Category Archives: Childfree

Home builder confidence fell for the eighth straight month in August, as financial advisors say market conditions have forced many of their clients to the sidelines.

Advisors described a market of extremes, with some clients stubbornly refusing to reduce prices on their home, and other clients who have given up on trying to sell or buy at all.

The market is a little weird right now and its just not checked into reality, said Jay Zigmont, founder of Childfree Wealth in Water Valley, Miss.

The National Association of Home Builders/Wells Fargo Housing Market Index fell six points in August to 49, marking the first time since May 2020 that the index fell below the key break-even measure of 50, the trade group reported on Monday. The index , which is based on a monthly survey of home builders and measures the pulse of the single-family housing market, stood at 75 a year ago and was at 83 in January.

Builder confidence fell in all regions, led by the West, which declined 11 points to 51. The Northeast dropped nine points to 56, the South dropped seven points to 63, and the Midwest dropped three points to 49.

Tighter monetary policy from the Federal Reserve and persistently elevated construction costs have brought on a housing recession, NAHB Chief Economist Robert Dietz said in a statement. He added that the volume of single-family starts will post its first decrease since 2011, but there is room for optimism that the demand-side of the market in the coming months will stabilized as signs grow that the rate of inflation is near peaking.

Financial advisors said the declining housing market have forced clients to pause plans to buy or sell their home.

The recent hike in interest rates and the talk of a housing recession has, without a doubt, lessened our clients desires to buy or build a new home, said Bryce Koch of Hiley Hunt Wealth Management in Omaha, Neb. He added that some of his homeowner clients have decided to stay put and invest in their home to make it more enjoyable. This allows our clients to maintain their very affordable mortgage payment, with a rate of 3% or even lower, but still add something new to their house that they may have been longing for."

Mortgage rates, which had begun to decline in 2019, hit new lows in 2020 and 2021 in response to the Covid crisis. By December 2021, the monthly average rate for a 30-year-fixed-rate mortgage was 2.68%, according to Freddie Mac. The rates continued in the 2% to 3% range throughout 2021. But in January, rates edged upward to 3.45%. The average rate reached 5.41% in July, according to Freddie Mac.

David Born of Private Financial Management LLC in the San Francisco Bay Area said higher housing costs not only have forced buyers on the sidelines, but have also affected sellers, who just have not accepted the reality of whats happening in the market, he said. Sellers want the price that they could get in January and the buyers just cant afford it."

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Buyers and Sellers Have Retreated From The Housing Market For Now, Advisors Say - Financial Advisor Magazine

61% of Australian households, according to the RSPCA, have a pet. And there is nothing more stressful for a pet owner than the day it comes to say goodbye to their animal and to have it put down.

Traditionally, this means taking the animal to a vet and having it put to sleep at the vets surgery. This can be distressing for the owner and the animal in question.

As Dr. Audrey Harvey, the Veterinary Director of Rainbow Bridge In Home Pet Euthanasia, says, Most pets hate going to the vets surgery at any time. And that means that end of life services maybe highly stressful for the animal and the owner. But there is another way to go about this.

Announcing Home Pet Euthanasia

Many people are unaware that they dont have to go through the process of taking their animal to a veterinary clinic, instead, they could have their veterinarians come to them.

At Rainbow Bridge, they launched their home pet euthanasia service two years ago and that means that your pet can move on from this life in more familiar circumstances.

You choose the location that your pet will be most comfortable in, you can bring the people that will want to be there for your pet, and the procedure can be carried out at your pace (and your pets pace) in a way that is comforting to all.

Audrey says, Its very important to most pet owners to minimise the distress of their pet as well as that of their family when their pet passes. Our service is passionate about giving your pet a gentle way to pass, surrounded by their family in a place where they feel truly at home.

We cant eliminate, entirely, that this is a set of unpleasant circumstances, but we can minimize the discomfort and distress caused by external factors. My team of Bronwen, Mel, Rachel, Kirsten and myself are all ready to provide your pet with a gentle, kind passage from this life.

Planned End Of Life Care

One thing wed encourage in loving families is to talk about end-of-life care for your pet as a family unit before the end comes. If you can hold a constructive dialog about your pet when they are very old or have been diagnosed as terminally ill, you can start to think about their final experience.

Audrey continues, This vital conversation ensures that you can plan the passing of the beloved animal and ensure that you are providing a gentle experience for them and for the people that they leave behind. Mourning a pet as the Animal Health Foundation says is as stressful as losing a relative.

And many people simply dont know that home euthanasia is a possibility, in fact, Rainbow Bridge has helped pets pass in a variety of locations where they would be most comfortable. This includes on the couch in a living room, by a warm, cosy fireplace and in places near the home like a beach or by a dam.

This also provides a safe space for mourning together as a family after the pet passes, and this can help provide emotional support to vulnerable individuals.

Service Constraints

It is worth noting that not every veterinary clinic provides this service, however, because of restraints on human resources. This is why Rainbow Bridge has developed this as a unique service offering because while you may not have any choice about losing a pet, the way that they go matters.

Dr Audrey has completed further training through the Companion Animal Euthanasia Training Academy.

She says that the greatest gift of love that we can give to our pets is not to allow them to suffer. Their final days should not be the worst of days.

Home euthanasia is becoming an increasingly popular choice to celebrate a pets life and to allow those left behind to better manager their pain.

About A Childfree Happily Ever After

You only get one go at life dont let pressure and expectation from partners, parents, media, church or society force you into having children. Childfree Happily Ever After helps you explore the choices and work out what is right for you

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It's Time To End Stressful Partings, Home Pet Euthanasia Is Here - PRUnderground

EAST LANSING, Mich. Are families about to find themselves on the endangered species list? Researchers from Michigan State University find that over one in five adults dont want children. Interestingly, the survey also indicates that Americans are deciding against being a parent quite early in life, most often in their teens or early twenties.

