How to Break up With Someone Over Text After a Casual Relationship – Glamour

Women, especially, struggle with rejecting others. We think, Im supposed to care for this person, or take care of this person, Im not supposed to hurt their feelings, Ang Fonte says. So then I wont hurt their feelings and therefore Ill hurt my own by continuing on a third date when it should have ended on a first date, keep doing things I dont want to do when I dont want to do them. She's branched out into other kinds of rejection and boundary settingshe writes notes to roommates, parents, friends, and more. She uses a pay-what-you-can model, asking followers to donate to Roots of Health, a reproductive health organization in the Philippines that offers free services to women and girls. (Ang Fonte sits on the board.)

Let's be clear: Dating is signing up for rejection. That is why people don't like itsearching for a person to be with means finding many people who don't want to be with you.You can ghost if you want. You don't have to communicate. But removing another person from a state of profound uncertainty is an act of generosity. It tends to feel better, for both people. I think the ultimate goal is that people are remembering the humanity in each other, says Ang Fonte. Here are her easy tips for writing a humane, direct breakup text.

If you believe that your safety is eminently threatened physically or emotionally by being in contact with this person, thats a perfectly valid reason to ghost them or to block them, says Ang Fonte. If that is not the situation and you simply just dont want to continue things for lack of chemistry or alignment in values, then I think it is almost a responsibility as a human being to say to another human being, compassionately yet assertively, I just dont think this is going to work out.

I think it depends on the level of intimacy that youve already shared with somebody, Ang Fonte says, explaining that intimacy doesn't have to mean sex as much as a sense of connectedness. The golden rule, she says, is to ask yourself, Would it feel rude for me to be rejected over text?

If you decide that a more personal breakup is appropriate, here are Ang Fonte's steps: Text and say, Hey, I want to share something with you that Ive been thinking aboutwhen can we hop on a FaceTime? Or, When can we meet up for a coffee? she says. If theyre like, Ohwhats this all about? you can say, Id rather say it in person. The person might say, Lets just do it over text. You could say, I didnt want to do it over text because I think I owe actual eye contact with you when I share this, but this isnt working out for me anymore. That said, even if youve had 10 dates but you feel unsafesend it over text!

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Ang Fonte swears by the compliment-sandwich formula: Hi [Name] heres what was really great + Heres the thing that I think was missing or the thing that I think we didnt align on + I wish you well because you are a good person.

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How to Break up With Someone Over Text After a Casual Relationship - Glamour