Category Archives: Personal Empowerment

From error to error, one discovers the entire truth. Sigmund Freud

Youre attractive, loyal, honest, hardworking andwell, boring. I mean, lets face it: when youve got your life together, some potential partners will see you as rigid and boring because its monotonous. When our partner is too together, we can set our watch by their predictability. Up by 6 a.m. Home by 6 p.m. Check-in text by 1 p.m. Asleep by 9:30 p.m. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Synchronize Swatches

Is this a bad thing? Nope. Its a boring thing.

When youre seen as stable and predictable, boring always seems to hitch a ride. Maybe nice guys really do finish last. Or, maybe its true what they say about good women being attracted to the bad-for-you kind of guy.

Certain personality traits give off that moody, tragic or misguided vibe mixed with a dash of humor and impulsivity and we find it irresistible. And, if were being honest here, it can be addicting.

Maybe were attracted to danger because weve been binge-watching horror flicks since we were ten years old, so its seen as familiar. Maybe were intrigued by the rebel without a causeor without a clue. Or, maybe weve become numb to overlooking their cover-ups because theyre quick wit, good looks or adventurous side momentarily distract us from their flaws.

If unstable if so toxic, then why are we so attracted to it?

Even existing research purports certain personality traits (incentive-seeking, manipulative, narcissistic, selfish, disloyal) as having a negative impact on every significant domain in our personal livesfrom our academic achievements, to intimate relationships, to addictive behaviors. Similarly, research supports that those with higher proportions of these traits have upwards of 53% more partners, including increased incidences of emotional unavailability, infidelity and other unstable patterns. Yikes.

By now, youve probably heard the red flags of attracting or being attracted to toxic relationships: youre trying to fix them. You want to be saved. Youre the eternal optimist and want to see the good in people. Youre not looking for a serious thing. Or, you love a challenge.

People who need a hand up usually arent toxic. People who are looking for a hand outmaybe.

The thing is, we cant always tell someones motives right off the bat. They may play the hero card really well, or they may play the good guy/gal role flawlessly. They may come off as adorably clueless where we want to protect them, or care for them.

Its only when we start going with our gut instincts that we can begin noticing if something is off. Many times, our intuition is in effect before the red flags start waving. We feel deja vu hitting us like a Mack truck, and the been here, done this before feeling starts to consume us.

Do we listen to our intuition? Usually, no. At least not immediately. Worst case scenario is that we become so out of touch with our intuition, that we start second-guessing it. We deny it. We call bullshit on it. We chalk it up to chance. We convince ourselves we werent even attracted to that person, anyway.

Then..its off to the races with our next Great Mistake while none the wiser.

Enterthe cycle.

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Most of us have a type that were naturally drawn to. It may be physical looks, wit or intelligence, or (enter your type here). Part of our type will usually include the pattern and cycle itself.

Our job is to look closer and to begin noticing the cycles and patterns.

For example, even if our S.O.s look physically different from one relationship to the next, we need to look for the subtleties.

Do they share similar personality traits? Is there a pattern of emotional unavailability?

Do our relationships tend to start out the same? Or end the same?

How many exes have we blocked or gone No Contact with? How many old social media profiles have we deleted with each failed relationship and then started new ones?

How many times did infidelity play a role?

Or boredom? Or devaluation?

you get the gist of it.

Youre Replaying Patterns From Your Past. Calling Dr.Freud Believe it or not, our childhood conditioning and earliest experiences plant the seed for how we engage in the world, how we see ourselves, and how we view our relationships.

What was experienced in childhood becomes the foundation for our lived adult experiences.

For example, pay attention to how your caregivers acted or treated you growing up. Was your mother only concerned about her own feelings? Was she chasing one relationship after another, or seemed to get depressed or violent if she was not in a relationship? Was an older brother or your dad emotionally dismissive of your needs or shamed you for having needs? What messages were you learning, whether intentionally taught or vicariously learned?

Most of us would probably agree that if toxic was being served as normal in childhood, that it would be the furthest thing from our mind in our adult relationships. Yet, here is where patterns of behavior cycles are taught, learnedand mastered.

Even if we consciously believe we would never get tangled up with what could bring us misery, unconsciously things often play out differently. Toxic situations will feel comfortable, because theyre familiar.

For example, if we were silenced in childhood, we may hold beliefs in adulthood that we arent worthy of being heard or that we hold no value. If our emotional needs went invalidated early in life, we may become emotionally distant or walk out of our adult relationships when feeling engulfed or vulnerable. We may shut down or push away. We may become angry or volatile when feeling emotionally threatened.

All signs of early trauma.

All signs of patterns repeating.

Childhood conditioning always affects our adult relationships in one form, or another.

From Childhood to Adult Relationships. On the flipside is to begin noticing how patterns play out from one partner to the next. This may not be as a-ha! at first glance because our defenses may immediately kick into gear where we deny that our relationship history has been unhealthy, that we played a role in it, or that our S.O.s have shared similar traits. After all, this can be like a sucker-punch to our Ego.

For example, if we had a caregiver in childhood who was never around, we may unconsciously attract partners who replay this toxic narrative. We may find ourselves with partners who ignore us or who are unable to give us our emotional needs, or who abandon the relationship altogether, thus triggering our past pain into present circumstance.

There is a valid reason this happens.

When weve experienced a traumatic situation (or situations) in our childhood, they will often play out in our adult relationships as reminders of what still needs tending to and healing. The more these patterns replay, the more of a call to action it becomes to take stock of our relationship choices, our habits and our partners influence.

The bottomline is if emotional pain was familiar in childhood, it becomes comfortable in adulthood.

This identifies the cycle.

Its the familiarity of the known which is seen as safe even if whats familiar is toxic to our growth and our happiness.

First, if youre starting to connect the dots, congratulate yourself. This is an epic step into self-empowerment. Yes, we become unconscious creatures of habit for good or bad.