We found that 21.6% of adults, or about 1.7 million people, in Michigan do not want children and therefore are childfree. Thats more than the population of Michigans nine largest cities, says study co-author Zachary Neal, an associate professor in MSUs psychology department, in a university release.

Study authors used just three questions to separate childfree individuals from parents and other varieties of non-parents. The analyzed data comes from a representative sample of 1,500 adults who completed MSUs State of the State Survey, conducted by the universitys Institute for Public Policy and Social Research.

According to Prof. Neal, its impossible to distinguish between different types of non-parents using official statistics. So, this research project is among the first to focus specifically on counting adults who choose not to have children (childfree).

People especially women who say they dont want children are often told theyll change their mind, but the study found otherwise, explains study co-author Jennifer Watling Neal, an associate professor in the psychology department at MSU. People are making the decision to be childfree early in life, most often in their teens and twenties. And, its not just young people claiming they dont want children. Women who decided in their teens to be childfree are now, on average, nearly 40 and still do not have children.

While this study only included Michigan residents, researchers point out that Michigan is actually quite demographically similar to the United States as a whole according to the 2021 U.S. census. If the trend in this survey holds up across the entire nation, that would mean roughly 50 to 60 million Americans want to stay childfree.

Following the U.S. Supreme Courts overturning of Roe v. Wade, a large number of Americans are now at risk of being forced to have children despite not wanting them, Prof. Watling Neal concludes.

Study authors add that if the courts overturn further precedents and birth control measures become harder to access across the U.S. it could result in more hurdles for many young women deciding to be childfree.

In conclusion, the research team believe childfree Americans deserve more attention as a growing demographic. They are hopeful that future research projects will do more to better understand why so many Americans are choosing to avoid parenthood, as well as the repercussions of choosing such a lifestyle.

The findings appear in the journal Scientific Reports.

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Living a 'childfree' life: 1 in 5 adults don't want to have kids - Study Finds

After watching thousands of films, Ive concluded that the world must think women without children, like me, sob through breakfast, bed three men after lunch, or pulverize lives for fun like Faye Dunaway does in Network. But, fortunately or unfortunately, real life doesnt imitate artand art doesnt imitate life, even as the cultural and now governmental response to women choosing to be mothers or not is rapidly evolving.

During my long tenure working at Netflix, I often thought about the chasm between reality and fiction in relation to my not wanting kids. And then I encountered Networks Diana, a character whos represented so many of us selfish little rapscallions since 1976. She produced TV, not kids; reimagined workplace gender balance; and predicted the American working womans experience: having to answer to everyone about where her kids are. I didnt think Id ever write about not having kids because I dont care about not having kids, not even when I was married for 17 years. But conflating the choice to skip motherhood with some type of corruption intrigued me enough to write about itspecifically the conflations endurance.

Of course, not being a parent is influenced by socioeconomic, sociopolitical, racial, ethnographic, and religious factors, and is bound to health, age, sexuality, and market mechanisms. Its long been associated with deficiency; innumerable are the films wherein an aging husband leaves his aging wife for a younger (fertile, aka desirable) woman, such as in An Unmarried Woman or The First Wives Club.

The family imperative is oftentimes centered on exclusion and contributes to significant stigma: in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, childless Peyton (Rebecca De Mornay) raids a mothers life, and while cinematically thrilling, we are led to believe that murdering to get a family is better than being alone. In By the Sea, Vanessa (Angelina Jolie) is nearly catatonic in response to her infertility; no alternative possibilities appear to exist for her life. Her pain shouldnt be discountedthese stories are important to tellbut in the serration, the portrait reinforces that she is serrated, singularly, because of her inability to bear children. The most problematic line comes from her husband: Youre barren, and I love you anyway.

We can declare infertility as ultimate failure a yesteryear mentality, but we have scant films today representing women who are unable to have children andnot butliving full lives. Such representation is culturally significant: in No Future: Queer Theory and the Death Drive, literary critic Lee Edelman writes that a major influence upon that social construction of infertility and art is the ideology of pronatalism that imbues contemporary American culture with an inherent drive to view childbearing as of utmost importance in all realms of life. He adds, Analysis of representations [in film and television] is essential not because these images are authentic or factual depictions of the infertility experience, but because they are not.

Globally, women without children have been reductively associated with disobedience, ennui and loneliness, baby hating, incompetence, the demimonde, and more. Film reinforces these myths and even creates them. Weve seen countless onscreen non-mothers where the topic of procreation doesnt arise, from Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong to Kate (Jennifer Lawrence) in Dont Look Up; however, when the lack of children is addressed, its usually done so pejoratively and with seemingly endless tropes. I dont want a kidwith or without an explanationis rarely said on screen by a woman. Millennials say it all the time.

Networks Diana is emblematic of the modern childfree woman emerging in mainstream cinema, and her domestic status is purposely made inseparable from her diabolical portrayal. The story begins with anchorman Howard (Peter Finch) discovering hes on the outs at UBS Television. He freaks out on live television, and without flinching, Diana convinces producer Max (William Holden) to ramp up intense programming that exploits Howards failing mental health.

Married to the stereotypical Frigid Wife, Max is enamored with younger Dianas freedom and self-possession, but their inevitable affair fails to fulfill his fantasies of converting her passion for ascendency into passion for him (You need me badly! Im your last contact with human reality!), nor does it cure her self-identified father complex, her rationale for being so spiky. The simple fact is youre a family man, Max, Diana says. You like a home and kids, and thats beautiful. But Im incapable of any such commitment. Max, in a moment of anagnorisis, responds, You areindifferent to suffering, insensitive to joy. Diana never presents herself as the marrying kind or the motherly kind, and while this is absolutely why Max fell for her, he ultimately uses it against her.

