Israeli Expats in the U.S.: ‘I Speak English, but I Don’t Speak American’ – Tablet Magazine

What is it like to be an Israeli living in America?

Over 500,000 Israeli expats live in the U.S., with the largest enclaves in New York, California, Florida, and New Jersey. They often maintain the Hebrew language in their homes and gravitate toward fellow Israelis through social networks, synagogues, Jewish community centers, or more recently, the Israeli American Council, founded in 2007, which is the largest Israeli American organization in the U.S.

Many Israelis came to the U.S. for education or job opportunities; some came because of disappointment in Israels schools, economy, or religious/sectarian pluralism. Some miss Israels sunlight, its shuk (market), or the ineffable power of living in a country that almost didnt come to be. Conversely, some prefer Americas diversity, and its invitation to practice Judaism without Orthodoxy. As one participant who lives outside Uvalde, Texas, described it in our pre-interview: My experience was that theres just a monopoly on Judaism in Israel. I always felt excluded. When I moved to America and went to my first Yom Kippur service, I was crying, Oh my God, this is what Ive been missing my whole life.

Another who lives in Palo Alto, California, said the countries parallel origin stories made him feel instantly at home: Founded by freedom fighters who fled tyranny, the U.S. and Israel are both immigrant countries.

What becomes clear, as one listens to Israelis who chose Americaat least for nowis that they are at once viscerally connected to the place they left and at the same time immersed in America, acknowledging that maintaining a Jewish identity takes more conscious effort here.

Their ages, locations, where they lived in Israel, and the years they immigrated to the U.S.

Tzippi: 64, Palo Alto, California. Moved from Tel Aviv/Herzliya area in 1985.

Adva: 33, Del Rio, Texas. Moved from Beersheva in 2017.

Miri: 80, Manhattan. Moved from the heart of Tel Aviv, in Dizengoff Circle in 1973, just before the Yom Kippur War.

Yuval: 46, Philadelphia. Moved from Jerusalem in 2012.

Etai: 55, Redwood City, California. Moved from the Tel Aviv area/Givatayim in 2008.

Ayelet: 53, suburban Atlanta. Moved from Kiryat Gat and Modiin in 2001.

Dina: 71, Catskills, New York. Moved from northern Tel Aviv in 1980.

Ben: 46, Miami and New York. Moved from Tel Aviv area/Herzliya in 2002.

Elan: 39, Brooklyn. Grew up in Netanya and lived in Tel Aviv before moving to the U.S. in 2014.

Karin: 45, Boston. Moved from Jerusalem and Tel Aviv in 2004.

Yoav: 53, Atlanta. Raised in Rehovot, lived in Tel Aviv before moving in 2010.

Rabbi Y.: 37, New York City. Moved from Jerusalem in 2013.

Very briefly, please explain why you came to America.

Dina: My husband and I came to do graduate work. But really, we left Israel because we both felt suffocated in some way. I was already a high school teacher and the whole education system drove me crazy, was so uncreative and suffocating.

Etai: For me, the trigger was a career move: relocation after acquisition of my previous company. I have a big family all around in the U.S. and in Argentina, so the U.S. was always something that I had orientation to. Id been here many times before. Also, I felt a big disappointment and concern about Israeli politics. It was a long time ago, and mostly triggered by the assassination of Prime Minister Rabin in 95. That created a big wound that never healed.

Ayelet: My husband got a job opportunity, and so we moved. Thats it.

Rabbi Y.: It was work, in the first three years, at the Jewish Agency, and then afterward it was school. Today its mainly spiritual nourishment and a place of professional growth, while knowing and hoping that I will return to Israel, just not yet knowing what date.

Yuval: I was very involved in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in Jerusalem. And at one point, after also serving in the military in a very painful, complicated unitidentifying the dead bodies of the Second Intifadaand then dedicating 14 years for peace, I just felt the need to heal my trauma and try to find a way to leave.

