Category Archives: Childfree

I was eight years old the first time someone disparaged me for not wanting children.

I was surrounded by my cabinmates at church camp, each of them excitedly describing the names, personalities, genders, and number of kids they dreamt of. I shrugged when it was my turn to talk. Kids werent really on my to-do list, I said. Thats when an adult male staffer chimed in.

You should be ashamed to say you dont want kids, he told me. Thats Gods biological purpose for a womans existence.

The room went silent. My cheeks flushed. I laughed uncomfortably. Youre probably right, I said, anxious to direct everyones attention away from me. Even then, though, some part of me wondered why a thirty-something-year-old man thought it was acceptable to express his views about a little girls future reproductive choices.

But his unsolicited opinion would be one of many more to come. My unwavering stance against having kids has been met again and again with varying levels of condescension, scandalized horror, and everything in between.

Imagine, then, my delight over a decade later upon recently stumbling across r/childfree, a subreddit dedicated to those who do not have and do not ever want children (whether biological, adopted, or otherwise).

After a quick skim, it seemed that r/childfree would rapidly become one of my favorite subreddits. I saw a post from an 85-year-old widow sharing how she lived a long, fulfilling, and childfree life. Another celebrated Jennifer Aniston for standing up for not wanting kids. One r/childfree member posted a victorious selfie after having her tubes removed, followed by many uplifting comments. There were a lot of jokes about having financial freedom, all harmless.

A deeper examination, however, uncovered an unsettling amount of vitriol toward parents and children alike, despite the subreddits rule against jokes/making fun of violence/harm towards kids. Some of the subreddits unique slang is especially dehumanizingmembers frequently call parents breeders (dads are also daddicts and moms are mombies), and kids are often referred to as crotch-goblins or fuck trophies, thus giving off the impression that some members of r/childfree are enraged by the mere existence of children.

While r/childfree moderators have even made sure to clarify the proper use of this slang in the subreddits FAQ, casual members seem to use it liberally, regardless of context. For example, the FAQ deliberately makes a distinction between entitled parents (breeders) and responsible parents (PNB, parents, not breeders).

However, r/childfree members seem to use the derogatory terms far more often than acronyms like PNB. While the subreddit is primarily a space for venting rather than for praise, the scathing language is still jarring.

SailorMercure, who has moderated r/childfree on and off since August of 2015, defended the subreddits widely used terms. They called the slang innocuous, pointing out that the language is not used in real life and is merely shorthand for terrible people.

Just like other rant-based subreddits call wrongdoers names, we call bad parents and ill-raised children names as well, SailorMercure told the Daily Dot. The same way a cashier wouldnt call a tyrannic customer an old bat to their face because it is rude and hurtful but would rant on r/TalesFromRetail, people dont call bad moms mombies to their face as well but they will do so on r/childfree.

Language aside, r/childfree members also frequently criticize low-income or mentally or physically ill people who choose to have children. These judgments on who should or shouldnt have children alarmingly resemble the ideas of eugenics, or selective breeding (and sterilization) of certain populations for a favored genetic composition.

After a bit of digging, I realized I wasnt the only one put off by this rhetoric.

One redditor even broached the controversy by posting in r/childfree itself; another sparked a site-wide debate on the contention surrounding the subreddit. While some debate participants argued the harmlessness of ranting about annoying parents and children, most emphasized the danger of negative attitudes toward families. Many redditors also linked some r/childfrees more aggressive posts and comments.

These problems have spurred active r/childfree members to distance themselves from the subreddit in the last five to six years. One such redditor, user borborborbor, had joined r/childfree after years of seeking medical sterilization, during which shed been dismissed and condescended to repeatedly.

It took years of doctors to get the tubal approved, borborborbor told the Daily Dot. I left a few visits so angry, so disappointed, that I would be quietly, uncontrollably crying as I walked homeThen, I stumbled on [r/childfree] when I was looking for like-minded people. In the early days of my involvement there, Id mostly just weigh in with support on peoples posts when they were in similar situations to me. Wed encourage each other.

Even though borborborbor initially found solace in r/childfree, the tone of the subreddit gradually transformed before her eyes.

Childfree was a place that felt more driven by women, at least at first, borborborbor said. But more and more, men were posting, hoisting up this flag of childfree as some sort of better-than-thou rally call. The comments on [these posts] quickly devolved into people flaunting how much better they were than their friends who had kids.

Another redditor, Jes, was an enthusiastic member of r/childfree until they realized theyd gotten swept up in the subreddits culture.

I think what pulled me in was the colorful stories of the poster having a horrid experience involving some mombie and her menagerie of unruly crotch goblins, Jes told the Daily Dot. I went from Huh, it does sound like it sucks to have kids to Goddammit, why are these children in Walmart existing near me? I admit I absorbed a lot of those ways of thinking and began to express those same attitudes.

Jes ended up abandoning r/childfree after being called out for such rhetoric, and says they have since grown to develop less aggressive views on parents and children.

