Brunch Hate Reads: Irritating People Discover Queens

In the last few months, The NY Times Presents: Brunch Hate Reads has shifted focus from waging war against Irony and trolling Brooklyn futurism consultants in order to cast its terrible gaze upon Queens, turning up stones in a series of Real Estate, Style and Weekend articles only to find the most singularly irritating new gentrifiers in the borough. Come and cringe as the Times takes a tour of the "Toyota Corolla" of neighborhoods only to find that, among obnoxious bandwagon jumpers, Queens "is finally getting some respect."

Life coach Corey Anker, a 15-year resident of Manhattan, and his family felt cramped in their Gramercy apartment. "I just didnt see myself living there, Anker said of Queens. "To me, it was an old persons borough." But this prejudice against mortality gave way to an epiphany: Queens apartment buildings have some super sweet retro-chic wall coverings.

A couple of blocks away on Austin Street, he found a mix of cafes, bars, chain stores and small businesses and began to picture a life there. Twenty minutes and four express stops later, he was back in Manhattan planning their move.

I was vehemently opposed to moving to Queens, said Mr. Anker, a life coach who arrived with his family to Parker Towers in May, renting a renovated $3,600-a-month three-bedroom, two-bath with a balcony. Now, I couldnt love it any more if you paid me.

Anker will be neighbors with artists like Michelle Byrd, who are just relieved that Queens finally looks enough like Brooklyn as to be habitable.

Into her life came Pearson Court Square, a new 197-unit rental building with prices that range from $2,600 a month for a studio to $5,800 for a two-bedroom penthouse. Now shes not far from MoMA PS1 and exhibition spaces like the SculptureCenter, Ms. Byrd said. The number of people jumping off the 7 train, she said, asking directions and taking photographs that makes it feel very cosmopolitan.

Then there are the advertising strategists who see a gentrified neighborhood, and can peer into the future at the potential for even MORE gentrifying to come.

The couple pay $3,720 a month, including use of a two-story gym, squash and basketball courts, a coffee lounge, a screening room, a childrens playroom and three roof decks with barbecues, wet bars and misting machines for hot summer days. If you were to pick up this apartment and drop it into Manhattan, Mr. Plaza said, youd be asking for north of $5,000 a month.

If someone came into your bedroom every night and whispered, "Ringo was the true genius of The Beatles" for a year, you might wake up one day and inexplicably find yourself passionately arguing that "Don't Pass Me By" was the best song on The White Album, or that "Octopus's Garden" was actually a deep metaphor for soldiers coming home from Vietnam. So of course, we can't forget about the brokerage firms that have set up shop in Long Island City and are doing everything they can to jam their own mantra down our throats: "Queens is the new Brooklyn."

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Brunch Hate Reads: Irritating People Discover Queens