Dianas power-maneuvering, childfree woman as evil trope fulfillment can also be explained simply as confidence. While the emotional carnage she inflicts is part of the films intended satire, shes venerated for her anomalous entitlement and applauded for besting a bunch of men. Internal grisliness juxtaposes external beauty. Director Sidney Lumet knew exactly what he was doing: his Oscar-winning film is parody as prophesy, with a main character who contextualizes a different kind of womens labor.

In life, the childfree woman has historically courted various reactions to her state, from curiosity (is she planning to have children, and when, where, with whom?), sympathy (what happened?), and pity (my children thank me for not having them), to fear (shell never have meaning, what then? guess Ill go die in a ditch), concern (what does her family think?), envy (imagine all that sleep and extra money), and clairvoyance (youll change your mind). Childfree tropes in films abound: the Gold Digger in The Gold Diggers, the Must Get Married in Every Girl Should Get Married, the Nitwit in The Seven Year Itch, and the Call Girl in BUtterfield 8.

The mainstream Western cineplex has always made pictures for white, cisgender audiences, and debasement of women without children is discernible in clichd portraits that increased in the 1970s and beyond, including but not limited to the Defensive Headcase in Images, the Inept Widow in Private Benjamin, the Femme Fatale in Basic Instinct, the Lonely Lunatic in Misery, the Walking Biological Clock Emergency in My Cousin Vinny, the Self-Absorbed Writer in Let Them All Talk alongside the Tearful Left Behind, the Drunk in Young Adultnot to be confused with the Mess in Blue Jasmineand the Abandoned Wife Whose Life Falls Apart When the Ex Has a Baby With the New Wife in The Girl on the Train. Much of the time, we see scripts entrenched in binary thinking. Which is it: ingnues or wrecked ingnues?

Filmmaker Therese Shechter charts the childfree experience in her 2021 documentary My So-Called Selfish Life. In a recent conversation, we discuss Knocked Up and how writer/director Judd Apatow never allows Alison (Katherine Heigl) to seriously consider, or even say, abortion. Instead, shes given a logic-defying happily ever after with a stoner she doesnt know. The insidious message is that deep down, what a woman wants most is to become a mother, Shechter tells me. And itll be her greatest joy.

In my own life, Ive known several mothers who, feeling pressured, had children when they didnt fully want them. One expressed resentment for oversold and underdelivered fulfillment and wished, with her eyes squeezed shut, exhausted, that she never had a family despite all her lovea rarely explored crux in film, which makes the pathos of Maggie Gyllenhaals The Lost Daughter feel forbidden in its honesty. For mothers, the expectations of self-sacrifice are reinforced by film, oftentimes within an irresoluble angel-versus-devil construct. The Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade is already shifting consciousness of motherhood preparedness; in the future, could we see films about compulsory births or women forced to ultimately sacrifice their lives?

In the name of entertainment, women of color frequently see their fictional representations of motherhood alongside stereotyped drug use, violence, and poverty (Moonlight, The Place Beyond the Pines). Queer mothers have barely any representation in film (The Kids Are All Right remains rare). Speciously screened tropes become distorted narratives about womens psychosexual lives; historically, theyve been written within a patriarchal framework designed and disseminated by men: male producers, male screenwriters, male directors. The majority of stories about women are not even by women. Cinema has been one long, fictive Men Explain Things to Me.

The tropes are only amplified when the possibility for a child has diminished or ended. Consider that Maude (Ruth Gordon) in Harold and Maude is one of only a few depictions in film history of a happy childfree older woman. For older Roberta (Candice Bergen) in Let Them All Talk, money substitutes for a child. Stay-at-home mom Jackie (Susan Sarandon) is positioned against childfree photographer Isabel (Julia Roberts) in Stepmom. Audiences are constantly conditioned to assess the quality of a womans mothering or potential-to-mother skills, and to judge how she balances family and career.

So, too, is a childfree womans sensuality relentlessly evaluated, and against arbitrary standards. Male heroes arent confined to overstating or suppressing an essential part of themselves as it relates to fatherhood. (Were too busy swooning over Robert Redfords brain in All the Presidents Men to ask where his kids are.) This is where the childfree woman as slut trope plays on the archaic view that female sexual desire is linked to sin, weaponry, and motherhood fitness, la the apogee of desperation, Alex (Glenn Close), in Fatal Attraction. Promiscuity is a convenient go-to as a child replacement.

Were it women directing 85 percent of Hollywood films today, how might that change the global perception of power, and even power itself? We know who benefits from owning a womans image. In the year Network premiered, Simone de Beauvoir said that its not for women to take power out of mens hands; its about destroying the notion of power. How might women benefit if onscreen representation catches up to whats actually going on out here?

Of all the films Ive watched, one did change the trajectory of my life, and it wasnt Network; it was Revolutionary Road. Based on Richard Yates 1961 novel, it tells of April Wheeler (Kate Winslet), who attempts to live out the ideals of others to devastating effect. I was in my early thirties when it debuted, and when the theater had emptied, I was holding both a gasp and a premonition because I believed my life could easily unfurl like Aprils. Perhaps my maternal instinct told me to not be a mother. I dont sob through breakfast because I dont have a child, but I probably would if I did.

In Revolutionary Road, as in life, we see the harrowing consequences of shaming abortion. More than half a century ago, what Yates got right in deconstructing happiness was that connecting identity solely to a prescribed life is dangerousyet women sometimes have no alternative, despite the undeniable desire for something, anything, different.

