IT is perhaps the one thing every fitness and bodybuilding fanatic fears most; the disintegration of the man in the mirror once training and steroids stop.
Today, the gym world is huge. Muscles are being built to boost the missing chromosome of self-esteem and performance-enhancing drugs are so accessible that it is as simple as ordering a CD from Amazon.
But at BAFTA in Piccadilly on Thursday night, one man emerged from the shadows again to confirm that he is perhaps the most unique former bodybuilder ever.
I never had that worry [about losing my physique], said former six-time Mr Olympia Dorian Yates at the world premiere of the London Real documentary Dorian Yates: Inside the Shadow.
He was asked by a member of the audience about body dismorphia. How the threat of spiralling into depression when the god-like feeling of super-human strength and a physique to match gradually disappears before your eyes.
Maybe Im unusual. I was removed. Like I was working on this statue, that I was working on this product and the way to build the product was through self-discipline and mastery over yourself and over your instincts.
Dorian Yates
I never started bodybuilding because I thought Im not big enough, Im not strong enough. If you look back at my earliest photos, they would probably do well in a fitness contest now, so I probably came from a different point of view.
A lot of people, especially the young guys, ask me, When you look back at those photos, dont you feel like man I wish I looked like that now? Not at all, that doesnt apply to what I am doing now. I need a functional body that can cycle up hills. Before, I could lift 600lbs in squats and all incredible stuff in the gym but if I walked a couple of miles Id probably get out of breath. So its just not practical for me now, thats the way I look at it.
As long as Im in good physical shape, thats a passion for me, to be physically fit. Thats the main thing now, the look is secondary. But I think I look OK, not too bad for a 55 year old.
But if you start training and building your body because you feel inadequate or not confident then your whole confidence is tied up with having that physique then of course its very hard to let go of it because you feel now Im bigger and stronger and people respect me more and I feel more confident and people dont want to give that up.
I mentioned that with the whole steroid thing; once you get on the merry-go-round, if your self-esteem is tied up with having big muscles youre not going to want to let go of that.
Inside the Shadows
The documentary followed Yates rise to 260-pound, three-per-cent-bodyfat behemoth, to his clinical depression, use of psychedelics and cannabis where he wiped out the crew of London Real, who spent three hours lying on a Marbella beach after two puffs of one of his joints meditation and yoga. That the once-titan-like Yates fell over after failing to hold his balance on his first attempt at holding a yoga pose will be an image the gym world will find hard to illustrate.
I thought theyd been working hard and deserved a break, said Yates of the London Real crew he shared cannabis with having spent a few days in Spain filming the documentary. I didnt exactly hold them down. They did it [smoked] voluntarily.
It was the last day and I said if you want to smoke then no more than two puffs each. Then I said lets all go and have a nice dinner together and we can all relax. So me and my wife and my friend were in the restaurant and we were like, wheres Brian [Rose, front man for London Real], wheres the crew? Im trying to call Brian, Im trying to Whatsapp him and Im getting nothing. And Gal [Yates wife] said to me, dont you realise whats happened? I was like, what? You just fxxxxd them all up. No surely not, they had two puffs, come on. But apparently they were lying on the beach for two hours.
This movie was not just bodybuilding. Far from it. It was the transformation of a man who had been at the top of his game before his body gave out.
Inside the Shadow
Im not telling people they should do what I do, said Yates. They should absolutely follow their own path. I dont have ambitions to be a movie star or multi-millionaire. My challenges are more spiritual; to try and understand and develop that side of myself and to help other people. Thats what its all about, thats why I did the interview with Brian and thats why I did the movie.
Im not making any money, Im not being paid. Im not doing it to become a teacher or a guru but hopefully give that tip, a little hope to people and wake up that thing thats inside all of us. That little spark, that little light. Its inside of everybody. In some people its very faint and thats all Im trying to do.
So we will see what people think of this film. If they want to hear more we will do more if they dont want to hear anything I will go back to my shadow.
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