There was a couple who were trying to raise money to adopt a kid, and I said some pretty asshole-ish and unfair things, Jes said. My thought being, Why the hell would you try to have kids if you cant afford it? Lets just say I was promptly schooled in why I was being a dick. It took a lot of wound licking before What did I do wrong? became Wow, I was an asshole.

Many r/childfree enthusiasts are aware of the criticism frequently leveled at the subreddit but defend their right to express their beliefs, pointing out the cathartic nature of ranting.

Im not going to pretend this sub doesnt have its share of assholes, active r/childfree member sleepykelvina told the Daily Dot. But I think a lot of people look at r/childfree and just see a lot of angry, frustrated people complaining about kids and parenthood and just stop there. What they dont realize is that this subreddit is a safe space to talk about all the cultural baggage that comes with being childfree. Youre getting this ultra-condensed dose of kvetching about kids because its one of the few places you can express those views.

Sleepykelvina also pointed out that while r/childfrees less palatable posts garner significant attention, members often genuinely help those who flock to their online community.

Weve had mothers with postpartum depression come to our subreddit, spilling their guts about how they cant bond with their babies, sleepykelvina said. We end up counseling people contemplating leaving their partners because the other person just assumed they would change their mind about kids. A lot of these people need to be in therapy, but you cant even count on getting a therapist who wont judge you for being childfree.

Many r/childfree members seem to identify as part of a marginalized group for facing such judgment. Its not that childfree women dont frequently deal with microaggressions ranging from pithy guilt trips (Dont you want to give your parents grandchildren?), to pressure from non-childfree partners, to the occasional difficulty with finding part-time work accommodations. A 2016 study found that most people still take moral offense at the childfree lifestyles infringement of social norms. I can attest that this enduring social stigma is demoralizing, tiring, and fundamentally hurtful.

However, the childfree community is not at a systemic disadvantage because of its chosen lifestyle. On the contrary, were actually spared the endless struggles of women who are pregnant or have had children.

Injustice toward non-childfree women is so pervasive, there are multiple terms for it: pregnancy discrimination and family responsibilities/caregiver discrimination. Furthermore, a recent study showed that the gender wage gap is less a result of gender discrimination and more of a penalty for having children. The study estimates that this child penalty accounts for 80% of the wage gap, costing mothers a large chunk of their livelihoods and lending a whole new meaning to the phrase mommy tax. Pregnant women experience more hostility, are offered less raises and promotions, and are more likely to be fired.

Things are even worse for non-white women. While women of color certainly face an inordinate amount of cultural and familial pressure to have children, theyve also been historically targeted by the U.S. governments many bouts of forced sterilizationmaking r/childfrees questionable discourse regarding who is fit to reproduce all the more distasteful. Black and Indigenous women especially suffered from these eugenics programs, making the act of giving birth a personally radical one for many Black and Brown women.

In the end, the misogyny childfree and non-childfree women experience isnt a contest; both sets of experiences are valid. For this reason, the existence of childfree platforms are not only justified but necessary.

Enter r/truechildfree, a more positive childfree community that, exists as an alternative to r/childfree and is filled with relevant informative links, advice threads, and wholesome conversations about living childfree. Several members migrated from r/childfree to this smaller community, finding that r/truechildfree is, as its moderator ClassyAnalViolator told the Daily Dot, a pleasant place that [doesnt] have name-calling or shaming or other hateful/hurtful things.

Unfortunately, r/truechildfree isnt quite as active as r/childfree, but other childfree communities do exist online. The Childfree Pubhosts everything from casual discussions to rants. NotMom.com offers several resources for childfree people in addition to a childfree discussion forum. Childfree, an open Facebook group, houses over 8,000 childfree people who share childfree stories, memes, and more. Most of these communities have links to even more childfree groups and sites, so theres no shortage of choices online.

However, if a bustling Reddit community is ultimately what you want, SailorMercure did point out that r/childfree gives redditors the option to opt out of all the rants and instead focus on the subreddits encouraging and educational content.

One click on the NO RANT or NO BRANT button, and everything that makes the sub an easy target for generalized disdain and contempt disappears, SailorMercure said. It becomes evident why the sub exists: to support, to comfort, to inform, and to share with like-minded people who are part of a social minority.

Despite its problems, the online childfree community is as diverse as it is largely beneficial, helping to remove the stigma against choosing not to have kids. After all, if more non-childfree folks were familiar with the movement, maybe I wouldnt have had to receive the first stamp on my childfree Bingo card at the tender age of eight.

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Reddit's Childfree Community Has a Parent-Shaming Problem - The Daily Dot

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For as long as anyone can remember, the Australian domestic dream has been depicted as a couple with 2.4 kids and a white picket fence. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, however, not only is one in four households already child-free in 2022, but its predicted that between next year and 2029, the number of couples living without children will overtake the number of couples who have kids.