Today, a woman of color who doesnt have biological children is vice president of the United States. More women than ever are doing whatever they want with their lives, like Diana, including finding joy and satisfaction in motherhood. Theyre also having difficult motherhood experiences, forced motherhood experiences, or none at all. Rethinking family en masse has taken a sharp cultural turn, and film isnt there yet. While the lack of diversity, equity, and inclusivity in Hollywood inhibits arts ability to shift folkways and mores, we know the chasm between fiction and reality can change. Its not selfish to desire this, to desire more.

*

This essay is an excerpt from a cited longform essay written for Columbia University.

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The Childfree Effigy: On Network's Diana and the Tropes That Betray Women - Literary Hub

I was 12 years old when I realized that motherhood was my destinyor, at least, that it was supposed to be.

It was the mid-1990s, the heyday of the so-called purity movement, when the True Love Waits campaign arrived at our small, Catholic parish in the suburbs of Chicago. A pious child who wanted to please God, I dutifully signed a pledge to my "future mate"and strangely my "future children" toothat I would wait to have sex until I was married.

This prescribed only two good scripts for my life: Mother or Mother Superior. Either I married a man and mothered my own children, or I remained celibate, as a nun or a spinster, and mothered the world's children.

My views changed when we moved to the progressive enclave of Ann Arbor, Michigan.

At high school, the idea of romantic love loomed large in my teenage heart. But when it came to the question of children, the fervor faded. Not to mention I was a terrible babysitter, easily drained and often bored. I began to entertain a third option for a life well-lived: marriage without motherhood.

I met my husband during my freshman year of college, in the Bible Belt no less. He was a lifelong Methodist, I was still Christian but no longer a practicing Catholic.

After three years of dating, he agreed to marry me on the condition I gave him; that I probably never wanted children. He wasn't sold either, as he worked with children in his job as a youth pastor. He adored the curiosity of young minds but preferred a quieter home life. I felt similarly. Being childless meant I had more energy and attention to give to my emerging writing career and to our local community.

We wed in a Protestant church ceremony on a blistering summer day in July, 2006. We were what we would later describe as "childfree for the common good" and what my Catholic grandmother would call "interesting."

Nobody in the polite, southern town where we got married openly criticized our decision to be childless. The shame tactics were more subtle. "Motherhood is the toughest job in the world," neighbors would assert, as if I was lazy not to take it on. "But you'd make a great mom," friends would insist, as if my lack of confidence was the problem.

Even strangers thought they knew me better than I knew myself when they'd swoon, "You don't know love until you become a mother." How dismissive, I thought, of all other kinds of love. And yet it still stung.

Even though we didn't want children of our own, we got certified as foster parents after 10 years of marriage. We had devoted our twenties to being available to our friends and their first children. But on the cusp of 30, a little bit lonely and with capacity to spare, we felt called to help children with less systemic support. We didn't expect that six months into our first placementthree school-aged sisterswe'd be asked to consider adoption.

It's hard, even now, to explain why we said yes. We initially thought it would be temporary. We were hoping they'd be able to return home to be with their biological family. They hoped so, too. But circumstances didn't allow that.

Maybe it's enough to say that we saw a need and we knew we were capable. But it's also true that we thought they'd be good for usan interruption into our carefully thought-out lives. And we thought we'd be good for themanother set of adults who didn't need to birth them to love them.

After the adoption, our community rallied around us with an outpouring of casseroles and back-pats that had long been missing when we weren't parents. The goodwill felt nice at first. But when the shock wore off, the sadness set in. Most people, I think, assumed that the adoption was an about-face from our childfree decisionthat this was me finally stepping into my role as a mother.

This wasn't how I felt, so I did what writers do. I wrote a book to make sense of my storyand to help other women rewrite the scripts of motherhood, too.

Our girls are now teenagers. They are beautiful, defiant, exhausting. On days where parental resentment creeps in, we remind ourselves that this is what we signed-up for. We had a choice. And I want the same for my girls. I want them to know motherhood is better discerned than destined.

Erin S. Lane is the author of Someone Other Than a Mother, which is available to order now. She is on Twitter at @heyerinlane

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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'I'm a Mother of Three, But I Never Wanted Children' - Newsweek

Tubal ligation searches online have soared since Roe v. Wade was overturned. But getting one isn't necessarily easy. (Illustration: Getty Images)

L.A.-resident Ilana (who asked that her last name be withheld), never wanted kids, "even thinking back to when I was a kid," the 29-year-old, who recently had a tubal ligation, tells Yahoo Life.

She shares that she values her career "very much, and I know for a fact I can't do both." But more than that, Ilana says, "I also just....don't want to be pregnant. When I tell people this, sometimes they get confused or uncomfortable because I'm a woman in my late 20s and they just assume that's the next step for me. I would much prefer having a childfree household and my dog. I'm happy this way."

Ilana had a tubal ligation, aka female sterilization, procedure earlier this month a permanent and highly-effective form of birth control in which the fallopian tubes are cut, tied or blocked, according to the Mayo Clinic, or in some cases removed entirely (called a salpingectomy). Ilana is far from alone. Many women across the country are either looking into or are getting tubal ligation to prevent pregnancy, in the wake of Roe v. Wade being overturned.

Female sterilization is already the most common contraceptive method used, with 18.6% of women aged 15 to 49 relying on it to prevent pregnancy, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. However, since the Supreme Court ruling, the number of women searching for information on tubal ligation has exponentially soared.

