Category Archives: Childfree

Working in the healthcare system is demanding, whether theres a pandemic going on or not, especially around the holidays.

Surely everyone would like to be able to enjoy the holidays with their families, so it stands to reason coworkers would take turns covering holiday shifts, pointed out the Am I the A**hole? (AITA) subReddit.

Despite this logic,Redditor Caffeinated_Tragedy was pressured to give up her time with family because she was childfree.

When her coworkers with kids started giving her the cold shoulder, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was selfish to keep her time off.

She asked the sub:

AITA for not agreeing to work Christmas for coworkers with children?

The OP was excited to spend Christmas with her family.

Ive (23 [Female]) been employed at my work for about a year now. I got hired on right after I graduated. (I work in healthcare.)

Our holiday schedules switch each year, meaning employees are scheduled to work every other Christmas.

I worked last Christmas (the 23rd, 24th, 25th, and 26th), meaning this year Im scheduled to be off for Christmas.

I dont have children, but I am very close with my family and so I was looking forward to not having to worry about work and spend Christmas time completely focused on them.

Coworkers came forward, asking to trade shifts.

Our Christmas schedule has come out, and this has led to annoyed parents of small children because they have to work Christmas this year.

I was approached by a few coworkers about me working their Christmas shifts (Employees are able to do shift exchanges, meaning you can trade shifts) and they would work shifts of mine before Christmas.

Everyone knows that my boyfriend and I (25 [Male]) dont have children as of yet, so I tend to be one of the people that get asked the most for shift exchanges.

I declined the coworkers that asked if I would work their Christmas this year, and I could tell there was annoyance about this.

The thing is if I agreed to work this Christmas I would almost definitely be working three Christmases in a row because I doubt I would be able to find anyone to switch with me next year if I tried as obviously Christmas is a time where no one willingly wants to work.

The OP felt conflicted.

I may not have kids but my family is very close, and my grandparents have medical problems so I try to enjoy every moment with them I can.

I was also looking forward to not feeling exhausted during family time.

Seeing the annoyance of coworkers when I declined made me feel both bad and frustrated.

I understand that everyone obviously wants to be with their kids during Christmas, but I want to be with my family too.

So Im wondering AITA for saying no to working Christmas if I dont have kids?

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

Some said the OP already worked her holiday hours.

NTA. You worked it last year and your vacation plans are just as important as those with kids.

You did your part and now its someone elses turn. Hi_Im_Dadbot

The only thing I dont think is fair about how this place is handling this is that its tradable at all, which leads to exactly the problems OP is dealing with, with entitled a**hole child-having employees trying to pressure childless employees out of taking certain holidays with but think of my kids! and similar sentiments. calliatom

I have three grown children, but when they were little (barring accidents or emergencies) I would NEVER try to pull something like this off!

It is so very selfish, especially when those coworkers HAD Christmas off last year! Change jobs if you dont want the possibility of working holidays, but again, NOT OPs problem!!! JipC1963

Those co-workers should also be aware that this is life in healthcare. Holidays are shifted to an alternate day, or celebrated alternate years.

Ive done this for nearly 30 years, its not that hard, Im just glad to get a day off now and then.

And OPs parents want to see their kid on the holiday this year. Zhoenish

Others said the OP wasnt obligated to take every turn just because she was childfree.

You said, Everyone takes turns working.That is the important part. If it is shared around then no problems. But a lot of companies like OPs seem to expect those without kids to ALWAYS deal with it, and those with kids to NEVER deal with it. WelschBluebird1

The company policy is that Christmas time off rotates yearly. The company is dealing with it fairly, by going halves on the Christmas holidays. Coworkers should switch jobs or companies if they cant deal, and not be mad at the OP.

Also, everyone who thinks their time more important because they have children is an AH. Cr4ckshooter

Where I work, the rule is you work Christmas one year and the following year you work New Year. Its understood by all that we all have plans and we all have families/pets/plants that we want to spend Christmas with so we all have to take our turn.

Its so selfish to demand Christmas off every year just because you have kids. Get a different job if youre not willing to do your fair share. Dashcamkitty

OP, you are NOT the a**hole. Why is it that you are less of a person just because you dont have kids?

It annoys the h88l out of me that people expect others to just roll over because they dont have kids. Your life matters just as much, and h**l, youre someones kid too! How would they feel if their kids co-workers asked them to stay so they could be with their kids. The SouternRose

Though the OP thought she might be selfish by declining to cover for parenting coworkers Christmases, the subReddit didnt think so. The OP had already taken her turn the previous year, and even if she helped one of her coworkers, wouldnt the others be bitter that she didnt help them instead?

This hardly seems like a winning situation, compared to what all the coworkers could have done if theyd simply planned ahead once the schedule had been released.

