Category Archives: Polygamy

How does one approach a polygamous situation (as a potential second/subsequent wife)?

There are many different aspects to consider when one is thinking about a prospective polygamous marriage situation. If one is approached to become a second (or third, or fourth) wife, it is important to ask the honest questions and also flesh out the details -first to yourself, then to your potential spouse- before agreeing to polygamy. None of it can be taken lightly; monogamous marriage is already a challenge, and polygamous marriage is on a level of its own.

Here are a few important points you may want to consider:

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These are just some of the major factors to consider and investigate before going through with a polygamous marriage. Polygamy is not for the faint of heart or the poor of planning! The challenges are many, and more complicated than with monogamy. Even this list is just the beginning

What questions have you been too afraid to ask about polygamy? Leave your questions or concerns in the comment section, and stay tuned to see more answers in the future inshaAllah!

Read more:

What to Expect When You're ExpectingPolygamy - MuslimMatters

Roger Patterson, AiGU.S., refutes the notion that Scripture condones polygamy.

The Bible is an incredibly candid book when compared to the religious writings of other traditions. Rather than covering up the faults and flaws of its key figures, the Bible frequently shows us humanity in its deepest sin. A prime example of this is the transparent treatment of Davids adulterous relationship with Bathsheba and his murder of Uriah (2 Samuel 11). These sinful actions had real consequences from which we can draw lessons, and Davids repentance gives us a model to follow when we fall into sin. Likewise, the Bible records many instances of polygamy in the Old Testament, involving even some of the patriarchs of Israel.

Though our common usage of polygamy tends to be applied to a man with multiple wives, the word polygamy simply means multiple spouses. More accurately, polygyny would be one man with multiple wives, while polyandry would be one woman with multiple husbands. Bigamy is another word used for having two spouses. More recently, those who live in communities of open relationships have been called polyamorous, having multiple husbands, wives, boyfriends, and girlfriends in various arrangements. As we look at Scripture, none of these arrangements matches the structure of marriage given by God from the beginning.

When God created the universe, He did things in a very specific manner. Those descriptions are provided for us in Genesis 12. At the end of His creative activity, God pronounced the things He had made as being very good (Genesis 1:31). In Genesis 2 we learn the details of the creation of mankind. After creating Adam from the dust of the ground, God presented the beasts of the field and the birds of the air to Adam to name. When Adam found no suitable helper, God formed the first woman from Adams side.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:1825)

Lets look closely at this passage and note several key phrases that indicate Gods intent for marriage to be monogamousone man for one woman. First, God intended to make a helper for Adam, not several helpers. Second, from one rib God made one woman for Adam. Genesis 2:24 reveals the pattern of a man leaving his family to be joined to his wife, not wives. This union is then described as becoming one flesh.

Jesus confirmed this understanding of marriage when he was asked about divorce by the Pharisees. This is recorded in Mark 10:112 and Matthew 19:112. In His response Jesus quoted from Genesis 2, confirming that His understanding of marriage was one man for one woman. Confirming the covenantal nature of marriage, Jesus said that divorce was only allowed because of the hardness of the hearts of man. God intended, from the beginning, for marriages to consist of one man and one woman for the duration of their lives. Divorce and polygamy were regulated in the laws given to Moses, but polygamy was recorded long before then.

The first reference to polygamy is found in Genesis 4 in the lineage of Cain. Of Lamech, a descendant of Cain, we read:

Then Lamech took for himself two wives: the name of one was Adah, and the name of the second was Zillah. And Adah bore Jabal. He was the father of those who dwell in tents and have livestock. His brothers name was Jubal. He was the father of all those who play the harp and flute. And as for Zillah, she also bore Tubal-Cain, an instructor of every craftsman in bronze and iron. And the sister of Tubal-Cain was Naamah.

Then Lamech said to his wives:Adah and Zillah, hear my voice;Wives of Lamech, listen to my speech!For I have killed a man for wounding me,Even a young man for hurting me.If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold,Then Lamech seventy-sevenfold. (Genesis 4:1925)

Before the Flood, we have a clear distortion of what God had intended for marriage. To compound Lamechs sin, he brags of his murderous deeds. The Flood was brought upon the earth to judge the sinfulness of mankind, including the sins committed by Lamech.