Christa Philippeaux, 31, wants to have a tubal ligation, saying that "motherhood is absolutely not for me." (Photo courtesy of Christa Philippeaux)

Ilana shares that Roe being overturned was "absolutely" a factor in moving forward with getting an appointment for the procedure. "The leaked documents are what triggered me to make a consultation," she says. "I've been thinking about this procedure for a few years but kept putting it off. I thought my health care options as a woman were pretty open in this day and age, but I'm quickly learning that things can change at any moment."

Like Ilana, 31-year-old Christa Philippeaux tells Yahoo Life that she never wanted to have kids. "It's just not something I desire," the L.A. resident says. "It's incredibly annoying when people used to tell me that I would magically change my mind as I got older or that I'll regret it when I'm old because I wouldn't have anyone to take care of me. I think that's an awful reason to have children for the sole fact that I could end up lonely. I've even been called selfish but honestly, nothing is more selfish than having children for the pure fact of not being lonely when I'm elderly."

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She adds: "Motherhood is absolutely not for me."

Since Roe was overturned, Philippeaux says that she's become "fearful" of an unintended pregnancy. "I was always a little worried that one day I would become pregnant but always knew I would immediately get an abortion," she shares. Despite living in California where abortion care is legal, Philippeaux says, "Now that it's forbidden for a lot of women, I'm afraid that one day it would become my reality. I would grow so depressed if I were forced into motherhood."

Getting a doctor to agree to perform a tubal ligation, however, can be challenging for some. There are countless stories online of women sharing that they were rebuffed by their physicians after asking for the procedure many of them hearing similar refrains from doctors: "What if you change your mind and decide you want children?" and "What if you meet someone who wants kids?"

TikToker Olivia Downs, who is 22 and lives in Mass., went viral after she posted on her TikTok in June that her doctor denied her request to get her tubes tied. In the video, she shared, "I never want children." Downs said her doctor told her the procedure is permanent and that she might "meet Mr. Right" and change her mind.

Philippeaux has struggled to get a tubal ligation as well. She says she spoke with three different doctors over the years about having the procedure, but still hasn't found a provider willing to do it. "I simply do not want to jump through hoops to get my tubes tied," she says. "They're my tubes! I shouldn't have to beg for it! I'm angry about it because it is absolutely ridiculous."

While Philippeaux admits she should "push" for a tubal ligation again, she says, "I'm just so tired of rejection." She shares that her husband doesn't want to have kids either, but says he is "super against me having a tubal ligation because it's 'a big procedure,'" adding: "But if I could get it tomorrow I would!"

One Twitter user, a mom who lives in Seattle, recently shared that she was also refused a tubal ligation because of her age and was told by the doctor, "What if my husband wants more kids?"

Along with a woman's age, marital status and whether or not she's had children already, some doctors point to the fact that sterilization is permanent when dismissing patients. But that's exactly why those women are choosing it. "Fewer than 1 in 100 women get pregnant within one year of having this type of surgery," Dr. Nicolle Mitchell, an ob-gyn with Keck Medicine of USC, tells Yahoo Life. "Medical literature is also revealing that removing fallopian tubes may help reduce a patient's risk of ovarian cancer, as ovarian cancer cells stem from the ends of the fallopian tubes. So this procedure is offered with prophylactic benefit as well."

But why do some doctors push back in the first place? "In many areas of the country and world, there is a history of coerced or forced sterilizations performed on women," says Mitchell. "Thus, much effort has been made to help prevent patients undergoing unwanted sterilization."

Another reason is that "other providers cite studies where patients under 30 years old have higher regret later in life after sterilization," notes Mitchell.

Dr. Jessica Kiley, chief of general obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern Medicine, previously told Yahoo Life that it's possible female sterilization may be less effective if performed at younger ages. "Since the likelihood of failure continues over time we call this the 'cumulative' failure rate younger individuals have a higher likelihood of failure in their lifetimes," she said.

Tubal ligation, while safe, also carries more risks than vasectomy. "Vasectomy can be performed in an outpatient setting versus tubal sterilization that usually requires general anesthesia in an operating room," explains Mitchell, who notes that tubal sterilization is typically covered by insurance. "Blood loss, recovery and overall risks are less with vasectomy when compared to tubal sterilization. Important to note, vasectomy requires two to four months of birth control until semen is completely free from sperm; tubal sterilization is immediately effective."

However, adds Mitchell, "sterilization should be a decision made between a patient and provider, free of bias and judgment."

For Philippeaux, being dismissed by multiple doctors and feeling like she has to "fight" to get a tubal ligation is frustrating. "Women shouldn't have to beg to do anything with their bodies," she says. "It's ludicrous! They don't want us to have abortions, well then make this procedure more accessible." She adds: "Parenthood simply is not the best option for some people."

Ilana agrees, saying: "I think women and other groups who have uteruses and can bear children absolutely deserve this access whenever they want it and wherever they want it. Nobody knows what you want more than you, and it's an incredibly personal decision. Denying access to this kind of care is abuse, to put it bluntly. We deserve choices about what happens to us."

After having her tubal ligation, Ilana shares that she feels "amazing." While the recovery is "a bit uncomfortable," she says thats countered by a sense of "comfort and huge relief in the fact that I will never become pregnant 100% worth the temporary discomfort."

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Women say they 'shouldn't have to beg' for a tubal ligation: 'Motherhood is absolutely not for me' - Yahoo Life

The Left's reaction to the Dobbs decision, handed down last month, exceeded expectations. Some loudly claimed religion was invading the public square, while others declared that "women will die" as a result of the high court's opinion. The Nation even published an article titled "With Dobbs, Women Are No Longer Full Citizens. We Must Fight Back." The hysteria hasn't waned. And with midterm elections on the horizon, it will only get worse.

