Teaching consent to toddlers: Im happy were starting to have this conversation – The Guardian

When Australian author and illustrator Sophie Beer started writing her latest book about consent a board book pitched for the one-to-three-year-old reader the conversation was already changing.

This was at the beginning of the pandemic, and society was suddenly a lot more cognisant of greetings and interpersonal consent, she says. Suddenly, shaking hands and hugging hello was risky and we had to get creative with awkwardly waving and elbow-bumping instead. All these new greetings [became] a vehicle for us to discuss preference of personal boundaries with kids.

Illustrated in her bright, electric style, How to Say Hello offers children a variety of greetings to choose from, from fist bumps to smiles; from special dances to peeks out from between a parents legs. Ultimately, she writes, there are so many ways to say hello! with the book delivering an inclusive message of empowerment about making your own choices, and respecting those of others.

Board books on bodily autonomy and consent arent common but when it comes to picture books, Beer recommends Emily Neilsons Can I Give You a Squish (gorgeous and playful) and Sharee Millers Dont Touch My Hair! As children grow older and more curious, there are even more resources, including the wonderful Welcome to Consent! by Yumi Stynes and Dr Melissa Kang.

Kang explains that, as a society, were becoming more literate on the issue of consent. Young people themselves are demanding change to education, to the law, to societys attitudes to women and to power imbalances, she says. And in a post-MeToo world, books are one of many ways to bring the issue to younger children.

The younger the child, the more a parent or carer needs to physically touch a child in order to care for them but there are many opportunities to frame these actions into consent-nurturing interactions, she says. It is possible to educate children about their bodies, feelings, thoughts, actions and values which are the basics of consent.

Beer believes that learning social boundaries and how to enforce them can never be taught too young. She also thinks its important to teach kids that people can communicate differently and might accept greetings differently: differences in sensory processing and socialisation can make hugs uncomfortable for some, for example.

Childrens individual consent is just as important as teenagers or adults, she says. Too often, a child may feel uncomfortable hugging an unfamiliar relative hello, yet they are ordered to for the sake of politeness.

Being respectful of differences in personal boundaries is a kindness we can afford to anyone, young or old, she continues. [Even now], I very often put up with behaviour from people I was uncomfortable with just for the sake of social politeness as a young woman.

Sex educator and researcher Deanne Carson of Body Safety Australia, says that while discussing consent with preverbal or nonverbal children (like the audience of How to Say Hello) might be challenging, there are ways to teach bodily autonomy, such as by naming body parts, asking questions (would you like me to help you get dressed?), and explaining to a child why an adult might need to help a child be safe like getting them into a car seat or giving first aid.

All of this connects with the child, and develops their understanding of their body, helping children to be as empowered as they can be, says Carson. Im happy were starting to have this conversation.

How To Say Hello is the latest in Beers series of board books which feature a range of family structures, races and disabilities including Love Makes a Family, Change Starts with Us and Kindness Makes Us Strong. With this series, Ive aspired to create a colourful, cosy world of kindness and inclusivity, Beer says.

This last year of the pandemic has also been a strange time of global isolation, so saying hello and togetherness seems a lovely ambition.

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Teaching consent to toddlers: Im happy were starting to have this conversation - The Guardian