Category Archives: Childfree

Evelyn thought it was the perfect time to talk to her husband about their dream of having kids. But when his lies came to light, she stormed off after an unexpected secret was revealed.

Evelyn couldn't believe it had been three years already. She sat at an exquisitely decorated table in a dimly lit corner of an empty dining hall. The lights of the chandelier were reflected on her gorgeous shimmery dress, and the soft jazz playing in the background only added to the romance of the evening.

"Happy anniversary, sweetheart," Oliver held Evelyn's hands and whispered for the seventh time that evening.

"Happy anniversary, baby. Who knew that the boy I once fought in the middle of the road would become my life partner?"

Oliver smiled at the memory and said, "But do you finally admit that it was your fault for driving without your turn signals on that day?"

"Never!" Evelyn laughed, and Oliver joined in.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

"But seriously, we've come a long way. We fell head over heels in love; we broke up a million times and got back together again. We managed to convince and win back our parents, who weren't happy about the marriage."

"Oh, that was a really long battle. And then, our big move from Bowling Green to Boston..." Evelyn recalled.

When they lived in Ohio, Evelyn was a successful project manager at an international company. She loved every part of her job, especially leading a team of dynamic workers. From the youngest to the oldest, everyone on the team loved working with the ambitious and creative Evelyn.

"When you start your own company, give me a call. I'll quit anything else I'm doing and join you," many of Evelyn's team members often said.

Evelyn went on to finally receive the promotion she had been waiting for for years. At the same time, Oliver got his most significant career break.

"You are lucky for me," Oliver had told her. "We got married, and within weeks, I got the best career opportunity I could ever dream of!" Evelyn was thrilled for her husband - until she learned the job was in a new city.

Evelyn had a choice to make. She could either insist on staying in Ohio and pursuing the career of her dreams. Or she could support her husband's dream, even if that meant uprooting her life from the place she called home since she was little.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

The dilemma in Evelyn's heart had ended with one question she asked Oliver.

"Do you see ushaving a baby in this new place?" Evelyn blushed but her heart was pounding as she waited for the answer. "Baby, if I take up this job, I see us raising a beautiful family and providing every comfort we wish for," replied Oliver.

That was all she needed to hear. The part about raising a family stuck with Evelyn.

While many people who worked with her thought she was a career-driven woman, only those close to Evelyn knew that she loved children and wanted one of her own.

And so, leaving behind everyone and everything that she knew, a teary-eyed Evelyn chose to look forward - to the day when she and Oliver would have a child.

But the big job had taken over Oliver's life since they moved. He wanted to get into the firm's top management and worked 12 to 14-hour shifts most weekdays. Initially, Oliver reserved the weekends for quality time with Evelyn. But as months passed and the novelty of a new marriage wore off, Oliver also began to work on those days.

Evelyn was thrilled about Oliver's rapid success - she wouldn't have had it any other way. But sometimes, when she spotted a woman like her, dressed like a boss, walking with a sense of confidence and purpose along the street, she felt a pinch of disappointment.

She would have loved to find a job in the new city, but then she would barely see her husband anymore.

Three years passed by. During that time, Evelyn had brought up the topic of having a baby on several occasions. But unfortunately for Oliver, there was always a bigger challenge to overcome, or a closer goal to achieve.

But they had everything they could hope for: a beautiful house of their own, a car, and enough savings to care for the needs of a baby.

"Today," said Evelyn as looked into her husband's eyes, her mind returning to the present, "It feels like all of it was worth it."

"I have a little something for you to make it a bit more worth it," Oliver said, holding a tiny square box in his hands under the table. He was saving it until after dinner.

He knew she would love the delicate diamond earrings he had chosen.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

What he didn't know was that Evelyn was hiding a box of her own.

"Oliver, the love of my life, I'm so proud of you. You've worked incredibly hard, forgotten many dates, and missed so much sleep in the last three years. All so that we can comfortably raise a family."

"That's what I thought. But can you imagine us living this life with a baby in it?" the look on Oliver's face shocked Evelyn. She couldn't tell if it was her husband talking or the four drinks he had gulped down earlier in the evening.

"Well, obviously not in this busy lifestyle. We'd happily move things around for a baby, though"

"Exactly. Not in this busy lifestyle. And think about yourself, too. You must be worried sick of not having a career anymore. We still have that to focus on."

"I don't need us to 'focus' on my career." Evelyn was irritated by Oliver's patronizing comment. "I made a conscious choice to quit back then, and I can get started again the day I choose to. But there's a good reason why I haven't done that yet, and you know it."

Oliver didn't even raise his head as he pretended to stare at his phone.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

"I didn't force you to make any choice, did I, Evelyn?" he muttered.

"So that's it? You don't want to have a baby?"

"I've never wanted a baby. I've always subscribed to being child-free. Do you understand what it takes out of you to be a parent? You'll forget to eat, sleep, and struggle to remember who you are. And you can forget about reviving your career. Even pregnancy will take a toll on you and your body, making you so fragile, it'll be like you're sick..."

"Well, in that case, guess what. I AM sick!"

Evelyn's words echoed in the room and were met with a few seconds of speechlessness.

"Are you saying that"

"Yes! I'm pregnant. I thought I would surprise you, but I didn't know you had been lying to me, leading me on for all these years. Sorry about that. I thought after everything we've worked for, everything we turned our lives around for, this would finally be a gift," Evelyn blurted, opening the box. It was the pregnancy test she took that morning, showing two red lines.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

"Well, to me, this is still a gift. And it's not one I'm willing to return!"

While Oliver sat motionless in shock, Evelyn burst into tears and stormed away from the man she didn't recognize anymore.

Months passed, and Evelyn and Oliver's love that had been so carefully built over the past years started to crumble because of the prolonged silence.

Evelyn didn't notice that Oliver was always parked in front of the hospital where she got her pregnancy scans and tests.

Oliver didn't remember that Evelyn's anger was just one honest conversation away from diffusing.

One Sunday afternoon, and nine months after that fateful dinner, Oliver was in the hospital's parking lot, pacing back and forth, hoping his wife was okay.

Inside, Evelyn was getting ready to bring her long-awaited child into the world.

Oliver spent the whole day trying to talk to Evelyn's family, but nobody would engage him.

For the eleventh time that day, Oliver went up to the floor where Evelyn was. Only this time, the doctor greeted him with a smile.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl." Oliver waited outside Evelyn's room, bracing himself to be told never to come back again.

Instead, Evelyn signaled her family to let him in.

"Come, see your baby girl."

Nothing prepared Oliver for the beauty that was about to fill his eyes. At that moment, when he looked at his baby's angelic face, tiny fingers, and toes, he felt something break within him.

Every feeling of resistance, every fear, every shred of doubt suddenly evaporated into thin air.

"This is...my daughter. She's the most divine thing in this universe," he slowly said as he gave words to his feelings with tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Evelyn, baby. I'm so sorry for the way I reacted all those months ago. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about it, about you, and everything I became blind to. I have wanted to run to you and ask for your forgiveness. I never knew how much I wanted to raise a baby with you until this moment, right here. Can you...forgive me?"

Looking at the man who had kindness in his eyes and a voice that was heavy with emotion, Evelyn knew that her old Oliver was back.

For illustration purposes only. | Source: Getty Images

"Of course I forgive you!" Evelyn tried to nod as she leaned toward her husband to comfort him. He met her halfway and they shared a tender embrace. Watching their daughter move ever so gently in her sleep, the new parents knew their lives had changed forever.

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If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who knew his wife was infertile. He was shocked to hear her call a teenage girl her daughter.

This piece is inspired by stories from the everyday lives of our readers and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone's life. If you would like to share your story, please send it to info@amomama.com.

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Woman Gives Up Career to Have Kids, On 3rd Wedding Anniversary Turns Out Her Husband Is Childfree Story of the Day - AmoMama

A woman has been backed for kicking her brother's girlfriend and child out of her house during Sunday dinner.

A now-viral Reddit post detailing what happened and shared to the subreddit "Am I the A**hole?" has received more than 5,700 upvotes since being posted on September 26.

The 31-year-old woman, posting as u/DinnerDisasters, states she has a "great relationship" with her family and they enjoy dinner together most Sundays.

On September 25, it was the original poster's turn to host at her home. She cooked a roast chicken with all of the trimmings for her parents, her mom's best friend, husband, and her 27-year-old brother.