But, once weve moved the unconscious into conscious awareness, we cant unsee the patterns.

And, thats actually a good thing.

If youre wanting positive change, acceptance becomes your best friend. Accept the patterns. Accept your role in them. Accept that maybe your childhood didnt offer you the healthiest of lifes lessons which have been carried with you into adulthood. Accept that if youre in a toxic situation, then you may be blamed for the other persons feelings, or their behavior. Accept that you cant change them, or their choices.

And, accept that youre responsible for youyour growth, and your happiness.

***

References

Gangestad, S. W., & Scheyd, G. J. (2005). The evolution of human physical attractiveness. Annual Review of Anthropology,34, 523548.

Gutirrez, F., et al.(2013). Fitness costs and benefits of personality disorder traits. Evolution and Human Behavior, 34(1), 4148.

Skodol, A. E., et al. (2007). Personality disorder and impaired functioning from adolescence to adulthood. The British Journal of Psychiatry,190, 415420.

This post was previously published on Medium.

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The Psychology Behind Toxic Attractions - The Good Men Project

In September 1997 Thailand became the first country in Asean to enact a freedom of information law. The Official Information Act (OIA), as it is known here, became a new benchmark for a free society as well as its openness and transparency. For the first time, the public had the right to access information, especially that previously held by the government.

Not many Thais at the time realised that only a democratic society with an accountable government would have such a law. The idea was initiated in the early 1990s by the government of former prime minister Anand Panyarachun, which was set up after the coup in 1992. As a former foreign minister and diplomat, he thought that the public should have access to records of Thai foreign policy after a certain period of time, say, 10 or 20 years. Later on, the idea blossomed and led to inclusion of the public's right to know in drafting the 1997 Constitution.

With the 1997 Constitution -- dubbed as the "People's Charter", there was a high sense of feeling that Thailand had now become a true liberal democracy with the public's right to know and access to government-held information. Indeed, 1997 was a watershed moment -- coinciding with the Tom Yum Gung financial crisis -- a fresh democracy coupled with the promotion of liberal values and human rights as one of Thailand foreign policy's tenets.

Subsequent charters have been imbued with provisions that guarantee governments must release public data to the people. The current 2018 charter, Article 41, item 1, too, states succinctly that a person or community has the right to be informed and also to access public data or information held by a government agency. In addition, Article 59 stipulates that the government shall disclose any public data or information in its possession, which is not related to national security or secrecy. Above all, the government must ensure the public can conveniently access such data or information.

In retrospect, the OIA has a very colorful history filled with government agencies using delay tactics and manipulation to keep public data from public.

Overall, the golden years of OIA were during the the first four years under former prime minister Chuan Leekpai. The public in general was extremely excited by the new discoveries of scandals, corruption and all sorts of misdemeanours hidden in the public data in the government's domain.

At the time, the Office of the OIA was under Khunying Supatra Masdit, a minister attached to the Office of the Prime Minister. She was very supportive and collaborative with the public, especially media and non-governmental communities to make use of the new information law. Some of the records kept by the government agencies including state-owned higher education were very revealing, as they added light to the true colours of prominent personalities in the country, including a prime minister and his ministers.

In 2001, Thaksin Shinawatra and his Thai Rak Thai Party won the election and subsequently he became prime minister. Thanks to the OIA, Prasong Lertrattanwisut, a well-known investigative journalist, was able to criss-cross intra-agency records and check through all his real financial transactions and found that he transferred some of his shares to his driver and cook. Under Thai law, all cabinet ministers must declare their financial situation. Thaksin's scandal became the "big fish" caught under the OIA.

As the information law entered its fifth year, public enthusiasm had somewhat subsided. Numerous cases were revealed though none involved such a high-level official. Some of the government-funded projects throughout the country were halted after local communities and stakeholders caught authorities and contractors red handed in cheating after following paper trials. Briefly, it was acclaimed as the era of empowerment of puu noi, or "small guys". Since then, the government agencies at the national and provincial levels have become more reluctant to release information.

It is notable that unlike other countries that have similar legislation especially in the West, most of the Thais using the information law were not journalists. State officials as well as people from the private sector also made use of this legislation. Thousands of requests zeroed in on personal disputes including how their bosses treated them behind closed doors in terms of their performance and promotion. Throughout the years, officials working in the Ministry of Education were the largest group of OIA users. There are at least 700,000 teachers under the purview of this ministry.

In the past decade, politicians -- fearful of being exposed, have made repeated attempts to tighten the OIA, making it harder for the public to access government-held information, particularly related to national security i.e. details of arms procurements. Since 2014 with the political turmoil focusing on political reforms involving all key institutions in the country, the current government has decided to place extra barriers on access to sensitive information never seen before.

The current government said the revised information law is a must as it will make it convenient for people to get public data from the government domain. At the same time, the government tightened measures to protect confidential information related to national security and the royal institution. In reality, the proposed amended OIA will certainly infringe on the public's right to know.

The new revised OIA, which is current being vetted by the cabinet, has been severely criticised by the media, civil society organisations and human rights activists as an attempt to gag the disclosure of public information, making a mockery of the government's claim of being clean and transparent. The revised law gives each agency broad arbitrary powers to decide whether and what type of information can be revealed with a specific timeframe (numbers of days).

In short, a local official can technically halt any public information disclosure, if the request, including those from foreigners, is deemed unnecessary or disruptive. The new revised version will empower official to use personal preliminary judgement as sufficient raison d'etre to stop the request of an individual to obtain public data. Such a practice will upend all the reputation boost of the country having a free and open society.

The new OIA puts restrictions on disclosure of any data and information that would do harm to national defence and security, anti-terrorism, intelligence, the royal institution and information related to its security protection as well as international relations with foreign countries and financial security. Furthermore, any court cases dealing with disputes over the disclosure of national security would be carried out in secret. Those who reveal the details of these cases could face a criminal charge with 10 years' imprisonment.