View original post here:

Childfree Woman Won't Cover Christmas Shifts For Coworkers ...

"1. We both felt the world was moving in a direction that can't be sustained. Research on global climate change wasn't part of the picture, but ecologically unsound practices were.

2. We're both from families where there are plenty of children and grandchildren. So, our genes will be represented, without more taken from the available resources.

3. We both endured teasing about our physical appearances and didn't want our children to suffer the same.

4. We'd both been exposed to more-than-average levels of radiation and didn't want to risk it.

5. Personally, I was concerned about being a good parent. (My husband, on the other hand, would have been amazing.)

6. By the time we were in a position to support having children, I felt I was too old. I'm the child of a 40-year-old mother who had five children before me and one after and although I would never have told her this, I really felt that some of us didn't get the time and energy that her eldest got. I didn't want to do that to another being.

Instead of having kids, we participated in helping those already here, in a number of ways. In the end, we wish circumstances had been different, but do not regret our decision."

u/SheSellsSeashellsBts

More here:

People Who Are Childfree And Over 50 Are Sharing How They Now Feel About Their Decision To Not Have Kids - BuzzFeed

British writer and podcaster Emma Gannon is candid about her decision to not have kids. In other words, like the protagonist in her debut novel Olive, she is childfree by choice. And shes not alone. In a recent Pew survey, 44% of nonparents 18 to 49 years old said it wasnt likely theyd have kids. Thats 7% more people who felt that way than in 2018.And while population growth in the US has been slowing for years driven in part by lower birth rates the pandemic has led to record lows.

But even though it seems the choice to be child-free is gaining traction, we still live in a society where women are often expected to be mothers. Sometimes to the point where doctors might deny them hysterectomies or other surgeries that could stop them from getting pregnant because of concerns they might regret not having biological kids.

So its time to have a frank discussion about the choice to be childfree. Thats where Emma Gannon comes in. She talked to us with the hope that sharing her story could help other people figure out theirs.

The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Most of us grow up being very influenced by society and by others. Even as a little kid, you might have a doll that you push around in a stroller. It's so weird. Like we're being trained. For me, there were these signs. I remember reading Eat, Pray, Love and seeing Elizabeth Gilbert travel the world. There's a reason like 10 million people read that book. There was something about a woman saying, I don't want any of this. I want to go and be by myself and do yoga.

That was a pivotal moment. It was a long time ago, but look at Instagram now and it's full of people finding themselves in Bali or wherever. But that's why I think we need more role models. I can't believe I hadnt seen a novel with a childfree character. We've got Samantha Jones in Sex and the City. And people like Jennifer Aniston speaking about it in the news. But that's not really enough. I hope that reading Olive, or an article I've written about how I believe childfree women can be so happy and fulfilled, could be someone else's pivotal moment.

I did have a few magazines call me childless when I was promoting Olive all of last year. And it made me feel a bit weird because I do think the less indicates that you are missing out or that you're lacking something. I do use childfree, but I also wish we had another word, because thats still defining yourself by what you're free from.

It definitely came from a personal place. I felt myself at a bit of a crossroads and started to feel that sort of creeping-in feeling of, I'm 30 and I know that my life might look different to my friends. [Gannon is now 32.]

My friends were starting to talk about family vacations we could all go on together with our kids. And I was like, Oh, that does not sound like it's going to be me. And then I just put a tweet out randomly one day saying, Is anyone out there childfree by choice? I got about 100 messages in about an hour, and then I started emailing people. I interviewed about 50 women of all ages. I had people who were like 17 years old, saying, Emma, I know I don't want kids. I feel so alone, and I feel like I'm not being seen. And no one in my family believes me. And then I had women in their 80s who had emailed me, saying, My life is amazing. Don't worry. It's great over here being childfree.

The common theme was that these women felt like they weren't being seen by popular culture and the people in their lives. I remember one woman saying that every time you say you don't want children, people act suspicious of you. And that really summed up this feeling of how you feel a bit weird. A bit alien.

I have a group of four best friends, and they all want to be mothers. One has two children. And it was this feeling of, we went to school together, we moved to London at the same time, we met boyfriends at the same time. And then suddenly my best friend goes through this thing that I don't think I'll ever understand after I used to understand absolutely everything about her as a person.

I can probably understand that she's busy and that her children come first, but it was just this feeling that you aren't as important anymore, which sounds a little bit selfish and demanding. But also what I love about being a childfree woman is I do have amazing conversations with my friends who are mothers. I feel like they can tell me stuff they can't tell other moms. They do say it is competitive in the world of motherhood. But I've got nothing to judge, you know?

I do think we have to normalize the idea that it's becoming a bit more of an inappropriate question for a lot of people. We don't know what people are going through. One approach is to kindly point out that it's not something you want to discuss right now. I think you can just say that and shut it down. And then I think people will learn over time, like, Oh, right. That's not really something that's up for debate.