Not to be confused with childlessness (childless by circumstance), the reasons couples are increasingly opting out of parenthood are varied. One study by Melbournes Deakin University found a lack of maternal instinct was common among respondents who didnt want children, yet a desire for independence and career opportunity, overpopulation and climate change pop up regularly in other surveys.

What does a life look like when you choose to remain childfree? Three couples share their journeys.

Trudie McConnochie, a 42-year-old freelance writer and editor, and her husband Matthew (surname withheld), a 42-year-old analyst, had their parenthood conversation soon after they met.

Trudie McConnochie says that for her and her husband Matthew, the benefits to living childfree have been immeasurable.

Matthew and I had the baby conversation on our third date. Maybe it was a little premature, but because we met when we were 36, I was aware that I couldnt be in a long-term relationship with a man who wanted something I knew wasnt for me. I also didnt want to take that away from someone who really wanted it. Fortunately, Matthew had already made the decision independently that fatherhood wasnt for him. I was thrilled to discover we were on the same page about what life for us could look like as a couple. We married 18 months ago.

Like most women of my generation, I spent my childhood and even my teen years assuming I would have children one day, because that was the societal expectation placed on us. It was only when I went to uni and became friends with someone older who said she wasnt going to have children that I realised I had a choice. Hearing her say that was such a revelation for me because until that point, I didnt realise you could opt out. That conversation got me thinking about what I wanted my future to look like, and the more I thought about it, the more I understood on a deep level that motherhood simply wasnt for me.

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The best way to articulate it is that it isnt a conscious decision; I certainly didnt make a list of pros and cons about finances, property or career projection. Its an intuitive call, a knowing.

When youre of childbearing age, there are plenty of people out there who feel entitled to interrogate you on what youre planning on doing with your reproductive organs and then make judgments based on your response. No matter how often I explained that my life choices werent a condemnation of their life choices, people seemed threatened by my less-than-conventional path. Theres also an idea that if you dont want to have children of your own and youre happily married, you mustnt like children very much. We love kids and adore our nieces, but just because we love spending time with them doesnt mean we want that for ourselves.

Im conscious of the fact that an increasing number of younger women are opting out of motherhood, and I can understand why. I cant say whats wrong or right for anyone else, but for Matthew and me, the benefits to living childfree have been immeasurable.

We have plenty of time to devote to creative projects and to travel. Theres so much more wed like to do and see.

Having met at a young age, Tenille Williams, a 35-year-old business owner, and Jamie Williams, a 33-year-old metal fabricator, were thrilled to discover they were on the same page where children were concerned.

Its incredibly offensive, says Tenille Williams of peoples criticism of her decision not to have children. But by the time you get to your mid-30s, you just learn to live with it, she says.

Perhaps its because we got together so young [the couple met in high school and have been together for 18 years], but Jamie and I never had to have any of those awkward should we or shouldnt we? conversations when it came to starting a family. As soon as I realised we were serious about each other, I told him that I never wanted to have children and said it would be a deal breaker for us if he did. Luckily, Jamie agreed and weve never looked back. Weve been happily married for 15 years.

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I knew motherhood wasnt for me from an early age, but when you make that kind of declaration in your teenage years, people tend to dismiss it. I cant tell you how many times I was on the receiving end of comments like, Youre too young to know what you want and, Youll get clucky when youre older. Now we hear things like, You dont know what real love is until you have children. Its incredibly offensive, but by the time you get to your mid-30s, you just learn to live with it.

I get asked all the time why were staying childfree, but I guess it really all comes down to the fact that we couldnt think of one good reason to have children. Over the years, Ive seen so many women and men struggle with the realities of parenthood, and quite a few seem to lose sight of who they used to be before they had children. I get the feeling it would be bad for our mental health. The environment also comes into play; considering what weve witnessed over the last few years with climate change and the pandemic, it reinforces our belief that were better off not bringing children into this world.

There are plenty of benefits to not having kids. Obviously, we have more time to enjoy together as a couple, more time for fun, hobbies and travel, and the ability to keep discovering who we are as individuals. We can also focus on building our careers and finances without having to worry about anyone else. I know full well that had we gone the traditional road, I would have been a stay-at-home mum and my options would have been limited.

Despite all the changes that have been made in society over the past few decades, its almost always the mums who have to shoulder most of the burden of looking after the family, and that doesnt sound like the greatest deal to me. I really cant imagine a world where were happier with children than without them.

Mindful of the strain children would put on her health, 27-year-old disability advocate and author Zoe Simmons and her partner (name withheld), a 28-year-old carpenter, have decided that childfree is best for them.

I know, deep within my core, that the added responsibility of a child would put a strain on my mental health, and that kind of life is not fair on anybody, says Zoe Simmons. Credit:Emma Veness Photography

Ive battled mental health issues bipolar disorder and anxiety for as long as I can remember, but last year I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a nerve disorder that causes debilitating pain, extreme fatigue and cognitive issues. I also have adenomyosis, which causes abdominal pain worse than a broken bone. Theyre pieces of a puzzle which allow me to make the following point: how can I ever successfully look after another human if I have difficulty managing my own body and mind?

