Category Archives: Childfree

Postmedia Calgary Downtown Calgary as seen from The Bow building on Thursday May 11, 2017. Gavin Young/Postmedia Network Gavin Young Gavin Young, Gavin Young Gavin Young Gavin Young / Gavin Young

Calgary is bucking the national trend of couples having fewer kids, according to new census data released Wednesday.

Canadian census data from 2016 shows partners across the country have shown less interest in starting families over the last five years, yet Calgary couples are opting for more baby rattles and cribs.

University of Calgary sociology professor Pallavi Banerjee said it could be the result of conservative family values across Alberta, a growth in immigrant populations in the city and a fairly stable economy until recent years.

Calgary, until recently, had the largest growing immigrant population, many of which align with conservative values that consider marriage and having children as important to family life, explains Banerjee.

The city has seen over 61,000 births since 2011.

Despite minor changes in national family dynamics since the previous census in 2011, dramatic shifts have taken place over time.

Census 2016 data shows 21.3 per cent of couples in Canada are common-law compared to a mere 6.3 per cent in 1981.

In Calgary 15.5 per cent of all couples are common-law, including Sam Ridgway, 24, and her 30-year-old partner. They have lived together for almost five years and said their recent decision to get married next year was nothing but a practical choice.

We took a long time to even talk about getting married because we didnt think it was something we needed to do, Ridgway said. It became a pragmatic thing because we want to move to the U.K. and I have citizenship, but Andy doesnt.

She said if it wasnt for their future plans its unlikely they would ever tie the knot.

Weve seen our parents get divorced. Weve seen our friends parents get divorced, said Ridgway. Its not a magic piece of paper and I think people are just willing to accept that if it has meaning you should do it, and if it doesnt you dont have to.

Its a huge expense to get married, have kids, have a house and its just something that most of the people your age arent in a position to do, like our parents were, said Ridgeway.

The new data also shows Canadian couples are having fewer children.

Partners with children make up 26.5 per cent of households in 2016, compared to 31.5 per cent in 2001.

I think it has become slightly less stigmatized for women to remain childfree thanks to the feminist movement, said Banerjee. Women now have the vocabulary to say that they would like to remain childfree without being social ostracized and there are more and more male partners on board.

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Calgary bucking national trend of couples with fewer kids, census ... - Calgary Herald

"You must have babies so the Muslims dont take over!

Ally Karsyn tells her story live at Ode. The theme was "Stigmas: An ode to the power of opening up."

In the long-term parking lot, I meet a middle-aged woman wearing sunglasses, sneakers and yoga pants. Her hair is casually swept into a ponytail. Shes flying to Phoenix for business. Im off to Seattle for fun. She cant remember the last time shes gone on vacation. I go somewhere every year.

Something about our conversation makes her ask, Do you have any little ones at home?

No, thats why I can travel like this, I say. Just pick up and go anywhere.

Do it now, she says, because when you have kids

Her voice trails off. I smile politely. She said, When.

I didnt tell her that there wouldnt be a when for me. Im childfree by choice. I didnt tell her that Im divorced, after four years, and dating again.

Before my divorce was final, my well-meaning mother started saying things like, Oh, Id really like to see you find a nice guy. To which I replied, Ive got nothing but time. I don't have any biological clocks ticking! But then she said, If having kids has taught me anything, its never say never.

I'm probably not the daughter she expected.

In the small farm town where I grew up, it was acceptable, if not encouraged, to get married at 22 to the son of a farmer with a Dutch surname. (That was better than living in sin.) And it was acceptable to buy that house in the suburbs. Doing these things bestowed comfort and approval in the form of verbal praise, plus gifts.

But panic set in with each measuring cup and Tupperware container I received. What sent me over the edge was the shiny red, 22-pound KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer. It dictated I would be spending my weekends baking brownies like my mom did, not biking through rice paddies in Bali, shopping the souks in Marrakesh or eating tapas in Seville.

Being showered with kitchenwares brought back childhood memories of being told to dry the dishes while my older brother played computer games, less than 10 feet away. Id protest, Why cant he help you? Its just cause hes a boy!

I not only rejected the gendered household division of labor, I didnt have much interest in playing with dolls or Barbies. Instead, I took cat photos with my little yellow Kodak camera. I cut and pasted pictures out of magazines and wrote my own stories. I went on outdoor adventures with my three imaginary friends.

These quirks were cute when I was a little girl. Then I grew up.

