Josh Freed: COVID has robbed us of small talk, and that’s a big deal – Montreal Gazette

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We have less and less to say to each other thats new, exciting or interesting. Thats because no ones been anywhere exciting, done anything exciting or even met anyone new and exciting.

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The other day I had a very exciting COVID experience.

I passed a school crossing guard and said: Bonjour, a va? and he looked straight at me from behind his mask and replied:

Oui, Monsieur! Mais cest trs froid, non?

Oui, cest froid! I nodded, ending one of my most talkative and thrilling encounters with a stranger in months.

Almost a year into COVID, theres much talk of the obvious things we miss: seeing our parents, kids and close friends in person; going to restaurants, bars, theatres, concerts and festivals.

Travelling! Even a drive to Ottawa sounds like an exotic expedition nowadays.

But what doesnt get mentioned much might be most important of all: having occasional chats with acquaintances, neighbours and utter strangers that add novelty and variety to life.

Most of us are keeping up with family and close friends, on walks or talks online. But we have less and less to say to each other thats new, exciting or interesting.

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Thats because no ones been anywhere exciting, done anything exciting or even met anyone new and exciting.

Were all treading water. At COVIDs start, which seems like a decade ago, at least it had a certain horror-film excitement that had us chattering away:

Person 1: Omigod! Do you think I should open this envelope from Columbia University, or quarantine it for three days? It could be my daughters acceptance letter but its from New York, which is a plague zone!

Person 2: No way Id touch that! Just put on rubber gloves and burn it in the sink before it contaminates your whole house.

But now, almost a year later, were largely numb to COVID and theres not much to yak about, apart from:

Didja hear were down to 800 new cases today? Pretty good, eh?

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Yeah, pretty good. I hear Ontario had 900.

Yep (long silence)

So, seen anything good on TV lately?

Frankly, I havent had a memorable conversation in months.

Behind this problem is the massive shrinking of our social worlds. Perhaps youre talking to five or 10 people, even Zooming with 25.

But studies show the average person actually knows around 350 people (not counting online friends) from their butcher and baker to many acquaintances they see occasionally.

And we just arent seeing them anymore.

For instance, I miss the gang of 10 tennis buddies I used to see every Wednesday, then share a drink-and-yak with. Weve met online occasionally, but theres no zing in Zoom.

I miss dropping by my local caf and exchanging greetings with neighbourhood characters I kind of know and waiters who kind of know me.

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I miss my decades-old annual Super Bowl party at a pals house, where Id see several football fans I never saw elsewhere but I loved meeting up with them.

I miss the many now-and-thenners in my life who gave it spice.

Like everyone, I also miss dinners and parties where you sometimes talked to actual strangers whod share their life story, or details of their fascinating job as a rodent catcher, or soldier or poet.

I miss yakking with shopkeepers now walled off by Plexiglas and as eager as me to keep COVID conversations brief. Try talking to a stranger in your supermarket queue and theyll leap back like you were a germ warfare weapon which maybe you are.

I miss cabbies and Uber drivers who I rarely use anymore. If I do, I open a window that drowns out any conversation who wants to share the air?

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I miss cosy nostalgic chats across tiny restaurant tables, catching up with long unseen friends over a bottle of wine. I miss personal gossip, which has practically evaporated, along with peoples personal lives.

Like those new contact-free payment methods we use for stores and deliveries, we have less and less contact. Period.

Its hardest on single people who often eat alone every night, their only company the evening news.

Whats lost in this is more than the simple sum of all these small chats. When we dont talk to new people with new stories, ideas and life experiences, we have less to bring with us to the next conversation, or Zoom.

Its the same for those were talking to, as our worlds shrink and we lose our sense of a larger community.

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Recently I find my conversations getting shorter and shorter, even with good friends, as we run out of fresh chit-chat. If this pandemic goes on much longer, will the whole city, country and world go on mute?

Will conversation just die, another casualty of COVID?

For all our obsession with diet and fitness, longevity studies show that our social lives may be most important of all. People who thrive with age are often connected and interacting with many people.

So along with your daily yoga, jogging, Zumba and Peloton exercises, do some lip stretches, tongue twists and voice exercises, too.

When this pandemic finally ends, well all have a lot of catching up to do.

joshfreed49@gmail.com

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Josh Freed: COVID has robbed us of small talk, and that's a big deal - Montreal Gazette