Spectator competition winners: the hell of a foreign holiday – Spectator.co.uk

In Competition No. 3188, a challenge designed to make us all feel better about the looming prospect of another enforced staycation, you were invited to submit a postcard from a friend on holiday abroad that makes you relieved you arent there.

Whenever I find myself dreaming of a trip to see the Northern Lights, I console myself with Northern Dark, Geoff Dyers hilarious account of the crushing disappointment of his pilgrimage to the Svalbard Archipelago (only on the return journey do the stars of the show, those swirling geysers of psychedelic green, make an appearance but on the opposite side of the aircraft from which Dyer and his wife are sitting).

I enjoyed Paul Freemans account of guillemot and periwinkle stew atop Halls Ledge, Rockall, and Brian Murdochs valiant attempt to look on the bright side of hotel quarantine: the view from the window is a restfully empty car-park, so no crashing waves to keep us awake all night. Honourable mentions also go to John Plowman, Alan Millard, G.M. Southgate, P.M. Davidson and James Jackson. The winners, printed below, are rewarded with 30 each.

You are invited to submit a Shakespearean soliloquy reflecting on the news that the Bard has been cancelled by some US academics. Please email entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 17 March.

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Spectator competition winners: the hell of a foreign holiday - Spectator.co.uk