It is a decadent American society that is horrified at the thought of voters using the democratic process to restrict and ban access to a procedure that kills an unborn life. And make no mistake: that's exactly what abortion is. It's not just a routine medical procedure, which is what much of the public seems to believe thanks to nearly five decades of Roe, Casey, and a predatory and celebrated abortion industry. Abortion has been completely normalized in our culture and, as a result, is seen as a necessary good in too many people's eyes.

A recent study by Michigan State University is an extension of the post-Dobbs fearmongering. In it, researchers found that "over one in five Michigan adults do not want children." This is not exactly surprising given the fertility rate in the United States, which has been steadily declining for years. Last November, a Pew Research Center survey indicated an increase in the number of U.S. adults who remain uninterested in having children for a variety of reasons. But the Michigan State University release went further, stating, "Following the U.S. Supreme Court's overturning of Roe v. Wade, a large number of Americans are now at risk of being forced to have children despite not wanting them. If further precedents are overturned and birth control becomes harder to access, many young women who have decided to be childfree may also have difficulty avoiding pregnancy."

The language from Michigan State University and abortion proponents treats pregnancy as a virus that can be caught. Clearly, the opposite is true. Whether an individual is for or against abortion, there is no mystery about how pregnancy occurs. Sex brings with it both physical and emotional consequences. Conceiving a child is possible whether a couple wants to or not. Claiming that any number of people "are now at risk of being forced to have children" is to discard personal responsibility from the equation entirely. And that is both harmful and severely misguided.

But framing pregnancy as something that is forced on women and couples is the entire goal of the abortion industry. Take agency away from supposedly "helpless" adults, and the real perpetrator is the innocent child in the womb who dares to exist. It is the unborn child who is unwelcome and disposable, so long as the mother's "bodily autonomy" and convenience is at stake.

Whether it's a product of academia or the legacy media, this narrative is no less foolish or appalling. It is a deliberate distortion of motherhood and the female nature to pretend like women do not have a responsibility to their children inside and outside the womb. And it is a denial of human nature itself to pretend that capable and rational adults can shirk the consequences of their actions at no cost to themselves.

It doesn't really matter whether a couple wants to remain child-free or not. What matters is what couples do when faced with a new, growing human life for which they are responsible. As the pro-life movement has preached for years, abortion is morally wrong because life is a human right. In the wake of the Dobbs decision, that message is needed as much, and maybe more so than ever before.

Decades of lies from Planned Parenthood and elsewhere have created a callousness within our culture, one that justifies abortion and the destruction of a human being so long as the child is unwanted or unexpected. Dobbs and the reactions to it have exposed this cruelty for what it is: a blatant disregard for life and sexual responsibility.

Kimberly Ross (@SouthernKeeks) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner's Beltway Confidential blog and a columnist at Arc Digital.

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Disregard for human life and sexual responsibility is at the core of the pro-abortion movement - Washington Examiner

When my grandfather passed away more than three years ago, I offered to write his obituary. I'd written two: First came the doting one, the version that I knew local newspapers would publish without issue. And then I wrote the honest one the version of his life that I knew editors would refuse to run, regardless of how much money I offered them.

My grandfather was a good, honest and hardworking man. That much is true. But he was also the victim of a brutish marriage, the details of which still make me shudder and my heart ache. The challenges he experienced didn't stop at a toxic marriage; several of his children emotionally abused him, and in the hours before his scheduled cremation, one of them drove clear across the country to clean out his bank accounts upon learning of his death.

Even though I knew no one would run it, I attempted to post my grandfather's "honest" obituary to several local newspapers. In it, I'd described the narcissistic trauma he'd endured until his death at 84 years old. When editors refused, I shared the obit with several close friends instead.

The mental health issues plaguing my family are intergenerational, and the trauma continues to affect every generation born into it. My family members had historically shamed and punished those who dared to speak out about the dysfunction.

My reasons for wanting to write and share the raw version of my loved one's obituary stemmed from my growing disgust for the secrets that narrated my family tree. Narcissistic abuse is defined by MedCircle as "the emotional, physical, sexual, or financial forms of abuse that a narcissist inflicts on others," including gaslighting, manipulation, emotional blackmail, a lack of empathy and a long list of other traumatizing behaviors. This was our family's dirty little secret, and with conversations about narcissism and narcissistic trauma gaining traction in the media and public imagination, I was tired of my family's generations-long investment in silence and appearances.

The mantel had grown too heavy, and the gig was up. I'd had enough, in more ways than I'd been aware of at the time.

Children born into narcissistic families know how hard it can be to share stories like these. The truth is, the mental health issues plaguing my family are intergenerational, and the trauma continues to affect every generation born into it (I'm currently in therapy trying to wade through the sludge). My family members had historically shamed and punished those who dared to speak out about the dysfunction. Afterall, I was "just" the granddaughter, and stillmaddeninglyconsidered a child. Who was I to have an opinion? Despite being nearly 40 years old, with my own life and desires, I'd been villainized by a key family member for daring to share an unpalatable perspective of my grandfather's death, but most of all, daring to defy my family's expectations for obedient silence.

As a result of ObituaryGate, I found myself having to establish boundaries with this same family member, whom I'll call Adrian. Adrian was unhappy about my decision to air our family's laundry to my trusted inner-circle; I reminded Adrian that she was not the only family member with wants and needs that matteredthat I mattered just as much as she did, that I had a need to share, and that I was no longer a child. I'd reminded Adrian that she was responsible for managing her own feelings, particularly in reference to her lifelong pattern of chronically manipulating other family members into doing what she wanted. I'd told Adrian that I loved her, but would no longer submit myself to her outsized rage and random outbursts (ObituaryGate merely being the latest example to top a lifetime's worth of unchecked anger). My own mental health was on the line.