Id already decided before Id started experiencing agonising pain that motherhood would never be for me. When I started voicing my intention to live a childfree life, I was told I would change my mind as I got older, but my resolve has only strengthened.

To my partners credit, he never questioned my decision at the beginning and wholeheartedly agrees with us remaining kid-free. He can see how difficult things are for me. Some days I use mobility aids and struggle to get more than one thing done. If I work, I cant cook or clean and if I clean, Im wiped out for any other activity. If I got pregnant, I wouldnt be able to have my usual medication for a long period of time and Id be so incredibly sick Id have to give up my career as well.

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Im not saying disabled people shouldnt have children many do, and parent brilliantly. Its just not something I want to put myself through. I know, deep within my core, that the added responsibility of a child would put a strain on my mental health, and that kind of life is not fair on anybody.

There is an argument from some of my generation that theres no point in having kids when the world is such a mess, and I get that. But I also think its cool for switched-on parents to raise a generation who can bring new perspectives and undo the bind were in.

Im choosing to make my difference by my advocacy work so that other peoples children dont have to face the same battles weve faced in thepast and continue to face today. As a speaker I want to do more on the healthcare circuit, do more advocacy as a journalist and author, and Im considering a move into politics so that I can help engineer more meaningful changes. Without kids, Im able to do more, to be of more service to the community. Thats my baby.

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Childfree: Why these couples are choosing not to have children

Having children can be the most gratifying yet most demanding experience in ones life. The turmoils of motherhood are not to be scoffed at, especially when taking into consideration the life-changing transformations to the body, the mind, and to her own sense of self. Were also not forgetting the social pressures mothers face on a daily basis.

Having said that, the child is the mothers responsibility, a responsibility which should be shared with those that fully agree to take it on. However, there have been situations where moms have felt entitled to ask, and then pressure, acquaintances to take care of their offspring, arguing that it takes a village to raise a child.

This is the situation that Reddit user artinthegarage faced, sharing her tale on the subreddit r/EntitledPeople. One mothers suggestion turned into a full-on peer-pressuring event by her friends, who the Original Poster (OP) called the Mommy Group, yet it seems the OP got to have the last laugh. Quite literally.

Dear Pandas, please leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments below. Was the OP right to react the way that she did? What would you have done? Also, if after all this youre still craving some spicy entitlement stories, Ive got you covered! Lets get into it!

More info: Reddit

Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual photo)

There come forth situations in life where you can do nothing else but ask for help. Whether it be family members, friends, acquaintances, or members of your yoga class, there are always those that could be open to lending a helping hand. As long as youre not an entitled bully that cant take no for an answer.

Reddit user artinthegarage, whose actual name is Jennifer Nicole, is an artist with 15.6K followers on Instagram. She quite recently shared her experience with an entitled mother who would not allow her to refuse to look after her 3 children, all under the age of 10, and got her flock of friends to help persuade her. Lots to unravel here, so many layers, but its quite an interesting one, so lets bite into it.

Image credits: artinthegarage

Image credits: Darya Sannikova (not the actual photo)

Image credits: artinthegarage

I love taking the stance of the Devils advocate, especially in cases when the person described is so clearly in the wrong. So, in order to do this, lets investigate three things: the social burden of motherhood, entitlement and peer pressure, as well as having a community there to help raise a child.

In many societies, being a mother is still seen as an unavoidable, positive, and sought-after goal in a womans life. For dozens of years, it was the norm for the child to become the center of their mothers universe, taking precedence over her own interests, and forcing her to be completely involved in the role of caretaker.

Only recently have the realities of motherhood started being discussed by candid women all around the world: the roller coaster of emotions and the physical demands that come with the title of mother. What was once seen as unnatural and even pathological, such as negative feelings toward motherhood, are being brought to light.

Filipa Csar and colleagues believe that the exposure of concealed negative feelings towards motherhood may have an important role in changing the way society views parenthood, helping to enhance the mothers well-being beyond the mother-child relationship, and in considering the serious difficulties associated with motherhood.

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: artinthegarage

Now, where do entitlement and peer pressure come into this equation? Lets start with some definitions. Entitlement, according to Merriam-Websters Unabridged Dictionary, is a belief that one is deserving of certain privileges. And, according to VeryWellMind, peer pressure is the process by which members of the same social group influence other members to do things that they may be resistant to, or might not otherwise choose to do.

In general, a person with a sense of entitlement has a self-absorbed view of the world. They think they deserve special treatment and that their personal needs come before everyone elses, and they act like victims and blame other people or outside forces for their problems, causing a big scene when their demands arent met.

On the flip side of the coin, we have peer pressure. Direct peer pressure is when a person uses verbal or nonverbal cues to persuade someone to do something. It can quickly turn negative, as the person is faced with doing something they wouldnt normally do or dont want to do as a way of fitting in with a social group.

