Check the loos and snack beforehand: golden rules of restaurant dining – The Guardian

Call, dont click and be nice. Photograph: andresr/Getty Images

Gordon Ramsay has a new TV show to promote, so hes effing and blinding and pronouncing like his career depends on it (and maybe it does, because Big Sweary, as this papers Marina OLoughlin calls him, is no longer flavour of the month).

On Monday we learned his rules for eating out: never order the specials, haggle over wine and be wary of the waiters boasts, such as our famous lasagne. He also asks for a table for three when there are only two dining or does he mean two people and one big ego?

Its not new, of course. Gonzo US chef Anthony Bourdain was doing this stuff nearly 20 years ago in the ace book Kitchen Confidential (his rules were: never order fish on a Monday, or your steak well done, or brunch, or vegetarian food).

The hospitality business is run on very tight margins, so of course restaurateurs are going to be creative with their produce and pricing, but also, on the whole, they want happy customers.

Ive been on both sides of this game as a restaurant critic for the best part of a decade and as a chef-in-training, doing work experience everywhere from pubs to Michelin-starred places but mostly Im just a greedy person who likes eating out. These are the rules that work for me.

Call, dont click: places that show as no tables available may have something, if you take the trouble to telephone. They will know about cancellations straight away, and if you engage with the person at the restaurant, you might get a note on the booking that means youll get a nicer table.

Look at the loos: like Bourdain, I wouldnt eat somewhere that doesnt maintain basic levels of hygiene (and the range of establishments that dont is amazing).

Eat before you go out: I know, sounds daft, right? But a judicious snack an hour before setting off means you wont fall on the bread like a starving woman and then push your main course round the plate, feeling bloated.

Have lunch, not dinner: this rule applies to the swanky places that offer an often brilliant-value fixed-price menu. It is a wonderful way to experience a starry chefs food and you wont feel compelled to order a pricey bottle at lunch. Well, not always.

Ask the expert: while were on the subject of wine, unless hes a cad, the sommelier relishes the challenge of finding something interesting to pair with your food that is less than, say, 40. (On this, grudgingly, I agree with Ramsay, but Id stop short of haggling.)

Complain, complain, complain: nobody wants to leave dinner with a sour taste in their mouth If the food is lousy or the table judders in time with the dishwasher, tell them. A restaurateur would rather fix it then and there (with a free dessert, or some wine, or money off) than have someone smile, pay the bill and then go home and savage them on TripAdvisor.

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Check the loos and snack beforehand: golden rules of restaurant dining - The Guardian