How Eczema Negatively Impacted the Way She Talked to Herself – National Eczema Association

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By Anne Marre Bautista, as told to Jennifer Moncayo-Hida

Published On: Sep 18, 2023

Last Updated On: Sep 18, 2023

Toxic self-talk is when your inner voice is excessively negative to yourself. For 35-year-old Anne Marre Bautista, from Los Angeles, her childhood experiences with eczema left her with a harsh inner critic that at one point made it hard for her to even look in the mirror. Here, in her own words, Bautista who has atopic dermatitis, contact dermatitis, dyshidrotic eczema, seborrheic dermatitis and hand eczema shared how she worked to overcome her negative self-talk and show herself more love.

I was diagnosed with eczema at 6 months old. My eczema played a large part in the way I talked to myself as a kid. I didnt realize this until I became an adult, but my self-hate actually began at a very young age. I used to be a cheerful and friendly kid. But when my skin acted up when I was 9 years old, everything changed.

The other kids at school started to avoid me. I was frequently bullied at school because of my appearance with eczema. The other kids believed I was contagious. I felt isolated and incredibly alone. It wasnt just that I didnt feel beautiful; I also had the sense that nobody wanted to be my friend.

Due to these daily experiences in school, I gradually started to internalize their judgments and began feeling the same way about myself. Every day, I would come home in tears due to the constant bullying I experienced. And before I knew it, I was dealing with all this self-hate. I used to question my own worth a lot. I couldnt even be kind to myself.

Over the years, when I had to deal with my eczema or when I was in a flare, it really affected how I saw myself. How I felt mentally all depended on how bad my skin was at the moment. When my skin was at its worst, I would avoid the mirror or photography altogether. At one point in my preteens/early teens, between 1015 years old, any mirror reflection or photography would freak me out. I was scared that Id see what everyone else saw, and that wasnt a pleasant thought. Looking at myself or catching a glimpse of my reflection felt like a struggle. I was also experiencing extreme anxiety.

I think it all goes back to the awful stuff I went through at school because of my eczema. Those experiences messed with how I saw myself in mirrors. Feeling good about myself was hard. I sometimes still catch myself having this anxiety with mirrors even now as an adult.

Overcoming my negative self-talk and self-hate because of eczema was quite a journey. As a kid, I didnt really get why it was happening. But as I grew older, I redirected my focus toward my strengths. I concentrated on my studies and ensured that I consistently ranked among the top students. Additionally, I engaged in activities I loved, such as skateboarding, spending time with my dog, playing video games, singing and playing music. Relying more on my strengths significantly improved my self-perception.

I honestly dont think I have completely overcome the negative self-talk or the anxiety that comes with it. It is a process that I consistently have to manage and deal with when it happens. In addition to focusing on my strengths and activities I love, I have to constantly remind myself that there is a community of eczema warriors out there too. Im not alone anymore. I make sure that I have a strong support system whenever Im going through the mental struggle of negative self-talk.

For any of my fellow eczema warriors battling with negative self-talk, remember that eczema can come and go. It will never define you. For me, focusing on activities where I knew I excelled really helped me start to embrace my self-worth. Investing my energy into activities I loved also really helped me develop a deeper appreciation for myself and it helped me cultivate self-love. Hopefully that can help you, too.

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How Eczema Negatively Impacted the Way She Talked to Herself - National Eczema Association