After the Flood, there are many mentions of polygamous relationshipsincluding among the patriarchs of Israel. Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon all had multiple wives. It is interesting to note that there are no passages in Scripture that clearly state, No man should have more than one wife. However, polygamous relationships are never mentioned in a positive light, and, indeed, the problems of such relationships are presented.

Consider the consequences revealed in Scripture in each of the following cases: Abrahamled to bitterness between Sarah and her maid, Hagar, and the eventual dismissal of Hagar and Ishmael; Jacobled to Rachels jealousy of Leah and to Joseph being betrayed and sold by his half-brothers; Davidled to the rape of one of his daughters (Tamar) by one of his sons (Tamars half-brother Amnon) and Amnons subsequent murder by Tamars brother Absalom; Solomonhis many wives turned away his heart from the Lord and to the worship of false gods (1 Kings 11:18). Just because the Bible records polygamous relationships does not mean that God approves of such things.

The only direct command against polygamy is given to the kings that were to rule Israel, as they are told not to multiply wives to themselves (Deuteronomy 17:17). It is also interesting to note that polygamous relationships seem to be regulated in the commands Moses gave to the nation of Israel. Leviticus 18:18 instructs that a man should not marry sisters, and Deuteronomy 21:15 talks of assigning an heir to a man with two wives. Many commentators suggest that the passages do not endorse polygamy but rather prohibit it. Deuteronomy 21:15 may also be translated as has had two wives in succession rather than at the same time. The sisters in Leviticus 18:18 are understood by some to be any Israelite women. Regardless of the interpretation of these passages, the taking of multiple wives is not in accord with Gods design from the beginning.

Moving to the New Testament, there are several passages that can be understood to speak against polygamous relationships. The first to come to the mind of many would be the qualifications for leaders in the church given by the Apostle Paul to Timothy and Titus. In 1 Timothy 3:2 and 12 and Titus 1:6, we are told that leaders of the church must be the husband of one wife.

In 1 Corinthians 7:116 Paul answered questions that the Corinthian church had about marriage. In this passage Paul used the singular form of wife and husband throughout the passage. In fact, this is true of the New Testament writers in general.

Scripture compares the relationship of husband and wife to that of Christ and the church. In Ephesians 5:2533 Paul explained this relationship and referred back to Genesis 2:24. Once again, Gods standard for marriage is defined as one man and one woman. Paul finished this analogy by stating, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Other religions have promoted polygamy. For example, according to Sura 4:3 of the Koran, Islamic men are allowed to take up to four wives under certain circumstances. Muhammad was granted the privilege of many wives in Sura 33 and had many wives. Modern Muslims practice polygamy in various ways according to their cultural context.

Historically, members of the Latter-day Saints (LDS or Mormons) practiced polygamy, although the acceptance of the practice changed as new revelation was given to the prophets of the church. Initially, the Book of Mormon decried polygamy. Jacob 2:2328 and 3:58 denounce the practice of polygamy as an abomination before God. Likewise, the Doctrine and Covenants (a supposed revelation given to Joseph Smith) state clearly that marriage should be one man for one woman (D&C 42:22). Later writings of Smith allow for unlimited plural marriage to virgins (D&C 132:5166) and directly contradict what had been written earlier.1

Polygamy, more accurately polygyny, was practiced secretly by some Latter-day Saints from the 1830s until the 1850s, when the church admitted to the teaching after many previous denials. Eventually, they were pressured into denouncing polygamy after it was vigorously prosecuted by the federal government. From the 1870s on, many LDS leaders encouraged rebellion against the laws, but in 1890, LDS president Wilford Woodruff encouraged members to obey the laws.2 This caused a large split in the church, and new organizations were formed by those who continued the practice of polygamy and considered themselves as faithfully adhering to the commands of God over mans laws. Some secretly practiced polygamy while others abstained.3 What has become the mainline LDS Church currently denounces polygamy and claims that anyone who practices it is not a true Mormon.4 It is clear that, despite appeals to the patriarchs, the Bible was not the source of the Mormon doctrine of polygamy.

