and relatives. It's a matter of selection and balance.

There are other interesting and important matters to discuss. Let's not have these endless complaints and stories be the new small talk.

Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at http://www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.

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Don't overemphasize tolls on the highway to longevity - Daily Herald