Under the current government, several items of legislation related to public participation, public assembly, the public's right to know and many others have been revised, making the country less liberal and less open. The original OIA was good enough as it was enshrined with good principles and intent. With a smart and efficient government together with good collaboration and assistance, the OIA would be able to help boost the country's anti-corruption and transparency campaign. There is no need to invent a new wheel for a well-run four-wheeled engine.

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Thailand tightens information law - Bangkok Post

Arup is adopting an innovative hybrid model known as Work Unbound that will give its 15,500 global employees greater flexibility in deciding how and where they work.

The new model means that its 6,000 UK-based staff will be able to work their hours flexibly over the course of Monday to Sunday, meaning staff could opt to work some of their contracted hours over a weekend rather than solely across the traditional Monday to Friday pattern.

The hybrid approach is designed to create a working environment that accommodates different needs and allows members to integrate their work and personal lives alongside the needs of Arups business, clients and communities.

The Work Unbound model will be introduced throughout 2021/22. It includes:

Arups Work Unbound model has been developed using insights gathered from a successful flexible working trials in both its Queensland, Australia and Liverpool, UK offices. During the Liverpool trial, which was conducted before the pandemic over a three-month period between April and July 2019 Arup found that:

The Liverpool pilot identified several benefits for both the business and staff, including increased productivity, with nearly nine in ten (87%) of employees feeling that their productivity improved. Colleague empowerment, work/life balance and well-being increased too, while people viewed the opportunity to work flexibly as a competitive offering to existing and prospective new members.

Jerome Frost, chair of Arups UK, India, Middle East and Africa region, said: Building significant flexibility into our colleagues working lives is something weve been experimenting with since before the pandemic. With the opportunity to flex working hours over the course of a seven day week, were empowering our members to find a working pattern that allows them to be at their personal best while delivering high quality work for clients.

As an independent company held in trust for its members, Work Unbound empowers Arup members to make their own choices about how they can do their best work. They can adopt a working pattern that suits their lifestyles. Importantly, it also means they can adapt to suit their clients preferred ways of working, whether that be in their offices, in Arups collaborative city centre offices, on-site or at home.

While this represents an evolution in how we work together, nothing can replace the human connection and relationships that make up our culture and nurture our development as built environment professionals. Our offices and colleagues live and work as a part of their community and as we embrace Work Unbound we will continue to invest in our city centre offices across the UK, reimagining our space as creative hubs where we can engage with city leaders, collaborators, and clients as partners in the effort to recover, transform, and thrive.

David Almond, senior engineer based in Arups Liverpool office, added: The flexible working pilot gave me the opportunity to try different ways of working to suit my lifestyle. I found that having the flexibility and freedom to work whichever hours, suited the demands of a young family. It allowed me to make the most of my downtime, and ultimately have a healthier work-life balance.It also opened other options for travel to work as I wasnt constrained to certain times or modes and working from home occasionally removed the commute altogether time which was spent productively elsewhere.

Arup says that as well as being a flexible approach which enables employees to thrive, Work Unbound also represents a more sustainable approach to how the company operates. While office working will remain a crucial part of Arups operating model, the company says the reduction in employee travel will also help move the firm closer to its target of net zero emissions across its operations by 2030.

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Arup reinvents the working week | Infrastructure Intelligence - Infrastructure Intelligence

Entrepreneurship and SMMEs serve as the powerhouse of societal development and progress, driving innovation and economic growth. By creating products and services that capitalise on new opportunities and address societal challenges, these critical businesses stimulate job creation,productivity,and more sustainable communities.And in a reeling economythat isslowly recovering from an ongoing pandemic, the promotion and empowerment of entrepreneurs and small businessesisimperative.

Yet, research shows that South Africansare notas entrepreneurial as the rest of Africa. According totheGlobal Entrepreneurship Monitor South Africa (GEM SA) 2019/2020 report,South Africasentrepreneurial ecosystem was rated as one of the most challenging in 2019, ranking 49thout of 54 global economies, ahead of onlyCroatia, Guatemala, Paraguay, Puerto Rico,and Iran.The report also found that only 11.9% of local respondents (or one in every eight South Africans) have entrepreneurial intentionsof starting a business within the next three years a stark contrast to the average of 40%on the rest of the continent.

This figure is the most concerning.The fact that start-upsand SMMEsfailis notunusualnew businesses by theirvery natureareprone to failureanywhere in the world. But not enough South Africans are starting businesses in the first place and this mentalityneeds to change.

An entrepreneurial mindset and culture shift starts with business education, skillsdevelopment,and mentorship. Private-sector support through Enterprise and Supplier Development (ESD) initiatives play a huge role in cultivating and fostering entrepreneurs.Let uslook at how we can encourage more entrepreneurship in our country and empower existing small businesses to drive their economic growth.

Business education for an entrepreneurial spirit

Education both at a school and business level is the building block for empoweredand successfulentrepreneurs. First and foremost, we need to be teaching entrepreneurial skills from a young age, educating our children onwhat isinvolved in starting a business with entrepreneurial-based courses at school.Parents and teachers have a responsibility here instead of asking children, what do you want to be when you grow up?, we should be asking them, what kind of business are you going to start?. We have been ingrained tobelieve that being an employee is our only option when we matriculate.It isup to us to show the youth that they are in full control of their destinies and the possibilities are endless.

At a business level, education is even more important. Exxaro and GIBS recognise theimmeasurablevalue ofeducating local entrepreneurs our partnership on the newly launched Contractor Development Programmeisatestament to this.To promote and support the advancement and empowerment of local Exxaro suppliers, the programme upskills entrepreneurs by providing business education and mentorship.Ultimately, if the small businesses grow and sustain themselves, they have massive potential tocontribute positively to economic growth and reduce unemployment,poverty,and inequality.