Despite these supposed additional revelations from God, the Bible makes it clear that He intends marriage to be between one man and one womanas it was from the beginning (Matthew 19:8; Mark 10:6). Any challenge to this teaching stands in opposition to Gods plan for His creation. This short chapter cannot exhaustively cover all of the issues related to polygamy, but we can look to the Bible as the standard for understanding the world we live in. As we face specific questions regarding plural marriage, let us prayerfully consider what God has revealed and apply the principles He has given us in Scripture.

Read more here:

What About Polygamy in the Bible? | Answers in Genesis

After spending close to $7 billion on Amazon Prime Video by 2019, Jeff Bezos reportedly had a simple message for his executive team, looking to craft content for its streaming arm: I want my Game of Thrones. And receive Bezos didthat is, adaptation rights for Robert Jordans fantasy series, The Wheel of Time, which currently comprises 14 novels and some 8,000 plus pages, an entire world of peoples and powers and organizations. At the center of this fantasy epicnessand, therefore, at the center of the reported $80 million first seasonare the Aes Sedai.

The success of the first season seems to rest on Amazons ability to faithfully bring these women to screen. To capture their powers and history and culture and politics. While the world of the Wheel of Time novels spans several domains of characters, the Aes Sedai will anchor the action of Amazons first season; they are the force that stands against the seasons main antagonists; they are the order sought by its principal characters and hunted by its white-adorned foes.

But after the opening episodes of the series, the Aes Sedai remain a force most readers will barely know how to spell, let alone understand enough to appreciate future actions. For more than enough information, you can check out A Wheel of Time Wiki, which chronicles every instance of Aes Sedai in fictional history.

To keep things simple, were breaking down the most important features of this magical order. Heres what you need to know about the Aes Sedai to follow the $80 million events of the first season of The Wheel of Time.

The Aes Sedai are an order of women, each with access to the One Powerwhich comes from the True Source, something like the lingering fumes following the creation of the world. Aes Sedai can access (or channel) this inexhaustible resource. Any woman who can channel the One Power or are born with the spark (channeling abilities on steroids) can become an Aes Sedai if properly trained. Egwene, the closest thing to a main character for the shows first season, is one such person born with a spark.

The ringsin the shape of an Ouroboros, or in the series called Great Serpent, a snake swallowing its tale and representing eternitydont give the Aes Sedai power. They are simply awarded to students after reaching a certain level of training.

The entire order of Aes Sedai is divided into Ajahs or individually-governed groups corresponding to a different color. Each has a separate philosophical focus.

Early on in the series we meet a Red Ajah hoping to capture men attempting to channel the one powercapturing them is the role of the Red Ajah.

The primary Aes Sedai we meet in season 1, Moiraine Damodred (Rosemand Pike) is a Blue Ajah, which focus on righteousness and justice.

Read more about the other colors here.

All the handsome men accompanying the Aes Sedai are Warders, bodyguards bonded psychologically and spiritually to the Aes Sedai. Each Aes Sedai is bonded to one Warner, though some polygamy is allowed.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

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Who are the Aes Sedai in 'The Wheel of Time'? Rings, Explained - menshealth.com

What is Polygamy?

Polygamy consists of one person having multiple spouses and are usually faith-based. The most common form of polygamy is polygyny, which is where a man has multiple wives, and the opposite where a woman has multiple husbands is called polyandry. Be sure to check out our articles to learn more about polygamy and the poly community.

While polygamy and polyamory are both forms of consensual non-monogamy, they do have one main difference. Polygamy is specific to one person being married to multiple partners or sister wives, while polyamory refers to a wider range multi-partner relationships. At Sister Wives, we fully embrace all forms of polygamy and polyamory, and provide all members of the poly community the same opportunity to find the love they seek.

In the United States (and other countries) it is illegal to marry someone if you are still legally married to someone else. Poly relationships can still have weddings, but in order to comply with the law it can only be for ceremonial purposes. While we are optimistic that polygamy will one day be legalized, it is important to know that you can still have a happy, fulfilling polygamist relationship where you think of each other as spouses and live together, even if you arent legally married.

Read more:

Sister Wives | Polygamy Dating and Matchmaking Service

In the Conference Womens Issues, Opportunities, Threats, the reasons for the polygamy of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) will be examined.

