Patinkin: A goodbye to Marita, who shined by soldiering through illness – The Providence Journal

We all, at times, come across a certain version of an angel.

Those who carry great burdens with grace.

And in so doing, remind us that such is one of lifes secrets.

To me, Marita Loffredo, gone too soon a few weeks ago, will always be among them.

We met four years ago, at an outdoor table at the Starbucks in Providence's Wayland Square. I could not help but notice her hands. They were twisted like those of the elderly after arthritis.

Except Marita was only 52.

But that smile.

The hands were not her only burden.

She wore nasal tubes for oxygen, then laughed and said the attached tank was like American Express.

I never leave home without it.

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I still remember the weather, and how it mirrored Marita, warm with clouds, but the sun peering through.

Marita had written me with the simplest of requests.

Shed had autoimmune disease much of her life. It had caused fibrosis, which left her lungs stiffened. A double-lung transplant might have helped a little but wouldnt be a cure.

So Marita had chosen to live with what she had and accept that her heart had only so many beats left.

Then came the unexpected request.

The disease had left her handscold, even in summer. But because they were twisted,it was hard to fit them into mittens.

So shed invented some for others like her, with Velcro that opens all the way to the knuckles.

Would that be worth a mention in my column?

She wasnt asking for help with her medical challenges, just the reward of knowing shed made a small difference for other sufferers.

You would make this dying creative lady really happy, she wrote.

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I published sucha mention, andwill again now you can buy themat the Facebook shopping page called Phalang-EASE Mittens.

The other day, four years later, there came a message on my phone from Anne Paolilli, older sister to Marita.

I wanted you to know, she said, Marita fought like hell for five years after she was told to go home and get her things in order."

Through the grace of God, medicine and her own spirit, said Anne, she prevailed.

But finally, on the 19th of February, her time came.

I called Anne back, and as we spoke, she had to pause many times because of emotion.

She told me Marita grew up working-class in Elmhurst, the youngest of three daughters, born to a truck-driver dad and a mom who worked for the states library for the blind.

Her symptoms began in high school, not just the rheumatoid arthritis, but a blood vessel disease that gradually weighed on her heart.

Anne, full time back then with the National Guard, would pause before dressing in her uniform to help Marita out of bed.

Thats how bad it was at age 17.

And yet Marita endured until she was just days shy of 56.

Anne, who went from the military to work for the Providence police, says this of her often frail little sister:

She was the toughest person I ever knew.

I only spent an hour with Marita, but I saw the same, how her spirit overcame her infirmity.

As well as other challenges.

Like a divorce.

And having to struggle at times to keep working.

But she did, forging a career at Rhode Island Hospitals genetics department, later at Trader Joes in Warwick, and, when her illness allowed that no longer, her mittenbusiness.

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Maritas two sons were her proudest legacy.

Peter is now with the U.S. Coast Guard stationed inBahrain, and Michael is an HVAC guy.

In an online remembrance, here is what Peter said of his mom:

You taught me to be grateful when things werent great, and humble when they were.

As Marita and I sat at Starbucks in 2017, I said it seemed hard for her to do certain movements like bending over.

She laughed. Oh, everythings stiff, but I make it work.

If it was me, I said, Id be grumpy.

That doesnt get you anyplace, said Marita. People dont like grumpy.

The author Jordan Peterson argues that life should not be about striving for happiness, because the human condition involves constant challenge, and often hardship.

The true measure is whether we navigate that with character.

And, as I learned from Marita Loffredo, with grace.

It is certainly how she lived, and will live on.

mpatinki@providencejournal.com

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Patinkin: A goodbye to Marita, who shined by soldiering through illness - The Providence Journal