New kind of space station detected – Alton Telegraph

New kind of space station detected

More weird news from outer space this week. NASA announced that their Juno probe detected FM radio signals coming from one of Jupiters moons. Scientists are ecstatic about the discovery while bureaucrats at the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) are livid.

Evidently the FCC, which oversees anyone transmitting radio, television or any other kinds of signals, is up in arms that someone might be operating on the FM band without a license and without their expressed consent even if it is 400 million miles away. They are urging the newly formed US Space Force to investigate and send a spaceship with investigators to fine the scofflaws and make an example of them. There are teams of lawyers at this very minute drafting cease and desist orders and salivating over how big of a fine they can levy at them for operating illegally. As soon as they figure out who is doing it that is.

The signals appear to be originating from Jupiters moon Ganymede, which is pretty big as moons go. Its bigger than our Moon and even bigger than the planet Mercury and almost as big as Mars. If it were orbiting the Sun instead of Jupiter it would be considered a planet. Well, nobody said life was fair, did they?

Scientists speculate that it has an enormous salty ocean underneath its icy surface and its distance of almost 400 million miles makes it an excellent candidate for a penal colony I think. The farther away the better.

Ganymede has evidently been upset for quite a while that given its size, it isnt counted as a planet. Well, thats what you get for wandering too close to Jupiter and letting it catch you in its orbit. Obviously Ganymede didnt understand the gravity of the situation.

Scientists and disc jockeys around the world are curious as to what kind of format the radio signals are broadcasting whether it be talk radio, music, news or a combination of all of the three. First reports from grown-ups at NASA indicate that it sounds more like noise than anything else probably confirming it is some form of that modern space music trash that alien kids are listening to nowadays. Isnt that what all parents say about their kids music?

In addition to detecting the illegal FM broadcast signals while eavesdropping on Jupiters moons scientists think they may have even picked up reruns of I Love Lucy and The Howdy Doody Show coming from another one of Jupiters moons operating on an illegal cable TV band. Sounds like things are out of control out there.

And lastly, after careful study astronomers think they have finally figured out how Jupiter got so big to begin with. It was found to be using planet-enhancing drugs. It was on asteroids.

Joe Crawford is a longtime Alton resident who writes weewkly columns for the The Telegraph. He can be contacted at crawfordjo@aol.com.

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New kind of space station detected - Alton Telegraph