AhlulBayt News Agency (ABNA):In the Conference Womens Issues, Opportunities, Threats, the reasons for the polygamy of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) will be examined.

The scientific conference Womens Issues, Opportunities and Threats on the topic of prominent women in the history of Islam will be held by the Department of Womens Affairs of International University of AhlulBayt (a.s.).

In the conference, the reasons for the polygamy of the Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) will be examined.

The meeting will be held with the speech of Dr. Mohammad Hossein Rajabi Davani on Tuesday, November 9, 2021, at https://elc2.dpm.ir:443/rdyv1s5d32mi, and the participants will be awarded valid certificate.

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Rajabi Davani to examine Reasons for polygamy of the Prophet (pbuh) - Ahlul Bayt News Agency: Providing Shia News

Another episode of Mzansis most loved polygamy reality TV show, uThando Nesthembu aired on Thursday evening, and once again viewers are left astounded by the way in which the sister wives treat each other, and the attitude and bitterness that some of them have towards their husband, Musa Mseleku.

Last weeks uThando Nesthembu episode touched on the transport club that takes the Mseleku children to and from school on a daily basis.

During dinner, MaCele raised the issue and asked MaNgwabe why she has chosen to transport her kids to school and not let them join the transport club with the rest of the Mseleku children.

MaNgwabe said that it was nothing personal and that she chooses to transport her own children because it gives her the chance to bond with her children and spend more quality time with them.

uThando Nesthembu viewers were not pleased and satisfied with her response, and most felt that there was a bigger issue at hand which she does not want to disclose.

ALSO READ: Isthembu is never the answer: Viewers react to uThando Nesthembu

In Thursday evenings episode, Musa revealed to MaCele that the real reason MaNgwabe decided to pull her children out of the transport club was because MaKhumalos father (the transport driver) once asked MaNgwabes son to open the gate for him, and then asked him to assist in helping one of the other children get off the transport.

Musa explained that this was supposed to be kept a secret from MaNgwabe between himself and MaNgwabes sister, but she, unfortunately, found out what had happened through her sister.

MaCele then expressed how MaNgwabes children being taken out of the transport club has an effect on the whole family, because when MaNgwabe cannot transport her children, then she or any of the other wives have to step in to transport her children when there is a transport club that is already transporting the rest of Mselekus children.

I think BabMseleku and Mbali have their own issues that they need to resolve together and not involve us in some things because of their issues, said MaCele.

When Mseleku went to visit MaNgwabe to discuss the issue further, she said that she would be happy to let her children join the transport club again, but only if the driver who previously mistreated her children would be replaced.

Musa made it clear that her request would not be possible, because he cannot fire MaKhumalo father from doing his job.

Here is what uThando Nesthembu viewers had to say about Thursday evenings episode:

Original post:

uThando Nesthembu reactions: Theres nothing wrong with putting her kids first - The Citizen

Retaining Balance: The Eternal Way. M R Venkatesh. KW Publishers Pvt Ltd. 2021. Page 484. Price Rs 780.

At its most sublime, Dharma is not religion. It is a pursuit of higher and better truths. At its widest base in society, Dharma is about maintaining a balance in perspective, words, actions and ideals. Without balance and a degree of self-restraint, civilisation would not exist.

This preamble sets the stage of what I consider one of the handful of books published this year that everyone should read, regardless of whether you belong to the Dharmic tradition or the Abrahamic one. The book is M R Venkateshs Retaining Balance: The Eternal Way, which holds a mirror to all the follies of Western civilisation which we are now mindlessly trying to ape.

A lawyer and chartered accountant by profession, the core idea contained in Venkateshs book is simple: civilisation is held up by human institutions, and the most fundamental institution holding up the superstructure is the family, which can be loosely defined as one household unit under which not just two spouses and children reside, but also their progeny, and sometimes the progeny of the progeny (the now rapidly disintegrating joint family, so to speak). And the core of the core is the partnership between two genders: woman and man. Civilisation is built on the shoulders and balance between these two genders, though one can today take the position that families can be considered families even if the two partners are from the same gender.