I had the feeling, raising kids in America, that they would be allowed to be the Jews that they want to beunlike what I was told when I was raised in Israel.

Facebook

Email

Yoav: My story is a little bit different. I went on relocation to Africa, met an American woman there, and we ended up being together. And when it was time to wrap up our time in Africa, she wanted to move back here to the States. So I followed her. I never had any intentions to move to America before that.

Karin: My dad was dean of the dental school at Hebrew University, so I grew up in Israel as a sabbatical kidgoing back and forth to North America. For two years, we were in D.C., then in Toronto, Canada, and my mom is from England, so for me, it was very natural to say to my husband, I want to go and study in English in America. He found a job here in Boston with his companywhich was at the time in Tel Aviv. We relocated to Boston, and he opened his own company.

Are you comfortable saying a little more about your family circumstance?

Karin: Im whats called in Israel mechoseret datfaithless, not having any religion. My moms a Catholic. She never converted. Ive never converted. I had the feeling, raising kids in America, that they would be allowed to be the Jews that they want to beunlike what I was told when I was raised in Israel. I think staying in the U.S. was my way of exercising my religious and spiritual freedom, of being in a place where I can be whoever I want to be.

Are your children being raised as Jews?

Karin: My kids just feel more connected to Israeli culture and being Jewish than any other culture that theyre part of. The younger two are going to a Conservative Jewish day school. My oldest is a product of the public school. Like most of you in this group probably, we are in a close-knit Israeli environment and most of our days are spent in Hebrew.

Elan: We came to the U.S. for practical reasons. It was weighing quality of life versus the lifestyle that I was used to, growing up in Israel. I finagled my way into getting relocated at my first job after business school, and Ive been here ever since.

Miri: I came for a sabbatical and things didnt work out to go back to Israel, in terms of my husbands work. So we got stuck in America for many yearsreally stuck. It wasnt a choice.

You would have gone back if you could?

Miri: Definitely. Definitely.

Tzippi: I came here for graduate school.

Adva: It was me wanting to experience another way of life. I already knew what life is in Israel and what I expect it to be. Also my husband is a U.S. citizen and he grew up here in the States, so he wanted the career change and it would be making more sense for him to start the career change here.

Even now, after 50 years, I havent decided if I moved permanently to the United States.

Facebook

Email

Ben: Im an artist and always knew that I wanted to play in a global pool, work with international organizations, museums, companies, and it just seems more logical to do that from a place like New York.

Please raise your hands: How many would say that when you came to the U.S., you expected it to be permanent? I see just two of youElan and Ben.

Miri: Even now, after 50 years, I havent decided if I moved permanently to the United States.

What is one way that you would say its different to be Jewish in Israel and Jewish in the U.S.?

Ayelet: In Israel, I lived in Kiryat Gat, which is very close-knit, a lot of Orthodox. But we ourselves were never Orthodox, even though my grandparents were. So we would go to synagogue on a holidayusually Yom Kippurbut not more than that. Over here in the U.S., it was much more important for me to embrace Judaism, to actually go on the High Holidays to a synagogue, to show my kids the Jewish atmosphere, the traditions. Otherwise they were never going to get it. So we would light candles on Shabbat with the girls and even with my boy, just showed them that this is a beautiful religion. I actually host a weekly class in my home for Israeli ladies, and we have this great person who comes over and does either parshat hashavua [the Torah portion of the week] or something like that, which I would never even think about doing in Israel, because in Israel, it felt like it was coerced. Here I do it because I want to do it, because I want to show my kids how beautiful Judaism is.

Ayelet, when you go back to visit Israel, are you transporting those American religious ways youve developed over time?

Ayelet: No, I just go back to being the regular Israeli Ive always been. Even here in America, I take what I want from Judaism. I dont do everything. Im not shomeret shabbat [Sabbath observant]. I drive on Shabbat, I workIm a Realtor theres no way not to work on Shabbat. And so, I take what I want and feel comfortable with.