Theaimof thisprogrammeis to help participating contractorsto learn from other entrepreneurs experiences, rather than learning throughtrialand error giving these entrepreneurs a better understanding of how to overcome the operational challenges they face.Learning from others is the most powerful way you can learn, so interaction between the different suppliers via online classes isalsoencouraged.

Skills developmentfor success

Coupled with continued learning, entrepreneurs also need to hone their business and technical skills. But this is easier said than done, as theyhavealmost no time,energy,or money to spend on themselves when they are developing a business. However, neglecting personal development comes at a great cost: makingexpensivemistakes and not keeping up with competitors. A course like Exxaros Contractor Development Programmeis anidealway to acquire those skills without wasting resources like time and money,makingmistakes.

Equipping entrepreneurs with the right skills at the right time, the programme understands that small business owners need different skills at different stages of their development and ensures that skills are aligned to whatentrepreneursexperience. From business skills to strategy, marketing, finance, personal development,and industry-specific skills, the programme helps local suppliers develop the skills,attitudes,and values they need to make their businesses more competitive and respond to challenges.

Non-negotiables for entrepreneurial success include a hunger to learn every single day, building and nurturing strong stakeholder relationships, being action-orientated, andbeingable to pick yourself up after failuretokeep moving.An open mind is another must-have for entrepreneurs to thrive the world is constantly changing, and they need to be open to learning,changing,and pivoting, even if this means transforming their business or product to adapt accordingly.

The power of learning from others

Active mentorship is another key aspect of the programme, with contractors assigned to individual mentors based on their unique needs and skill requirements. A lot of effort has gone into making sure that the mentors and facilitators have practical entrepreneurial experience and industry knowledge they can pass onto the participants.

Thesementors,who have started their own businesses,canguide participants, exposing them to new ways of thinking and helping them to tap into new skills offering further value fortheseentrepreneurs.

The knock-on effects of corporate support

Unlike otherESDinitiatives that are often limited to financial support, we believe that non-financial support, in the form of business education, skills development,and mentorship, is a crucial component of grooming entrepreneurs for success.Large corporates and industry leaders shouldconsider combining both kinds of support in theirESDprogrammes to truly make a difference.

The benefits of impactful ESDprojectsextend far beyond organisations trying to be good corporate citizensand complying with legislation. They afford entrepreneurs amazing opportunities to develop their businesses and hone their skills. Empowered,knowledgeableand skilled entrepreneurs run well-developed companies, whichare easier to do business with. So essentially, those that support entrepreneurs and small businesses are indirectly developing the economy and society, paving the way for a brighter future for all South Africans.

The untapped potential of entrepreneurshipin our country is enormous it istime to boldly embrace themyriad of business opportunities around us and build smaller, more adaptable companies that can move with the changing technological tidesand emerging low carbon world.

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Empowering entrepreneurs and small businesses to drive their economic growth - Cape Business News

CLEVELAND When the Rev. Marlon Tilghman learned that any Maryland juvenile taken into custody can be questioned by police without a parent being informed or without an attorney present, his thoughts turned to his teenage granddaughter.

God forbid if she got pulled over and got interrogated and she said something she wasnt supposed to say. I would be terrified, said Rev. Tilghman, pastor of the Ames United Methodist Church in Bel Air, Maryland.

Rev. Tilghman has been working for the last year with dozens of partners in faith communities that belong to the grassroots organization BRIDGE Maryland to change state law, which observers have said is one of the most regressive in the nation. They cite cases where a child has felt pressured to admit to something he or she did not do.

New legislation became a priority of the groups Criminal Justice Task Force, which Rev. Tilghman co-chairs. The death of George Floyd, who died nearly a year ago while pinned to the ground by a former Minneapolis police officer, is a motivating factor, he said.

Ministers and congregation members mobilized around the legislation. They assembled online town hall meetings and coordinated a news conference. The events gave them the opportunity to use the skills in community organizing, personal empowerment, communications and relationship building they have learned with the help of a series of national grants from the Catholic Campaign for Human Development. CCHD has funded the group since 2017.

In this case, BRIDGE Maryland member congregations and its partners were instrumental in building support for the Juvenile Interrogation Protection Act, which was introduced in the Maryland legislature last year. The measure passed in the state House but failed by a narrow margin in the Senate. Currently BRIDGE Maryland is building statewide support for the bill since its reintroduction in January.

The organizing and educational efforts by BRIDGE Maryland members are examples of the kind of grassroots work CCHD has supported since several influential U.S. church leaders established the anti-poverty campaign 50 years ago.

Originally known simply as the Campaign for Human Development, the program took shape in the late 1960s following rioting that erupted in response to continued racial and ethnic hostility in many American cities.

The U.S. Catholic Conference, as the bishops public policy arm was known as then, wanted a program that would address the causes of poverty. Church leaders realized that charity alone was not enough to stop poverty and that a program that raised up the voices of people living in dire circumstances would lead to systemic change.

After months of meetings and discussions among bishops, Cardinal John F. Dearden of Detroit in July 1970 announced the formation of the anti-poverty campaign. The first collection occurred in November that year and has continued annually the weekend before Thanksgiving since.

Individual dioceses receive 25% of the funds collected to support local efforts. The remainder is allocated to larger programs after a thorough review of applications to assure they fall in line with Catholic Church teachings, said Ralph McCloud, CCHD executive director at the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

Auxiliary Bishop David G. OConnell of Los Angeles, co-chairs the bishops subcommittee overseeing CCHD. He said he has seen the value of the kind of work CCHD supports since the late 1980s when he was a pastor in South Los Angeles, a poor community with a large minority population.

He said faith-based community organizing can help people realize they have the power to make necessary changes in institutions that perpetuate injustice.