Much of this is commonsense, for the family is the oldest of human institutions, the one which made humans colonise and dominate the living world. So, one would presume that in any policy-making effort, whether it is in economics or in other fields, the family would be the primary unit of study and focus. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Macroeconomics is failing today not for want of mathematical models or long-term funding the opposite is the case but because it has failed to incorporate the family household in its calculations. According to Venkatesh, the West is eviscerating the family partly because of the dogmas inherent in Christianity, even though the church sees itself as a defender of family values.

Families are falling apart not because the church is de-emphasising family, but because the basic ideological postulates of Christianity logically lead to wokeism, communism, extremism and feminism of the kind that destroys families by pitting spouse against spouse. A corollary of pitting the individual against the family and other social institutions is that state and markets become the default institutions needed to safeguard the rights of individuals. The individual, in this view, is seen to be driven by purely materialistic and biological impulses, which need protection by the state and fulfilment of desires by consumer markets.

Islam, even while formally emphasising family values, puts religious duty above all else and destabilises society in two ways: one is by sanctioning polygamy, which is a threat to the balance between genders in a family, and, secondly, by making its dogmas applicable not only to believers, but kafirs through intimidation and violence, if necessary. Any religion which believes that its job is to fix other people cannot end up being a factor for peace and stability.

As for Christianity, its dogma starts with the idea of man as fallen and broken, born in original sin. Hence salvation is through the only 'son of god'. Man cannot lift himself by his own efforts. In religion, you need a specific god to help you uplift yourself, and if you dont have religion, there are creeds like Marxism and liberalism which will develop theories like dictatorship of the proletariat, critical race theory and intersectionality to deny you your power of agency. All these ideologies are inimical to the idea of families and balance in perspective, seeing them as the biggest threats to liberalism and utopian emancipation.

Venkateshs book is divided into 10 chapters, in which I would pick chapter one, which deals substantially with the issue of monogamy and polygamy, chapter 4 (Culture Emerging Frontiers of Economics), chapter 8 (Needed: Economic Reforms or Reforms in Economics?). The last two chapters The Power of Restraint and Ram Rajya Is Less of Lord Rama, More of Rajya summarise the authors views on the importance of family and balance, and how the state cannot be the ultimate answer to a societys needs.

Venkatesh is particularly harsh on polygamy, which is not only sanctioned in Islam, but now finds intellectual support in the West, where some intellectuals now claim that the next frontier of liberalism is challenging the one-man-one-woman norm. The author is clear that even if polygamy is not as widespread as feared, by leaving many men without mates, society will face violence from this cohort. Over and above that, it damages the idea of family, as women feel devalued and disowned whenever a man takes another wife.

While there are obviously more liberal Muslim societies and less liberal ones, I did a small check on Saudi Arabia (where polygamy is practised more than in other Muslim countries) and found Venkateshs proposition to be valid. According to a study published last year, some 66 per cent of young Saudis in the age group of 15-34 were unmarried, and no surprise here the percentage of unmarried men was much higher than the percentage of unmarried women in this group (75.6 per cent versus 56 per cent). Another study, done a bit earlier, found that there were half a million Saudis with more than one wife, with one particular man having married 58 times. He does not remember most of their names, and has lost count of the number of children he had with them.

The chapter on economics is particularly riveting, for it questions the basic assumptions of both Keynesian and Hayekian economics, one favouring a larger role for the state, and the latter markets. Venkatesh believes that economists have sold their souls to the financial services industry and have been producing research that effectively backs the increasing financialisation of most economies. One negative fallout of this domination of finance over economics is the 2008 crisis, with the Covid-19 crisis only reinforcing the same vulnerabilities.

Venkatesh quotes many studies in the West to show how economics has been corrupted by high finance. When economics becomes the hand-maiden of financial services and not the other way round the world will indeed lurch from crisis to crisis. The efficient market theory, often used to justify over-liberal monetary policies and cheap money, has not only proved to be a hoax, but is now widely accepted as unrelated to reality.

In this chapter, Venkatesh also shows how even reputed economists from Raghuram Rajan to Manmohan Singh lost their way. The former is widely credited with having forecast the 2008 crisis years in advance, but when he was part of the United Progressive Alliance (UPA) think-tank and governor of the Reserve Bank of India, he did little to prevent banks from lending to even more to bankrupt sectors like infrastructure. Manmohan Singh, as Secretary General of the South Commission, told us in a 1990 report that massive financialisation was destabilising the world economy, but as the architect of the 1991 liberalisation and as prime minister from 2004-14, his views changed 180 degrees. Finance ultimately manages to pull wool over the eyes of economists by its powerful presence.

