In Trumpland, history isnt being erased its being reestablished – The Boston Globe

No, no, no, I misspoke. My dreaded inner RINO stormed my brain and seized temporary control of my tongue. No doubt I will be censored by the local Conservative Speech Correction Commission, as our state parties are now known. And deservedly so, for I have given voice to a thought crime and must be made to pay.

What I meant was, this is the Time of Re-remembering, an era to begin honoring larger truths than our own poor senses can perceive. Back on Jan. 6, some thought they saw a violent pro-Trump mob attacking, punching, beating, thrashing, and stomping on police officers as the rioters pushed to break into the US Capitol. But if you believed any of that, your senses clearly betrayed you.

Thankfully, Big Brother, speaking from the MAGA Ministry of Truth, has revealed that what some mistakenly thought was a dangerous storming was really an amiable warming.

Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships, Our Dear Leader proclaimed to one of his favored Fox State News amplifiers. And a lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out.

You may have thought you saw one insurrectionist toting the Confederate flag, and another dressed in a Camp Auschwitz sweatshirt, but those were mere optical illusions.

They wave American flags, in many cases, they are waving the American flag, and they love our country, Big Brother clarified. If someone does something seemingly violent or hateful while carrying an American flag, we all must understand, its actually an act of patriotism.

So as you can now see, Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin was absolutely right recently when he said there was nothing to worry about from this crowd. He knew those were people that love this country, that truly respect law enforcement, would never do anything to break the law, and so I wasnt concerned.

Mind you, thats not to say it wouldnt have proved perilous under different circumstances.

Had the tables been turned, and President Trump won the election and those were tens of thousands of Black Lives Matter and Antifa protesters, I might have been a little concerned, he continued.

Then all that hugging and kissing and patriotic flag-waving would obviously have been real violence.

So now you know the official truth: Jan. 6 was nothing more than a good-natured lark, a fun-loving group of patriots making us all smile with a little madcap mischief. The modern equivalent of a 1950s college-campus panty raid, really.

And what of the stuff you may have heard about Drs. Deborah Birx and Anthony Fauci suggesting Our Dear Leader botched the coronavirus pandemic? Lies, all lies. How do we know? Because Big Brother established the truth on Monday. Sure, some are saying his statement denouncing Birx and Fauci reads like the work of a lackadaisical GED student, but pay them no mind. In Trumplandia, a GED is the new PhD.

Besides, as Big Brother noted, Fauci, then 79, delivered a wild ball when he threw out the ceremonial first pitch to start last years baseball season. If that doesnt prove Our Dear Leaders point, what possibly could?

As we march proudly ahead into the Era of Renewed History, please recall the lessons Winston Smith learned in 1984, as they will stand you in good stead here in Trumplandia:

The past was alterable. The past never had been altered. Oceania was at war with Eastasia. Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia.

As for our movement?

Well, Big Brother has always been at war with truth.

OMG, Ive done it again.

Please, dont cast me out. Im not an incorrigible thought criminal. I just need the same factcine youve all had.

Ill sit down in front of Fox State News for Tucker, Sean, and Laura every night, I promise.

That way, Ill be reeducated into a trustworthy citizen of Trumplandia in no time.

After all, ignorance is strength.

Scot Lehigh is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at scot.lehigh@globe.com. Follow him on Twitter @GlobeScotLehigh.

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In Trumpland, history isnt being erased its being reestablished - The Boston Globe