For me, Im quite direct because I think people need to really wake up to the fact that it can be really triggering if someone's privately trying to have a baby and is struggling to conceive. [theSkimm has a guide on fertility challenges.] You just don't know. I get the kids question a lot because I have a lot of nieces and nephews. And so, whenever I'm holding a baby and I love my nieces and nephews it's like, Oh, you're going to be next, aren't you? I'm sure you're going to be a great mother.

Theyre nice comments, but I just openly say, Oh, I don't think that's going to be me. Weirdly, I used to say, I'm not sure. Which is kind of true, who knows. But I feel like I was doing that to be culturally more palatable to people.

Luckily, my parents were totally fine with it. I think, for a lot of childfree women, they worry so much about upsetting their parents because a lot of parents can't wait to be grandparents. That's not a reason to have children. But its really such a personal decision. And I do think that in this world and society, we go with the flow in so many phases of life, and we don't actually sit down and think about what we want to do half the time. And I think sometimes people can literally find themselves getting married and having babies without even really thinking about it. So that's what I care about: empowering people to make the right choices for themselves.

It is a very valid question and I think it comes up a lot with childfree women that they almost feel like they have to have something else going on to make up for not having kids. That's something I try to push back against. I don't feel like women should have to try to fill the gap, because I don't believe being childfree leaves a gap.

But I suppose, personally, I do have something that will always take up a lot of space in my life, which is being a writer and being creative. And I know it sounds really cheesy, and I really don't like it when women or men talk about their book being their 'baby,' because it's not the same. But I do feel like I'm creating in different ways. I do think I'm going to leave behind a portfolio of work. It's not the same as having children, but it's my version of doing something while I'm here on this planet.

Emma Gannons novel Olive is out now. Her next book, (Dis)connected: How To Stay Human in an Online World, is now available for preorder.

Skimm'd by Carly Mallenbaum, Becky Murray, and Anthony Rivas

See original here:

Why I'm Childfree: Author Emma Gannon on Her Choice Not to Have Kids - theSkimm

While many people prepare to take time off for the December holidays, workers in certain fields get assigned to stay on the clock on typical days off.

But who gets stuck with those shifts? Too often, companies assign holiday workdays to people who are single and/or dont have children under the assumption that they need the time off less than their peers who are married and/or parents.

Take it from Sophie, a hospital social worker. She said the idea that single women need or deserve that time off less isnt pervasive at her current salaried job, but came up all the time when she worked retail and gig jobs.

So much so that I internalized it by offering to work major holidays, stating, Well, I dont have a family, I dont need to be home for insert holiday here, she said. I dont have a family?! What ... Kool-Aid was I drinking to completely disregard my parents, sibling and chosen family that I was volunteering for busy shifts?

Managers should be careful not to assume that single and/or childfree people dont need holiday time as much as others do.

What Sophie and many other single, childfree employees experience is known as singlism, according to social scientist Bella DePaulo, a term she defines as the stigmatizing of and discrimination against people who are single.

DePaulo finds that single people are often stereotyped as not having a life outside of work.

Of course, that is totally untrue, she has previously told HuffPost. Single people have people who matter to them, and commitments and interests and passions that matter to them. All that should be irrelevant, anyway: [The] workplace should be about work. Everything should even out how often you get to leave early, come in on the holidays, get your choice of vacation times, etc. such that over time, every worker is treated the same, and marital status or parental status do not matter at all.

If you dont have children to support or a married partner to spend time with, do you not deserve to have a restful holiday break? Too many employers seem to think not. In response to a HuffPost callout about single discrimination, a reader named Emily shared that she was always the one who had to sacrifice time with her family and loved ones at her job in college development.

It wasnt even a question, she said. It did so much damage to my relationships family upset I could never join them for gatherings, significant other frustrated that I allowed work to become a priority over our relationship and home. It nearly broke us up.

I loved my job and the perks of business and pleasure. But sometimes, you just hate it and ask, Why me? Again?

- Patricia, former military staffer

A HuffPost reader named Patricia said not being married was the reason she was assigned long deployments that would often fall on holidays at her military job.

My boss reason was simply because I was single, she said. Doesnt my kid count as family? ... I loved my job and the perks of business and pleasure. But sometimes, you just hate it and ask, Why me? Again?

Theres a fairer way to assign holiday shifts.

So what would be a better system? There isnt just one answer. Some organizations organize holiday schedules based on seniority, but managers should keep in mind that that system leaves people out, too.

Seniority usually means it will favor people who have families, who are going to be older, said Mary Abbajay, president of the leadership development consultancy Careerstone Group. She noted shes seen single, childfree people pushed to work holiday days, especially in industries like health care and retail that are reliant on shift work.

