Beats claims NFL players' DNA affected by headphone ban

Due to an NFL deal with Bose, players can't wear their Beats headphones during televised interviews.

A great athlete like Colin Kaepernick will be denuded and DNA-altered without his matching Beats headphones. 49ersLakersspin/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Football is America's most effective collection plate.

No organization does a better job of giving unto Mammon on a Sunday than the NFL.

This fiscal efficiency can, however, interfere with the mental preparation of some NFL players. This, at least, is the claim made by Beats.

Apple's fresh, brash little brother is upset that the NFL has a deal with speaker and headphone maker Bose. This prevents cool-conscious stars, such as the thoughtfully monosyllabic San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, from wearing their Beats headphones -- as well as any other rival headphones -- during televised interviews on game day.

Indeed, the ban extends from before kickoff to 90 minutes after the game. It also covers training camp and practice.

Beats issued this statement, according to Recode: "Over the last few years athletes have written Beats into their DNA as part of the pre-game ritual. Music can have a significant positive effect on an athlete's focus and mental preparedness and has become as important to performance as any other piece of equipment."

It's an alluring thought that Kaepernick played badly against, say, the Arizona Cardinals, because he couldn't infuse his ears with Beats music and his DNA was harmfully affected.

It's equally alluring to think that, in order for him to project the right image at press conferences, he must wrap his Beats around his neck, for fear that his head might loll to one side in anguish.

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Beats claims NFL players' DNA affected by headphone ban