Yuval: I grew up in a Hasidic community in IsraelBnai Brakand then I was in the yeshiva world in Jerusalem. When I left the ultra-Orthodox community, I was put under the box of secular, which definitely doesnt work for me. Im neither, and I dont have energy to invest in explaining, because life is much too short for me personally. I think what I found in America is that my Jewishness is much more private. Im living these days in an intentional communitywith a big kibbutz of seven adults, kids, cats, and a dog. I dont care who is Jewish therefrom a DNA point of view. We are only two Jews by blood in the community, but everyone celebrates Shabbat, everyone celebrates Passover in the way that fits us. And I think this is such a celebration of Judaismmuch outside of the categories of how it should be.

Over here in the U.S., it was much more important for me to embrace Judaism, to actually go on the High Holidays to a synagogue, to show my kids the Jewish atmosphere, the traditions. Otherwise they were never going to get it.

Facebook

Email

Miri: For my generationthe people who started the country, our religion was the nation. Jewishness was nationhood. So by saying, Im an Israeli, it was very strong loyalty to say, Im Jewish. It was like secular Judaism. Very, very powerful. So still, when I get up in the morning, the first thing I want to know when I open my eyes is if my children are OK, and the secondbefore I think about work or anything, I check the news to see if Israel is OK. Its amazinghow the country is like God. Everything that happens in the country is as painful and relevant for me as my children. There is such a degree of caring, understanding, and even forgiving thingslike you forgive your children. I feel that people judge Israel. Not that the situation there is good; its horrible whats going on now with the judicial revolution. But I think that anybody from outside cannot understand whats going on. Its like judging a marriage from the outside. So I think that its very important to come back to nationhood. Nationhood is also a very powerful way of feeling Jewish.

Rabbi Y.: As a queer person growing up in Jerusalem in a very secular family, I did not have a sense of belongingnot with the default Jews, which is the Orthodox, or with those who are traditional or inclusive. I was only in a few spaces in Jerusalem that were progressive. Coming here to America, I really feel that theres something universal. Theres something that taps into different identities that is not really felt in Israel, meaning that you could be Buddhist, Jewish, queer, nonbinary in America, and nobody would really care. Nobody would really ask me, why am I this or that? Whereas in Israel, with all my love and challenges of the country, its very blunt, very upfront: Why are you not raising up a family? The ideal in the Jewish Israeli culture is raising up a family. And I dont yet know if I want to raise a family. Here in the U.S., nobody dares to ask me what type of relationship I have. Whereas in Israel, they would ask me not only if Im marriedand why not, if Im not yet marriedbut what Ive done in the army and how much rent I pay. There is something very powerful in being able not to answer, or for me to say, This is what I want to share about myself. Youre not in a place of asking me. Im in the place of power, of sharing what I want to share in America.

Yoav: For us Israelis, theres no difference between being Israeli and being Jewish. It blends together. Whereas here in America, you have to work ator consider, or be aware ofthe fact that you are also Jewish besides being American. I had this realization when I was 9 years old. A little bit like Karin, I was a sabbatical child, so we went to France for a year or two. And only then did I realize, Hold on a second; theres a difference between me being Israeli and Jewish, because there are French people here who are Jewish as well but not Israeli! So here in the U.S., its a distinction that we have to make. In Israel, until youre in your teens, most kids dont really have this distinction. Theres another aspect that I wanted to touch on: In Israeland it has increased lately with the recent events and governmentsreligion has been highly politicized. It has created a kind of a countereffect for people who are not religious: the way they perceive Judaism. Only by taking a step back and coming to a foreign country, at least for me, it made it easier for me to reconcile myself with Judaism, getting away from this discourse that is highly politicized.