The responses to financial and/or economic collapse often boil down to only one thing printing more money and making interest rates very low. Venkatesh is clear that the remedies will prove worse than the disease as such policies destroy the credit culture and decimate the value of peoples savings. The world is now unable to distinguish between a financial crisis and an economic crisis.

Now, why does it need a non-economist to tell economists that they dont know their backsides from their elbows? And what does Venkatesh see that economists have missed?

Two simple answers: sometimes, it takes an innocent child to exclaim that the emperor has no clothes. And two, the missing element in all economic analysis may be an inability to understand the impact of culture on economic behaviours and outcomes. Economists simply assume away, or wish away, what they cannot understand or find difficult to measure.

Summing up, Venkatesh says that family is a key balancer in civilisation. It acts as a balance between men and women, individuals and society, savings and consumption, progress and security, liberty and equality, and rights and duties, among other things. The world has forgotten that balance is the key to civilisational survival, and extreme ideologies, whether emanating from religious dogmas or academic papers and intellectuals, spell doom. Dharmic balance is the key to human survival. Thank you Venkatesh for reminding us about commonsense.

Read more:

Its The Family, Stupid: Book Explains Why Liberals And Economists Get It So Wrong - Swarajya

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Kevin Wesley is a man who proudly practices polygamy as he married two wives and they live together as a family.

Kevin however didn't marry the two ladies at the same time.

In a video shared by Love Don't Judge on Facebook, Kevin stated that he first married Jamie with their 14-year-old union producing kids.

Enjoy reading our stories? Download the BRIEFLY NEWS app on Google Play now and stay up-to-date with major South African news!

The couple however separated. Kevin said while they were separated, he met Lacee online.

His relationship with Lacee blossomed and led to marriage. However, Jamie, his first wife returned.

Kevin remarked that contrary to opinions that his wives are brainwashed, they both love each other.

According to him, the ladies are best of friends.

On how he manages the relationship with them, Kevin said he spends time with Jamie on Mondays and Tuesdays, while Lacee takes Wednesdays and Thursdays.

The rest of the day is for everyone.

Nancy Mac An said:

Collins Nosakhare Igbinoba wrote:

Melanie Palmer opined:

Lisa Marie remarked:

Meanwhile, Briefly News previously reported that a farmer who married two wives on the same day has given reasons for his action.

The young man, who hails from Igbide in the Isoko South local government area of Delta state, told The Punch that he met his first wife in 2008 and the second one in 2010.

The young man Ekpe said he decided to marry the two ladies on the same day because he loves them both.

Ekpe said his wives don't get into physical fights when they have disagreements. According to him, he settles their differences himself or calls his friends to talk to them.

Source: Briefly.co.za

Continued here:

Polygamist Says 2 Wives Are Best Friends, Splits the Week Up Between Them South Africa news - Briefly

On Thursday evenings episode of Mzansis most loved polygamy reality TV show, uThando Nesthembu, Musa Mseleku thanked his wives for the beautiful birthday celebration they threw for him by sending them on a getaway.

The trip also served as an opportunity to get the wives to spend more time together and create closer bonds, especially since their husband has said numerous times in the past that there is no unity in their polygamous marriage, mostly among the four wives.

When the wives arrived at their destination, they each had to choose a set of keys to their separate bedrooms. Jokingly, the first wife, MaCele, snatched the second wife MaYenis key out of her hand, which angered her and left her in a sour mood.

ALSO READ: Viewers react to MaNgwabes attitude towards Musa on uThando Nesthembu

On their trip, the four sister wives decided to play a game to make their mini vacation a little interesting, but the attempt to lighten the mood quickly died and created tension between the wives.

The game was each wife picks a note from a box filled with different notes, which all pose a question to whoever picked the note about an act of service they recently received from one of the other wives.

After they have read out the question on the note, the person reading the note then places a flower in front of the wife who has recently given the act of service, which has been specified on the note.

