Pathways, a grief and loss center, encourages those coping with loss to lean on their community – LNP | LancasterOnline

A banner in the 2018 Lititz Halloween parade commemorating two students who died in a tragic car accident that fall read #WeAreWarwick. One community. One Family. In the spring of 2019, L-L League girls lacrosse players wore T-shirts reading Warwick Strong when they took the field against Warwick in honor of one of the victims of that tragic 2018 car accident. Instead of gathering for the Warwick High Schools 2018 Together at Christmas concert, students were offered counseling to help with the loss of a student who died by suicide.

In February of this year, after the tragic death of a fifth grade student, Warwick School District community members wrote messages of love and support on the sidewalks outside of Bonfield Elementary School and Warwick Middle School.

Then, of course, came 2020 and 2021 and the uncertainties surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic. And in May of this year, the school district, along with the nation, felt the shock and grief of the tragic school shooting that took place in Uvalde, Texas. The tragedy prompted the administration to send out resources to help families talk about tragedies with their children.

In each of those terrible instances, the school district and the community came together to grieve, share their feelings and offer support.

Our district has been through several tragedies, says superintendent April Hershey. And theyve hit very close to home for our entire community.

Hershey says after both the tragedies in 2018, the school district asked Patti Anewalt, director of the Pathways Center for Grief and Loss, to come in and hold what Anewalt calls a debrief with the staff. The sessions provided a chance for people to share their feelings with each other.

It was so healing to hear that other people were feeling the same things you were, Hershey says. After the sessions, Hershey began a therapy dog program at the school district to help children feel more comfortable discussing complex grief-related emotions.

Anewalt, who holds a Ph.D. and has been working in mental health counseling and healthcare for 30 years, says collective grief occurs when a group of people like a school or work community, or people of a particular race or ethnicity share some kind of extreme loss.

Its the experience of sharing grief with others, Anewalt says. Its not just sympathy. Sympathy is when you feel bad for somebody. Its passive. Empathy is active. When youre empathetic you feel with somebody.

Anewalt began working with Hospice and Community Care in 1994, and shortly after, she developed the Pathways Center for Grief and Loss. Pathways is a free resource that offers support to anyone experiencing the complex emotions surrounding grief. They offer grief support, training and effective coping strategies to individuals and groups dealing with the loss of a loved one. There are special groups focusing on bereaved partners, those who have lost a parent and people coping with loss from suicide or overdoses. According to Anewalt, the organization serves about 9,000 people a year.

Pathways offers support, coping strategies and opportunities to share feelings with others that are going through similar experiences, but there is no magic formula to rid someone of grief.

Grief is as unique as our fingerprint. People call me a grief expert all the time, but I cant tell you what you need to do, Anewalt says. People need to always check in how they feel, pause, take deep breaths, share feelings, not keep it in.

Anewalt says sharing your feelings and connecting with others who are grieving is important.

Paul McCartney and John Lennon bonded over the loss of their mothers at a young age, Anewalt says. That song where Paul McCartney sings, Mother Mary come to me is about the loss of his mother.

In 1986, Anewalt was living in Concord, New Hampshire, when the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster occurred. The disaster claimed the lives of seven astronauts including Concord native Christa McAuliffe.

Talk about collective grief. You could just feel it in the grocery store where (McAuliffe) would go, Anewalt says. People sent things to Concord High School from Japan and all over the world to show they care. It was powerful to see.

After 9/11, Anewalt traveled to Shanksville to be on the scene and offer support to the families of the grieving victims of the terrorist attack.

They needed to be together, Anewalt says. Theres something very powerful about that. Part of it is just knowing theres other people that feel the same way.

In 2006, Anewalt installed herself at the Bart Township fire hall where families were gathering and grieving after the Nickel Mines school shooting.

All the Amish families came to the fire hall just to be together, Anewalt says. We were picking up on conversations about what to say to children, so we pulled everybody together in a big meeting and facilitated questions they had about talking to their children.

Simply being with others who are grieving is a powerful way to deal with the extreme emotions of grief and loss. Sharing emotions and talking honestly especially with children is an overlooked tool that families and communities can use to cope together.

So often with tragic situations like shootings, the parents dont want the kids to know how they feel because theyre trying to protect them, but that really does a disservice to children, Anewalt says. Kids are actually more resilient than adults. They have more neuroplasticity. Theyre more flexible.

Some people, Anewalt says, may want to join together after a tragedy to channel their emotions into taking intentional actions to fight gun violence, climate change or create awareness of opioid abuse.

Each person has to make the decision that they want to do something intentional to make a difference, Anewalt says.

There is a reason the Pathways Center calls it a grief journey

Its a marathon, not a sprint Anewalt says.

Friendship Community House in Lancaster helped to honor Sarah Lance, a former resident who passed away earlier this year with a memorial tree that was planted in the backyard at Friendship on Monday, Aug. 22, 2022.

Jessica Schweers, an associate director of operations at the Friendship Community a faith-based organization that, among other things, operates 24 homes for individuals with intellectual disabilities to live and age-in-place, says they regularly work with Pathways.

They really help us look at the physical, spiritual and emotional areas of grieving and helping in the process when someone is passing away, Schweers says.

Schweers says representatives from Pathways will come into a group home and talk to residents when a housemate passes away. They facilitate conversations about feelings and ways to keep the an individuals memory alive.

We try to do something that honors that individual that passes away, Schweers says. In one of our homes, we got a bird house because (someone that passed) loved to sit out and watch birds. So we hung a bird house in his memory and the individuals in that house like to go out and sit by that bird house and see the birds.

Some of the Friendship Communities properties have butterfly bushes and memorial gardens planted in honor of people that have passed away. They also set up a memorial fund to provide educational training to staff members in honor of a co-worker that passed away.

Last year, when a Friendship Communities team member passed away, Pathways came in and helped co-workers cope with the loss. They also offered strategies on how to facilitate more conversations between team members and residents about loss. Team members decided to plant a memorial tree at one of the homes where their co-worker worked to honor their memory.

Memorial trees, special ceremonies or group sessions help honor a persons memory and provide opportunities for those who loved them to express their feelings, deal with grief and even feel gratitude.

People can rub off on each other. The more we can help each other the more resilient the community becomes, Anewalt says. People start to appreciate what they have as they connect with each other.

Pathways Center for Grief and Loss, a program of Hospice and Community Care, is a free community resource that provides one-on-one grief counseling, group counseling and on-site workplace and school sessions. Learn more about Pathways at hospiceandcommunitycare.org/grief-and-loss, or call 717-391-2413 or 888-282-2177.

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Pathways, a grief and loss center, encourages those coping with loss to lean on their community - LNP | LancasterOnline