Etai: I can maybe offer a different perspectivea little bit less about the religious part of it. As we grew up in Israel, it comes with the territory: Being Jewish is being Israeli and vice versa. You tour the places that you read about in the Bible, you learn them in school; the Jewish holidays are national holidays; on Yom Kippur, its empty in the streets. Thats how you come to be raised in Israel. The other part is that you are on a mission. We came from grandparents, parents, who came from Europe to revive the Jewish dream. They came after the horrible Holocaust sacrifice in all families. Then they made more sacrifices during Israels wars. Thats what being Jewish means to most of us. The religion part of it is very, very minimal to us people who are secular, but were not secular; we are Jewish, just in a different way. Here in the U.S., its far closer to religion on one end and to peoplehood on the other end, much less connected to the land and to that story of, We went through the horrors of the Holocaust and we came back and said, Were saving the day. In America, its a very different ethos and story.

I think what I found in America is that my Jewishness is much more private.

Facebook

Email

Elan: I fully agree with what both Etai and Yoav just mentioned. I think the nationhood, statehood, and religion is intertwined in Israel. Growing up in Israel, youre Jewish just by being Jewish. You could even be a passive Jew and youd be considered Jewish. Here in America, you have to be much more proactive to work on that side of your identity. For me, having a family with two little kids, we have to make plans of doing something for Shabbat. We have to be considerate about sending our kids to some form of Jewish schooling, beyond what my wife and I can provide to our family. You really have to work your identity here, while as in Israel, just by being you, you are Israeli and Jewish.

Dina: For me, its never about religion at all. I dont come from a family that talked about religion because we are masortiwe are from the Spanish Inquisition and from Baghdad and Egypt; there we did not have the categories hiloni [secular] and dati [religious] at all. We were all Jewish. I come from a very high rabbinical lineage. And yet I do not care about any of the religious things, other than the spiritual depths of humanity. I myself am practicing Buddhist, but what I find in Kabbalah, which Ive been studying for many years, is the depths of wisdom. Thats what I care about: the wisdom, deep humanity, heart-centered human. But I dont have those names in my lifedati, hiloni, la-la-la. Its not where I live.

Because Dina brought up these Jewish labels, can I ask each of you how you identify your lineage in terms of Ashkenazi, Sephardi, or Mizrahi?

Elan: Ashkenazi, secular. But there are so many fissureshow do you say in Hebrew shesayim, so many subcultures.

Ben: Im Sephardi and spiritual.

Dina: DNA: Jewish. My family is Sephardi and Mizrahi. And Im spiritual.

Yuval: I am Jerusalemite. From Jerusalem.

Ayelet: I am Sephardi and definitely spiritual.

Miri: I am Ashkenazi. Its not what I feel; its a fact.

For us Israelis, theres no difference between being Israeli and being Jewish. It blends together. Whereas here in America, you have to work ator consider, or be aware ofthe fact that you are also Jewish besides being American.

Facebook

Email

Yoav: I consider myself Israeli. I am mainly Ashkenazi with a little bit of Sephardi, but I consider myself Israeli.

Karin: Im a Yerushalmite, Jerusalemite, but Im also a shiksa-Yerushalmite, which is a whole category of its own. My mom is not Jewish, so when I fill out the forms here in the U.S., Im like, what am I, Middle Eastern? Am I other? Its an interesting question. But definitely I am from Jerusalem.

Rabbi Y.: Im more and more just trying to say that Im a human being lately, but Im also a JewBu [Jewish Buddhist] and a believer. I really appreciate people in this roundtable saying Jerusalemite as opposed to Israeli, because it entails, as Elan was saying, the diversity and the different voices. But I am first and foremost a believer in humanity.

How many of you have kids? I see 10 hands raised: Elan, Etai, Ben, Dina, Tzippi, Miri, Yoav, Karin, Adva, and Ayelet. For those who do have children, how many speak Hebrew to themit doesnt have to be exclusively, but regularly? I see all of you except Yoav and Elan.