But an hour ahead of arriving, her brother texted to say his 32-year-old girlfriend and her nine-year-old daughter would be coming too.

She explains: "It wasn't a huge deal but a little more notice would have been appreciated. His girlfriend and her kid are 'vegetarian.' I set two more places at the table and figured with all of the sides there was enough they could eat.

"I'll be honest, we don't really care for his girlfriend but my family has a rule you don't mess with other people's relationships, my brother is an adult. Becky just seems very opportunistic and her kid is very weird."

"They've been together eight months and have broken up twice and after six, she asked if she could move into his place because it's in a better school district than her apartment."

The original poster says that dinner "hit the fan" from the moment they sat down as Becky's daughter asked where her imaginary friend "April" could sit.

She says: "She starts shrieking that April needs to eat and having a tantrum. My mom tried to calm things down suggesting she share her place and seat which she refuses, demanding a chair and plate. Her mom tells me to just set a spot. My dining room table has eight chairs all in use."

The kid got louder and began "tossing" herself to the ground.

"I get flustered and tell her to please get her to stop. Becky then goes on the attack calling me rude and heartless for not giving in to her kid. She also says that she knows I 'hate' kids and that's why we don't have any. We are childfree but I like my friends' kids, not brats."

The argument then escalated as Becky called u/DinnerDisasters "rude" for not offering a vegetarian-friendly main and putting bacon in the Brussel sprouts.

"I snapped back I didn't know they were coming and I wasn't the one who invited her. So she's screaming at me in my home, the kid is flailing on the ground crying and I had enough. I told her if she couldn't respect me in my home then she should leave. She screams at my brother to get up they're leaving and he informs her he is staying."

The original poster describes everyone as "shocked" including her brother.

"She's now slamming me and my family on social media and accusing us of trying to break them up," says u/DinnerDisasters.

PairedLife, an online magazine with relationship advice, has revealed what you should do if your family dislikes your partner.

Reddit users have flocked to the post, with the top comment receiving over 9,300 upvotes. It says: "Not the a**hole. And good on your brother for his wise decision. I'm glad he's not enabling her. Be a good listener for him because I suspect his relationship is over and he'll need someone."

Another writes: "I know the rule in your family is to not interfere in relationships, but few rules are absolute or have no exceptions. I think it's time to sit down with your brother and talk to him about his relationship.

"Do your best not to come off as being against her, but as being concerned for him. Every problem with her, you need to make it about him. Stuff you don't like personally about her, never bring up. Maybe just offer to listen and then offer advice but don't give it if he refuses it."

"Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see what's really going on. Sometimes it takes a real public incident that can't be sanely denied, like this, to make people open to talking about things. Just be sure to be there for your brother and make sure he knows that's why you are there."

Newsweek reached out to u/DinnerDisasters for comment. We could not verify the details of the story.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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Woman Kicking Out Brother's Girlfriend and Kid for Lack of 'Respect' Backed - Newsweek

With an increasingly growing number of people opting out of childbearing, heated debates around the childfree lifestyle have bounced back into the headlines of late. One side still finds it hard to wrap their heads around this matter, and the other greets it with a round of applause. And while many young adults consciously turn down the prospect of parenthood by choice, others feel like having children in todays world is almost impossible.

Well, with the political turmoil, the looming cost-of-living crisis, hardly affordable housing, and accelerating inflation, its easy to see why. And a recent post on the popular AntiWork community illustrates this perfectly. Redditor Substantial_Rush_675, a 32-year-old man, reached out to fellow members and asked them if anyone else feels terrified about having kids in todays economy.

After he listed his main concerns and fears, ranging from financial to personal ones, people jumped at the chance to share their opinions and stories from their own experiences. Scroll down to read the story in full, as well as the reactions from the community. Then be sure to decide where you land on the topic, and share your thoughts with us in the comments!

Image credits:Damir Kopezhanov (not the actual photo)

Image credits:Marisa Howenstine (not the actual photo)

Image credits:Substantial_Rush_675

Redditor Substantial_Rush_675 told Bored Panda that the inspiration for this AntiWork post came after he noticed many of his family and friends discussing the idea of having children in the present economic climate. I have noticed that antinatalism has been on the rise in the U.S. as a whole, and I wanted to see if there was any correlation between the future outlook of the economy, work culture, and having families. These are fears of mine, and I hoped to see if others agreed as well, the user added.

From the deluge of comments the post has received on the platform, its clear that many people did. I was honestly shocked that it reached this point I did not expect such a huge turnout. I think the fact that it blew up to this level proves to me that people are aligned with the same ideology about work culture and children, Substantial_Rush_675 told us.

Many commenters agreed that having kids is expensive, the economy is uncertain, and the future is scary and completely unpredictable. People expressed their concerns and provided a fair share of reasons driving these thoughts: Inflation and savings were a big thing for people commenting in the post (healthcare costs, daycare costs, etc.) and the future of the planet as far as climate change is concerned. These were the main reasons for people to postpone or all-out walk away from having children.

Unfortunately, children are a luxury many simply cannot afford. If reading this leaves you feeling petrified of raising a little human in this turbulent world, youre definitely not the only one. Theres an abundance of research proving that younger generations have fewer kids than ever. The World Economic Forum stated that fertility rates have steadily decreased worldwide for the last 70 years, with a total 50% decline.

Some of the most noteworthy reasons people have fewer children include womens empowerment, particularly in education and the workforce, lower child mortality rates, and the increased cost of raising children.

The challenge of bringing children into this world magnifies when it comes to financial stability, which is all the more difficult to achieve. According to Pew Research Center, 44% of Americans think it will take them three years or more to get back to where they were before the pandemic, and one in 10 non-retired respondents say their finances may never recover. Coupled with soaring inflation, shattered home ownership dreams, and political and social unrest, its easy to feel discouraged.

I think society as a whole, particularly in the U.S, have become fed up with the way work culture has been, the Redditor continued. What I noticed was that many people agreed that children would tie them down to a job or company and it would be harder to leave if the healthcare benefits are locked in or the boss is not a decent person, among many reasons.

The freedom to walk away from a job today is huge! And the pandemic plays a huge role in that too, in my opinion. It showed us that plenty of jobs can be done from home, and that life shouldnt just be about work, the user added.

As an astonishing number of people share the Redditors concerns, its important to create safe spaces where people can debate over matters they find important. The internet is a great tool to discuss concerns and issues in our lives, and it is interesting to note the similarities we share in those issues as well.

If anything, this post blowing up to the point it did is enough for us to see where our thought process is going with having children, and what that could mean for the future of our country and the world as well. It is concerning, and should be taken to heart when we aim to change our work culture to make it more accessible for future parents!

Its tough out there and getting tougher. But we have the power to change these things in our work culture! I believe that the future generation will play a vital role in this, or at least I hope, Substantial_Rush_675 concluded.

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Guy Reveals He's Afraid To Have Kids In Today's Economy, People Chime In With Personal Stories - Bored Panda

Disclaimer: This is not to provoke the parents who are doing an excellent job at raising healthy children. Having children or going childfree is entirely a couples personal decision.

Different couples have different reasons to be childfree. Nowadays, the concept of Double Income No Kids (DINKS) is on the rise. Whatever the reason to not have kids, being childfree by choice is working well for many, including celebrity couples. There are many childless celebrities who have been very clear about why they opted out of parenthood. Oprah Winfrey and her long-standing partner never had plans to raise a child of their own. Likewise, Jennifer Aniston too clearly stated that she is not in pursuit of motherhood and that she doesnt like the unwanted pressure put on women to procreate.

To get more clarity on the matter and understand the advantages of being childfree better, we spoke to psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. He spoke to us about the benefits of not having kids and the reasons that several couples choose to go childfree.

The torture of baby indecision often cripples couples. This indecision strikes not just with the first child but with the possibility of the birth of every subsequent child. It strikes the ones who want to be parents as well as the ones who dont. A glance through a community blog posting at a pregnancy and parenthood website shows how common, varied, yet universal this indecisiveness is when it comes to having a baby. Following are a few such quotes from real but anonymous posters on the blog:

Do you see how normal and common it is to be filled with dilemmas such as, Having a child was a mistake,, I wish I could have another one but will I be able to cope with that stress?, and I love kids but they are so expensive. It is equally normal to decide not to have a child and still often wonder, Will I regret not having children? The answer to which is, Maybe you will. But is that reason enough to have a child? What if you regret having a child? Wouldnt that be terrible?

