Doing dangerous things carefully | Columnists | thesheridanpress.com – The Sheridan Press

If you are going to make your kids tough, which they better be if they are going to survive in the world, you cant interfere when theyre doing dangerous things carefully.

This quote came from a conversation between podcast host Theo Von and psychologist/author Jordan Peterson a little over one year ago. Following Petersons statement, Von responds, Think about that specifically. Dangerous things carefully, that is such a place where kids learn. Peterson confirms, Thats the only place they learn. Thats where everyone learns everything.

Without delving into the politics or beliefs of either of these two individuals, I would like to echo the sentiment that children, adults and leaders need to practice doing dangerous things carefully.

I grew up in a fairly risk-tolerant family. Before going to kindergarten I could water ski behind a boat, snow ski through trees and around moguls, and ride my own dirt bike on rocky trails. I dont actually remember learning any of these activities, so I can only imagine how many times my parents watched me fall down in the process.

In fact, my mom tells a story about when I was learning to water ski, I was so determined to get up behind the boat I would try (and fail) at least half a dozen times before getting back in the boat so someone else could have a turn. Other family members and friends were a little surprised my parents would allow their 38-pound 4-year-old to get drug through the water repeatedly. By my parents logic, I was the one who wanted to learn and I wasnt in any imminent danger, so they let me struggle. Its hard to know what life lessons were ingrained in a 4-year-old who was allowed to do dangerous things carefully, but I have to believe they were significant.

To ratchet up the theory a bit, now consider the risk taken by well-known rock climber Alex Honnold during his free solo endeavors (climbing thousands of feet above the ground on a rock face with no rope to catch him should he fall). While on the surface this activity appears to be quite dangerous and flippant, it is actually a very calculated effort. Honnold is one of the best climbers in the world when it comes to big wall climbing ability. When he chooses to tackle a route without a rope it is many, many levels of difficulty below his ability. He also rehearses it until he is absolutely certain he will not fall. There is a big difference between being fearless and being calculated in the face of fear.

A risk assessment tool often used in rock climbing is the likelihood versus consequence matrix. The most simplified version goes something like this: On one axis is the likelihood something bad will happen and on the other axis is the consequence if it does. This results in four quadrants that include:

1. Low likelihood, low consequence (falling while walking on flat ground).

2. Low likelihood, high consequence (falling while walking on a 4-foot-wide path on the side of a steep mountain).

3. High likelihood, low consequences (falling while rock climbing at your limit with appropriate safety systems).

4. High likelihood, high consequences (falling while rock climbing at your limit without safety systems).

On this matrix, No. 1 is just daily life and No. 4 can kill you, so those arent optimal zones for learning. Instead, the most learning happens within No.2 and No.3. Each of these zones require an accurate assessment of personal ability and situational awareness. For me to climb a granite wall in Yosemite with no rope would most certainly put me in No. 4. But for Honnold, he is solidly staying in the low likelihood, high consequence balance of No.2.

While I wouldnt put myself in many categories with Alex Honnold, one parallel journey we are walking is becoming parents within the last year. Suddenly all these theories and personal approaches are confronted with the reality of watching a tiny human test the dangers of the physical world. It is instinctual to want to swoop in and protect your child from bonking his head on the corner of the bookcase as he tries to stand up (literally this happened one hour ago). But I am learning to slow down and watch him encounter small consequences and learn to navigate around these hazards. I would venture to guess Honnold is facing the same humbling experience of managing risk as a parent.

What sort of endeavors exist in your life that would fall in the zone of doing dangerous things carefully? Perhaps a difficult conversation with a family member or a calculated risk that your business is considering. How about when it comes to your children, are they learning how to align their level of caution with the likelihood and consequences? Doing dangerous things carefully is, after all, where everyone learns everything.

Mandy Fabelis a Wyoming resident passionate about challenging stereotypes and pushing herself and others to be the best version of themselves. She currently serves as the executive director of Leadership Wyoming and the co-founder of the YouTube channel Granola & Gasoline. Sherecently turned her first year of columns from The Sheridan Press into a book, Take What the Road Gives You.

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Doing dangerous things carefully | Columnists | thesheridanpress.com - The Sheridan Press