Ask Amy: DNA match leads to likely father who has died, but should half-siblings be told? – MassLive.com

Dear Amy: I have been dear friends with Constance for decades.

We live in different states and see each other periodically we are like sisters.

Constance has responsibility only for herself. I have a family, so therefore she has more disposable income than I do.

Constance prides herself on a frugal, cash-only lifestyle, and yet she dovetails off our streaming and shopping services.

I didnt think I minded, but I sort of do. I think she should offer to pay half of the cost. (Note that she has many redeeming qualities, and this is not a deal-breaker.)

We made a lighthearted comment about how the prices for these services are increasing and how they now show ads because so many people are mooching off the accounts of others.

When she inquired about a streaming service we did not have, she let us know giddily that she found access via another friend.

Ive wondered about others in this predicament (and I know there are others). Id appreciate your take on this.

Leechs BFF

Dear BFF: Some time back, a person I know let a friend have access to one of her streaming accounts. Then that same friend applied the same password to gain access to another streaming account without asking permission. (The person allowing access had foolishly reused her password for other accounts.)

OK Im the fool. All of that happened to me.

In response, I changed ALL of my passwords and the matter died right there. (The friendship died a few months later.)

Anyone you share access with could have access to your other data. It is a definite risk.

If you are willing to continue to do this, ask your friend to pay for half the cost its still a bargain for her and her subsidy could be very helpful in your household.

If she is truly like a sister to you well, this is how sisters should (but dont always) work things out: Honestly, fairly, and without hard feelings.

If your pal doesnt use any online or check payment options, she could pay you half of a full-years subscription cost by giving you cash.

Alternatively, you could continue to share your account with her, but reframe the way you cast her: Not as a mooch or a leech, but as someone happy to accept your generosity, which you are happy to bestow.

Dear Amy: Through a DNA search, I discovered a relative who has a much closer match with my first cousin than with me.

After corresponding with my DNA match and both of us giving it considerable thought, we have concluded that she was probably fathered by my uncle the father of my first cousins making her their half-sister.

My uncle died long ago. The new cousin would like to contact her half-siblings. I also believe that they have a right to know about her.

I wouldnt want to just drop the issue on them.

I am not close to these cousins. I live in a totally different part of the country, but I do keep loosely in touch about once a year.

I need guidance in how to handle this situation. My husband says to leave it alone.

Do you have ideas?

-- DNA Matched

Dear Matched: If you know through the DNA testing site that this person is a closer DNA match with your cousin than with you, then might your cousin also be registered on the site? If so, then the site might have already matched them together.

Regardless, this does not seem overly complicated to me. You could contact one of these cousins to say, I have located a DNA relative through a testing site. This person would also like to contact your branch of the family. Is it OK if I share your email address with her?

Once you connect these two branches, you can hope that the graft will mend and your family tree will successfully expand. It is not in your control.

Dear Readers: Have you ever had your question published in the Ask Amy column? If so, Id love to hear from you. Did you accept or reject my advice? Was the issue you wrote about ever resolved?

As part of our ongoing conversation about human behavior and its consequences, Id love to learn how things turned out for you.

Please, get in touch! Write to me at askamy@amydickinson.com. Write UPDATE in the subject line, and tell me your story.

I welcome the opportunity to be back in touch.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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Ask Amy: DNA match leads to likely father who has died, but should half-siblings be told? - MassLive.com