Yuval: I dont have kids, but Im raising a kid and I speak regularly with them Hebrew.

I apologize. I should have phrased the question, If you are a parent at all. Thank you.

Now, turning to a different question: Miri and Etai spoke earlier in this conversation about the project or mission of Israel that you were all part of, or were raised with: the idea of what it means to be part of this nation and then to choose not to stay. I heard several Israeli Americans talk in my pre-interviews about the feeling of guilt at leaving Israel. Is there anyone comfortable talking about whether that was ever an emotion that you wrestled with, even if you no longer do?

Adva: Im facing guilt every day when Im talking with my mom or my grandma on the phone because they always give me the Jewish mother guilt of, You took our granddaughters away, or, We have granddaughters or great-granddaughters and we never see them. I think thats always permanent. The fact is that my family is in Israel and they just want to be present and theyre not. So theres always that little pinch, thinking about my kids growing up and not being with my family, when all my family is in Israel. Also were far from any other family because we live in the middle of nowhere in Texas. Other than that, I really dont have any other guilt about leaving and not living there right now.

When I left Israel, it was considered a betrayal, a terrible thing to leave. And I still feel this waynot only because of the family, but because of the country.

Facebook

Email

Karin: I wouldnt call it guilt necessarily, or even regret. But there is this emotion that I cant really namemore of a pining, sadness, or sorrowfor my kids not experiencing that type of belonging to a home. I want my kids to grow up in the way I did; I thought Jerusalem was the best city to grow up in. Leaving it was very hard for me. I really wanted my kids to grow up in that same kind of carefree atmosphere. Especially with whats going on now in Israel, it feels very similar to how I felt when I first left: Youre kind of dissociated from the place that you were born in. Its very difficult to reconcile that for me personally. So, its like pining.

Is there anyone who feels like they let down some idea of an important, historic project?

Miri: Totally. Its generational. Im the oldest one in this group and when I left Israel, it was considered a betrayal, a terrible thing to leave. And I still feel this waynot only because of the family, but because of the country. It was so hard to build it. What was important at the beginningthe utopiawas the collective and not your personal career or interests. I feel very guilty, all my life, about the country, not only about the family.

Dina: I am in the generation in between the beginning of the country and the young professionals that came to America. I just want to say that when we left, we promised our parentswe were very young, going to the U.S. to do Ph.D.swe promised our parents to come back. And some of my friends got very angry at us that we left. There was a guilt they put on us, but we didnt really take it on because we came to the U.S. to be educated, and we were thinking we would come back and give our gifts back to Israel. Because Im here in America now for many years, since 1979, there has been very much a wave of the guilt.

Please raise your hand if you went to synagogue while you were living in Israel. I see two: Dina and Rabbi Y. Please raise your hand if you go to a synagogue in the U.S. Im seeing five: Ben, Ayelet, Yoav, Dina, Rabbi Y.

Rabbi Y.: I used to goand still often goto Nava Tehilla and Kehilat Zion in Jerusalem. Both are progressive, inclusive, and have very inspiring female role models. Unfortunately in Israel, theres not enough visibility to women rabbis in general, so that was also important for me. I must say that in neither community is there as much inclusivity to LGBTQ people or singles. This is not to undermine those beautiful communities. Its just really to show, even in the progressive spaces, the lack of visibility and transparency toward the LGBTQ community of Israel.

Generally, since youve been in America, has it been important to you to connect with other Israelis in America? Raise your hand. I see seven: Yoav, Ben, Etai, Tzippi, Elan, Ayelet, and Rabbi Y.

Adva, can I ask why you didnt raise your hand?

The complexities of Israeli society are so huge, so diverse; there are so many different Israels. But I dont think that the average American Jew really understands the intricacies of all these different frictions.

Facebook

Read the original:

Israeli Expats in the U.S.: 'I Speak English, but I Don't Speak American' - Tablet Magazine