My request that Adrian receive professional help for her longstanding need to control other adults was met with crickets. More than three years later, Adrian's silence a well-established weapon of war in my family continues.

Thanks to my family's legacy of turning on each other and eating their young, I'd never had a stable model for how to raise emotionally healthy children. And so, I wondered: would having children of my own curse them to repeat the same traumatic cycle that I went through?

During that time, I'd had to make difficult decisions about my own future. Chief among these was whether to start a family. For the first time in my life, I was in a position to do so at least in terms of logistics. My spouse and I were finally living under the same roof after we'd spent the first five years of our relationship separated by three states and two time zones. We had his loving family nearby, a logistical luxury I had not experienced in over ten years. We were financially stable, another characteristic that was relatively new to me.

But, thanks to my family's legacy of turning on each other and eating their young, I'd never had a stable model for how to raise emotionally healthy children. And so, I wondered: would having children of my own curse them to repeat the same traumatic cycle that I went through?

There was no way to know for sure. But in the end, I decided that the probability was just too high both for myself and for any potential offspring. When you come from a dysfunctional family, it's hard to feel like you're capable of breaking that cycle. I couldn't bear the thought of another child being born into the web of narcissistic abuse that I'd spent my entire life trying to extricate from.

The stigma of having grown up this way was also the elephant in the room that helped me make my decision. For those of us from narcissistic families, the thought of the word "family" itself can bring up negative feelings. I do not often talk about growing up because the details of my day-to-day life as a child are nearly impossible to articulate to those who haven't been through something similar.

This is especially true because, on the surface, I had all of my physical needs met as a child. Us children had clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. We did well in school and our parents, to whatever extent possible, encouraged and paid for extracurriculars. Ours was a childhood where there were also good very good times. The toxicity was hard to see.

Those of us who try to explain these disparate experiences that of having one's physical needs met while consistent emotional nourishment and efforts to instill healthy attachment were near nonexistent are typically met with skeptical comments, like "How is that possible when you've obviously turned out fine?"

It turns out that the insidiousness of narcissistic trauma is just really hard to explain.

For that reason, I understand the inclination toward disbelief. We all know, intellectually, that there are a lot of unhealthy families out there. But to encounter someone who says they came up in such a construct requires us to come face to face with inconvenient truths about the world. It demands that we reconsider everything we believe about families and what they're supposed to represent to be to their members. These uncomfortable truths require us to consider that there is much we don't know about what goes on behind the scenes of any family, let alone those with unpalatable backstories. Perhaps these hard truths even force us to come face to face with who we are, and our own contributions to the family unit.

In my case, the narcissistic abuse that defined (and continues to define) my family is intergenerational also a complicated construct to explain. But some of the trauma in my family, for instance, comes from knock-down drag-out fights over issues large and small; financial abuse; emotional manipulation; and above all a breathtaking lack of empathy for others' feelings and experiences. This was the norm for my family's dynamics long before I was born; hence, dysfunction was normalized and passed down by older generations like an heirloom.

In this way, I'd been the unwitting recipient of an unfortunate inheritance. Many of these same family members are still alive, willfully clueless as to the pain that their descendants carry with them to school, to work, to their friends' houses, and to their therapists' offices. The pain is like carrying around another limb it becomes intrinsic to a person. And I didn't want to extend this to another child.

I'd seen firsthand how this flavor of family dysfunctional and resulting pain secures a vice-like grip around each and every family member born into the fold. To my mind, the only way to truly end the cycle is to stop reproducing into it.

Even recognizing the patterns of dysfunction that are so baked in, so entrenched into a family's DNA, is hard and for some, impossible (which is often how such cycles continue). It had taken me more than 30 years to come to grips with my family's sickness. As I'd said, life on the surface was so pristine that there almost wasn't room for other interpretations not even my own.

What really goesbehind the scenes of a narcissistic household? While I can only speak for myself, my own experiences are captured within the professional discourse about what such environments often look like.

A narcissistic household often looks like children being relied upon to anticipate their parents' (or other adults') emotional needs. As journalist Julie Hall, author of "The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free," writes in an explainer for Psychology Today: "anarcissisticfamily is one in which the needs of the parents are the focus and the children are expected in various ways to meet those needs."

Having lived in this environment, I saw firsthand how this dynamic does not change, even as children grow older and become adults with their own lives to live. As Hall points out, "As in other kinds of dysfunctional families, there is abuse and correspondingdenialof the abuse. There is also secrecy, neglect, unrealistic expectations, an impoverishment ofempathy, disrespect for boundaries, and ongoing conflict."

I've spent the entirety of my adult life contending with the lasting effects of growing up in this sort oftoxic family system. Looking back, I do believe that the ultimate deciding factor against having children was my diagnosis of PTSD. My therapist had noted just how much I continued to struggle as a result of my childhood experiences.

As it happened, I'd just read Kristen Brownell's piece in The Guardianat around the same time as my diagnosis. She wrote about the potential togeneticallypass on addiction genes. The author had refused to have children for this reason. Around this same time, I'd come across researchers who were looking at how trauma might also be passed down throughgenes. While the jury is out and more research needs to be done (scientists admit that the field is moving slowly in this regard), it remains possible that a person'sgenescould have expressionsof their parents', grandparents' and great-grandparents' trauma. Much like scientists are beginning to understand howaddiction has the potential to express itselfgenetically, a2019 studyidentified a clear biological basis for post-traumatic stress disorder.

