Why millennials are giving up monogamy for August – Evening Standard

Summer is a selfish, fatalistic season. You career around the city, flitting through barbecues and ascending to rooftops, your eyes always trained on the next destination and the newest crowd. Consequences vanish: youre physically in the office, at least, though the boss is away until mid-September, so anything you do now, youll have to do again anyway. This year, Brexits penumbra and North Koreas nuclear posturings add a frisson to proceedings: global uncertainty famously breeds hedonism. Essentially, if the end is nigh, might as well make it a large one.

So you are drunk and self-interested which in turn informs your dating strategy. Winter is, notably, cuffing season finding a relationship to save on a central heating bill but once your legs are out, and shaved for the first time in six months, its a shame to be tethered up or so some millennials reckon. For a certain fast-and-loose cohort, this is a summer of love: monogamy is on hiatus.

To some,sticking with one person just feels unimaginative. Take one twenty- something chap who, after a long-winded but amicable break-up, decided not to waste a single long, languid summer evening on moping. Instead he picked up his smartphone and started swiping often left, but periodically right. Soon he had nine suitors of mixed sexes, and duly has started dating them all.

Naturally some friends were aghast though not so much by the outrageous polygamy but because even if you went on a date every single evening of the week, you still wouldnt see them all, and surely Sundays and Mondays are verboten? Think bigger: there are 24 hours in a day, and a Monday morning hangover is naught but an inconvenience if youre the only person in the office that morning. Plus, no ones getting hurt: each one knows about the other one further proof that everyone in town is playing by the same loose morals. Its all in the spirit of a bit of healthy competition.

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Everyone lives for the summer its like everything is heightened, observes one twentysomething committed summer singleton. People put more effort into their appearance and making plans. Everyone looks fitter and goes out more, so youre way more likely to meet someone. Why bother putting all your eggs in one basket (thank you, Love Island) when you could be trying all of the eggs to find one thats 100 per cent your type on paper? The only people I know who are in relationships during the summer are people who have genuine feelings for someone they think is the dogs bollocks. In terms of Tinder, Ive had way more spontaneous dates over the summer with minimal messaging prior.

Granted, while summer is a catalyst, theres evidence this generation has a shifting attitude to monogamy in general. A survey by YouGov published at the end of last year found that nearly half of millennials perceived monogamy on a spectrum, rather than as a binary state. Those under 30 were the least likely of any age group to want a relationship that was wholly monogamous. This chimes with our attitude to sexuality: millennials resist labels and use evasive language to describe the relationships were in (seeing each other, linking, hanging out) and sometimes avoid endings, too, even when theyre strictly necessary (ghosting to leave your flame hanging, of course).

Nonetheless theres also something about summers prickly heat that makes people go doolally. We are overstimulated there is so much fun to be had! and too weak to resist the temptations of the flesh which, despite this weeks execrable weather, is usually visible and lightly tanned from the group holiday to Turkey. While winter evenings at the pub are nicer with a hand to hold, festivals, for example, create a lawless temporary world, a mirage of sparkling lights and sparkly faces, from which the realities of the outside world are excluded. Snogging strangers in tents is all part of it: indeed, a survey by uSwitch in June found one in five people planned to download Tinder just for a festival.

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Tinder/Cosmpolitan

Matches a day: 10

Number of first dates: 5

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 15

Number of first dates: 10

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 20

Number of first dates: 5

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 4

Number of first dates: 18

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 15

Number of first dates: 3

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 6

Number of first dates: 10

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 1

Number of first dates: 8

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 5

Number of first dates: 6

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 5

Number of first dates: 13

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 10

Number of first dates: 1

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Number of first dates: 15

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 6

Number of first dates: 3

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Matches a day: 6

Number of first dates: 4

Tinder/Cosmopolitan

Barbecues are more fun with a flirtation in your sights; reaching last orders is more thrilling if youre not yet sure whether the fun is, indeed, drawing to an end, or whether that two (or three) person after-party is about to start. Plus, invites are open and fluid in summer: dates dont mean sticking to drinks you can bring someone along to Sunfall in Brockwell Park this weekend, or as a plus-one to a mates house party. Everyones up for meeting new people. Frankly, its strategic: if it doesnt work out with you it might do with one of your mates.

Tinderis having a month of field days: the Tinder tourists are in town, which gives Londoners a chance to attempt to atone for the sins of Brexit. Sure, youd have to be a top shagger to mitigate for Article 50 in its entirety, but you can make your best attempt at international relations. One twentysomething student whos kicking about over the long summer says she downloaded it as soon as she got off the train home, despite having a few flirtations on campus that she wouldnt really want to ruin. Im far away and looking for people to meet and while away the lonely summer, she observes, shrugging.

Others confess to having changed their Tinder subscription strategy for the summer: Tinder Boost, which sends your profile top of the pile for 30 minutes, and gathers up to 10 times more profile views in that time, is worth the premium when you know youre competing with a whole capital full of people on heat.

One twentysomething girl has just started seeing someone, but both have holidays booked so theyre barely in the country at the same time, and frankly, monogamy would seem like martyred self-deprivation. Another guy grumbles that hes stretching the limits of his local knowledge to come up with a new date location several times a week he fears the opprobrium of the bartenders if he brings a rotating cast of men in every week. Dont: theyre all doing it too. Why do you think every waiter and waitress in town has a glint in their eye?

Crucially, though, dont pretend. If being a polyamorous playboy or playgirl makes you feel empty and alone, then dont persevere. Youll probably find a real gem everyone else is too busy being a lothario.

@phoebeluckhurst

Excerpt from:

Why millennials are giving up monogamy for August - Evening Standard