I love the work of the organizing, he said. I love to have seen over the years that people think about themselves in a different way because of the work of the organizing. They begin to see themselves as leaders. They see that they are not victims. They think about (the question of) How do we have some relational power here to turn things around?'

In Baltimore, Rev. Tilghman and task force co-chair Linda Watts are working to broaden their coalition so that when hearings on the bill they have dubbed as the Protect Our Minors Act are scheduled, more voices can become part of the legislative process. With more people involved, more influence can be demonstrated, they said.

It makes a difference if you have lots of people who have been adequately trained, said Watts, a member of Ascension Lutheran Church in Towson, Maryland, longtime member of the organization.

BRIDGE Maryland is part of the Gamaliel National Network, which has 43 community and faith-based affiliates in 14 states. Named for Gamaliel, a Pharisee doctor of Jewish law who trained St. Paul and is mentioned in the New Testament, the networks mission is to empower ordinary people to effectively participate in the political, environmental, social and economic decisions affecting their lives.

The Rev. Gayle Briscoe, a community organizer who is the lone BRIDGE Maryland staffer, said CCHD support has allowed the group to widen its work in strengthening public education, improving public transportation on which low-income workers depend, and boosting affordable housing alternatives.

The training helps people understand their own self-interest and why its important to come together in unity for the sake of justice, Rev. Briscoe said. Everybody cant do everything, but everybody can do something about something, she said.

St. Vincent de Paul Parish in downtown Baltimore, is among the two dozen interfaith partners that are part of BRIDGE Maryland. Father Ray Chase, pastor, said the congregation recognizes the importance of people organizing around critical issues, especially those surrounding children.

This attitude of the arrest of children and what their rights should be illustrates the disenfranchisement of children and we need to be very powerful advocates for their sake, he told Catholic News Service.

BRIDGE Marylands work is an extension of the Pope Francis invitation to the faithful to go to the margins of society and build relationships to better understand the needs of others, Father Chase added.

One of the things which BRIDGE is in support of is the breaking down of we and them. Because when theres we and them, there always has to be a diminishment of one side or the other. Thats not a formula for gaining insight or being as productive as we can be, he said.

Every voice has a right to be heard. If we dont believe that, then we really have to chuck the Catholic social teaching of the dignity of every being.

Throughout its history, CCHD has helped hundreds of local organizations like BRIDGE Maryland, many of them rooted in faith communities.

Msgr. William Burke has led the Baltimore Archdioceses CCHD office since 1972. The 87-year-old pastor of St. Francis of Assisi Parish in the city said the program has supported grassroots efforts to reverse poverty in line with Jesus call for upholding human dignity.

We know that charity is fine. It answers immediate needs. But to change the situation in which people find themselves impoverished is the ultimate goal. Thats what CCHD does, he told CNS.

Msgr. Burke, who will retire July 1, has worked with an archdiocesan committee that assesses proposals from community groups for funding. Glyndon Bailey, who has chaired the committee for 35 years of its 49-year history, said he and his now-deceased wife became involved at Msgr. Burkes request in 1975.

We felt that was something we wanted to do because living in a suburban parish (in Catonsville) we didnt get hooked up with too many people in the city. We thought we would like to do that, he recalled.

Our projects we support embody the spirit of the CCHD movement, Bailey said, describing how he visited low-income communities throughout the Baltimore Archdiocese to learn about neighborhood safety, the need for affordable housing, growing hunger and the lack of jobs over the years all concerns that were going unaddressed.

CCHD funding has enabled community organizations to identify needs and develop leadership to address those needs, he said.

Now 98, Bailey will step down as committee chairman when Msgr. Burke retires. He said he will continue to advocate for CCHD whenever he can.

CCHD, he said, has carried out the Gospel to help people improve their lives. They have to speak for themselves because they have nobody else to speak for them.

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Churchs anti-poverty program: Giving the poor a voice for 50 years - The Record

(Jade McIntyre / Daily Titan)

I dont think I can ever recall a time my parents were truly happy with one another. As a child of recently divorced parents, I experienced 21 years of absolute horror. I remember all of the nitpicking, the screaming and slamming doors. I remember staying up at night listening to my parents yell and bicker, almost daily.

My concept of love was no different for the longest time. I considered that maybe this was a natural cycle to relationships that the screaming, yelling, arguing and thrashing was just some sort of love language smothered with genuine compassion hidden under the surface. Until now, I never recognized how unhealthy it was for them to stay together from an outside perspective.

Now I can see that while divorce isnt optimal, it is sometimes necessary and healthy for those who simply arent compatible. The stigma against divorce and ending relationships has to stop because it can give us false perceptions of what love looks like.

The only reason my parents stayed together for so long, like many hopeful romantics, was because of me their darling daughter who faced about as much terror and toxicity as they did with one another. At times, they may have seen hope for their relationship during the calm before the storm, before one small detail sent them into an insurmountable hell of arguments.

Not only did destructive actions affect my parents relationship, but mine as well. I allowed myself to be subjected to multiple toxic relationships that caused me more harm than good. The development of my parents loveless relationship had led me to a fear of abandonment. I was more scared of losing the person causing me harm, than the actual harm itself. I learned eventually that it was okay to let go of the people inflicting harm on me, and I was happier in the long-run.

Apparently, I wasnt the only young adult whose relationships were impacted by their parents. A study performed by Melissa DeVito at Providence College looked into the reasons why college students remain in unhealthy relationships. Some of the reasons mentioned in this thesis were either mental or physical abuse and trauma, such as abandonment as a child, exposure to unhealthy relationships, objectification in the media, physically aggressive behavior and cultural beliefs and traditions. DeVito also mentioned that sometimes unhealthy relationships wont be looked at as harmful and therefore, professional help is deemed unnecessary.

