A word for mums who never wanted kids – The Standard

Women who didn't plan on becoming mothers but are mothers all the same are beginning to speak up (Photo: Shutterstock)

Whether or not a woman should have or choose not to have kids will always be a sensitive topic. Some women know that they wanted kids from a very young age, but for others, its not the case. Theres a part of society that doesnt believe there are women who really dont want kids and with that comes a lot of heavy judgement.

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Within that community of women who have no desire to have kids, are those who actually end up having children. Life happens, things change and you find yourself breastfeeding at 1 a.m. while youre half asleep. Now you have to awkwardly accept the congratulations for your baby and a part of you wants to curl up into a ball and cry.

Heres some advice if you find yourself with kids when you never planned to have any.

i. Youre not alone

Society likes to isolate women who dont want to have kids. Youll face the pressure if you attempt to air your views and surprisingly, some family members will even resent you for it. And now that you have kids, theyll automatically assume that you changed your mind just like they said you would. Only a few will understand how you feel about the whole motherhood thing and eventually you might even meet some women who are going through what youre experiencing.

Recently, women who didnt desire to have kids have started being more vocal about how they feel, which is revolutionary. They might still feel comfortable sharing their stories anonymously but, at least you know youre not alone.

ii. Youre not a horrible mom

Its hard to admit that you didnt want to have kids in the first place. It doesnt mean that you hate your kids and it doesnt make you a horrible person. It just means youre being honest. Dont feel horrible about yourself if you dont enjoy carrying your baby or spending every single moment with them. Its going to be tough for a while but the fact still remains that motherhood isnt necessarily for everyone. Hold on to your truth regardless of how people feel.

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iii. You shouldnt be forced to have more children

Things might just get worse if youre pressured into having more kids. Its one thing to amicably decide to have more kids with your partner but it shouldnt be a matter of forcing issues. Youre the one wholl bear the burden of carrying the baby through the nine months then go through the pain of labour and delivery. Perhaps youll even be the one to change the diapers throughout and handle everything else in the household so I believe you have the right to decide whether you can handle more kids or not.

iv. Never resent your children for it

Its not your childs fault. They didnt sign up to be born. Although you have a right to feel the way you do, you should never take out your anger on them. Every child deserves to be loved by their parents regardless of whether they were planned or not. Parenting will force you to do things you never wanted to but thats just how life is. You have to appreciate them for who they are and focus on the joy they bring.

v. Things might change

Some mums actually come round after some time.There are still those moments where you miss your childfree days but for the most part, they learn to embrace their new lives. Seeing your baby smile as they sleep peacefully or noticing they have the same dimple as you can actually turn things around. Itll be a gradual process of making lemonade out of the lemons that life gives you.

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A word for mums who never wanted kids - The Standard