Whatever organizations do, they shouldnt wing it. Instead, they could try involving employees impacted by the process and see what they would recommend to make the process more fair, Abbajay said.

Maybe make an equation out of it. Seniority gets you one point; maybe you lose a point if you took it off last year. Something that automatically doesnt give it to the people who have been there the longest or who have the kids. Maybe you have a lottery for some people, Abbajay said. The bottom line is get creative about how you could make this feel more fair and inclusive.

Organizations should also consider rewarding employees who work the holidays with money or a small gift, she added. Something that says, You know what, I really appreciate that you fell on the sword for this one. You want your people always to feel valued and appreciated, especially if they have to work the holidays.

Extra paid time off would also do the trick.

Sophie said her advice would be for companies to first put holiday shifts up for grabs, because there are definitely folks who prefer to work those shifts for a variety of reasons, she noted. Then, whatever remaining gaps there are, look at whoever worked the previous year/years and ask if they want to work it again this year. If they dont, then establish a type of rotating schedule or pull from a hat.

If you are a single, unmarried employee who keeps getting assigned holiday shifts, you can try broaching the topic as a request to your boss, Abbajay said, but make sure its not phrased as a complaint. In the meantime, get those holiday requests in early.

Its hard to say no when youre early, she said.

As for Sophie, she said she knows better now than to volunteer for holiday shifts. Older peers who were retired and her colleagues with adult children helped her realize that she deserved time off for the holidays, just like anyone else.

Last year she worked all the major holidays she celebrates Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Day, New Years Eve and Day because of COVID. Now, this year when I was asked to work those same holidays, I smiled and said I had already put in my time and that this year I was taking all of them off, she said.

Original post:

The Worst Assumption People Make About Their Single Colleagues During The Holidays - HuffPost

There's this idea that women talk with each other about everything.

We sit around and swap notes about childbirth, our incredible sex lives, or how we really feel about sucking up the whole burden of housework.

But after five years of working on ABC podcast, Ladies We Need to Talk, and revisiting all the interviews, research and audience emails while writing our new book, we're here to tell you that this is not true.

There are lots of important topics that are skirted around or ignored by people from every age and culture.

Hundreds of women have shared stories with us they have otherwise been too afraid or ashamed to tell anyone. Here are some of the ones that stood out to us (and yes,painful sex is one of them).

Claudine: So often people would tell us they had felt too awkward or embarrassed to talk about their fetish, fear, pain or the thing that brings them pleasure.

Yumi: Sure some of these taboos were about sex. Painful sex, having a fetish, having zero interest in sex, or a need for more foreplay. Others shared stories about bodies like how they find their bodies revolting or their long-held shame about their periods (yep, still a taboo in 2021!).

Claudine: Then there are the taboos that still exist in our relationships whether it be questioning monogamy, rejecting the mental load or choosing to be childfree.

Yumi: When something is taboo, it means you can't talk about it. There's shame attached.

And if your very body feels shame or gets a sense of that taboo, because it's lopsided, or extra horny, you feel alone! You feel unworthy. Taboos gag us.

Claudine: It breaks my heart the number of times we have heard from women who are experiencing really painful sex.

Very often it's not the thing they are contacting us about, it's mentioned as if it's an irrelevant detail in a much more important story.

Yumi: When one of our experts, sexologist Tanya Koens, said that sex should never, ever hurt, I remember a few of us took her aside and said, "Are you SURE?" because we've all been brainwashed into thinking that pain is part of the package when you're a heterosexual woman.

And by the way, she said she was sure! Pain is not part of the deal with sex if you're doing it right.

Claudine: Sex should never hurt. Not ever. Not even the first time. Not unless you want it to.

For a long time, Michelle thought her pain was just part of being a woman. And when she did finally speak to several GPs, her experiencewasn't validated.

Claudine: I was a grown adult woman who was pregnant before I first used the word 'vulva'. Even then I didn't really know what it was, I thought it was another word for vagina.

Yumi: I thought, "It sounds like a cross between Volvo the car, and 'vulgar'."

Claudine: I share this embarrassing snippet knowing that in 2021 there are still some people with vulvas who don't really know exactly what that is.

Yumi: 'Vulva' and 'vagina' are not interchangeable words. Wilfully ignoring this is a way of telling ourselves our bodies don't matter, or they're too gross to be honest about.

The vulva is the external parts of the female genitals and includes a number of body parts including, the vaginal opening. The vagina is the internal tube that connects the uterus to outside the body.

Claudine: I'm not sure why many of us are still uncomfortable enunciating the word vulva, it's just a word. An innocuous word that describes a very specific part of the human anatomy.

If you are a bit uncomfortable saying the word vulva. Why not start practising.

