Brunch Hate Reads: NYC Kids Choose Multi-Million Dollar Apartments For Their Parents

We here at Brunch Hate Reads have seen every permutation of terrible in the weekend pages of the NY Times, from the hungover futurism consultants who are so over Brooklyn to the 22-year-old creative souls just trying to find a multi-million dollar place to hang their giant portraits of themselves. We've definitely seen some shit in our daybut we're happy to report we haven't become jaded by all the mason jar trend pieces. As we learned from a piece today, we still have the capacity for dumb-struck awe at their ability to hold up a mirror to modern New York and only notice 1% of the reflection.

This one really is a doozy.

Before we go any further, you should get yourself a glass of champagne and read the PSA below.

PSA: The NY Times has a weakness for self-parodying trend-baiting, masochistic Millennial obsessing, and the perverse lifestyles of the filthy rich. If a reporter with the Real Estate, Style or Weekend sections approaches you about a story, just smile gently and run in the opposite direction. No one is forcing you to become representative of everything that everyone hates about New Yorkers.

The NY Times Presents: Brunch Hate Reads is proud to bring you the story of .1%ers who have trained their children to help them buy multi-million real estate around NYC. "In New York, teens and preteens are becoming savvy connoisseurs of real estate," the Times writes.

No, they are not. There is nothing savvy about being able to functionally use a website.

Here are a few real sentences from the article:

Still, for a lark the couple strolled over to check out their sons find, which, in addition to the pool and an expansive terrace, had bedazzling views of the Hudson and the Palisades. We looked at each other and said, This is unbelievable, Mrs. van Merkensteijn recalled. The idea that you could own a place like this in New York City was amazing.

Skye came along to the closing a few months later.

"They choose where they and their parents are going to have dinner or where theyre going to go on vacation," Stuart Moss, an associate broker at Corcoran, told the Times. "So why shouldnt it extend to where theyre going to spend several million dollars for a residence?" Maybe because (follow us with this one) they are... children? I know this sounds crazy, but maybe children shouldn't be responsible for millions of dollars and major household decisions? We know rich people live entirely different lives than everyone else, but mixing money & kids generally hasn't worked out in the past.

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Brunch Hate Reads: NYC Kids Choose Multi-Million Dollar Apartments For Their Parents