Viewers were not shocked to see that MaYeni did not receive a single flower from any of the other wives, because they know that she has the habit of being cold and rude towards her sister wives.

What angered the viewers was when MaYeni received a note which asked her who was the last sister wife to transport her kids to and from school, or anywhere else, and she failed to acknowledge and thank MaKhumalo with a flower as she transports her child from school to her home every Monday and Friday.

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Viewers react to MaYenis bitterness on uThando Nesthembu - The Citizen

By Daniel OgettaBy ANITA CHEPKOECH

About a month ago, the House of Grace Bishop David Muriithi was disgraced for breaking the seventh commandment in the bible: Do not commit adultery.

The man of the cloth broke the laws of Moses and had to face the laws of the land when his ex-lover or baby mama moved to court to compel him to pay child support for a baby he sired out of wedlock.

The bishop did not deny having a relationship but claimed he didnt know there was a baby as a result.

He committed to paying KSh10,000 monthly, but first called for a paternity test to ascertain if the baby is indeed his.

As much as I am a Bishop in the church that I head, it is not true that I live a high-end life. That is the figment of the applicants imagination, pleaded the father of five, noting that the lover may have conceived in order to get a slice of the high-end life.

The Bishop is the latest to be caught up in the endless list of men facing baby mama issues that have now become the second face of the coin that is marriage.

Baby mama was mostly a Western concept associated with African-Americans.

The term derived from baby mother, is a slang for a woman who is not married to her childs father. It originated from Jamaican Creole in the 1960s.

Its equivalent for the opposite gender is baby daddy (or baby father), although its not as popular as the former because it was mostly men who used to describe their estranged partners or mothers of their illegitimate children as baby mamas.

They definitely imply there is not a marriagenot even a common-law marriage, but rather that the child is an outside child, Prof Peter L. Patrick, a linguistics professor, who studied Jamaican Creole, said of the terms baby mama and baby daddy.

Today, its a full-blown sub-culture that has been coopted the world over.

In Africa, it has changed further the structure of the African family which had already been altered by the coming of the missionaries with Judeo-Christianity that diluted polygamy and entrenched monogamy.

As it would turn out, a number of African men did not entirely quit polygamy. They kept secret wives or baby mamas on the side.

Once frowned upon, it now appears to be glorified and perpetuated as an enviable lifestyle of our times, fueled by high flying celebrities, politicians and also ordinary people whose stories never get to be told because of their status.

Celebrity trend

From the Grammy award winning United States singer- Usher (Raymond Usher) of My Boo fame, Coming to America icon Eddy Murphy, to the popular Bongo Flava star Diamond Platnumz, the portrayal of the baby mama issues by personalities around the world seems to have changed this very concept from being an embarrassing vice to a trendy lifestyle.

Welcome to the world of daring baby mamas who sometimes show up full-throttle when their baby daddies die.

Other times they drag their men to the corridors of justice as was the case with Kiambu Senator Kimani Wamatangi.

His former domestic worker Winfred Wangui sued him three years ago for abandoning a 10-year-old daughter she claimed she bore for him.

According to the woman, the senator had only seen their child twice when she was two months old.

The same fate recently greeted Senate Speaker Kenneth Lusaka, although the childrens court barred the media from covering the child upkeep case.

Single mothers, also known as baby mamas, are more comfortable and tend to opt to raise their children on their own as a result of many factors such as disappointments and heartbreaks. PHOTO |FILE

Singer, Diamond Platnumzs three known baby-mamas are only paralleled to those of the raunchy Kevin Costner of The Dances with Wolves fame and Eddy Murphy who had about 10 children with five baby mamas by 2020.

Then there are those who leave children at their lovers workplaces like it happened to one Musa Mbuvi, an accountant in one of the high-end hotels in Nairobi.

In the court documents, Mbuvi accused his lover of taking her child to his workplace to cause him inconvenience and embarrassment, despite not being sure he was the father.

Sociologists say the trend is an indication of waning cultural norms.

Dr. Scholastic Adeli, a senior lecturer of counselling psychology at Moi University, attributes the rise of baby mamas to loosening of cultural norms, influx of civilisation that liberalises individual lifestyle choices and peer pressure.