Start by simply saying it to yourself first, then build up to using it in a conversation with a trusted loved one. See if you can work it into the conversation with your GP.

Yumi: If you think, "That's gross, I don't wanna say that nasty word!" why? That's probably internalised shame. There is nothing inherently wrong or gross about any body part.

Claudine: Truth is, if you are a grown-up, with a grown-up body, who enjoys doing grown-up things, then you need to know your body. You need to know its names.

Want to know how to close the orgasm gap? Riding your hormonal rollercoaster blindfolded? Feel like kicking your mental load to the kerb? You're not the only one.

Yumi: I was a grown-ass adult woman still being caught by surprise every month when I got my period.

Still hitting emotional rock-bottom and shaking my fists at the sky, "WHYYYY?!" every month before realising, "oh", I was pre-menstrual. Every month.

When I realised that I and most of my friends were living in an information blackout about our hormones, I was furious.

The monthly hormonal roller coaster we ride can have a massive impact on our mental and physical health and yet we blithely sail around on it hoping if we ignore it, it will go away.

Claudine: My takeaway, after speaking to a bunch of experts and hearing from women with their own lived experience, is that there is a spectrum of experiences when it comes to the impact of hormones on our mental health and energy.

At one end of the spectrum are women who experience a condition called PMDD, which makes their life miserable for weeks every cycle. At the other end are those who really do not notice much difference during their different phases.

Yumi: But you will never know how much of an impact hormones are having on your life unless you start to track your cycle to see what is going on.

The thing lockdown has shown me is that a lot of the adornment and body decorating I thought I found 'fun' I didn't engage with when I was just with myimmediate family, Yumi writes.

Claudine: I've always considered myself fairly low maintenance when it comes to spending time on my appearance. But I had never appreciated how much mental energy so many of us, myself included, expend on our appearance.

When I learnt about 'body checking', all those moments throughout the day when you quickly check your appearance, I started to notice how often I do it.

Yumi: No one is surprised to hear that women spend a lot more time and money on looking 'groomed' than men.

But the kicker is when this so-called 'beauty gap' is enforced by our workplaces with no extra compensation AND we discover through COVID that not having to front up to work meant that actually most of us didn't care about looking "groomed".

Whether it's blatantly enforced in the rules of your workplace or expected as an unwritten convention, we're all victims of it.

Yumi: Everyone who's worked on the podcast has learned that embarrassing conversations get less embarrassing the more you have them.

It's a basic desensitisation technique, and I, for one, am here for it.

Claudine: In our work together, we decided to head right into those no-go zones. The ones that make us feel the most uncomfortable and that most urgently need to be talked about.

I think of it as a form of training that will one day empower us and those who come after us.

Yumi: Our podcast has spent five years removing the gags and unpacking every taboo affecting women that we could think of.

Yumi Stynes is a writer, broadcaster and television presenter. She has been the host of Ladies, We Need To Talk since 2017.

Claudine Ryan is a health journalist, podcast producer and editor at the ABC. She pitched the podcast with Yumi in 2017 and was supervising producer during the first season.

During the pandemic, the pair decided it would be a good idea to write a book based on the podcast.

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Posted16 Dec 202116 Dec 2021Thu 16 Dec 2021 at 7:00pm, updated17 Dec 202117 Dec 2021Fri 17 Dec 2021 at 2:39am

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We spoke to hundreds of women for Ladies, We Need to Talk. These are the most common things you talked about - ABC News

A mum has asked the internet if she is acting unreasonable after she refused to attend her daughter's lizard gender reveal.

The anonymous woman, 48, took to Reddit to request advice as the argument with her 23-year-old daughter quickly descended into a fight about her decision to remain child-free.

Posting online, the upset mother admitted she "found it weird" to be invited to a pet's gender reveal and refused to turn up to the party only for her daughter to interpret it as resentment for not having her grandchildren.

READ MORE: Mum furious over mother-in-law's puppy name choice

"This is literally really stupid but she's really upset about it," the woman started the post. "So my daughter has a blue tongue skink who she heavily adores.

"She jokingly refers to it as her daughter, I've found it weird but she says it's because it's the closest thing she'd have to a child and she feels a strong emotional bond similar to a child."

The daughter had invited her mother to the "joke" gender reveal for the skink, explaining it was more a reason to catch up with friends and family she hadn't seen in a while.

"She said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that was more of a joke and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone," the woman continued.

"I told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because I'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real granddaughter."

READ MORE: Security camera catches delivery driver's wholesome effort

The woman explained her daughter had decided to not have children and she was "supportive" of her choice.

However, after not turning up to the tongue-in-cheek gender reveal, she said the topic became a sore point between them.

"She got quiet for a minute and then turned my words around, claiming I wasn't supportive of her decision to be childfree," the woman added.