In my late teens, when I first declared I was never having kids, a family member told me, You must have babies so the Muslims dont take over! Now in my late-20s, the most popular response has been: Youll change your mind.

This sweeping declaration doesnt take into account my underactive thyroid that occasionally hits me with debilitating fatigue or my susceptibility to anxiety and depression when diet, sleep and exercise are compromised. (But hey, kids wont affect that.) It doesnt account for the sense of purpose derived from my precarious journalism career or the desire to travel in order to better understand the world and my place in it.

When I was younger and far more insecure, my college boyfriend convinced me that few men would want to be with an ambitious, free-spirited woman like me. In rural Iowa, I was too different. He promised the kind of life I wanted. Every three to five years, wed move for my job. That was the agreement. That and no kids. I thought, This must be as good as it gets.

I married him.

But after a couple years, my stepping stone became his anchor. He had settled into a comfortable, well-paying technical career. And I was checking JournalismJobs.com every day. My incessant searching finally made him crack. I dont want to live like a nomad, he said. That and his affinity for alcohol made me leave. I took the 22-pound mixer with me.

Then, a strange thing happened. For the first time, I had people telling me, Good thing you dont have kids!

I could look at my starter marriage as a failure or a mistake. But I dont.

By getting divorced and essentially doing the thing I was not supposed to do, I freed myself from crushing expectations. I learned that the only real mistake would be believing Im unworthy of love. Or joy. Even it looks a little different.

Now, I get to try again.

I downloaded Bumble, Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel. I hadnt been on a first date in more than seven years. Back then, these kinds of dating apps didnt exist. Now I stood in line at the grocery store and swiped through med students, airmen, farmers, truck drivers, pro-athletes and engineers. Never in my life have I seen more photos of men holding up dead pheasants, fish and deer. And then there were the ones with kids usually their nieces and nephews. Even that says, Im looking for the mother of my children. And thats not me.

I finally found a match on Tinder, but after 15 messages back and forth about weather and work, he brought up handcuffs and spanking. No thanks.

I had better luck on Coffee Meets Bagel and matched with Marcos the 31-year-old music-loving chef. Latino. Five-foot-10. Religion: Other.

When I asked Marcos what made him want to be a chef, he said, Usually, men arent in the kitchen if youre raised in a Mexican family, but since it was me and my two brothers, my mom taught us how to cook.

His enlightened response won me over. Our first date lasted six-hours, filled with coffee, crepes and great conversation. It ended with a goodnight kiss in the misting rain. We kept seeing each other, and after a couple months, I decided to tell my mom about the nice guy Id found, which begged the question, Whats his name?

Marcos.

Does he have a last name?

Vela.

Is heeeee

Mexican.

Oh, she said, I thought maybe he was Italian.

But she pronounces it, Eye-talian.

When Marcos had his big, black beard, he could have passed as Pakistani or Indian. (In fact, people have come up to him speaking Hindi.) But hes most definitely from Mexicoone of the Dreamers, tossed over a border fence by his teenage mother when he was 2 years old.

They left Acapulco. The coastal city in southern Mexico is part of a region densely populated with descendants of African slaves. Or people who, today, identify as Blaxicansblack Mexicans. A heritage he is proud of yet removed from.

A few weeks ago, we were walking through a flea market. In between the nostalgia-inducing model airplanes and My Little Ponies, he pointed to an illustrated reprinting of The Man Without a Country and said, Thats me.

Instantly, I knew that feeling of being out of place when you want to belong. But cant.

When I told my mother more about the talkative, well-groomed, fashion-savvy man Id foundthe one who can pick out my clothes and cook for meshe said, Just make sure he's not too different. Which I took to mean, Make sure he's not gay.

From our first date, I knew Marcos was different.

Over brunch, he answered a call from his mom. He was boyishly embarrassed at first but still told her, I love you, before he hung up. He apologized for the interruption and went on to tell me about his job at an upscale, modern American restauranthow he works from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. five days a week and teaches free music lessons in the Latino community on one of his days off. He shared his dream of opening his own restaurant, one in Australia, then Germany. He admired my confidence and wit, my independence and ambition.

Going against the advice on the Internet, I told Marcos that Im divorced and I dont want kids.

He stared at me with his deep brown eyes, reminiscent of two perfect little cups of coffee that I could drink in all day. His face softened into a smile and he said, Me, too.

