Her View: Empathy may demand more than the golden rule – Moscow-Pullman Daily News

Be kind. Be safe. Be polite. These are the core principles my sister-in-law returns to whenever one of her three little boys behavior needs a little correction. She asks them what the three family rules are, and which rule they arent following. They can recite the rules, and usually identify fairly quickly which of the three is in question. Within each of us, we can find our personal set of core values, and we can often point to a meaningful mantra which guides our choices.

Whether we think of do no harm, love everyone or another phrase which carries meaning for us, we consider these principles throughout our lives. However, I have noticed that there is often a disconnect where we have a hard time seeing how new choices we could make fit in with our core values. I will admit that I cringe when I hear people use the phrase politically correct. In my experience, ideas individuals sometimes shrug off as political correctness are opportunities to be inclusive and change patterns of marginalizing behavior we may have spent our life unconsciously engaging in.

For example, I have come to know an increasing number of people who are uncomfortable with typical gender pronouns and prefer to use they/them. Their experience is one I cannot relate to, and yet I want to be kind and supportive. While it may be difficult for my deeply ingrained language habits to adjust, I think it is important to put in the effort to adjust them. It is not difficult to identify many other similar shifts in thought we have opportunities to work on as the years go by, whether in our language or our behavior.

Though the concept has been explored since at least the 1970s, I only learned recently about the platinum rule as a balance or complement to the golden rule. While the golden rule compels us to treat others as we would like to be treated, the platinum rule is based on the reality that others do not always want to be treated the way we want to be treated and offers an alternative measure for our behavior: treat others the way they want to be treated.

My mind had to process a little bit about whether this concept in some way conflicts with Christs teachings about how to treat our neighbors, and my conclusion is that it does not.

Treating others as we would like to be treated is an excellent and even radical starting point especially within the context of Jesus time and audience. Trying to follow the golden rule is often a great challenge when our own human instincts usually urge us to focus most of our mental energy on ourselves.

As we consider individuals who experience different cultures, different opportunities, different sexual or racial identities, the golden rule might not always be fully appropriate as we decide how to behave. Without living someone elses life, it is difficult to say, I will treat them how I would want to be treated if I were in their shoes. Since we cannot fully imagine or know with clarity how we would feel in their circumstances, we can either guess or we can choose to believe them.

Believing others when they express their needs is critical, and sometimes very difficult. When our experiences of privilege, or of a particular sexuality or culture, are dramatically different, one natural response is skepticism. Most of us are busy and exhausted, and trying to understand can be tiring and challenging. It may be easier to reject their reality and blame things on the rise of political correctness.

If our goals in life are to look out for our own interests and grow closer only to an insulated group of like-minded people, we may be comfortable making this choice. But if we see life as an opportunity for growth even if it is sometimes painful and learning about new perspectives, we must consider working towards living the platinum rule.

As we treat others as they want to be treated, we will very likely find that we are following core values of respect, kindness, politeness or doing no harm.

Palmer is a doctoral student at the University of Idaho, studying youth development within the context of recreational programs. She has lived with her husband and children in Moscow since 2012. Palmer can be reached at palm1634@vandals.uidaho.edu.

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Her View: Empathy may demand more than the golden rule - Moscow-Pullman Daily News