I told her she can't possibly expect me to treat a lizard as a granddaughter, she said she didn't expect me to but it was clear I didn't respect her bond with her lizard and her decision, and she just wanted to see me and my reason for coming was hurtful."

READ MORE: Aldi'snew kitchen gadget voted best in Australia

"I told her she was being ridiculous over a lizard, she claimed it wasn't over the lizard and it was a gathering and not even centred around the lizard, but I stick by to what I said. It's ridiculous to have a gender reveal for a lizard."

After their heated conversation, the woman revealed her daughter's best friend sent her a message calling her an "a---hole" for not joining them at the party.

Asking Reddit users if she was in the wrong, the confused mum received countless comments from people who suggested the woman was likely "resentful" that her daughter wasn't giving her grandchildren.

Others said the woman should have realised it was simply an excuse for the daughter to spend time with her mum.

"Literally, it was obvious OP's daughter just wanted to see her and then she flipped it and said the lizard isn't her granddaughter," one person commented.

"Yeah, YTA, but it's not because you won't be there to celebrate the revealing of the lizard genitals. It's just because your daughter wanted to spend time with you, and you brushed her off Cats in the Cradle style," another said.

One mused: "I'd also like to point out, OP is probably harbouring resentment about grandkids, and that is coming through as well."

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Every winner of the 2021 comedy pet photo awards

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Mum locked in bitter argument with adult daughter after refusing to attend her lizard gender reveal - 9Honey

There's one important thing to remember when you realize that Penny ends "The Big Bang Theory" pregnant she said repeatedly that she didn't want a child, and had done so after marrying Leonard, and often during the final season. She actually informs Leonard of this fact repeatedly (per Vulture), even though he hopes at least once that there will be a mistake and that she will become pregnant.Leonard reacts to her desire to remain childfree with disappointment, and since this is an adamant need of Penny's and he's so desperate to be a father he nearly donates sperm to an acquaintance, it proves to be yet another dividing line between them. He has long wanted to have children with her, and this display of baby rabies is reflective of the intense insecurity with which he approached their relationship before their first breakup. It's as if he needs to nail Penny in place for fear that she will leave him.

This is close to what happens; Penny becomes pregnant after forgetting to encourage Leonard to put a condom on after a long, drunken night with Sheldon at The Cheesecake Factory. That results in the audience feeling as if he's entrapped her, performing a mild form of partner coercion in the process.Penny compromises her ideals and dreams for an ordinary life with Leonard who, while he's finally learned that Penny isn't his cardboard dream woman, freaks out and tries to overcompensate. It points up a fundamental lack of compatibility that the show never bothers to fully solve or partially resolved and then failed to stick to.

Continued here:

Big Bang Theory: The Worst Part Of Leonard And Penny's Relationship - Looper

Research (and your diary) shows that becoming a parent decreases contact with friends. But outside the baby bubble, asks Gemma Askham, 38, where does that leave the childfree?

The Instagram posts jolted me like turbulence. One friend announced her engagement; another posted the top table at her wedding (I didnt even know she was engaged). Surprise and joy turned into something sadder. When had we drifted so far? Living in different cities hadnt helped. Nor Covid British and French studies both found that lockdowns shrunk friendship circles. But, in truth, our worlds lost orbit two years earlier: when my now-engaged friend FaceTimed me clutching a bump instead of a G&T, and the other handed me an envelope and beamed as I pulled out a scan.

As someone childfree, a pregnancy announcement means that person is moving to a place Ill never quite get. Despite all the memories, laughs and common ground before, some things change instantly. My I cant wait to see you! is met with I cant wait for you to meet them! a third person already in our gang of two. Once a child is here, frustrations build. At gatherings, when the story youre telling gets cut off by a dropped spoon, you learn that everything you just uttered will have been forgotten. The chasm is felt both ways. During a weekend away with families, my husband and I messed up when the food we were making wasnt ready until after their kids mealtime. A mother would know what time children eat, one mum scolded.

#Childfree might be a growing Gen Z movement, with over 174 million TikTok views, but at 38 Im an outlier. They say the urge for offspring will come: when you meet the right person, own a house. Yet as I ticked off landmarks without a twinge, I realised that the desire to have children wasnt coming. When mums described the infinity of maternal love, or suggested we try to conceive and let nature decide as if my own choice couldnt be trusted I felt dysfunctional. A gay friend finally offered perspective. I cant explain why Im not attracted to women, other than that Im just not. I expect its the same for you not wanting children, he said, nailing it.

Simple and yet not, in practice. In my twenties, I remember the evening my housemate Julia told me she was moving in with her boyfriend. I was so happy for her and yet devastated. A decade older, Id be lying if I said I hadnt felt disappointment when yet another couple said they had some news particularly if I thought (or hoped) they would swerve children too.

