Parent-Of-2 Refuses To Attend Sister’s Childfree Wedding …

When making plans for a special event, there are all kinds of reasons for who will or will not be invited.

But not everyone may appreciate the invitation decisions that are made, pointed out the Am I the A**hole? (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Throwaway_Reddeddit wasnt pleased with her sisters decision to have a child-free wedding.

But when she considered not attending the wedding because of it, the Original Poster (OP) realized it was hurting the brides feelings.

She asked the sub:

WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I just chose not to go to my sisters wedding?

The OP was expecting a wedding invitation from her sister.

My sister has a wedding coming up this summer. Its not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, and she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations.

We knew it was a possibility, since I heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old-fashioned but I guess whatever).

But she didnt like what was included in the invitation when it arrived.

Well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be childfree.'

Once I got my invitation, I called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone.

I didnt mention the childfree part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going.

She seemed excited and told me she cant wait to be the center of attention on her special day.

I congratulated her, but I told her as its childfree and I have two sons, I wouldnt be able to make it. I would send a gift with our parents though.

The bride was surprised.

She kinda got upset and asked why I wasnt going to come.

I simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if its not a family event, I dont see the point (i.e. kids being allowed).

Our parents are the important people to be there for her special day, so I dont feel my presence as direly needed.

My sister was very unhappy about this, and she yelled that I never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding.

She got angry because last year I attended our cousins wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one I should want to attend.

The OP didnt see an issue with this.

I pointed out their wedding wasnt childfree, my kids were there, they were very well-behaved, and it was definitely a family event.

I dont feel that I should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married, and honestly I just dont want to.

I didnt mention her changing the rule, I just told her I wouldnt be attending.

She got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if I choose not to come, she wont speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem).

My parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says its really my decision and he backs me either way.

Personally, I dont feel like an a**hole because Im not asking her to change anything, Im just making a personal decision.

WIBTA for not attending?

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

Some said the OP was way too focused on including her children at every event.

YTA. Children do not have to be part of everything that happens. You are showing your sister how little you care for her. ollygollymolly

The If my children cant go, I wont go attitude rarely works out in the long run. This is how mothers end up losing their identity and being completely lost as their children grow up and become independent.

Its also how they end up lonely and lamenting on social media how nobody invites them anywhere. bakerowl

Shes the sister of the bride. She should make more of an effort to go than a regular guest.

It doesnt sound like she wants to, because her stance is basically I dont go where my children arent welcome.' emi_lgr

Her children wont remember one afternoon they were with a babysitter for a few hours, but her sister will ALWAYS remember that she willingly chose not to attend her wedding.

YTA. beloved_wolf

The kids probably dont even want to go. Even if she hyped them up for it, eventually they would be bored.

Since it is outdoors, at a park, the longing to run around and do what kids want to do would be torture. If she lets them, it will be disruptive, no matter how well-behaved they are.

OP seems to think that because it is at a park, the kids should go. I also find it fascinating that she has to put in a snide comment about the fianc asking her dad for her sisters hand. Why is it necessary to sneer?

Or even the venue? Or that they suspected the engagement was coming? It sounds like shes salty about everything and is making this the point of contention. HappyLucyD

That and all the sneering at the sister for being excited to be the center of attention on checks notes her wedding day. Like? Okay? Shes excited to have a big day celebrating her. Thats normal.

I was really excited on my wedding day, too, and I did sort of expect it to be more or less about me and my husband not random family members and their children.

I mean, I had kids at my wedding, but their parents all kept them super in check. I was actually the one periodically reassuring parents that the kids werent bothering me and winking conspiratorially to the kids and involving them a bit more, because their parents were so, so careful not to let them run the show to the point of overcorrection.

Including my nieces and nephews. I have a feeling OP would extend no such courtesy.

Im often in a supporting role in my daily life. Once in a great while, I do enjoy having people celebrate me and my achievements. On my day, I like having the day be about, well, me. Thats not selfish; its normal.

Not everything has to be about OPs kids. boudicas_shield

Others said the OP was definitely wrong to not attend.

This is her sister and the wedding is not a destination wedding. Id be p**sed and hurt if my sister didnt come to my wedding. No excuse. She has plenty of time to find a sitter. Aware_Voice_6043

I remember when my brother announced his engagement, they asked us about anything that we needed to be able to attend (if certain dates were off-limits or whatever). My response to him was that the wedding could be on Christmas Day on the moon and I would still find a way to be there.

When you love someone, you are willing to do at least the bare minimum to attend their special events. In the case of the OP, that would be asking the children to stay home with their father for a single day. kennedar_1984

Weddings seem to bring out the absolute worst behavior in people. I could not fathom missing my sisters wedding even if I had hated the dude she was marrying (I dont, my bro-in-law is great). Id have had to be on my death bed.

OP YTA and one of the reasons weddings have become toxic and s**tty. peteywheatstraw1

YTA.

Weddings are not a family event (by OPs definition must include children) by default. Also did you know you can be a family without children (mind blown).

Another astonishing fact is that parents dont have to do everything with their kids.

And the fact that you keep belittling it by saying just a wedding shows how little you care about your sister but then again it sounds like you dont like her and am doing this to hurt her. Baaastet

Fast-forward 16 years or whatever and your kids will be jumping at the chance to attend parent-free activities, and who will you call?

Certainly not your sister or any other friends who you let down by taking a moral stance against their child-free weddings or other activities. Relationships require an investment of time and effort and sometimes participating in special life events that youre not really interested in attending.'

YTA all the way and this is just dumb. RabbitHole-Ninja

Its fine for someone to not go to a wedding but to say there is no point in seeing my sister get married it my kids cant also be there is such an a**hole move.

Either you want to show love for your sister or you dont. I get that sometimes money, travel, work, logistics, and even childcare can preclude attending a wedding, but just on principle to say, if it is no kids, Im not going because weddings are for families is such an entitled attitude. melodypowers

OP seems a little jealous maybe that the attention for the day will be on sister. Seems weird she wouldnt want to honor her sisters choices on her own damn wedding day. Your choice if you dont want to go, but YTA because your attitude sucks. starswar77

While the OP was insistent that it didnt matter if she was at this wedding and that her sister had made her decision for her, the subReddit did not agree. To not even attempt to find a sitter was telling, and to speak the way she did about her own sister spoke volumes, as well.

Original post:

Parent-Of-2 Refuses To Attend Sister's Childfree Wedding ...