---

Ally Karsyn is the arts producer and weekday afternoon announcer at Siouxland Public Media. She is also the founder, producer and host of Ode.

Odeis a storytelling series where community members tell true stories on stage to promote positive impact through empathy. Its produced by Siouxland Public Media.

The next event is 7 p.m. Friday, August 4 atBe Yoga Studioin downtown Sioux City. The theme is Little Did I Know. Tickets are available atkwit.org. For more information, visitfacebook.com/odestorytelling.

This story was produced as part of anImages & Voices of HopeRestorative Narrative Fellowship, which supports media practitioners who want to tell stories of resilience in communities around the U.S. and abroad.ivohis a nonprofit committed to strengthening the media's role as an agent of change and world benefit.

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Ode: Divorced and dating again, childfree by choice | KWIT - KWIT

Ally Karsyn tells her story live at Ode. The theme was "Stigmas: An ode to the power of opening up."

In the long-term parking lot, I meet a middle-aged woman wearing sunglasses, sneakers and yoga pants. Her hair is casually swept into a ponytail. Shes flying to Phoenix for business. Im off to Seattle for fun. She cant remember the last time shes gone on vacation. I go somewhere every year.

Something about our conversation makes her ask, Do you have any little ones at home?

No, thats why I can travel like this, I say. Just pick up and go anywhere.

Do it now, she says, because when you have kids

Her voice trails off. I smile politely. She said, When.

I didnt tell her that there wouldnt be a when for me. Im childfree by choice. I didnt tell her that Im divorced, after four years, and dating again.

Before my divorce was final, my well-meaning mother started saying things like, Oh, Id really like to see you find a nice guy. To which I replied, Ive got nothing but time. I don't have any biological clocks ticking! But then she said, If having kids has taught me anything, its never say never.

I'm probably not the daughter she expected.

In the small farm town where I grew up, it was acceptable, if not encouraged, to get married at 22 to the son of a farmer with a Dutch surname. (That was better than living in sin.) And it was acceptable to buy that house in the suburbs. Doing these things bestowed comfort and approval in the form of verbal praise, plus gifts.

But panic set in with each measuring cup and Tupperware container I received. What sent me over the edge was the shiny red, 22-pound KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer. It dictated I would be spending my weekends baking brownies like my mom did, not biking through rice paddies in Bali, shopping the souks in Marrakesh or eating tapas in Seville.

Being showered with kitchenwares brought back childhood memories of being told to dry the dishes while my older brother played computer games, less than 10 feet away. Id protest, Why cant he help you? Its just cause hes a boy!

I not only rejected the gendered household division of labor, I didnt have much interest in playing with dolls or Barbies. Instead, I took cat photos with my little yellow Kodak camera. I cut and pasted pictures out of magazines and wrote my own stories. I went on outdoor adventures with my three imaginary friends.

These quirks were cute when I was a little girl. Then I grew up.

In my late teens, when I first declared I was never having kids, a family member told me, You must have babies so the Muslims dont take over! Now in my late-20s, the most popular response has been: Youll change your mind.

This sweeping declaration doesnt take into account my underactive thyroid that occasionally hits me with debilitating fatigue or my susceptibility to anxiety and depression when diet, sleep and exercise are compromised. (But hey, kids wont affect that.) It doesnt account for the sense of purpose derived from my precarious journalism career or the desire to travel in order to better understand the world and my place in it.

When I was younger and far more insecure, my college boyfriend convinced me that few men would want to be with an ambitious, free-spirited woman like me. In rural Iowa, I was too different. He promised the kind of life I wanted. Every three to five years, wed move for my job. That was the agreement. That and no kids. I thought, This must be as good as it gets.

I married him.

But after a couple years, my stepping stone became his anchor. He had settled into a comfortable, well-paying technical career. And I was checking JournalismJobs.com every day. My incessant searching finally made him crack. I dont want to live like a nomad, he said. That and his affinity for alcohol made me leave. I took the 22-pound mixer with me.

Then, a strange thing happened. For the first time, I had people telling me, Good thing you dont have kids!

I could look at my starter marriage as a failure or a mistake. But I dont.

By getting divorced and essentially doing the thing I was not supposed to do, I freed myself from crushing expectations. I learned that the only real mistake would be believing Im unworthy of love. Or joy. Even it looks a little different.

Now, I get to try again.

