For respectful, encouraging, positive discussion about childfree lifestyle

My boyfriend (27) and I (24) have been in a relationship for about seven and a half years now. He has always been rather ambivalent about children, I wanted them in the beginning. Over the years, due to chronic health stuff and just general broader life experiences, I have become absolutely child free and potentially even developed tokophobia (pregnancy scares a few years ago gave me panic attacks and severe anxiety until it was clear I wasn't pregnant).

The emotions aside, I rationally know that I couldn't handle children. I have chronic migraines and actually had a flare up when visiting my newborn nephew in May. He was very whiny (growth spurt) and it felt like dying being around him. I am someone who needs time for herself with peace and quiet and kids make that impossible for many, many years.

With the length of our relationship and us discussing marriage openly, family members asking about kids was inevitable. We are open about not wanting any but the comments are annoying af. When I told my in-laws about visiting my nephew, my wonderful granny-in-law just asked once about if it really didn't change my mind but my MIL was completely baffled how I could talk about him being cute (he is) and how happy I am to be an aunt (I am!) but still have no desire for my own. I held him but it felt super foreign. And I felt pity for my sister because she was basically falling asleep while talking to us. It just reinforced my conviction that I'm made to be a spoiling aunt, not a mother.

Coming to the point of this wall of text: Both my boyfriend and I have decided that we want to get sterilized. We both want the security that there is the least possible chance of pregnancy. Yes, I could just let him do it but I need the inner peace of my own infertility. We have discussed it at length and have decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about it until it's 100% done and we are recovered. I was planning on getting an endo diagnosis anyway so I'd have a cover for my surgery and the recovery time afterwards. It did get me thinking though, are we the assholes for hiding such a major life decision? At least in my case, I'd have to lie for some time too. We just want some peace during the process.

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For respectful, encouraging, positive discussion about childfree lifestyle