Parental Indecision Therapy is a real thing and if you too feel crippled by this indecision, you could consider consulting an experienced counselor. Should you need it, experienced and skilled counselors on Bonobologys panel can help you deal with this indecisiveness by getting to its root. Meanwhile, read ahead to look at some awesome benefits of not having kids.

Related Reading: What Is It Like For A Married Couple Not To Have Kids?

Dr. Bhonsle says, Having a child depends on the couples professional, personal, and social goals as individuals as well as a team. It depends on the kind of lifestyle you want to build for yourself and your partner. For the older generations, having a child was the ultimate shared project that would help them reconcile their personality differences and cultures. Times have changed now.

Earlier, being childfree meant being childless, where a couple could not have children, though they wanted to. But conservative values often dont let us recognize this shift and the idea stays controversial. From prioritizing your career to wanting to travel the world and having limited financial resources, there can be different reasons not to have kids. If a couple remains childfree by choice,it doesnt mean that life is dull or directionless for them. Couples that opt out of parenthood value their partnership and other aspects of life more than raising kids. Thats all.

So, dont let your snarky neighbor or nosy relatives make you feel guilty about a choice that makes you happy. There are several benefits of not having a kid and the family life is not for everyone. We list here the top 15 reasons or advantages of being childfree:

Based on Consumer Expenditure Survey, the USDA issued a report in 2015, Cost of Raising A Child, according to which the cost of raising a child up to the age of 17 is $233,610 (this amount does not include tuition fees). Add to it college fund, future wedding expenses, other entertainment, and miscellaneous expenditure, you will always be worried about educational loans, lifestyle expenses, and securing your childs future.

Dr. Bhonsle explains, If a couple is not financially settled or is struggling professionally, then having a child might not be a good idea. Some couples prefer a free and easy life where they dont have to deal with the hassles of school admissions, babysitters, extracurriculars, and more all of which are additional expenses. Couples who do not want to complicate things further by spending that kind of money on a new member may choose to be childfree by choice.

Dr. Bhonsle says, While there are countries that pay their citizens to have children, we cannot deny the fact that environmental concerns and climate change are valid reasons to not have kids. If a couple believes that one of the many causes of problems in the world is its population, then you may want to do your duty and not have a child.

Climate change is not a hypothesis anymore.Glaciers are melting. Heatwaves and floods are an everyday occurrence. Not to forget, the recurring viral pandemics! There could be more on its way for the younger generations to suffer through. Arent these warnings enough? Arent these legitimate reasons not to have kids? Your desire to give the family life a chance, may make you more selfish than you think you are. Give the childfree family a chance instead. Do your bit for the planet, considering human kids leave a big carbon footprint.

World hunger is at its peak. The population is on the rise. While population explosion is a real issue, a precipitating factor to most problems in our world, you, as a childfree person, can rest assured that you are not contributing to this chaos. A casual browse through Childfree Reddit subsidiary threads will reveal that this is one of the most common reasons to not have kids cited by people who are childfree by choice.

Adoption is one way to address the urge for parenthood without adding to the population problem. If you have been struggling with the Will I regret not having children dilemma, but suffer from incessant guilt, adoption could be your answer. The joys of parenthood shouldnt diminish with the lack of biological children.

Related Reading: 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby

Statistics on childfree couples by the Open University in England claimed that couples without children were happier in their relationships as compared to those with children. Another study claimed that the number of childbirths in the United States has been on the decline consistently over the past few decades.

Again a glance through the childfree subreddit, r/childfree, shows how people claim to be happier with more freedom of choice, disposable income, and fewer things to worry about that come with the choice of not having children. An anonymous Reddit user says, The older (50+) childfree couples I know seem way happier compared to parents the same age. Pretty sure it has a lot to do with less stress in general and more disposable income.

Dr. Bhonsle says, If a couple is required to travel due to the nature of their work or they are just passionate about trekking and backpacking, then having a child may not be the kind of anchoring they need. They probably just want to be footloose, free, and easy, and wander the world.

One of the benefits of not having kids is that you can always be on the go without having to worry about making arrangements for the little one. Travel for two only! If someone makes you feel otherwise, politely ask them to mind their own business. Moreover, without the added expense of raising a child, you have more resources to make impromptu plans. Thats amazing, isnt it?

The packing list is endless when youre traveling with a child. Even a simple visit to a friends place can be preceded by an hour of prep and packing. You have to make sure to not forget even the smallest of things or everything goes for a toss. But, without a child, you can just lock your homeand leave!

Dr. Bhonsle adds, If a couple would much rather want to be around friends, go backpacking, attend music festivals, and just trance their way through their youth instead of changing diapers, worrying about school admissions, and attending parent-teacher meetings, then they might not want to bring a new life into this world. Later, if they feel like theyre ready, they might go for surrogacy or adoption instead of giving birth to a child. The experience of parenthood is not limited to having biological children, after all.

Certain stats on childfree couples reveal that there are health benefits of not having kids. A study shows each pregnancy and childbirth accelerated cellular aging in women by two years. Another study, spanning 116 years, by the American Journal of Human Biology, found that those without a child lived longer than those who chose to have a child. The study also claimed that women who dont have children do well in terms of education and income factors linked to improved overall health and well-being.

Child rearing is one of the most obvious causes of sleep deprivation in adults, with links to mental health issues and accelerated aging. But consider this: No diaper change at 2:30 every night for two years straight. No pushing your partner to clean up the bed sheet because little Ricky had an accident. No worrying about feeding the baby every couple of hours. You can even fall asleep on the couch while binge-watching your favorite series. The benefits of good sleep for long-term health are no secret.

Related Reading: Domestic Partnership vs Marriage: Difference & Benefits

The sharp edges of the tables contrast the winding stairs in your house and you love it. It might not be safe for kids but you like the feel and the vibe of your house and dont want to change anything about it. You dont want to worry about your kid falling down. The Santangelo Altar bowl can be put at the dining table with no fear of a kid breaking it.

You can redecorate your home any way you please. Your curtains will be paint-free, your walls too. No spilled milk, no toys lying around. You can choose to have nice things in the house without thinking about having to baby-proof the place.

Your instincts are right, just not apt for handling a baby. Without any distractions, you will be able to focus on your work, especially if you are working from home. If, for you, a holistic work-life balance is more important, then taking care of a baby 247 may not fit in well into the kind of life you envisage for yourself. And that is a reason as legitimate as any to be childfree by choice. Your instincts shine through when totally channeled into handling a work crisis rather than keeping an eye on your child in the crib.

Sometimes, couples have babies in order to fix a marriage. Couples who drive each other nuts, almost always feel the obligation to stay together for the sake of dependent children. But that is hardly ethical or effective. Its a silly, unrealistic expectation that you set for yourself and your partner. Having a child to fix an unhappy marriage is not just wrong but also a risky solution.

You dont need an innocent baby thrown in the mix, especially when you and your partner are not on the same page. Its ideal to communicate and resolve conflict in a marriage rather than placing the burden of your marital issues on an innocent child who has neither the capacity nor the obligation to deal with them. Without a kid in the picture, you and your partner can rest assured you are together because you have truly developed a strong relationship.

A. Children are not a reliable old-age plan. B. Children should not be treated as an old age plan. If people tell you that you need children because they will take care of you when youre old, ask them, do you really want your child to give up their life and career to take care of you? Is that why you gave birth to them? Wouldnt you want your child to lead a happy life?

Besides, a lot of people with kids have faced the need to turn to assisted living facilities despite having children. Jenni, who doesnt have any childfree regret, says, I would have never wanted to impose myself on my children. I have my partner and my forever group of friends who will get old with me. They are my family, this is my family life. And I happily intend to be childfree by choice.

Related Reading: 5 Ways Our Married Life Changed After A Baby

There are plenty of reasons not to have kids and avoiding bringing a baby into this sad world is one of them. Look at the increase in crime, hatred, and polarization in todays world. With children, you will spend half of your sleeping hours thinking if they have reached home safely or not. Being harassed online or cyber-bullying is another worry most parents have to deal with today. When you dont have a child, you can eliminate this constant stress and anxiety about their well-being from your life .