I downloaded Bumble, Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel. I hadnt been on a first date in more than seven years. Back then, these kinds of dating apps didnt exist. Now I stood in line at the grocery store and swiped through med students, airmen, farmers, truck drivers, pro-athletes and engineers. Never in my life have I seen more photos of men holding up dead pheasants, fish and deer. And then there were the ones with kids usually their nieces and nephews. Even that says, Im looking for the mother of my children. And thats not me.

I finally found a match on Tinder, but after 15 messages back and forth about weather and work, he brought up handcuffs and spanking. No thanks.

I had better luck on Coffee Meets Bagel and matched with Marcos the 31-year-old music-loving chef. Latino. Five-foot-10. Religion: Other.

When I asked Marcos what made him want to be a chef, he said, Usually, men arent in the kitchen if youre raised in a Mexican family, but since it was me and my two brothers, my mom taught us how to cook.

His enlightened response won me over. Our first date lasted six-hours, filled with coffee, crepes and great conversation. It ended with a goodnight kiss in the misting rain. We kept seeing each other, and after a couple months, I decided to tell my mom about the nice guy Id found, which begged the question, Whats his name?

Marcos.

Does he have a last name?

Vela.

Is heeeee

Mexican.

Oh, she said, I thought maybe he was Italian.

But she pronounces it, Eye-talian.

When Marcos had his big, black beard, he could have passed as Pakistani or Indian. (In fact, people have come up to him speaking Hindi.) But hes most definitely from Mexicoone of the Dreamers, tossed over a border fence by his teenage mother when he was 2 years old.

They left Acapulco. The coastal city in southern Mexico is part of a region densely populated with descendants of African slaves. Or people who, today, identify as Blaxicansblack Mexicans. A heritage he is proud of yet removed from.

A few weeks ago, we were walking through a flea market. In between the nostalgia-inducing model airplanes and My Little Ponies, he pointed to an illustrated reprinting of The Man Without a Country and said, Thats me.

Instantly, I knew that feeling of being out of place when you want to belong. But cant.

When I told my mother more about the talkative, well-groomed, fashion-savvy man Id foundthe one who can pick out my clothes and cook for meshe said, Just make sure he's not too different. Which I took to mean, Make sure he's not gay.

From our first date, I knew Marcos was different.

Over brunch, he answered a call from his mom. He was boyishly embarrassed at first but still told her, I love you, before he hung up. He apologized for the interruption and went on to tell me about his job at an upscale, modern American restauranthow he works from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. five days a week and teaches free music lessons in the Latino community on one of his days off. He shared his dream of opening his own restaurant, one in Australia, then Germany. He admired my confidence and wit, my independence and ambition.

Going against the advice on the Internet, I told Marcos that Im divorced and I dont want kids.

He stared at me with his deep brown eyes, reminiscent of two perfect little cups of coffee that I could drink in all day. His face softened into a smile and he said, Me, too.

---

Ally Karsyn is the arts producer and weekday afternoon announcer at Siouxland Public Media. She is also the founder, producer and host of Ode.

Odeis a storytelling series where community members tell true stories on stage to promote positive impact through empathy. Its produced by Siouxland Public Media.

The next event is 7 p.m. Friday, August 4 atBe Yoga Studioin downtown Sioux City. The theme is Little Did I Know. Tickets are available atkwit.org. For more information, visitfacebook.com/odestorytelling.

This story was produced as part of anImages & Voices of HopeRestorative Narrative Fellowship, which supports media practitioners who want to tell stories of resilience in communities around the U.S. and abroad.ivohis a nonprofit committed to strengthening the media's role as an agent of change and world benefit.

Continued here:

Ode: Divorced and dating again, childfree by choice - KWIT

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Home | Childfree Women UK & Ireland

On the fourth of July, the United States celebrates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, which to date, happened 241 years ago. Two days before, on July 2, 1776, the Congress for the thirteen colonies voted to declare freedom from British rule. And freedom remains a deeply held value to Americans today.

In America and around the world, another specific group of people greatly value the experience of freedom as well. These are people who are childfree they have no children by choice. Over the years, Ive surveyed the childfree on many topics, and one in particular asked respondents to get to the core of the reason they are childfree. I asked people to answer this question: If you could sum up the reason you are childfree in one word, what would it be?

Of the nearly 600 respondents, here are the top ten words they gave. Starting with #10, which came in at a tie:

And the #1 word people gave as the reason they are childfree: freedom.