Now in my late thirties, I ask if other women without children feel the same. Youre thrilled for them, but its also, Oh. Because thats it for the friendship as you loved it, confides one. Another feels displaced, particularly around Christmas. For years, you live, socialise and holiday together. Then, overnight, instead of you being their person, they have their own person, and everything falls out of sync routines, priorities, celebrations. Our group of uni friends would always hold a Christmas dinner together in early December. Now its a thing for the kids and we dont even get an invite.

Being childfree is uncharted social territory: even meeting new faces requires more than a free bar and a Secret Santa when youre older and breaking the mould. Last December, my husband Jordi and I moved to Paris. Wed previously lived in Sydney and Barcelona, and made friends easily. But this time I was 37 and Jordi was 40. Similar-aged expats were wrestling toddlers at the Disneyland Christmas Parade. During house party small talk, being a dog mum proved only so relatable to being a human mum: teething issues, yes, breastfeeding, less so. The motherhood questions came again. You dont feel anything? one asked, bemused, as she stared at the family portrait on her phone. It felt as if being childfree had sentenced us to being friend-free, too.

Loneliness made me inventive. I stopped for longer when I met other dog walkers, building a repertoire of faces, then names, then life stories. Instead of using Instagram to track old friends lives which really meant liking visual proof of our differences I pursued my love of interiors, building a network where we chatted design, irrespective of our ovaries. Offline, by surprise, I bonded with mums of teenagers who were also navigating a new life stage now time was their own again.

And when I did feel chemistry with a new mum, I demanded less accepting that a booked-weeks-in-advance dinner, with a booked-weeks-in-advance babysitter, could bring me joy even if we werent each others entire social worlds and hoped for more in time. Researchers in the Netherlands found that new parents friendships are weakest when a child turns three, but women regain contact with friends after their childs fifth birthday. Theres comfort in an academic study validating that drift is, indeed, A Thing and a temporary one.

Meanwhile, Ive made a discovery of my own: any new human in your life takes work, but they dont have to be baby-shaped to be fulfilling.

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The Biggest Barrier To Friendships In Your Thirties? Not Having Kids - Grazia

Award-winning filmmaker and activist Therese Shechters new documentary My So-Called Selfish Life is a gripping film that spotlights societys expectations on women to produce children, and the horrifying limits women face in pursuit of bodily autonomy. The Columbia College graduate and longtime Chicago residentnow based in New Yorkcreated an eye-opening film that exposes the roots behind the promotion of reproduction, known as pronatalism, and reveals the medical hurdles women go through to secure multiple forms of birth control. Whether you identify as a woman or as a human being with either set of reproductive organs, this film will have you rethinking what having children means to you.

My So-Called Selfish Life, which just completed a run at the St. Louis International Film Festival, focuses on a culturally diverse group of women and their personal experiences with the stigma associated with having no interest in childbearing, being compared to old maids or spinsters. This same stigma also pushed many to view child-free women as disliking or even hating children, known as antinatalism, though this is usually never the case. The women in the film charismatically recall their journeys toward feeling confident and aware of their decisions.

My So-Called Selfish LifeDir. Therese Shechter, 78 min. Currently screening at festivals with a wide release planned for 2022.

The documentary introduces terms to add to your ever-growing progressive vocabulary. If you identify as child-free then you have made the deliberate choice to not have children, biologically or through adoption. Childless is defined as desiring to have children but not being able to because of myriad circumstances including lack of partner, economic hardship, or infertility. The redefined term for family can consist of partners with children, partners without children, adults with pets, or a group of friends, sometimes called chosen family.

One of the child-free women interviewed is a young genius, world traveler, and aspiring physicist whose biggest challenge has been finding a doctor who is willing to perform a hysterectomy on her, by choice. Regardless of her reasons for wanting to be sterilized, many doctors refused to perform the legal surgery because they believed she would regret it. Like our young genius, many women have been denied the right to have basic bodily autonomy, defined as control over your own body. Sterilization is legal in all states and anyone who is over the age of 18 can receive that procedure willingly.

In contrast to seeking sterilization is the practice of forced sterilization, created during the nightmare known as the eugenics movement. During times of slavery, eugenics fueled racial biases, determining which ethnicities should produce and which should not. Eugenics, admired by Adolf Hitler, and pronatalism were tools used by white supremacists to justify keeping control over marginalized communities.

In the documentary, Shechter presents clear examples of systemic sexism and generational conditioning. She shows how lack of information and parental/societal conditions give many people who would otherwise choose to be childless the urge to reproduce. From start to finish, My So-Called Selfish life is visceral and entertaining. I would definitely recommend watching before the holidays.