Anyone with children knows that they can suck the living lights out of you. They can drive you up the wall and make you want to tear your hair out. They yell, they cry, they demand constant attention. They need constant care and support, and need you to be together and sorted even if youre bubbling with frustration. They are a LOT of work, and without them, it would be a lot easier for you to find peace and quiet.

This is definitely one of the best advantages of being childfree. No crying baby to ruin your orgasm. Parents, when was the last time you had a sexy time, uninterrupted? I mean, imagine you and your partner making love and your child walks in! Awkward, right? One of the reasons to not have kids is because they could potentially hinder your married life by not allowing you to enjoy intimacy.

Remember, with children comes big responsibility. If its not your cup of tea, accept it, and capitalize on the many benefits of not having kids and focus on finding your true calling in life. There are plenty of people in this world who think having a child was a mistake but would never admit it.

This is not to judge the choices of people who want children and are in love with the prospect of being parents. But that should be the sole reason to procreate wanting to have kids knowing that youre going to be amazing, non-judgmental parents who continue to unlearn their own biases. Any other reason be it societal pressure, ticking biological clock, or your grandmother asking for a great-grandchild to spoil is just not good enough and should not matter.

Several studies have claimed that childfree couples are happier in their relationships. They tend to have more fulfilling marriages and feel more valued by their partner. Having said that, theres no rulebook for happiness. Having a child or not is a personal choice. If parenthood makes you happy and feel more satisfied, then go ahead.

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15 Awesome Reasons To Be Childfree By Choice - Bonobology.com

The Queen finally croaked so we have one less mouth to feed on a planet that cant support us anymore. We have a long way to go. Dont fear! There is a woman with a solution to the madness but she cannot do it alone.

Dr. Verena Brunschweiger was kind enough to talk to me about her new book a few months back and for no good reason, Im just writing about it now. Since that time the topic has only gotten more relevant. Her book is called: Do Childfree People Have Better Sex?

Few if any have been as brave as Verena in openly advocating for a child-free life, not just as a sacrifice, but as a practical, pleasurable decision. Calling for such a life is a sacrifice but actually following through on it not so much.

Verena herself has faced rape threats and harassment for being one of the most public anti-natalists. Shes a teacher who they dont want teaching. That wont stop her from educating the public and fighting for her right to teach in person as well. The threats to her life for choosing a life without children proves that the pro-life movement isnt pro-life, just anti-woman and anti-freedom.

The drive for endless growth of the economy and population is the real death drive of our society. Violence at the point of reproduction itself is essential for societys endless supposed progress.

Anti-natalism, as Verena points out, is a victimless crime but is more subversive than anything else we do, or dont do. The question of freedom exists not only for us but for those we bring into the world against their will. We obviously care about womens freedom to make decisions about their health. Even in the fascist USA such a basic idea is enough to resuscitate the fossil known as the Democratic Party.

However, the freedom to not have children is deeper than that. How much freedom will any of us have when there arent enough basic resources to go around? Im not a cynic here. Heroic war correspondent Chris Hedges describes what happens in countries where this is the case. He sees kindness that moves him deeply, more kindness than in the West. Kindness with stakes where people risk it all to help one another. But what is the basic relation of such a society? War over food and water. Plain and simple. Even Kamala Harris admitted that the new wars will be over water, not oil.

In such a society who is free? We can choose how to die or who to kill. Thats it. Not very free and not very human, if were arrogant enough to believe we are doing something different.

But Im losing the point here. What is the title of this book? Do Childfree People Have Better Sex? The point is to have better sex! If youre horny thats good. Dont let it guilt you into having kids unless we really havent progressed at all.

Lets get to it. What happens when we conform to childbearing? We become bored, busy and tired. Maybe we get our own little person to fuck up with our garbage ideas but thats not a lot of power is it? Life becomes more structured and we become less radical. Even sex becomes a routine. I wont spoil it but this is the funniest part of the book!

Unfortunately, we are going backward on this issue. Verena doesnt shy away from the modern right and how our conceptions of motherhood and fascism are linked through the state and corporations. One may be appalled to think that they are fascist for wanting to be a mother. But this isnt the point. The fact that they want you to be a mother is the creepy part. And it wont necessarily make you happy! Fulfilling social norms provide temporary relief but when you bring a person into the world this becomes a trap you cant escape and you may resent.

So examine what you really want. Think freely and critically. For that simple notion many try to cancel Verena! Wheres Matt Taibbi when you need him? Mar-A-Lago Matt is the same place where your future kids should be: missing in action!

Verena looks at all aspects of society: intellectual society, social society, production and exploitation in capitalist society. How has the propaganda that we need to keep growing and reproducing led us to neglect what we actually want to do? We may have to sell our labor to a capitalist who destroys the future of our earth to reproduce the food we need to live but when we clock out we dont need to sell our body to the ideas society tells us. Do you really want to have sex to please the strangers around you who want you to have kids? Or do you want your sex to be privately shared among the 2, 3, 20, or 30 people who are actually in the room doing it?

The same goes for the stuff we buy. Women dont need to change their bodies to please men Verena contends. This is why the powers that be dont want Verena teaching their kids. They sound like splendid parents!

This book is full of scientific studies, stories about teaching kids and insights into philosophy and ecology. Hear from the famous anti-natalist fighting cancellation and society marching towards death in the name of life.

Dont take it from me. Read the book yourself and find out how much people love to hate a truth-teller like Dr. Brunschweiger. The solution to our climate catastrophe wont be reducing your carbon footprint (you likely cant afford it). Nor will it be a world revolution (most of us wont have water soon even if we become socialist). The solution actually is much simpler. Stop having babies because the world is over. Period.

So buy this book and spread the good news! Trust me its a lot cheaper than having children. The world is ending. The least you could do is enjoy it. For your pleasure.

Read more from the original source:

Verena Brunschweigers Do Childfree People Have Better Sex? Is A Lot ...

This is how the retired NASA astronaut Nicole Stott chose to introduce herself on the Infinite Monkey Cage, a science-focussed podcast:

"Hi, everyone, I'm Nicole Stott, a retired NASA astronaut, though hopeful to fly in space again someday. An aquanaut, artist, now author, and most importantly, a mom."

Like, I get that it's vital to demonstrate that women can be astronauts and mothers and that being a mother shouldn't limit women in STEM, but excuse me if I rank being a friggin' astronaut higher than popping out some kids!

And obviously, the whole point of feminism is having the right to choose one's own path, be that a SAHM, childfree, or anything else, but to me, something feels a bit regressive about highlighting her motherhood above all else.

Do male astronauts highlight their fatherhood as their crowning achievement, above space flight?

I don't know, I'm just spit-balling, here, and I haven't worked out whether I have some internalised misogyny going on, or why exactly Stott's self-description irked me. I just had a very visceral reaction to "...and most importantly, a mom" coming from her in that setting.

What are your thoughts?

More:

r/childfree - "...and most importantly, a mom." -NASA astronaut ...

My daughter is severely disabled, to the point where she will never live a normal life. She cant walk or talk, has a feeding tube and a wheelchair, is legally blind (she can see lights/shapes/colors, but thats it) and has seizures from an unknown cause, and shes 6. Id say her mental development isnt much more than a few months/to a year old at most. If Id known that she would be born this way (she starting having seizures at 3 weeks old) I would have had an abortion the moment I found out I was pregnant. She was planned and wanted, and I regret her every day. Not that she isnt a beautiful person, shes got so much spunk and personality and shes got my attitude, but I dont think for a second that she deserves to live the life thats been laid out for her. I wish I could do more for her.

Kitteneater1996 , Ron Lach Report

To provide you with an alternative point of view, we contacted Talya Stone, a former public relations specialist turned blogger and the woman behind online journalsMotherhood: The Real Dealand40 Now What bold and authentic, Stone consistently tackles difficult subjects and, among other topics, has produced plenty of insightful texts on parenting.

"I think it's important to know that couples can make it through the hard times without kids first," Stone told Bored Panda. "So make sacrifices, endure some hard stuff, throw yourself in pressure cooker situations, take on responsibilities you would rather not. This is what all the hard stuff of parenting is about. Having a dog and having to pick up their poo, get up at silly hours to walk them even when you are shattered, and not being able to do a whole bunch of stuff because you decided to have a fur baby is good prep for having a real baby or child!"