Freedom to pursue a life that reflects what is most important to them. Freedom to go after their dreams and goals. Freedom to live their lives as they wish. Many, many childfree see the responsibility of raising children as greatly limiting their experience of freedom. And they value it more than any amount of desire they may have for the experience of parenthood.

From interviewing the childfree since the late 1990s, another word that deserves discussion is relationship. Many childfree who are in committed relationships speak of their concern about how having children would change their relationship, and change it forever. Even if the couple has some level of desire to become parents, ultimately they dont trust that having children would change the relationship in a positive way. To them, their committed relationship is Number One, and many decide that having children is not worth risking what they have right now, which is a great relationship.

For me personally, the two words on the top ten list that resonate most are: disinterest and freedom. Both, however, cluster under a larger word: life. From as far back as my teen years, when I thought about how I wanted to live my life, the experience of parenthood was not something I wanted as part of it. I babysat a lot as a teen, and this experience confirmed these feelings. Over time, I have witnessed loved ones raising their children, and while I see the fulfilling aspects of it, I have never wanted the day-to-day life that parenthood brings or for it to be the central focus of my life.

So, on July 4th, I celebrate what our countrys founders achieved. I celebrate the freedoms we have in our great country, some for which we continue to have to fight. I celebrate the freedom that comes from a life that does not include the raising of children. And I celebrate how this freedom continues to serve as a gateway to learnings, experiences, adventures, and ways of contributing to others and our world that give me a rich sense of fulfillment and purpose in my life.

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Celebrating ChildFreedom on the Fourth of July - HuffPost

Myth: Remaining childfree means remaining just as miserable as we are right now.

Fact: Only part of your current pain is from actual lack of a child. Some of it is part of a grief process youre in the midst of. Another part is the maddening uncertainty of whether or not you will ever get to be a parent.

Myth: A Childfree life is an empty life.

Fact: Living childfree is empty for the couples who do not find new interests. Childfree people fill their lives with work, hobbies, artistic endeavors, political causes and they also fill them with children! Children involved in organizations such as Big Brothers and Big Sisters, Scouts, etc.,

Myth: Childfree living is never a choice if you are infertile.

Fact: Certainly for many people, alternatives such as adoption, donor insemination, and in vitro fertilization are preferable. For those couples, childfree living would be the end of the road. For some couples however, those who are forced to re-examine their values, remaining childfree is a good decision. For them it is the next best thing, right after biological parenthood.

Myth: If I remain childfree, Ill feel emotionally wounded every time I see a child.

Fact: Once they have grieved and made a definite decision to remain childfree, couples tend to feel occasional twinges of sadness, but no more stabbing pain.

Myth: Arent people who remain childfree selfish and immature? Arent their marriages unhappy?

Fact: Extensive psychosocial studies have found childfree couples to be just as happy as couples with children. And contrary to the stereotype of selfishness, a high percentage of childfree people are teachers, social workers, or people who spend their weekends doing volunteer work with children or for a social cause. Its far more common for selfish, immature people to have children for selfish, immature reasons.

Myth: If we remain childfree, Ill be unhappy in old age.

Fact: Children are no insurance policy against loneliness in old age. You cant be sure what old age will be like. You cant be sure children would live near you, get along with you or be a comfort.

Myth: Well feel like fools if we decide to remain childfree after all of that trying.

Fact: No one else can decide for you whether adoption or childfree living is right for you. Its your life. You have the right to decide what to do with it. Deciding not to have a child does not take away the meaning of those years of trying. The two of you shared something important together, and if youre like most couples, youre coming out the other end more skilled at talking to each other, more aware of your values, and more appreciative of each other. You have the right to shift gears.

Myth: If we remain childfree, well be sorry later

Fact: Of course there will be days when you wonder if you would have been happier if youd made another choice. Everyone wonders. Remember that infertile couples who adopt or choose donor insemination, etc. will also wonder. The fact that whatever you choose was your second choice after you didnt get pregnant adds poignancy to the question.

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Myths and Facts About Living Childfree - RESOLVE

While I can at least see why Tinsley wrongly tried to shame Caroles life choices, Ramonas childfree shaming is much weirder and unexplainable, like many of her antics this season. During the "New Low" conversation that broke Bethenny and Ramonas frenemyship for good, when Ramona attempted to use the Skinnygirl moguls 6-year-old daughter to shame her, Carole stood up for her best friend. She calmly asked if Ramona really couldnt see why Bethenny may be ignoring her in that moment. The pinot grigio fan shot back, "You dont have a daughter, so you dont understand." Ramona point black "insulted" Carole, as the Kennedy family widow put it, because shes never had a child. And, of course, Ramona made it worse, adding, "You cant relate." Carole rightly pointed out anyone, regardless of their parenting status, can understand empathy. Still, Ramona stares at Carole with blank eyes and shakes her head no, signaling she doesnt actually agree with that statement. Yes, really, Ramona believes only fellow moms can understand why she would attack Bethenny in such a public manner and pull her daughter into the drama.