Both of those elements are very much prevalent in this story that were discussing at the moment. Its not the fact that the mom was asking for help, but rather the guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation that followed. No one should have to deal with peer pressure from what the OP called the Mommy Wagon Trainemails, calls, and even bullet lists for how one should live their life.

Image credits: SOCMIA Fotografa (not the actual photo)

Image credits: artinthegarage

Image credits: Daniel Chekalov (not the actual photo)

Image credits: artinthegarage

If youre dealing with peer pressure in adulthood, Destination Hope Mental Health Center advises all to be true to themselves. Be assertive, be mindful of your needs and core values, and dont mind your critics. Someone elses problems arent yours to solve if they disagree with your own beliefs and capabilities of helping.

But now were at the last point, which goes with the very popular saying, It takes a village to raise a child. Back in the day, community living was a given; people lived in close proximity to others, sharing food and tools, to protect each other and to exchange ideas. But the concept of such a village has changed dramatically in recent years.

Were more isolated than ever, and new parents are feeling isolated and alone in their struggles. As explained by the Exchange Family Center, oftentimes parents feel stressed, overworked, judged, and inadequate. Burnout and exhaustion are real, but without a community around to validate those feelings, many moms and dads feel like that pain is their own to bear.

Image credits: monica di loxley (not the actual photo)

Image credits: artinthegarage

So how does one build a supportive community without forcing one upon other people with different values? Communication is key. Starting with family members, then friends, then acquaintances, and finding a common ground to stand on. One just needs willing participants to help design a framework that meets everyones needs!

Finally, consider seeking out local services and programs designed to build community. Parenting groups and/or community centers are wonderful (and affordable) places to start looking for other families who are seeking deeper connections and support systems. It takes time and patience, but its a sure way to find like-minded people and not end up on the r/EntitledPeople subreddit.

We are not here to judge either party; this story is told from one point of view, and its simply too little to make a complete picture of either persons character. However, I can say from a personal standpoint that I would have done the same thing as the OP, mayhaps with a glass of whisky rather than wine (drink responsibly).

What about you, dear reader, whats your deduction after having gone through this complex story? What are your thoughts and opinions, and what would you advise this mother to do in the future, as Im sure shell have learned that pressuring someone to abide by her will isnt the most wholesome option.

Enjoy what the community had to say, and I shall see you in the next one! I bid you adieu!

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People Are Loving How This Childfree Woman Clapped Back At "Friend ...

BUFFALO, N.Y. The Center for Biological Diversity will host a free screening of My So-Called Selfish Life, directed by Therese Shechter, a documentary that examines the choice to be childfree and the importance of reproductive rights and justice. The screening will be held at Daemen University and will be followed by a Q&A and panel discussion about the relationship between reproductive freedom and the environment.

We need to talk about family planning and choosing to be childfree if were going to reduce the pressure our growing population puts on the planet, said Sarah Baillie, population and sustainability organizer at the Center. Here in the United States, each person has an outsized environmental impact. Having one less child can save about 60 tons of carbon dioxide emissions annually.

What: Screening of My So-Called Selfish Life

When: Oct. 25, 7 p.m. 9 p.m.

Where: Daemen University, 4380 Main St, Amherst, NY, Schenck Hall Room 107

Who: In addition to the film screening, there will be a panel discussion with Sarah Baillie, population and sustainability organizer at the Center for Biological Diversity, and students, staff and faculty from Daemen University.

Register to attend the event here: https://1025flim.eventbrite.com

Background

The Center for Biological Diversitys Population and Sustainability program addresses the impacts of human population pressure and destructive consumption and production on wildlife and the environment. We fight for solutions that advance justice, equity, health, and a compassionate world where both people and wildlife can thrive.

For more information or to watch the film trailer, visit https://bit.ly/CBDcampusfilmtour.

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Daemen University to Host Free Screening of Childfree by Choice Film

1. Childfree People Are Sharing What It's Actually Like To Get Older Without Kids In The Picture, And Their Honesty Is So Refreshing  BuzzFeed
2. People Get Raw And Honest About Whether They Regret Not Having Kids Now That They're Over 40  Bored Panda
3. Annoying thing people with kids always do  news.com.au
4. Why More Black Women Are Choosing To Be Childfree  Yahoo News
5. Opinion | I'm child-free by choice so no, I don't want to look after your kids  Newstalk ZB
6. View Full Coverage on Google News

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Childfree People Are Sharing What It's Actually Like To Get Older Without Kids In The Picture, And Their Honesty Is So Refreshing - BuzzFeed

A new mom is being criticized for bringing her baby to a childfree wedding, because she didn't trust the babysitter her cousins hired to mind the kids.