"Also, spend time with people with babies and toddlers. Lots of it. You'll see what life on the frontline of being a parent is really like rather than the make-believe stuff in the movies," Stone added.

Some days it's hard not to regret it. I have a 6 year old with severe ADHD (brain trauma at birth), and an autistic 4 year old still in diapers. My wife is active military and I had to leave a very lucrative job to take care of them. I love them, but occasionally I have to chant that to remind myself that I do.

Veloreyn , Garon Piceli Report

That being said, Stone believes that everyone has doubts about being a parent. "You worry if you will be a good one, or know what you are doing," she said.

"Nobody knows what they are doing and there is no handbook! Doubts are totally normal. But you need to tune into yourself. What are your doubts really about? Are they just a story you've created around yourself and your capabilities, or something deeper? Also, if you have doubts because of perhaps stuff that you are carrying around from your past, now is a good time to work through all of that in therapy. And most importantly, be honest with yourself."

All you need is a special needs kid to think something along the lines of "I wouldn't want him to die or anything, but if I could go back to before he was conceived I'd do things differently."

meoka2368 , Athena Report

Contrary to what many expected, birth rates in the United Statesdropped during the COVID-19 pandemicamid the twin public health and economic crises, lending evidence to predictions from early on in the outbreak that economic uncertainty might trigger a baby bust.

This continued the downward trend in U.S. fertility rates, which were already at arecord lowbefore the pandemic began.

Because kids aren't the life completer we believe they are. Actually they take away from your quality of life daily. My kids are 13 and 11 and they STILL mess up my daily life. Worst of all is I love them so much I couldn't do without them even though they disturb my peace all the time. I do not reccomend having children. Maybe one but not necessary. We perpetuate the species needlessly.

Uniqueusername121 , Liza Summer Report

A 2021 Pew Research Center survey discovered that a rising share of U.S. adults who are not already parents say they are unlikely to ever have children, and their reasons range from just not wanting to have kids to concerns about climate change and the environment.

Some 44% of non-parents ages 18 to 49 say it is not too or not at all likely that they will have children someday, an increase of 7 percentage points from the 37% who said the same in a 2018 survey.

I feel like it has destroyed my marriage. Both of us have changed since our child was born and I'm afraid the people we've become are not as compatible as the people we used to be. We never talk to each other, we never do anything together, and the very, very infrequent sex is basically her attempt to maintain her ability to claim she makes an effort in our relationship. Any communication that happens between us is about logistics regarding our child. I understand there is a brief period after birth where everyone needs to adjust but it has been over 4 years now.

I love my child more than anyone else on Earth, same for my wife. But I miss having a companion in life. If I had known it would be like this, I don't think I would have made the same decisions.

LoveMyKidMissMyWife , Alex Green Report

However, parents and childfree people often view each other as enemies and get into heated arguments that can be easily avoided.

Talya Stone believes that both groups should have more empathy.

"Before I had children, I had no idea why someone wouldn't want a child. Then I had a child, had all my freedoms whipped from underneath me, and I got it," she said. "There are a lot of reasons people choose not to have children these days, and they should all be respected and never questioned."

"Likewise, childfree people need to respect someone's choice to want to become a parent. There should be no judgment from either side. The best strategy is to inwardly agree that you get it, but it's not for you... no rubbing anyone's faces in it!" she added.

Losing so much of yourself, your partner, and your freedom is what's worst in the beginning, but as my children get older, I'm realizing how fatherhood has revealed the worst parts of my character. Petty, angry, short-tempered, remote...I don't recognize the person I have become; I'm afraid I've been unequal to the task of parenthood, and in the process it turned me into less of a person.

eyesopenarmscrossed , Pixabay Report

When my kids were young, Columbine happened. I realized that I had brought kids into a terrible world. I regretted it for a long time. Then they had heartbreak from young love, and I regretted it again. I hated that me wanting kids of my own caused those kids to hurt in a way I couldn't protect them from. But they've grown up to be happy, healthy independent adults and I'm very proud of who they have become.

lcotemi , Ronny Sison Report

My life turned into a living hell when my oldest son was a teenager.He started using drugs at 14, he was arrested for breaking into cars at around the same age. Things continued to escalate and we had no control of him, we tried everything. He continued to use drugs, he sold drugs. The state of Florida has a law that the parents are responsible for the minor until the age of 18. He could not be emancipated because he was not financially independent and we couldn't afford to support him outside of our home. So we were forced to keep him in our home. It was 4 years of living hell, I had 2 breakdowns and our marriage was torn apart. He was a good kid until age 14, smart in school, and neither my husband nor I used drugs. There's no guarantee how your kid will turn out.

itsmejuli , Luis Fernando Aguilar Lopez Report

It fills me with fear and worry about their future. It's like having your heart outside of your body. I don't want to live but I have to for their sake, and I know there's so much out there I can't protect them from.

MarkHirsbrunner , Benjamin Manley Report

I can't say I "regret" having had kids, but I often think my life would be better had I not. Parenting is difficult under the best circumstances, but it's a roll of the dice. If you have a child with medical or developmental problems it is a tremendous drain. I feel like I've aged about 20 years in the last 5, like I'm just a ghost of my former self.

level 1 Noctudeit , Guillermo Velarde Report

I wasn't ready to stop being selfish. I'm only two years in so it's still the intense stage, but parenting so far has just been relentlessly exhausting. I feel like having a kid closed off a lot of possibilities for me, definitely [took out] any semblance of spontaneity in my life.

camelican , Marcus Aurelius Report

I love both my sons but if I could do it all again I wouldn't. I got pregnant young and did not know that I would pass my bipolar onto them. They both suffer from really bad depression. Trying to raise them when I was in and out of hospitals was hard and did them a disservice. Now they are grown and they rarely make time for me. Mother's Day and my birthday is a quick text or mention on Facebook. My youngest tells me I'm the only family member that accepts him when he has mental issues but that's the only time I ever hear from him. The oldest is even worse. I cry on a regular basis that I wish they would be closer to me. Long story short I did my best but it didn't matter.

tammage , Liza Summer Report

I love my children more than anything else in this world. Words can not describe the type of love I feel for them. But at the same time, I do regret having them. I regret being the person that I have become as a parent. I was always carefree and spur of the moment.. now I'm careful and if plans aren't set in stone, they likely won't happen.

I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile.

I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know they're pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and it's exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to "check out" of reality from time to time.

With all that being said, there is not a thing I wouldn't do for my children. They will always be my babies. They are amazing little creatures. My boys play travel baseball and I wouldn't trade long nights at the ball fields for anything. Watching them play is one of the greatest joys in my life. Still, I often find myself wondering what life would be like without them.

vixiecat , Vasily Nemchinov Report

I can pretty much echo everyone else's responses. It's even harder when you're a strong introvert. It's driven me into on again/off again depression. I've been on medication since our first one was born. The 2nd one was a stupid mistake (plan B also didn't work). I've since got a vasectomy, although I should've gotten one after the 1st was born. Stuck with an infant and a toddler now. I'm also a father who stays at home, so that comes with its own societal b******t. I've been shopping at Target with my kid by myself and gotten comments like "It's just weird seeing a dad doing the shopping." Go f**k yourself.

anon , Amina Filkins Report

I didn't realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I felt nothing. Honestly, I could have left them at the hospital and it wouldn't have bothered me. I usually have no desire to spend time with them at all. I love them and have a strong sense of duty I just don't enjoy them or want to do any of the things they do. However I spent their whole lives going out of my way to care for them in every way a good mother should. My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It is a bit like a retail job you don't like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can. I don't get to leave this job, though. The worst is how I'm demonized for it. I've done eveverything I can for them for 16 years including all the extra curriculars (kids baseball is agonizing to fake enjoy I swear) and it has never been easy. Shouldn't I get more credit than those moms who love nothing more than spending time with their kids? That doesn't sound hard to me. Nope..I fail because I want my own life.

Alien_Nicole , Natalie Report

Destroyed marriage via:

* Forget passionate love make (it becomes a chore) when kids start walking* The things you did together, you can no longer do, together, or very rarely* The things you enjoyed individually, can not be replicated either* Forget unwind time, personal space, etc...* Over years people change, and nothing accelerates change as having another depend being (or three).