The typical African society didnt have baby mamas because culture didnt allow it. With polygamy where wives allowed their husbands to marry other wives, the baby mamas werent applicable, Dr Adeli explains.

Before civilisation, women were culturally expected to stick to their marriage, however oppressive it turned out, unlike today when women can choose to be single mothers when the union turns sour, the senior lecturer says.

The trend is that you can have a child, source of income and live a happy life free of commitment and marital feuds.

Another issue is that women are getting married late, going by the standard marital age. Somebody reaches the age of 40, has no prospective suitors and has suffered disappointments here and there, and they think, I just need to get a baby and move on, says Dr Adeli.

Its now common for women to size up a man based on their brains, looks and celebrity or financial status, and target them to be what they call sperm donor.

Unlike in the olden days when pregnancies out of wedlock were mostly accidental owing to little knowledge or access to contraceptives, some of the modern-day ones are purely by choice.

Irresponsibility among the men is also a major contributor to why millions of children are no longer being raised in nuclear families; whether its infidelity, dead-beat fatherhood or casual attitudes with which the younger generation would treat marriage and relationships.

The rising number of teenagers being taken advantage of and put in the family way basically forms an even larger percentage of baby mamas raising their children in non-nuclear setups today.

Family therapists say a man may have as many women but fail to be close enough to any of them, because they may meet the financial aspects but fail to give emotional support or physical presence.

Women exist as an integrated circuit. The mind, body, and soul are closely linked so, hurt feelings affect the entire system. A wife whose spirit is crushed may suffer from fatigue and confusion, says writer and therapist Deborah Reno.

She says men are compartmentalised and are able to fully function when one area of their lives is not working properly, hence leaving emotional burden to the women, who on the contrary, the writer likens to a strand of Christmas lights, where when one light goes out, they all go dark.

Sylva Nze, a Nigerian author, in his thoughts on the baby mama syndrome, says the secrecy has ebbed away with time. He blames celebrities for normalising and popularising a vice.

With more of our celebrities who have huge social influencer credentials getting caught up in this syndrome and advertising it proudly, it is no surprise that suddenly being a baby mama or baby daddy as the case may be, has become a cool thing for many of our impressionable youngsters and teenagers, Mr Nze wrote.

Its a generation that dreads long-term emotional and spiritual commitment of matrimony more than they do jail.

They go by the mantra marriage is overrated.

With their love for social media, they unapologetically post their thoughts and beliefs about their unconventional relationships.

The baby mama syndrome is often characterised by child support court cases, dramatic funerals in the event of death of the man and cat fights with their lovers wives.

Sadly, children are often caught up in the crossfire.

According to Mr Robert Doyel, a retired judge in a family court in Florida, United States of America, the cases he handled portrayed a shocking entrenchment of the culture in his book, The Baby Mama Syndrome.

It reveals a world you didnt know existed, a world of unconventional relationships, unrestrained sexual activity, unwed pregnancies, and violence described graphically by the people involved, he surmised.

Over the years, he handled part or all of 15,000 to 20,000 restraining order (injunction for protection) cases as well as thousands of dependency, divorce, custody, and paternity cases.

He termed them as shocking, amusing but most of all concerning

Cases on child maintenance on the rise

At Milimani law courts alone, there were 3,317 maintenance and child support cases recorded in 2018 and 2019. And in 2021, there were 1022 cases by the close of July, an indicator of about 15 percent increase from the same period in 2019.

What the law says

In June last year, the High Court in Milimani made a landmark ruling on divorce directing that both parents should equally share the burden of bringing up their children.

Justice Abida Ali Aroni based her ruling on section 24 of the Children Act that: Where a childs father and mother were married to each other at the time of his birth, they shall have parental responsibility for the child and neither the father nor the mother of the child shall have a superior right or claim against the other in the exercise of such parental responsibility.

In the Act, parental responsibility means all the duties, rights, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and the childs property in a manner consistent with the evolving capacities of the child including adequate diet, shelter, clothing, medical care, education and guidance.

The judge was ruling on an appeal by a man challenging a Magistrate Courts decision which had overburdened him with a financial task that required him to take care of his three-year-old son sired with his former wife.

Read more here:

Baby mama culture a threat to marriage institution? - The Citizen