The new mom, u/babyweddingthrowaway, posted her story to the popular r/AmITheA**hole Reddit forum. She earned over 4,000 upvotes; 2,800 comments and a heaping helping of scorn for her post, "[Am I the A**hole] for bringing my baby to a child-free wedding?"

She explains that her cousin lives six hours away from the rest of her family. He was getting married, so his family members all made the drive to the wedding. However, it was understood that the wedding was to be childfree, simply due to the lack of space available.

"My baby was 10 months old at the time and I wasn't comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids. So I decided to bring him to the wedding," the original poster (OP) wrote, adding that she wrote on the RSVP about her plans, clarifying that she'd cover the infant's food.

Since u/babyweddingthrowaway didn't hear anything back, she assumed that this was fine. The baby sat on her lap during the ceremony, and though he started to cry, she removed him from the room to not interrupt further. The baby also stayed with her during the reception in a baby sling. Again, she thought everything was fine as the baby didn't act up.

But after the wedding, her aunt called her rude for bringing the babyand when she was told about the RSVP, she said that the bride and groom did indeed have a problem, but decided not to push back.

"The bride didn't want to start any drama because she doesn't know me well," u/babyweddingthrowaway wrote.

Her aunt also mentioned that another cousin had an even younger infanta 7-month-oldand there was no issue leaving the child with the babysitter. In addition, some of her other cousins with small children were irritated with the groom, believing he'd given the OP special dispensation to have her child with her while everyone else had to use a babysitter.

Even when a wedding isn't explicitly childfree, the question on whether or not to bring a baby is controversialand not just for worries about interrupting the wedding. A baby doesn't get vaccinated until after the first two months, according to parenting site Romper, and so bringing a baby this young to a wedding can be dangerous and make them sick. Romper recommends waiting until six or eight weeks at the soonest to bring a baby to an event like a weddingthough waiting at least six months, after the child's eligible for a flu shot, is preferred.

The OP's baby, being 10-months-old, is likely cleared for a big event health-wise, but even then, it's still not always the ideal move. Writing for PhillyVoice, Katie Gagnon recommends taking a baby to the church, but not the receptionand even then, only if the bride and groom are allowing children. At another event, Gagnon says another parent hired babysittersand though, like OP, she was initially apprehensive about leaving her child with a stranger, it worked out well for both parents and child.

Though the OP likely went to the Reddit looking for validation, she did not receive it in the comments.

"[You're the A**hole] - your baby literally did the thing that the bride/groom wanted to avoid - disrupt the ceremony. You had plenty of time to find a babysitter or other family member to watch your kid while you went to the wedding but decided that you were just above the rules," u/brainybae wrote in the top-rated comment, earning 16,400 upvotes.

"Or, if you're really not comfortable leaving your baby with a sitter, just...don't go to the wedding. Staying home is always an option," u/HiramMcDaniels9 added.

"Yeah, and I don't think penciling it in to the RSVP is good enough either. If you think your cousin really wants you there, you literally call them up and have a frank discussion to figure out if it's really OK for you to violate the [childfree] aspect for both bride and groom. If not and you don't have a sitter, stay home," u/avelak wrote. "[You're the A**hole]"

"I told everyone my wedding was child free. I even had friends stationed at the front in case people brought their children to direct them to free babysitters - I knew people would try and go around it. And still someone brought a baby in and sat in the back because their baby 'would be fine'. We barely even knew this person. You can hear this damn baby crying on my video and it p**ses me off 24 years later every time I think about it," u/soonernotlater1015 shared. "[You're the A**hole]."

"People like you get on my nerves. Child free means child free. You do not get to change the rules of someone's wedding because you didnt want a babysitter. It's very entitled. [You're the A**hole]," u/Agreeable-Owl-6269 wrote.

"[You're the A**hole]. 'Don't bring a baby' 'okay I will,'" u/shnanogans wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/babyweddingthrowaway for comment.

Read the original here:

'Special Treatment': New Mom Dragged for Bringing Baby to Childfree Wedding

DFree/Shutterstock Miley Cyrus smiling

Miley Cyrus has been one of America's most recognizable singers and actors ever since the advent of her career in the early 2000s. Although she rose to fame as a teen idol inDisney Channel's "Hannah Montana"from 2006 to 2011, she has continued to maintain asuccessful careeras a singer and performer, even appearing on Billboard's"Greatest of All Time Artists Chart"in 2019.

However, given Cyrus' impact on millennial and youth culture, her personal life has also been a subject of great interest. This fascination was boosted in no small part by her high-profile marriage to Australian actorLiam Hemsworth which only lastedone year until their divorcein 2020 in addition to herintense activismfor the LGBTQ+ community, of whichshe is a member. However, despite interest in her personal and love life, Cyrus has been open about the fact that she does not want to have children. And unlikemany other celebritieswho have decided to remain childfree to focus on their careers, Cyrus' reasons for doing so are much more personal and heartfelt.