Sometimes I convince myself that I am equipped to consider motherhood. But the fact remains that I'm terrified of raising and screwing up children due to my lifelong struggles with emotional instability and post-traumaticstress. How could I begin to believe that my own children would somehow be spared the legacy that I've spent my life contending with? For these reasons,I feel that I am playing it safe by opting out of parenthood.

One day as I was writing this piece, I was curious as to what feelings come to mind when most people think of family. So, I did a search for "adjectives for family." Common ones included adoring; affectionate; boisterous; brotherly; close-knit; cohesive; competitive; devoted; bonded; dutiful.

There's nothing wrong with people who can say that they come from families like this. But for many, these descriptors are not reality. The fact is, parents can do serious emotional harm to children. It's a gift that our culture is opening up to this reality, and that there are acclaimed mental health experts likeDr. Ramani Durvasula and Lindsey Gibson dismantling the taboo.

I applaud those parents who have found a way to overcome such legacies with their children. But my own legacy as a cycle-breaker relies on remaining childfree.

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I grew up in a narcissistic family. I'm not having kids because I want the cycle to end - Salon

Family matters are always difficult. Where the destinies and desires of at least two people are intertwined, some problem can arise at any time. And when there are three of these people, and one of them is a child, it becomes even more difficult.

In fact, any position is worthy of respect both childfree and those who can not imagine a family without kids. But, unfortunately, life sometimes presents such plot twists when a person faces a choice and this is incredibly hard.

For example, the sister of the author of this post in the AITA Reddit community faced such a problem. The post gained over 7.1K upvotes and almost 3K different comments. The Original Poster wanted to know if she did the right thing in an argument with her sister and this is how everything happened.

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Image source: Virginia State Parks (not the actual photo)

The OPs sister is 30 years old and she has been married for several years. She and her husband love each other, both have good jobs, live in a nice house and travel a lot. Right before the wedding, both decided that they would be childfree, and did not change this rule. But life, as it often happens, has made its own adjustments

Image source: Pomelo_764

About a year ago, it turned out that the husband has a son. By the way, the man himself had no idea about this either. It turned out that about six years earlier, one of his casual acquaintances had become pregnant, but decided not to tell him about the child. The woman raised her son herself; however, unfortunately, she passed away, and her mother had health problems so she couldnt take custody.

Image source: Pomelo_764

As a result, the boy went to live with his father and his wife. The OP admits that the child is just amazing, and everyone in their family loves him. However, about a month ago, like a bolt from the blue, the OPs sister announced that she was going to file for divorce.

Image source: Pomelo_764

It turned out that a year as a stepmother was a real torment for the woman. She didnt feel ready for this, not for not being able to watch adult shows anytime now, not for helping her stepson with his homework. According to the womans own words, she still loves her husband, but does not want to live like this anymore.

Everyone was shocked the husband, relatives and, of course, the kid. Moreover, the woman, upon leaving, also took her dog, which the boy loved very much. The OP herself admits that she has her own children, so she felt very sorry for the boy. As a result, during one family meeting, the OP could not help but talk to her sister.

Image source: Doug Clow (not the actual photo)

According to the OP, she said that her sister was making a mistake, and she could still try to improve relations in her family. Unfortunately, as she admits, the sister took it as criticism, and has since refused to communicate with her. Relatives basically took the OPs side, and their mother was extremely upset both from the current situation and from the quarrel between her daughters.

We also must say that the vast majority of people in the comments supported the OPs sister, claiming that the woman had no right to interfere in someone elses life at all. If the OPs sister has previously made a decision for herself to remain childfree, then her decision must be respected. Period.

Many commenters noted that the wife made a very difficult decision for herself after all, she, in fact, sacrificed her love for the well-being of the boy. Actually, it is far from certain that he will grow up well next to a person who doesnt want to be a stepmother at all. And that, perhaps, the father will be able to find a woman in the future who will just want to become a good stepmother for his son.

A very ambiguous story, isnt it? Therefore, we would like to know your opinion on this matter. Any comments, as always, would be welcome.

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Woman Divorces Her Husband Because He Suddenly Has A Child, Gets Called The Jerk - Bored Panda

My boyfriend (27) and I (24) have been in a relationship for about seven and a half years now. He has always been rather ambivalent about children, I wanted them in the beginning. Over the years, due to chronic health stuff and just general broader life experiences, I have become absolutely child free and potentially even developed tokophobia (pregnancy scares a few years ago gave me panic attacks and severe anxiety until it was clear I wasn't pregnant).

The emotions aside, I rationally know that I couldn't handle children. I have chronic migraines and actually had a flare up when visiting my newborn nephew in May. He was very whiny (growth spurt) and it felt like dying being around him. I am someone who needs time for herself with peace and quiet and kids make that impossible for many, many years.

With the length of our relationship and us discussing marriage openly, family members asking about kids was inevitable. We are open about not wanting any but the comments are annoying af. When I told my in-laws about visiting my nephew, my wonderful granny-in-law just asked once about if it really didn't change my mind but my MIL was completely baffled how I could talk about him being cute (he is) and how happy I am to be an aunt (I am!) but still have no desire for my own. I held him but it felt super foreign. And I felt pity for my sister because she was basically falling asleep while talking to us. It just reinforced my conviction that I'm made to be a spoiling aunt, not a mother.

Coming to the point of this wall of text: Both my boyfriend and I have decided that we want to get sterilized. We both want the security that there is the least possible chance of pregnancy. Yes, I could just let him do it but I need the inner peace of my own infertility. We have discussed it at length and have decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about it until it's 100% done and we are recovered. I was planning on getting an endo diagnosis anyway so I'd have a cover for my surgery and the recovery time afterwards. It did get me thinking though, are we the assholes for hiding such a major life decision? At least in my case, I'd have to lie for some time too. We just want some peace during the process.

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