That's for the marriage bit.

Then there's work/life balance which goes out the f*****g door. The stress at work, and the increasing stress of job market, you do not have the luxury of coming come to dissipate. What happens is that you come home after a nasty, stressful day, and the stress is COMPOUNDEDwith home/kids problems. Have that for years...

I love my kids, I'd STILL have them, but there are sacrifices people are not prepared for. I've seen marriages destroyed, homes destroyed, I've seen mental breakdowns, drugs usage, etc...

ethics , Andrew Nee Report

Although I've always loved being around kids (I was the guy playing with all the kids at any party) and they seemed to take to me, I knew I never wanted to have any of my own. Fortunately, my wife felt similarly... until she neared 40, and then went kind of crazy with this newfound unquenchable desire for motherhood. We had trouble getting pregnant at that age, and rounds of IVF ensued; following several, one was successful, after huge time, financial, and emotional costs. Our son came along, and was healthy and quite adorable. Major success story from the outside, right?

I was immediately plunged into a seemingly endless spiral of resentment and depression (the real kind, clinical, requiring seeing a psychiatrist and going on medication). I knew at a profound level that I Did Not Want This. It completely destroyed spontaneity and flexibility; everything needed planning, and our son like all very small children needed to be watched pretty much 24/7. All our friendships were put on hold, since getting out of the house even for planned things was difficult. Work and other obligations were missed whenever he got the sniffles. As he grew, things got better, somewhat. There were all manner of pointless activities that he didn't care much about (karate, swimming, 20 other things), constant trips to school, play date planning, things that, as far as I can tell, nearly every parent dislikes, and only few are vocally honest about.

The therapist told me that this was much more common than I'd guess, but there was a huge taboo about saying you simply hated being a parent. So, I googled "I hate being a parent" and, Lo: it was all over the place. People overcome by tedium and regret.

XpertThugGaming Report

My daughter was born mentally disabled. I alway tell myself it could be worse, that there are kids who just shake back and forth in wheelchairs... thing is she is happy now but has no concept of death and I can only imagine what it will be like when her mother and I are gone. She will be institutialized and abused probably.

Habanero10 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

It's like having a pet.

Except you have to feed, cloth, nurture, medicate, educate, enlighten, entertain, and always be there for them.

In short, it's a full time job that requires zero qualifications, the pay is potentially amazing and potencially horrible, and if you mess up badly enough you're going to jail.

grim698 , Aditya Romansa Report

I had kids because it was expected in the religion I was raised in. Now Im 31 with 4 kids ages 10, 9, 7, and 4. Left the religion but my 9 year old is disabled, completely nonverbal and in diapers. Will never be able to live independently. My youngest 2 have big speech delays. Honestly Im just exhausted. I didnt start dealing with my mental health issues until a few years ago and now Im in a better place but with the realization that I mentally probably shouldnt have had kids. Or at least not so many. On my bad days I really wish I wouldve left the church after marrying my husband but before having kids. Its just so hard. I cant ever let my guard down. Our house has multiple locks on every door, window, cabinet, fridge, you name it. My 9 year old has no concept of danger and will run off given any opportunity. One time the front door was left unlocked. I went pee and he had left the house and gone to the neighbors house. And theres no end in sight. This is my life now. Until I die. I will never ever let my kids see this side of me, they will always be loved and provided for. This is my s**t to deal with not theirs. Just a hard pill to swallow.

kissandsaygoodbi , Chris Curry Report

Definitely dont regret having mine, theyre awesome and they make my life wonderful.

That said, I sometimes feel guilty about the world I have brought them into, and wonder about whether having kids in general (bringing innocents into a world where they will definitely suffer) isnt immoral.

screaming__argonaut , Kinga Cichewicz Report

I don't regret it completely. But it is not the glowing contentment some would lead you to believe. I don't look forward to tucking her in night cause by then I'm beyond exhausted and have already read her her favorite book 20 x today. Shes 2 now and it's more like wrangling a monkey 24-7. Even the happiest monkey wranglers need a day off. Dont get me wrong: I love and respect her. But kids are not rational and reasonable.

I might feel better about it if our society recognized raising a child as worthwhile use of time. I choose to stay at home rather than let a daycare raise my child. I'm frequently asked when I'm going to "look for work". I know some of my friends look down on me because I'm putting family ahead of a slightly higher income. Some people think it's funny to joke with me how I don't have to "go to work" and how I enjoy "so much free time".

if you go out in public, expect someone to have a rude comment or sneer no matter what parenting style you use to solve a problem. Be prepared to hear that no matter what you do, you're not parenting right.

expect not to be promoted or hired if you're female with a pregnancy or young children. Maybe it's not legal but labor laws being what they are, employers don't care. Miss too many of work due to a sick child and you may end up unemployed.

We are a lot worse off financially than some would have you believe. And this is a planned healthy pregnancy and us having money in the bank first. I wish the stupid parenting blogs would stop saying kids aren't that expensive. Do you know that daycare costs more than state college tuition in many parts of the country?

So, having kids is great -- if you want to work 7 days a week, be short on sleep, not be appreciated, be BROKE, and have strangers making judgments.

funchy Report

As a parent, i feel the urgency to get drunk much more often.

anon Report

I think every parent regrets it at some point whether it's a flitting thought that is there and gone or a long conversation you have with yourself. Because it's f*****g hard work. I worked some shitty hard labor jobs when I was younger and none of them compare to being a parent, especially a full-time parent.

When you're up late cleaning puke out of the carpets for the fifth time in an hour; when you're running on 8 hours of sleep over the last three days and you feel like you just took acid to help with a hangover; when they're screaming bloody murder because you said they can't eat that cactus; when they purposely test the limits of your patience; when they're rude or ungrateful little shits despite living a life a thousand times better than you did.

It's as natural as the love you feel when they smile at you or laugh at something you did or cuddle up to you or do something for the first time and give you that feeling of "I did it, my human is humaning!"

You are a God to this tiny little person but you are also their Slave. It's easy to lose sight of yourself and/or your partner when you have this responsibility on your shoulders and it's easy to blame the kid for it.

Especially if you have kids too young. I was 26 when my son was born, and I had a lot of fun in those years of child-free adulthood. A lot of f*****g fun. And literally every person I know who had a kid before 21 has turned out to be a shitty parent, because they never get to experience being an adult.

Anyway, I got too high while writing this and forgot my point.

anon Report

This entire thread should be taught in high school sex ed. Most people don't realize what having a child is actually like. It is hard. It will change your life and relationships. It is not bad, people just need to have a more realistic understanding of what's involved. I had son that was born when I was 18, he is now 11. I was a kid, I did not do well with parenting and correctly sacrificing to work with his mother. We lasted about a year after he was born. I still get to hang out with him every-other weekend and talk to him on the phone when I can. I am 30 now and have a 7 mo with a woman I love. I was prepared this time. I learned everything I could about the birth process and newborns. I continue to learn every day. It is just amazing. Don't get me wrong, my wife and I are tired all the time, we don't have sex as often, or see our friends often enough but I was prepared for that. Life is a wonderful f****d up journey, educate yourself the best you can and do the best you can with the rest.

deltalimajuliet Report

Late to the party but hey ho.

I was a mother of three. The things that are often mentioned about lack of sleep, autonomy, money etc. are all valid. And they last much, much longer than you expect and they can drive you to near suicide at times. Especially when the second comes along and you're still not getting nearly enough sleep but now you have two on completely different schedules. But they do end, eventually.

But, and this is a big but, my biggest regret is my youngest, because she died at age 6. She had a brain tumour which made her blind and adversely affected her behaviour and she consumed my time and energy completely. Her loss nearly destroyed our family. I would not know the pain that I still feel if she had not been born, and I would not experience the guilt of feeling that things, on a practical level anyway, are now easier without her.

rollouttheredcarpet Report

I regret it because I'm miserable. Absolutely miserable. I feel like I got pressured into it by my wife. She wouldn't take no for an answer. Well we got f****d on the first pregnancy and had twins. Had only been married a year ish. After that my marriage went way past the s**tter and just got worse. After a while it got better and then she wanted another kid. I still didn't want the first two but I gave in. Now we have three. I'm even more miserable. I feel stuck and I can't please everyone. I work a s**t ton so my wife has them most of the time. Whenever I discipline them she screams at me because I'm not doing it her way. I'm constantly belittled by her and always told I'm doing something wrong. I actually hate my life. I've contemplated offing myself a few times but would feel bad for doing that to my kids. NOT my wife, my kids. I wake up every day hating myself, my life, and every f*****g choice I've ever made. If I could go back in time I would beat the s**t out of myself with a crowbar for even contemplating getting married. Literally would do anything to start over and be single for ever. I'm only 25 but I never would have thought I would hate life this much when I was 18.

cheetosnfritos , Nicola Barts Report

Three words: Pervasive developmental delay...