In a July 2019 interview withElle, Miley Cyrus opened up about her feelings on having children, revealing that she scorned the idea that women's primary purpose on the planet is to have children. "We're expected to keep the planet populated. And when that isn't a part of our plan or our purpose, there is so much judgment and anger that they try to make and change laws to force it upon you," Cyrus said. In addition, reflecting many peoples' fears on the worsening climate crisis, Cyrus added that she did not want to have children because of the planet she would be handing them. "We're getting handed a piece-of-s*** planet, and I refuse to hand that down to my child,"she explained. "Until I feel like my kid would live on an earth with fish in the water, I'm not bringing in another person to deal with that. "

Cyrus is not the first person (or celebrity) to express this sentiment. In recent years, there has been agrowing trendof people and celebrities who have chosen not to have children because of climate change. Some celebs are opting to live a child-free life because they believe it is unethical to introduce a person into such an environment, considering having childrensignificantly increasesone's carbon footprint. Among other celebrities who have expressed this sentiment areLeonardo DiCaprioand U.S. CongresswomanAlexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Miley Cyrus wasn't always opposed to having children. In May 2019, during her marriage to Liam Hemsworth marriage around the time of Cyrus' Elle interview Hemsworth was intent on having children, jokingly telling GQ Australiathat he wanted "10, 15, maybe 20" of them. However, he was not in a rush,telling the outlet that he would like them "one day, once we don't have so many dogs. You couldn't bring a baby into our house right now. But one day, we'll know when it's right." Of course, Cyrus and Hemsworth would divorce the following year.

As fans of Cyrus are aware, the longtime entertainer has a big family: She is the second of four children to her father, singer Billy Ray Cyrus, and the third of her mother's five children. Perhaps as a result of that, Cyrus used to fantasize about having children. In 2012, after Cyrus and Hemsworth first got engaged, a source close to the singer told Hollywood Life that, while she was in no rush to get pregnant, she "really want[ed] a bunch of kids." However, the source also said that "it might be a little while after marriage for her to start because she really loves her body and wants to spend some time being the 'Hot Wife.'" Of course, in the years since, her attitude on the subject seems to have changed.

Read this next: The Most Brutal Celeb Breakups Of 2022 So Far

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The Reason Miley Cyrus Doesn't Want To Have Kids - msnNOW

I strode back towards the safari vehicle, the dust lightly swirling around my walking boots, thinking that perhaps using the bush bathroom wasnt the wisest decision. Robin, our guide, confirmed my fears as she set out snacks beside a lazy river in Marataba.

I had to send Ed (my new husband) out after you, she said with a slow smile. This is leopard territory.

Balancing the risk of becoming lunch for a big cat with the literal pressures of early pregnancy on the bladder, although far from glamorous, seemed to fittingly epitomise my feelings. Throughout our honeymoon I had struggled to reconcile the independent, confident attitude to travel I had always had with a newly acquired anxiety. Was the road too bumpy? Was that spider poisonous? Was the pool too cold? Did that drink have booze in it? On discovering that I was pregnant just a few weeks after our wedding, my behaviour had fundamentally changed.

Even our choice of destination had been affected. At short notice, wed had to shelve our dream of visiting the Okavango Delta and look for an alternative that was malaria-free. It's a surprisingly common search performed not just by pregnant people, but by those travelling with young children, those with health conditions and those who are simply bored of medical red tape.

Continued here:

Why a safari holiday was the best way to say goodbye to our childfree life - The Telegraph

Singapore recently repealed Section 377A of their penal code, which criminalized sex between men. The government, however, stated that it will change the constitution of Singapore to give Parliament the power to define family as a one-man-and-one-woman heterosexual unit. What this effectively does is engender inequality not just for LGBTQIA+ folks, but also singles, as anything other than a heterosexual unit is then seen as "deviant."

This inequality is not new in Singapore. Singles are not eligible for a government subsidy to buy Housing Development Board (HDB) flats unless they are 35 years old and above. Many singles end up staying with parents and extended families due to this policy. For single women, the disproportionate burden of care work, along with policing of their mobility in conservative households, can prove tricky to navigate and this further entrenches dangerous gender stereotypes. For single mothers, this becomes even more complicated because unwed and single parents are only eligible for limited housing subsidies.

Singapore also announced that from 2023, it would lift a ban on single women between 21 and 35 years of age who want to freeze their eggs for non-medical reasons. However, a caveat is in place: Women can only use the eggs if they are legally married. This immediately excludes not only same-sex couples who cannot get married under the country's laws, but also single women who may want children outside of marriage, especially those who are 35 years old and above.

While Singapore's laws and policies are one such example highlighting the discrimination single women face and the disproportionate burden they bear in terms of care work, it is not alone in such discrimination. Discriminatory attitudes toward single women are near universal, particularly toward single and childfree women who are working.

Many women in the 21 century around the world are choosing singlehood and a childfree life, particularly women who are educated up to a tertiary level and live in cities and urban centers. Despite societal progress in attitudes toward singles in recent decades, the stigma of being single still remains for women.