It seems common knowledge that women need to be protected and seen as human beings with basic human rights like bodily autonomy. Women make up half the populationthey should get a say in their own lives. Shockingly, women are still being viewed as just a womb, a simple way to produce. When Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed, an article ran stating RBG was a caring mother and wife before mentioning she was a Supreme Court justice. No offense to her kids and faithful husband, but I dont think they were making her decisions in the courtroom. Ultimately, living a child-free life is a choice that any human being has the right to make for themselves, without judgement from others.

To find out more about Shechter, her passions and successes, and the team behind @MySoCalledSelfishLife, RSVP to the My So-Called Selfish Holidays event, How To Survive The Holidays As A Childfree Person: A Virtual Gathering, December 2 at 7 PM through Eventbrite, $15.

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My So-Called Selfish Life rejects the societal expectation that all women should have children - Chicago Reader

Whether you purposefully wanted one out, or lifestyle simply provided her for you as a wonderful wonder, right Extra resources here you will be, internet dating a single mommy

Whether you intentionally looked for one out, or lifestyle simply provided their for your requirements as a delightful shock, right here you might be, online dating an individual mommy. Shes wise, attractive, sorts, and enjoying.

Despite every issues one mother faces , she is able to control the woman some time and focus on the most important thing in daily life. Shes nothing beats the childfree lady youve dated prior to.

This really is new region for your needs, therefore normally are seeking some unmarried moms internet dating recommendations, as you involve some questions regarding ideas on how to date a single mom with the intention that both of you are content.

Dating one mommy is somewhat distinctive from taking place a frequent big date. It is vital that you understand that like any different times, this comes with their collection of downs and ups.

Therefore, now that youve located your ex of your dreams, and wish to plunge into matchmaking, be sure to matured adequate to just benefit from the thinking to be in love but are responsible sufficient to anticipate the difficulties.

Sometimes, online dating an individual mom might not be desirable to various boys considering specific factors or failure to regulate the help of its programs.

But is focused on engagement and determination in matchmaking in addition to the preference. In conclusion, whether or not you might be dating one parent, you should undoubtedly hit some compatibility.

Just as much as you realize love is difficult, so does your spouse. There are specific objectives they might posses from you and would search some traits within their people. Below are a few issues have to know they desire their perfect mate getting:

As an individual mother or father, whomever was part of their life will fundamentally be an integral part of the girl childs existence. Very, she must decide not merely ideal companion but a right part design on her child.

You have to know you should be serious about the girl and never experiment for the partnership. She actually is more than likely desire a mature guy whos ready to give in toward relationship and you also must only showcase interest if you are serious.

You ought to be mature adequate to recognize that she is a mummy very first, a sweetheart later on. The woman is controlling all of it by yourself. Thus, unless you both include formally involved, you need to promote the woman the area to control the woman concerns.

Getting an individual mom does not indicate shes poor. You have to see the girl skills as well as how liable she is. On her son or daughter, this woman is a superwoman. Therefore, you ought not cast your own pity eyes on her.

Additionally see: Relationships Individual Moms

Here are 15 commitment advice for matchmaking one mommy, and exactly how it is possible to make this an excellent, healthy, and life-enhancing feel the two of you!

Before, with your childfree girlfriends, your time got your very own. You can propose a spontaneous balancing with very little observe and be sipping and dancing an hour or so after.

When matchmaking a woman with toddlers, shes want to some advance observe for your schedules because she must line-up childcare.

And, unless this lady youngsters is at a sleepover within dads or friends, there will be no late nights. No staying down till the wee time associated with the day because you have had these an enjoyable experience, while dont desire this to get rid of.

No, shes regarding the time clock. Shes got a baby-sitter to pay and discharge, and an early-morning security to get their child up and prepared for college.

Looking at theyve kids, you really must be fine with flexible times of schedules, phone calls and conferences. Avoid being strict because it simply add to the force and stress their ties with these people.

How exactly to date a woman with a young child? Contrary to a childfree girl that has all the time on the planet to buy your own union, the single mothers number 1 focus will be the welfare of the lady youngsters.

That does not mean she doesnt experience the time for you concentrate on you.

When online dating girls with teenagers, shell provide just what she will be able to, and this will be most special to her also to you.

Itll you need to be parceled out around what she is giving to the lady youngsters. And thats a great signal as it suggests the woman is a thoughtful, severe people.

However, few are able to grasp this concept, and this is precisely why males will not date unmarried mothers.

You will want to merely give attention to entering the region of online dating if you find yourself prepared for dedication . Being sure on the timing can help you both achieve clearness and keep carefully the commitment smooth.

Getting obvious will also help the two of you manage private existence along with other elements of your life better.

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Whether you purposefully wanted one out, or lifestyle simply provided her for you as a wonderful wonder, right here you will be, internet dating a...