John Oliver’s plan for Theresa May: send Lord Buckethead to negotiate Brexit – The Guardian

John Oliver addressed last weeks UK election, the colorful slew of joke candidates that took on Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn, and the forthcoming Brexit negotiations.

On Sundays episode of HBOs Last Week Tonight, Oliver began: The United Kingdom, the country thats been saying yas queen! for centuries, held a national election this week. There wasnt actually due to be one for three years, but prime minister Theresa May called it early. Its called a snap election and she did it to consolidate her power, although it dint quite work out that way.

Yes, this was a clusterfuck or, to be more precise, a crumpet-fuck, of epic proportions, Oliver said, referring to the hung parliament that emerged from last Thursdays election. Theresa May is hanging onto her job by a thread. To stay in power, shes attempting to cut a distasteful deal with the DUP, a hardline anti-gay, anti-abortion party in Northern Ireland, which has opened her up to even more criticism. Meanwhile, there are rumors of a leadership challenge from within her own party by Boris Johnson, a grown man who perpetually looks like a seven-year-old who just spun in circles for three minutes and is about to throw up.

British politics has a proud tradition of having all candidates stand together on the stage when the results are announced, Oliver explained, in reference to the many joke candidates who ran for parliament. Which means that on election night, as her party was dealt a massive blow, the prime minister had to stand on stage alongside Elmo, who got three votes, as well as Howling Laud Hope of the Monster Raving Loony party, who got 119 votes.

Oliver went on to introduce the candidate Lord Buckethead, the recipient of 249 votes in Mays Maidenhead constituency, who seemed to elicit a subtle eye-roll from the prime minister.

You can roll your eyes all you like, Theresa, Oliver quipped, but your evening just found a way to get a lot worse. And for the record, Lord Buckethead is an intergalactic space lord who ran on a platform of, among other things, the abolition of the House of Lords (except me) and stop selling arms to Saudi Arabia, start buying lasers from Lord Buckethead. And he did this all while looking like Darth Vader fucked an Amazon Echo.

Oliver went on to stress the importance of last weeks election as it pertains to the UKs forthcoming Brexit negotiations with the EU, which begin next Monday and must be completed by March 2019.

Broadly speaking, Oliver said, the question is whether the UK will have a hard or a soft Brexit. Within that hard/soft framework are decisions that will affect a lot of lives. Take immigration. There are currently 3 million EU citizens living in the UK and 1.2 million British citizens living in Europe, all of whom presumably wouldnt mind knowing where theyre going to be allowed to live and what their rights might be in just two years time.

In eight days, the UK is set to walk into a negotiation with no real leverage, no significant political mandate, and no coherent plan, Oliver said, noting that the issue of trade is fraught with difficulty, particularly since two-thirds of the UKs agricultural exports go to the European Union. I dont really have a solution to that, but I do have a proposal for Theresa May, because at this point you have basically fucked everything up and your only real chance here is to utilize the element of surprise.

So how about instead of sending a career negotiator, why not send someone that there is no way they would expect? Oliver joked. Im talking about someone bold, unafraid to call it how it is. Someone with a firm, leather-clad grasp of the issues. Someone with a bucket-list of demands and an honest, slightly muffled voice. Thats right, Im talking about the intergalactic space lord himself.

Oliver ended the monologue with a surprise visit from Lord Buckethead and a suggestion for May: If you are still prime minister by the time this show airs, I implore you, send the Dark Lord for Brussels. Is it an absurd idea? Yes. But it would not even be close to the stupidest thing that you have ever done.

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John Oliver's plan for Theresa May: send Lord Buckethead to negotiate Brexit - The Guardian