After experiencing trauma from my parents relationship my entire life, I felt no greater relief than seeing my parents smile again as they went their separate ways. They were a lot happier without each other, and oftentimes Ive noticed both in my parents relationships and my own that letting go of those unhealthy bonds that simply dont work is completely healthy.

By forcing unhealthy relationships that simply dont work, couples can prevent themselves from achieving the happiness they could have had all along.

In the article This is How To Let Go of What No Longer Serves Youby self-empowerment author Tony Fahkry, he encourages his readers to think about the relationships that weigh them down and make them anxious. He mentions that slowly creating distance from those who do not serve great purpose in ones life will take the weight off that persons shoulders.

Of course, there are situations in which leaving a toxic relationship can negatively impact other parts of a persons life. Financial dependence, stigma of divorce, personal obligation, religious customs and societal expectations all make up various reasons why it can be difficult to leave a toxic relationship, according to an article by Peg Streep from PsychCentral.

While these issues may convince one to stay in a relationship, it is important for that person to decide whether or not they are willing to sacrifice their own wellness to avoid solvable issues.

After seeing my parents joy after their divorce and reflecting on the relationships I stayed in for too long, I immediately felt the weight of my mental state lighten when I finally broke from the shackles of my idealist look at love and relationships. Being able to release what was doing me harm was the ultimate step to finding peace.

If I had been more attentive to my parents relationship, I wouldve asked them to do whats best for them by separating if it meant theyd be happier. An important tip, according to GoodTherapy, is separating yourself and accepting what is. Accepting things the way they are is a great start to moving forward from a relationship that is causing you harm.

Ive always been scared of losing people close to me, even if they were unhealthy for me. There are many things that held me back from moving on and letting go of the relationships that posed a threat to my well-being. Learning from my parents mistakes in their relationship and obtaining useful tips in my personal life over the years, Ive accepted that letting go of the things that hurt me are worth the uncertainty of life without them.

No amount of closeness is worth the years of harm.

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Column: Releasing unhealthy relationships benefits long-term happiness - The Daily Titan

Cartoonist Alison Bechdel, who wrote about her parents in two celebrated graphic memoirs Fun Home and Are You My Mother? turns the focus on herself and her lifelong obsession with exercise in the ironically titled The Secret to Superhuman Strength. Just dont mistake it for a self-help book filled with platitudes and exhortations. Bechdel, neither a cheerleader nor a boot-camp sergeant, is never shallow.

In panels busy with expressive drawings, text, and commentary, Bechdel excavates her deepest thoughts and feelings. This latest memoir is a testimony to her determination to transcend her anxieties and find her way in life by dint of physical exertion and spiritual epiphanies. In the process, she channels her challenges into art.

As in the previous memoirs, Bechdel seeks further illumination in the lives and work of literary touchstones including William Wordsworth, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Jack Kerouac, Adrienne Rich, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Margaret Fuller. These intellectual underpinnings contribute to a stimulating mental and emotional workout that will keep readers on their toes, too.

Bechdel returns to the larger format of her collected comic strips, The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For, to create her first book in full color. With the help of her partner, artist Holly Rae Taylor, Bechdel has wielded shades of blues, reds, pinks, yellows, and greens to capture the frenetic hustle and bustle of her elaborate, Herculean exercise routines and ever-looming deadlines. In contrast, monochrome tones of gray signal moments of calm and Zen, while gorgeous color-washed skies express natures ability to dazzle.

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

"The Secret to Superhuman Strength" by Alison Bechdel,Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 240 pp.

Among its many attractions, Superhuman Strength provides a fascinating record of passing fitness fads as Bechdel tracks her workouts decade by decade across her 60 years. Her regimens change partly in response to enticing new crazes and technical equipment, and partly in response to her changing body.

She recalls her early attraction to mountains, and family ski trips in Pennsylvania, where she overcame her fear of falling with the realization that not thinking was a performance enhancer. In her second decade, she amped up her already considerable energy with running. She writes, I could not control the hideous metamorphosis of adolescence. But I could control how far I ran, and running promised its own transformation. I was becoming focused. Disciplined! She adds, Running was a way of recovering myself after the social stress of school, and also a way of losing myself.

After college, Bechdel branched out into other athletic pursuits. She moved to rural Vermont and took up cross-country skiing, which, unlike downhill, didnt require lift tickets. Over the years, more or less sequentially, she has immersed herself in karate, meditation, yoga, rollerblading, biking, spinning, free weights, and what she humorously dubs The Semi-Sadistic 7-Minute Workout 12 exercises, and youre done for. She also periodically returns to running until her knees protest. Whatever the activity, she drives herself to a point of blissful self-empowerment.

Bechdel is not someone who makes things easy on herself. About bicycling, she writes, If I had to choose between only riding downhill or only riding uphill for the rest of my life an existential question that I pondered often I would take the uphill. Its a statement that pretty much sums up her approach to life. Again, feeling in control is the point. She explains, It was harder, but it was a measured dose of pain: I was in control. Careening downhill, who knew what the next moment would bring?

Superhuman Strength is filled with amusing self-portraits of torturous exercise classes and contorted postures that gently satirize the ridiculous lengths Bechdel has gone to in pursuit of self-improvement. This book nine years after her last was meant to be a light, fun memoir about my athletic life that I could bang out quickly, she says. She wanted to write about pleasant things.

But while Bechdel is adept at wry humor, lightness isnt exactly her thing. Nor is simplicity. Like her previous memoirs, Superhuman Strength shifts between seemingly disparate subjects her dating history, 19th century transcendentalists, the evolution of specialized athletic equipment with remarkable agility.

A recurrent theme is the arduous grind involved in churning out her work over the years even when she felt stuck, which took a toll on her well-being and her personal life.

Has it been worth the stress? The meteoric success following Fun Home including a Tony Awarding-winning musical and MacArthur genius grant, among other honors was wonderful, but also almost too much. With work her primary commitment, relationships suffered. And after her mothers death, mortality loomed larger.