Those three words call my entire existence into question. I basically brought someone into this world to have a sh**ty time.

anon , mentatdgt Report

I love my son, but I'm just not cut out for the single mom life. I had kind of a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago and now my family is finally helping out with him. Before that it was 10 months with him, by myself, for 24 hours a day. I begged my family for help. Got nothing. So I lost it and tried to off myself. I just barely lived, and now they help with my son.

I hate myself for all this. I just hate myself so much.

baconnmeggs Report

I dont regret it per se, however I was pregnant with my first child when I was 19 (36 now) so Ive lived my entire adult life being a parent. Ive missed out on a lot and theyve missed out on a lot with me not being ready and wise enough to be a good parent. Its very exhausting and tiring. I used to spend a lot of time regretting having children, but I feel like Im on the home stretch now. Almost. Having said all of this, I adore my kids with my all my heart and I have a super special relationship with my youngest. All in all I say parenting is like an elevator. It has its ups and downs.

whatthetaco , Whicdhemein One Report

Visit link:

50 Parents Get Raw And Honest About What They Regret About Having Kids - Bored Panda

Jub Job / Getty Images/iStockphoto

Its long been a rule of thumb that you should have $1 million saved for retirement, but most Americans today dont think you actually need that much. A recent GOBankingRates survey found that the majority of Americans (38%) believe that you need $500,000 or less to retire. Thirty percent believe you can retire with between $500,000 and $1 million, and just 14% believe you need between $1 million and $5 million to fund a comfortable retirement.

Retirement at Any Age: Get Top Retirement Tips for Every Stage of LifeImportant: 7 Surprisingly Easy Ways To Reach Your Retirement Goals

So, is the majority right? GOBankingRates spoke to experts to find out if its actually possible to retire with $500,000 or less in savings.

Many financial experts caution against choosing your goal retirement amount based on any general rules of thumb. Instead, they recommend calculating your goal based on your own individual circumstances.

How much you need to retire is a math equation based upon your expenses, the age you retire at, how long you will live and investing assumptions, said Jay Zigmont, Ph.D., CFP, founder of Childfree Wealth. Each person has their own number and what they are willing to give up in retirement (or not).

To calculate how much you will need, you will need to figure out how much it would cost to maintain the standard of living you want, plus your withdrawal rate.

It is generally accepted in financial planning that for a secure retirement, you want to be able to withdraw from the capital gains or income from your portfolio without running down the principal, in order to be able to live on your pot in perpetuity, said Ben Waterman, co-founder and COO at Strabo, a global portfolio tracker.

There are a number of factors that go into the standard of living portion of this equation, including where you live. In fact, Anessa Custovic, Ph.D., investment advisor representative at Cardinal Retirement Planning, believes where you retire is the most important factor.

In some states, you can maybe comfortably retire with $500,000, but in others, you need almost $2 million, she said. Think about how different the cost of living is between a state like Mississippi and a state like Hawaii. In general, southern states are less expensive to retire in and have a lower cost of living.

Zigmont said that it is possible to retire with $500,000 in savings but this will likely not be enough for most people.

It is possible to retire on $500,000 if your expenses are less than about $20,000 per year, he said. For most people, this means having no debt and being in a low cost of living area. It also depends on when you are retiring. If you are retiring at 70 when you get the most from Social Security and have $500,000, you will be in a much better place than retiring at 60 with no Social Security or Medicare.

Its also possible to retire on $500,000 or less if you have access to a pension.

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If you have a pension that meets the majority of your expenses on a monthly basis, you likely wont need to have built up a huge nest egg over the years, said Kyle Wetters, CFP, co-founder and managing partner at Tenet Wealth Partners. Someone that needs to only take 4% from their savings annually versus someone who needs to draw 10% will have a much better chance of their savings lasting them through retirement.

Considering that many Americans dont have access to a pension plan, Waterman said that most people will need at least $1 million to retire comfortably, assuming they plan to live off of $50,000 per year.

To be able to retire on $500,000 with a living wage of $50,000 per year, you would be drawing down at 10%, which is a fair amount higher than the expected return on capital in public markets, he said. Accounting for down years and projecting conservatively, one could assume a 5% safe withdrawal rate, given that the stock market has returned on average a few percentage points higher than this. Youd therefore need exactly double $500,000, or $1 million, to be able to safely draw down at 5% and live comfortably with some leeway.

Once you know how much you will realistically need in retirement, you may find that youre not where you should be in terms of retirement savings. Fortunately, there are ways to catch up. If you are 50 or older, you are able to make what are known as catch-up contributions to pad your retirement savings.

Individuals age 50 and over can potentially contribute $6,000 plus an additional $1,000 per year to a traditional or Roth IRA, Wetters said. Within 401(k) and 403(b) plans, these same individuals may have the ability to contribute $20,500 plus an additional $6,500 per year to catch up.

If you are younger, time is on your side.

Start investing as soon as possible to take advantage of compound interest, Custovic said.

On the other hand, if you are nearing retirement, you may consider ways to cut back on your expected living costs.

Consider downsizing or moving in retirement, Custovic said. If you own a home and can sell it, take some of that equity and use it towards retirement.

More From GOBankingRates

Methodology: GOBankingRates surveyed 997 Americans ages 18 and older from across the country between Aug. 9 and Aug. 11, 2022, asking 16 different questions: (1) How much money do you currently have saved for retirement?; (2) How much money do you think youll need to retire?; (3) Realistically, at what age do you want to be retired?; (4) At what age did you start saving for retirement?; (5) What worries you financially about retirement? (Select all that apply.); (6) Do you plan to work in retirement?; (7) What assets do you have in your retirement portfolio? (Select all that apply.); (8) How has the current inflation impacted your retirement plans?; (9) How much of your retirement do you plan to fund with Social Security?; (10) How do you feel about the future of Social Security when you retire?; (11) What percentage of your salary are you currently investing for retirement?; (12) Are you planning to move after your retirement?; (13) Where is your ideal place to retire?; (14) What government programs do you plan to use for your retirement? (Select all that apply.); (15) Do you have a pension plan?; and (16) How much do you think the average American has saved at the time they retire? GOBankingRates used PureSpectrums survey platform to conduct the poll.

Follow this link:

Nearly 40% of Americans Think $500K Is Enough To Retire -- Are They Wrong? - GOBankingRates

How to find a financial adviser if youre new to money management Getty Images/iStockphoto

Question: I definitely need a financial advisor. Im a beginner so I need someone who can take me by the hand and help me to understand what to do and why, in terms of budget and investments. What should be my first step? I really need some hand-holding. (Looking for a financial adviser too? You can use this tool to get matched with a financial adviser who might meet your needs.)

Answer: First up, kudos for recognizing that you need help with your finances. Were all beginners at one time and its great that youre asking for help, says certified financial planner Jay Zigmont, founder of Childfree Wealth. You say you definitely need a financial adviser and that may be true but whatever route you go in, you should also work on educating yourself about personal finance via books, websites, and more.

If you go the adviser route, Zigmont says it sounds like youll want an advice-only adviser, which means youre paying them for their time to help you learn, says Zigmont. Advice-only planners work either hourly or on a project basis and their rates can vary from $200 to $500 per hour or between $1,000 and $7,500 per plan. They wont manage assets for you, but instead help you to understand the many facets of your finances and where you should be focusing your efforts.

Danielle Miura, certified financial planner at Spark Financials, says its important to find an adviser who is willing to be your partner on your journey and understands your fears and values. Miura says, Any licensed financial adviser can give you advice about your budget and investments, but are they skilled enough to teach you?

Have an issue with your financial adviser or looking to hire a new one? Email picks@marketwatch.com.

