Column: Releasing unhealthy relationships benefits long-term happiness – The Daily Titan

(Jade McIntyre / Daily Titan)

I dont think I can ever recall a time my parents were truly happy with one another. As a child of recently divorced parents, I experienced 21 years of absolute horror. I remember all of the nitpicking, the screaming and slamming doors. I remember staying up at night listening to my parents yell and bicker, almost daily.

My concept of love was no different for the longest time. I considered that maybe this was a natural cycle to relationships that the screaming, yelling, arguing and thrashing was just some sort of love language smothered with genuine compassion hidden under the surface. Until now, I never recognized how unhealthy it was for them to stay together from an outside perspective.

Now I can see that while divorce isnt optimal, it is sometimes necessary and healthy for those who simply arent compatible. The stigma against divorce and ending relationships has to stop because it can give us false perceptions of what love looks like.

The only reason my parents stayed together for so long, like many hopeful romantics, was because of me their darling daughter who faced about as much terror and toxicity as they did with one another. At times, they may have seen hope for their relationship during the calm before the storm, before one small detail sent them into an insurmountable hell of arguments.

Not only did destructive actions affect my parents relationship, but mine as well. I allowed myself to be subjected to multiple toxic relationships that caused me more harm than good. The development of my parents loveless relationship had led me to a fear of abandonment. I was more scared of losing the person causing me harm, than the actual harm itself. I learned eventually that it was okay to let go of the people inflicting harm on me, and I was happier in the long-run.

Apparently, I wasnt the only young adult whose relationships were impacted by their parents. A study performed by Melissa DeVito at Providence College looked into the reasons why college students remain in unhealthy relationships. Some of the reasons mentioned in this thesis were either mental or physical abuse and trauma, such as abandonment as a child, exposure to unhealthy relationships, objectification in the media, physically aggressive behavior and cultural beliefs and traditions. DeVito also mentioned that sometimes unhealthy relationships wont be looked at as harmful and therefore, professional help is deemed unnecessary.

After experiencing trauma from my parents relationship my entire life, I felt no greater relief than seeing my parents smile again as they went their separate ways. They were a lot happier without each other, and oftentimes Ive noticed both in my parents relationships and my own that letting go of those unhealthy bonds that simply dont work is completely healthy.

By forcing unhealthy relationships that simply dont work, couples can prevent themselves from achieving the happiness they could have had all along.

In the article This is How To Let Go of What No Longer Serves Youby self-empowerment author Tony Fahkry, he encourages his readers to think about the relationships that weigh them down and make them anxious. He mentions that slowly creating distance from those who do not serve great purpose in ones life will take the weight off that persons shoulders.

Of course, there are situations in which leaving a toxic relationship can negatively impact other parts of a persons life. Financial dependence, stigma of divorce, personal obligation, religious customs and societal expectations all make up various reasons why it can be difficult to leave a toxic relationship, according to an article by Peg Streep from PsychCentral.

While these issues may convince one to stay in a relationship, it is important for that person to decide whether or not they are willing to sacrifice their own wellness to avoid solvable issues.

After seeing my parents joy after their divorce and reflecting on the relationships I stayed in for too long, I immediately felt the weight of my mental state lighten when I finally broke from the shackles of my idealist look at love and relationships. Being able to release what was doing me harm was the ultimate step to finding peace.

If I had been more attentive to my parents relationship, I wouldve asked them to do whats best for them by separating if it meant theyd be happier. An important tip, according to GoodTherapy, is separating yourself and accepting what is. Accepting things the way they are is a great start to moving forward from a relationship that is causing you harm.

Ive always been scared of losing people close to me, even if they were unhealthy for me. There are many things that held me back from moving on and letting go of the relationships that posed a threat to my well-being. Learning from my parents mistakes in their relationship and obtaining useful tips in my personal life over the years, Ive accepted that letting go of the things that hurt me are worth the uncertainty of life without them.

No amount of closeness is worth the years of harm.

Here is the original post:

Column: Releasing unhealthy relationships benefits long-term happiness - The Daily Titan