Ironically, writing about wanting to lose herself, whether in her work or exercise, required a deeper immersion in herself; probing her psyche led to greater self-consciousness. The sense we get is that relentless self-searching became a slog that made workouts feel relatively easy.

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But what shes pulled off is quite a feat. The Secret to Superhuman Strength is a strenuous, dogged, occasionally exhausting but exhilarating marathon of a memoir in which Bechdel comes to grasp that The only thing to transcend is the idea that theres something to transcend.

In addition to the Monitor, Heller McAlpin reviews books regularly for NPR and The Wall Street Journal.

Link:

Shes tried all the exercise fads. And then some. - Christian Science Monitor

In a sign of shifting views on the Asian American experience in California, state residents are more willing to acknowledge that Asian Americans encounter discrimination, and Asian Americans are increasingly fearful of being victims of a hate crime, even more so than Black or Latino residents, according to a new statewide poll.

The recognition in the past year of growing animus toward Asian Americans is one of the key findings of the survey, which was commissioned by community groups and conducted in consultation with The Times. The shift in attitudes spans the time period since George Floyds death and the spate of attacks targeting Asian Americans nationwide.

Charlie Woo, chair of the Center for Asian Americans United for Self Empowerment, a group that helped commissioned the survey, said the polls data show Californians profound shift in attitude of the model minority myth. It also presents an opportunity to foster ally-ship, he added.

The poll found that the share of Californians who believe Asian Americans were frequently or sometimes discriminated against increased to 70%, 15 percentage points more than the level in February 2020. In February 2020, 63% of Asian Americans said they were discriminated against. Now, 79% believe so.

The increase is considered significant for a community that was once hesitant to say they faced unjust treatment. It is the biggest jump compared to white, Black and Latino Californians.

The survey also found that 73% of Asian American residents worry about being victims of physical violence or a hate crime. Thats higher than the share of Black and Latino residents, 61% and 58% respectively. Asian Americans also ranked highest among the other racial groups when asked if they feared being verbally abused, mocked or harassed in public and on social media.

Data show that this fear also weighs heavily on parents who are concerned their children will be bullied because of their ethnicity. However, only 29% of the states Asian Americans said their mental health was suffering because people look down on them for their race.

Although racism and violence targeted at Asian Americans isnt a new phenomenon, the number of reported anti-Asian hate crimes has ballooned nationwide since the coronavirus shutdowns began last year. Thousands of Asian Americans have faced verbal harassment, physical assault or had their civil rights violated, according to a separate study released by Stop AAPI Hate.

The publicity of the discrimination and the harassment, the physical violence, the emotional response from the Asian American community clearly has a big impact on the rest of California, Woo said. But this is not an Asian American problem alone. We need to bring in other communities to stand with us.

Amid the explosion of hate, 88% of Californias Asian Americans said their ethnicity is important to their identity. That was an increase of 20 points since the question was asked in November. Ethnic identity was especially important to Asian American women and Asian Americans under the age of 50, according to Ben Winston, research director at Strategies 360, the polling and research firm that conducted the survey.

In 2020, 62% of Californians agreed that in the future, people who share my background, values and culture will become more common and more accepted in America. The share of Californians saying that dropped to 54% in the current poll. Across all groups, the states Asian Americans remained the most optimistic with 64%.

Some of the recent events ... really changed some opinions in the community and maybe dampened some of that optimism, Winston said.

The poll also showed views growing more optimistic regarding the COVID-19 pandemic. In the current poll, 19% of Californians said their personal financial situation had improved since the beginning of the pandemic. In July and November, only 10% agreed.

Although 67% of Californians said they are still worried that they or a family member could catch the coronavirus, that amount dropped 14 points since July. And 54% of Californians said they have received at least one dose of the vaccine. The states Asian Americans ranked first with 63%, followed by whites with 57%, Latinos with 46% and Black Californians with 39%.

Helen Torres, executive director of Hispanas Organized for Political Equality, another of the sponsoring organizations, said the data dispels stereotypes that Latinos dont want the vaccine but also highlighted how a good chunk remain hesitant. As mass distribution sites shift to a more micro-targeting method, Torres said it will be up to community leaders and clinics to strategize how to best help convince those who are hesitant.

It is not enough to say that were going to do something for the Latino community, Torres said. We have to make sure that we are addressing unequal systems exposed by this pandemic and investing in the research in reaching these hard-to-reach communities.

Michael Lawson, president and CEO of the Los Angeles Urban League, the third sponsor of the poll, said the Black communitys misunderstanding of the importance of the vaccine was what struck him most. When his organization helped sponsor a vaccination site, the community showed enthusiasm, he said. But that eagerness wasnt mirrored in the polls data.

What you saw in this polling with respect to the concerns about the vaccination in the African American community that you still see a lot in the newspapers is more fluid than it is, than it looks on paper, Lawson said. There was very little debate about issues with respect to the vaccine, simply because of the voice they were hearing.

More than 1,200 adults were interviewed online between April 16 and April 29 for the California Community Poll. The margin of sampling error for the full survey is 3 points.