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Can Everyone On RHONY Stop Shaming Carole Radziwill For Not Having Children? - Refinery29

The endless stereotypes about women include the myths that we all dream of nurturing a child; although this stereotype is accurate for some women, it is not for all

Im sitting at a table with a bunch of women and a couple of men. The conversation is about children: how many we hope to have, baby names, would we rather a boy or a girl?

It goes around in a circle and everyone is excited to answer these questions. When its my turn to answer, Im not excited. Im a 20 year old journalism student in my second year of college. My whole life is ahead of me. So how many children do you want? I respond None.

The whole room goes quiet and awkward, until someone chimes in, You are young though, you will want them in the future. The next person is asked the same question, he is a man, he also says he does not want children, but this time there is no awkward silence, they accept his answer and move on.

Perhaps most women do dream of having children and of becoming a mother, but the fact is I dont. I want a career and I want that career to be my child, I dont see anything wrong with that.

Throughout my life, I have never wanted a child or fantasised about motherhood. Its not what I want out of life. I salute to the women who dream of becoming a mother and giving birth, for having the strength to deal with breastfeeding and the constant care of another, more vulnerable being.

I empathise with women who want to be a mothers and cant, but just because I dont desire children does not make me selfish. Many female celebrities get pitied for having a child-free life by choice. Successful women who have chosen a child-free life that they have been shamed for and it has only made them stronger in their decision.

Jennifer Aniston lives a child-free life and refuses to be pitied for it. I have worked too hard in this life and this career to be whittled down to a sad childless human, she told Marie Claire magazine.

Oprah Winfrey also chose not to have children, saying, If I had kids, my kids would hate me, because something in my life would have had to suffer, and it would probably have been them.

Helen Mirren waited to have kids and it never happened: It was not my destiny. I didnt care what people thought. It was only boring old men who would ask me. And whenever they went, What, no children? Well you better get on with it, old girl, Id say No! F**koff!. Nice one, Helen.

When they detect reluctance, parents say things like you have no idea what you are missing but that doesnt make sense. I see mothers everywhere and while I know its not the whole picture I get a clear sense of what it entails. Why would their lives change our minds? If we dont want what we see on the outside, why would we want what we see on the inside?

The endless stereotypes about women include the myths that we all dream of nurturing a child; although this stereotype is accurate for some women, it is not for all. In fact, there are many men who also suit this stereotype.

From a very young age, I have never seen a child in my future. I dont have a maternal bone in my body. I am going to college to get a degree to find a stimulating career path, one I do not want to give up or compromise on for a child. I shouldnt be expected to want a child because I have a uterus.

There are many reasons I dont want to be a parent. I never fully had a childhood myself having spent many of my early years looking after my autistic sister. To some degree, I have already experienced what being a mother is like and I can safely say its not for me.

I also worry that my child might have special needs and that as a result I would not be able to live the life I imagine for myself. My ambition in life is to have a full-time career not to be a full-time carer.

Seeing a woman who is resolutely childfree seems to seems to give people licence to call women selfish, self-absorbed, and shallow. There are many reasons these women do not want children. Pregnancy itself takes a serious toll on a persons life and it consumes the person. Fertility issues are often a reason as when faced with them, people can question the necessity of having kids.

There are a lot of expectations with having children: to be a perfect mother and to make perfect choices. Not everyone wants the pressure (I dont). And not all women are programmed with maternal instinct. Career ambitions can take priority and children do not fit into every lifestyle.

I have my reasons, but reasons should not be necessary. I shouldnt have to explain. Our choices about what we do with our bodies are deeply personal. We should stop pitying or putting down people who chose to have a child-free life.

Originally posted here:

Why am I expected to have children just because I'm a woman? - Irish Times

You're finally alone, ready to start your vacation. You turn to your beloved, about to speak. But then... "WAAAAH!" Suddenly, the sounds of silence are punctuated by a fretful, crying baby -- and the child is wailing as if it may not stop until it reaches college age.