A good first step in finding a planner is to think about the main things you want from an adviser. Understand what youre looking for and what you need. Do you need someone to teach you how to budget or just help you get set up with the right budgeting tool? Do you need an adviser to be a monthly accountability partner for your budget or can you stick to it on your own? By figuring out what you need and communicating that to the advisers you interview, itll better help you find an adviser thats going to offer the services you need as well as have a clearer expectation of what your adviser is going to do, says certified financial planner Kyle Hill of Hill-Top Financial Planning.

Looking for a financial adviser too? You can use this tool to get matched with a financial adviser who might meet your needs.

The good news is you have a lot of options. Start researching advisers and remember that you can work with someone remotely if youre comfortable doing that. A virtual relationship opens up many more possibilities and youre more likely to find somebody who is a perfect fit, says Justin Pritchard at Approach Financial. You can find fee-only advisers from directories at XY Planning Network, Garrett Planning Network and NAPFA.Its also wise to look at their regulatory and disciplinary background, adds Pritchard.

One of the most important things you can do during the adviser interview process is ask questions (this guide will help you understand what to ask). Dont be afraid to ask questions and say I dont understand. If they wont take the time to help you understand something or say its too complicated, then you need to find someone else. Find an adviser that has the heart of a teacher. Your job isnt to become an expert, but knowledgeable enough that you understand why youre doing what youre doing, says Hill.

Finally, have some conversations and speak with several advisers before making any decisions. Ask for details about their fees, services, what to expect and anything else on your mind youll learn a lot during that process, says Pritchard.

Looking for a financial adviser too? You can use this tool to get matched with a financial adviser who might meet your needs.

And adviser or not, you should immediately start saving money out of every paycheck if you can. Start with 1% of your income, direct deposited into a savings account with each paycheck, says certified financial planner Ken Robinson of Practical Financial Planning. After you get used to that, try increasing it by 1% and repeat until youre saving as much as you can with a goal of working toward saving 12% to 15% of your gross income, says Robinson.

Have an issue with your financial adviser or looking to hire a new one? Email picks@marketwatch.com.

The Advicer questions are edited for brevity and clarity.

The advice, recommendations or rankings expressed in this article are those of MarketWatch Picks, and have not been reviewed or endorsed by our commercial partners.

Excerpt from:

I really need some hand holding. I'm a beginner and need help with budgeting and investing. Whats my first step? - MarketWatch

Updates to the Childfree Friendly Doctors List are live again!

We welcome /u/torienne who has joined us as a wiki editor

For our members using the Reddit mobile app: we recommend accessing the lists via a web browser either on desktop or mobile.

Disclaimer: this list is not a replacement for a consultation with a medical professional trained in gynecology/urology nor is it a diagnostic tool. As this list is dynamic and frequently being updated, we encourage our members to exercise diligence when arranging a consultation with a doctor on this list. Should you have a positive experience and wish to add your doctor to the list, we encourage advising your doctor before messaging the moderator team. More information about sterilisation can be found here.

Our original list is FULL! As such, we have split the list up into sublists to faciliate ongoing updates and additions of new doctors. Please see below for our new lists:

United States - Alabama to Georgia

United States - Hawaii to New York

United States - North Carolina to Wyoming (including Puerto Rico)

International - for supportive doctors outside of the US

We are currently accepting new listings from doctors who have completed sterilisation (tubal ligation, bilateral salpingectomy, vasectomy) for CHILDFREE people. Our definition of childfree is, "childfree refers to those who do not have and do not ever want children (whether biological, adopted, step or otherwise)". In order to add your doctor or update an existing doctor's listing, please send the moderator team a message with the following information:

The doctor's name and a link to either a practice website or online listing. If this is not possible, then an address (in full, no abbreviations like CA or PA) and phone number is acceptable.

The procedure completed

Optional: your age, marital status, and childfree status

Optional: a short (max 100 word) statement on your experience. Some suggestions for things to include are information on wait times, insurance, cost, or whether you experienced any bingos, for example "you'll change your mind when you hit 30" or "you'll feel differently when you find the right guy/gal".

How do I add to the list?

Ideally, if you have a Reddit account, send the mod team a message via this link. One of us will send an acknowledgement reply/receipt. We recommend avoiding chat requests, PMs or comment replies, these will disappear into the void and your submission probably wont make it into the list. If you have received no communication from us within a week please send another message.

I'm a gynecologist/urologist/physician/other health care professional. Can I submit myself to this list?

To our health care providers: thank you for your willingness to help our members! We are welcoming health care professionals who are willing to provide permanent contraception procedures (examples including tubal ligation, bilateral salpingectomy, vasectomy) for CHILDFREE people that you deem medically and consent-wise fit for the procedure. If you would like to come on board, please message us via this link with the following:

Your name and primary practice location, whether this is a private practice or consulting rooms within a hospital. Potential patients may travel from interstate to seek your services and as such as much detail in this regard as you are willing/able to provide is appreciated.

Any insurances you accept or federal or state financial aid programs you are a part of.

If it is safe for you to advertise as such, whether you are LGBT+ friendly and/or offer gender affirming procedures.

Any age or marital status limitations that you have. Yes, our members do get refused because "what if you get married and your husband wants a baby?".

Wait, do you really want recommendations from health care professionals who aren't gynecologists/urologists?

Yes, we do accept recommendations from other health care and allied professionals who are supportive of the childfree choice. We have therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists on our list and this is particularly important in situations where specialists demand a psychiatric evaluation before sterilising a patient.

Why can't I add my doctor to the list myself?

Until the last 12 months the list was open to edit by anyone. As a result people would:

A) add doctors because they saw on their website that they sterilise people

B) add doctors that sterilised them after they had children. For example, recently we got a very confused message from a mum of two saying that her doctor had been removed in error and please reinstate him because he sterilised her.

C) adding childfree unfriendly doctors to try and dissuade members from getting sterilised.

D) add doctors who are childfree or childless regardless of whether they were supportive or not.

In response to this we closed the list to member edits. So if you send a message and dont see your doctor on the list right away, thats why. In addition, due to many people contributing to the list (which is great!) different states and countries have different formatting and different amounts of information. Right now we recommend clicking your state or country which will be towards the top of the page.

Why isnt my doctor on the list? I messaged months ago and no one replied.

There are some instances where peoples doctors dont get added to the list. The main overarching reason for this is because the submitter hasnt had the procedure yet. We try not to add doctors until theyve actually done the procedure because what can happen sometimes is other doctors, the hospital, or the insurance can kick up a fuss about the procedure and effectively convince the doctor not to do it. To save distress to people who seek sterilisation from doctors on the list, we ask members to wait until they are sterilised before asking for their doctor to be added to the list. The exceptions are in cases where a general practitioner has given a referral (at that point their job is done) or in countries where there are very few/no supportive doctors, where we'll leave a note saying the doctor is yet to be verified.

The other reason is due to a submission that doesnt have enough information to be useful to people accessing the list. It's really important to provide enough information for other people to find the doctor, especially if they're travelling from out of state and may not be familiar with local landmarks or nicknames. This could be a clinic address or phone number but the best is a link to a website or online directory listing if theyre with a hospital. Please do NOT send us your name/address/phone number, this is not necessary for your submission. We also don't need your in depth medical history or history of trauma to get your doctor on the list.

Your listings are outdated/inaccurate. How can I have a doctor removed from the list?

The best thing you can do in this case is get in touch! Our policy is to put a note on their submission saying a member has had a bad experience with some details. Then if there are subsequent bad experiences they will be removed. Exceptions to this are extreme/criminal cases of malpractice. For example, a doctor was immediately removed who is being investigated for IVF related malpractice. We use this tiered approach because different people have different thresholds of bad. Person A might think having to see a psychologist first is just par for the course, person B might be extremely distressed by this requirement. If someones retired or moved its great if you know it to send their updated details.

I don't want to be identified as a patient. What if I message you from a throwaway?

We ensure that there is no connection between your personal details/patient information and your entry on the list. Your username is not linked in any way to your submission or recommendation. We discourage messages from throwaway accounts as it is limits verifiability of your submission. If you choose to use a throwaway you will be sent follow up questions within 72 hours and your doctor will not be added unless you can answer them. Remember your throwaway password!

Alternative lists may be found below:

See the original post here:

doctors - childfree - reddit