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Survey: Californians agree Asians often discriminated against - Los Angeles Times

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Courtney Stodden, who first made headlines in 2011 when they married The Green Mile actor Doug Hutchison, is now opening up about the abuse they experienced at the hands of their ex-husband and from the media. At the time of their marriage, Hutchinson was 50 and Stodden was just 16, but given legal consent to marry him by their mother. Not much has been reported about Stodden in the last five years, but the former teen star delves deep into the traumatic effects that grooming and bullying have had in their life in a recent Daily Beast interview. Branded a teen bride, Stodden experienced widespread ridicule after marrying Hutchison. Anderson Cooper reportedly compared them to a stripper on CNN and Dr. Drew even examined their breasts with an ultrasound device in front of a live studio audience while they were still a minor to determine if they had any cosmetic work done. Stoddens divorce from Hutchison was finalized last year. But in the wake of the viral documentary Framing Britney Spears, which captured the cruelty Spears was treated with in the 2000s, the medias treatment of Stodden while they were married to an abusive man who was decades older than them as a child is now under the microscope. It took me a really long time to understand what grooming even meant, Stodden told The Daily Beast. But as I grew into a woman, I started realizing what happened to me I was over the relationship and wanted to move on, but when he left, I was terrified to be on my own. I didnt know how to be on my own. I still dont have a license. I depended so much on him and he knew that, so when he left it was almost a manipulative way of going, Okay, lets see if you can survive without me here.' And Stodden has, but not without their share of difficulties. Stodden recalls severe verbal abuse and gaslighting at the hands of Hutchison, realizing years later just how much of a master groomer he was. He told me everything a young girl would want to hear from somebody shes craving love from, and when I got married to him, he changed. And he knew he had me right where he wanted me, they said. And while being groomed, the media treated Stodden as the punchline at best. I have a lot of trauma from that entire chapter in my life, they said. And thats the time where youre developing your brains developing, youre becoming a woman. And as Im forming, I am being mocked, overtly sexualized, abused not only in my home, but internationally and it really did a number on my self-confidence and my sense of worthiness, which I struggle with today. Stoddens story recalls the experiences of many other teen stars. Recently, the media has been forced to reckon with its treatment of young celebs in the early-2000s, including Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan. While still underage, they were put in positions where they were pressured to be both hypersexual and role models for young girls; to be worldly, yet naive; to embody conflicting ends of a patriarchal spectrum that forgets that theyre children, but is simultaneously dismissive if they stand up for themselves. Only now is this culture of manipulation being thoroughly reexamined and seen for what it truly is. And while Stodden may have come forward, they still dont feel like theyre out of the woods. I still feel like Im stuck. Even though Im out of that relationship, I still feel heavy, they explained. I dont feel light. I dont feel like things are so much better. I hope that eventually Ill be able to find genuine happiness and shed the traumas of my past, but I just feel very pessimistic. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?Britney Spears Won't Ask To End ConservatorshipParis Hilton's Stop Being Poor Shirt Was FakeBritney Spears Conservatorship & Disability Rights

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Courtney Gabrus is using her personal health journey to advocate for inclusion and empowerment of the disabled community - Yahoo Lifestyle

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Record number of people voted to nominate a small business in their community for outstanding service or products

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The husband-and-wife team that owns and operates Sea to Sky Sourdough BReD in Whistlers Creekside scrambled when COVID-19 hit to pivot from a potential customer base of three million tourists to the about 12,000 residents who make the area their permanent home.

Our whole business model relied on the visitors we get each year, said Ed Tatton, who like his wife grew up in England. So it was devastating when they closed the mountain.

Natasha and I had sold our house in the U.K. Everything is on the line for us. If the business fails, then it would essentially take us years to recover.

The vegan and organic BReD was a week away from celebrating its first anniversary when Whistler/Blackcomb shut down for the first time in March of 2020.

I think when youve got that driving force behind you weve borrowed a lot of money and weve invested a lot of money ourselves we just have to make it work, Tatton said.

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The Tattons bakery was one of six Small Business B.C. award winners in the under-35 category for youth entrepreneur.

Like other small-business people, they had to move fast to upgrade their website, to adapt, to creatively come up with new ways of getting bread to customers, and to attract new customers. And, like a lot of small-business owners, the Tattons said they were incredibly grateful for the federal and provincial grants available during COVID-19.

A record number of people voted to nominate a small business in their community for outstanding service or products, a sign of support for local entrepreneurs who endured many challenges this past year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Small Business B.C. said.

I think its clear from the overwhelming number of nominations and the more than 50,000 public votes that the spirit of support for small business runs strong in our province, Tom Conway, CEO of Small Business B.C., said.

This has been the most difficult year for small business owners and now their communities are standing behind them, recognizing what theyve been through and celebrating their success. We saw an overwhelming show of support from friends, families and communities coming forward to honour the small businesses they love.

Joining the Tattons were:

Jada Creations, Terrace, solopreneur category: Owned and operated by founder Jaimie Davis, a Gitxsan & Nisgaa artist, who sells Indigenous wearable art.

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Matidor, Vancouver, innovation: Co-founders Vincent Lams and Sean Huangs company simplifies the complex world of software services. The ultimate location visualization and data collaboration tool for businesses, with the only software solution of its kind that has built-in GIS functionality, according to the judges.

Sisters Sage, Vancouver, community impact: Lynn-Marie and Melissa-Rae Angus, the sisters behind Indigenous handcrafted wellness and self-care products inspired by their culture and traditions, give out so much inspiration to others who need some personal empowerment.

Bigfoot Donuts, Courtenay, premiers peoples choice: Lyndsey Bell and Jay Valeri are on a mission to reinvent the humble doughnut.

Charcuterie Vancouver, immigrant entrepreneur: Sadaf Rahimi arrived in Vancouver from Afghanistan, via a short stay in Russia, and established her business in 2019, elevating special events and occasions with custom-made charcuterie boards, tables and boxes.

At first it was super difficult, Rahimi said of running a new business that catered gatherings. We totally shut down in March and April (or 2020).

By May, she was coming up with new ideas, including buying a 3D printer and targeting special occasions, such as birthdays and Mothers Day, instead of preparing tables for 50 to 200 people at weddings and Christmas parties.

I had to pivot. Instead of doing boards and tables like we were doing beforehand, we ended up doing individual boxes. All of a sudden it just boomed.

gordmcintyre@postmedia.com

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B.C. small businesses find ways to win despite the pandemic - Vancouver Sun