When one travels, this happens all the time....in airports, on trains, planes, in restaurants, even in hotels with thin walls. Peace of mind is shattered by ear-piercing cries from OPBs (Other People's Babies).

What can you do?

Even if you have children, love kids, or are planning to start a family, you shouldn't have to spend a romantic vacation surrounded by the sticky-fingered set. The good news is, you don't have to. There are plenty of places that offer vacations without children; you just have to be selective.

Many all-inclusive resorts such as Sandals, SuperClubs, and Iberostar Grand Hotelsrestrict guests under age 16 or 18 -- so any immature people you may encounter on a vacation at such properties will be emotionally, rather than chronologically, immature.

Also, numerous fine inns, especially those furnished with treasured antiques, do not accept youngsters.

I don't know of any cruise line that restricts children, but if you want to avoid the little darlings, your best bet is a river cruise. More expensive than ocean cruises, they have zero facilities for children and tend to attract an older crowd.

(The one exception is AmaWaterways, which partners with Disney on a few sailings and is launching some custom-built ships for family travelers.)

On an ocean cruise, sailing a longer itinerary to distant ports at times other than summer and school breaks certainly cuts down on the likelihood you will encounter toddlers to teens.

Large cruise ships are starting to make concessions to adults:

I've spoken with many hoteliers and they tell me the best times to travel are what they call the "romance months" of May and September when kids are in school and couples season, which begins after Labor Day and ends before Thanksgiving. Personally, I've found October and early June relatively childfree times to travel as well. Also, immediately before a major holiday, such as the first two weeks in November or in February before spring break is a safe bet.

The term "family-friendly" is a red flag for me and should be for others who'd rather not vacation among children. If you book such a resort, expect children to be seen and heard throughout your stay.

We once took advantage of a Valentine's Weekend package at a family-friendly resort expecting a reprieve from the shrieks of infants, but we were out of luck.

That's because it coincided with President's Day weekend. And further to the consternation of childfree couples, new parents towed newborns along on what was intended to be a romantic interlude. One of the contributors to this site calls it "stroller shock."

Still, some multi-generational resorts do make a concerted effort to keep romantic couples and rambunctious families separate. The more upscale a place you select, the more likely it will have facilities that segregate children from grown-ups. Most hotel spas are off-limits to kids, for example, and better hotels and cruise lines feature adults-only pools. Among them:

Beware of hotels that have adults-only swim hours, though: While you won't have to put up with screams and splashing, you will be swimming in the same water where diapers may have dipped earlier.

Let the resort manager know how much you appreciate being in a serene, childfree space. The more you patronize places that cater exclusively to adults, the better it will be for everyone who likes to unwind without the presence of children.

Now if Disney would only make one day a month for adults on vacation without children, we'd be delighted.

See the rest here:

Vacation without Children - Childfree Getaways - TripSavvy

No sending the kids off to school, no demands to be met,and waking up when you feel like, may seem like a distant dream for most parents. Even then, leaving thechildren behind while going on a vacation drowns many parents in guilt. But trust us when we say taking a child-free vacation is not only healthy for your relationship, but is also one favour you must extend to your kid. And thats why you must take cue from Twinkle Khanna and Akshay Kumar, Bollywoods coolest couple who are on a European holiday.

What's more, Twinkle Khanna herself advocates going on a childfree vacation. Check out the picture she posted from her holiday in Paris last month. And dont miss the caption.

And heres why you too should take a break for yourself and your partner.

It keeps frustration from building up: You yelling at the children and they snapping back leads to exhaustion, which in turns leads to more yelling and more snapping back. Take a few days off your duties as a parent to prevent this frustration from building up.

It takes your conversation beyond kids: More often than not, being parents mean your interaction with your partner revolves around your child. Make up for the lost partner time by reliving those old carefree days by talking to, and just about, each other.

It will make you love your child more: Theres a reason why they say happy couples make for happy parents. A relaxed, rejuvenated you will return re-energised to fulfill your responsibilities as a parent.

Makes kids bond with other family members: Asking your parents or siblings to babysit gives them and your child an opportunity to know each other and bond well. This is not only essential as a family, but it also gives your child their first lessons in social interaction.

Teaches kids responsibility: Even though you will ensure a support system to take care of your kid, your absence makes them learn to do little things on their own from putting themselves to bed, to packing their schoolbags, having food on their own, and so on.

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Why you should go on a child-free vacation - Femina