Her View: The value of progress versus the power of stillness – Moscow-Pullman Daily News

When I was in sixth grade, my illustrious career as a mediocre pianist came to an end. At the time I quit piano lessons, I was stumbling through the process of learning to play one of Clementis sonatinas (Op. 36, No. 2). I have carried the book of music (which includes six short sonatas) with me ever since occasionally playing the piece on college dorm pianos, or in our homes when we have had a piano. The yellow book is now a bit rough around the edges, but in fairly good shape after all the years of packing and unpacking.

Yesterday, I took out my book to play the music once again and noted the many pencil markings which my long-suffering piano teacher, Mrs. Vixie, had added to the pages. She had circled areas where I needed to adjust my tempo or pay attention to my volume. After all these years, I can play the sonatina at approximately the same level of expertise as when I was 11. Muscle memory kicks in during the parts I learned well, and I might convince someone for a moment that I have real talent. Unfortunately, the same muscles which demonstrate mastery of some sections continue to struggle with all those circled portions from my past.

I tend to pass some judgment on myself when I play this piece. I find great enjoyment in playing the parts I know well. Energy and creative power seem to flow through my unpracticed fingers for a few minutes out of my week. And yet, those troublesome parts continue to be concerning, and I feel critical of my lack of effort toward greater musical talent. I dont have an ear for music, as my husband and sons do. They may hear a tune in a movie score and recreate it on our piano after only a few minutes of trying.

As I have asked myself in the past, how is it helpful to focus on my perceived deficiencies, and perhaps compare my musical abilities with others? I am convinced it really is not very helpful at all. Where I tie this in with a broader life perspective is the concept of how we judge our own (and others) growth through difficulties. If I reached out to a dear friend, who is a phenomenal piano teacher, and asked for help to improve my piano skills, I know that could make a big difference. If I then committed to practicing and learning the skills my sixth-grade self never internalized, Im confident I would improve. But honestly, I dont really want to use my limited time and resources to improve at my piano playing. For now, I am content with adjusting my mindset about how I play this piece and focusing on the enjoyment I get from playing the portions I have mastered.

What about the growth processes we see in others? With our children, our spouses, our siblings, our friends, how do we judge the speed or effort with which they work through their own challenges? I have certainly been guilty in the past of feeling self-righteous about the superiority of my methods for handling spiritually troubling questions as they arose. I felt like I was handling things the right way as I researched, talked with others, and took action regarding my questions. As I have had subsequent challenging experiences and emerged from my all-knowing young adult mindset, I now see much greater value in sitting still with questions and discomfort.

Sometimes a crusade for answers, truth, and knowledge is not actually the right path. Getting hard questions answered is sometimes not even especially important.

As life stretches on, we may look back on seasons marked with searching and others marked with waiting. Sometimes we are learning so much about ourselves and our world as we walk jauntily along our path. Other times we are simply clinging tightly to what matters most, trying to keep our tired eyes open and our feet trudging through a frigid downpour. No matter how we are moving through life, we can acknowledge we are never alone on the path, whether we are actively searching or waiting out a storm.

Palmer is a mother of four and doctoral student at the University of Idaho. She has lived on the Palouse with her husband and children since 2012. Palmer is studying youth development through overnight camp programs and can be reached at acpalmer@uidaho.edu.

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Her View: The value of progress versus the power of stillness - Moscow-Pullman Daily News