The term "singlism" was coined by Bella DePaulo to capture the "stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against people who are single." For women, singlism gets amplified when laws and policies are discriminatory in addition to the misogyny and financial challenges they face as they often earn less and pay more for social benefits, health care, and income taxes. In April 2022, The Washington Post's Soo Youn wrote that single childfree women face a workplace penalty too. "Because they are more often stereotyped as lacking leadership abilities. These women were often seen as too 'masculine' for leadership when the same traits benefited single men," wrote Youn. In many parts of Asia, landlords give rental preference to heterosexual married couples rather than single women. A noteworthy point is that globally, discrimination against single childfree women is seen as more acceptable than discrimination against mothers or any other national or social group.

In many parts of the world, there is a moral panic that comes with being single, childfree and female. These women go against the established norm of "couplehood" and marriage. Derogatory terms such as "crazy cat lady" and "spinster" (though this has fallen out of use, the connotations still remain) have been commonly used to describe single childfree women. Historically, they were also hunted as witches, and every culture has their own version of this. To encourage more tertiary-educated women to marry, Singapore even had a Social Development Unit (SDU) from the 1980s till 2006, where matchmaking was engineered by the state. Such moral panic gets reinforced and replicated in scientific-sounding data reports which state that married men are reported to be happier than single men. Such reports conveniently do not mention the disproportionate burden of care work that falls upon women and the unequal distribution of caregiving is thus made invisible.

Singapore's Deputy Prime Minister Lawrence Wong remarked on that. While progress has been made in women's development, "more can be done to tackle gender gaps." Gender gaps, however, will continue to exist as long as laws and policies do not catch up and level the playing field. To alleviate gender stereotypes, laws and policies too must reflect a progressive stance toward equality without further entrenching these very stereotypes.

Dr. Gurpreet Kaur, is a Public Voices Fellow on advancing the rights of women and girls with The OpEd Project and Equality Now.

The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

See the rest here:

Single and Not Ready to Mingle: The Discrimination Against Single Women in Singapore | Opinion - Newsweek

A woman has revealed she's getting a divorce from her husband after she discovered he was telling his online gaming pals that he was married to her sister.

In a post to Reddit's "True Off My Chest" forum, the woman detailed her devastation which started after she searched through her husband's phone and computer and stumbled upon strange remarks he had made about her sister gaining weight and soon realised his feeling for her.

"My husband is in love or at least has a crush on my sister," she wrote. "Im not the only one hes complaining to about her weight gain."

"His best friend knows EVERYTHING. He actually sends him pictures of my sister and openly admits that he uses these pictures to pleasure himself some nights. He complains that shes getting fatter. Hes annoyed that she might be pregnant or that shes just going to ruin her beauty."

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She also describes how he has taken "maybe hundreds" of pictures of her sister in a bikini from their family vacations together while he has cropped her out of the photos.

The husband has even pretended that he is married to her sister and that the kids she has are his children too.

"On his PC, he has group chats with his gaming friends. People that dont know him IRL. To those he pretends that my sister and her children are his family. He proudly brags about having her. His profile picture is of her, her children and him from a Christmas party."

Understandably, the woman is completely stunned by her husband's actions and notes there was nothing in their relationship before this that sparked concern.

"Im shocked and disturbed and very confused. I never pressure him to do anything nice to me but he tells me he loves me every day. He kisses and hugs me all the time. He never complains about me or my appearance and although he never compliments my looks, he never complains about them either."

A woman found out her husband was telling his gaming friends that he was married to her sisteriStockphoto by Getty Images

She continued: "My sister is very beautiful, and shes always been beautiful. Ive learned that I could be other things and Im fine with it. I have many great qualities and I always get compliments for them. Thats why I never reacted to the lack of compliments from my husband. This is just how things always been for me.

"Whats going on? And what about posing her children as his? My husband and I are childfree and it was more his choice. He never wanted children. EVER."

Near the end of the post, she informed the community of her next steps which include getting a divorce (no surprises there).

"Im divorcing my husband. I have yet to tell him what Ive read and seen. Im not ashamed that I have snooped around his private matters and Im not gonna wait and listen to excuses.

"This is beyond creepy and beyond salvation. Its so over," she concluded.

Since sharing her life-changing news, the woman has received widespread support in the comments.

One person said: "Sounds like you have a clear head and youre still good with your sister and family. Best Wishes. You are going to be okay."

"Good luck, OP. In your divorce and in your life in general. You truly seem like a strong and smart person," another person wrote.

Someone else added: "Im so sorry OP, this must hurt a lot. His behavior is beyond imaginable to me and I am so sorry your sister has to go through more negativity because of his actions."

"Good for you! Please make sure to get evidence and screenshots/photos of the weird posts and behaviour before he can delete it. That may be good to have for your divorce proceedings," a fourth person commented.

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Woman divorcing husband because he calls her sister 'his wife' - indy100