Chicken sniffing, ticket machines and nihilism: underrated skills for success – The Guardian

According to University College London, you need to possess five skills if you want to be wealthy, healthy and happy in life: emotional stability, control, optimism, determination and conscientiousness. Well whoopty-do. If you ask me, this list completely ignores the real, practical life skills that help people get the most out of life. They are:

Its the age-old conundrum. Youve had an opened packet of chicken breasts in the fridge for a week and they are two days out of date. Youare on a tightrope, teetering between a delicious meal and a week-long bout of crippling illness. Only a few people, trained in the fine art of chicken-sniffing, are able to successfully navigate this dilemma. Honestly, they should teach it in schools.

This one is easy, and yet lost on the vast proportion of the population. All you need to knowis the basic layout of a ticket machine in a train station including where the credit cardslot is, the correct spelling ofyourdestination and how manypeople you are. A vague knowledge of the arcane intricacies of the on-peak-off-peak system is an added bonus, too. Bingo, nobody will ever roll their eyes at the back of your head again.

Need to open a jar? Basic grip strength. Need to carry a lot of shopping home? Basic grip strength. Need to do chin-ups in a park to look sexy for girls? Basic grip strength. Need to dangle off a gutter to avoid the murderous teeth of anescaped lion? Basic grip strength, every time.

The eyes, they say, are the window to the soul. If you can look someone in the eye, you automatically seem more friendly, trustworthy, confident and empathetic. So if you need someone to do what you want, look them in the eye. If they dont do what you want, keep looking them in the eye. Theyll be putty in your hands.

Ultimately, if you are going to prosper in life, emotional stability, control, optimism, determination and conscientiousness are meaningless. Whatyou really need is a sense that humanity exists by accident. Anunderstanding that Earth is simply a speck of dust in an oceanof nothing, and that it willnot be missed if goes away. Donald Trump knows this, and who is richer or more successful than him? Exactly.

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Chicken sniffing, ticket machines and nihilism: underrated skills for success - The Guardian