Dear Diary: Alison Redford’s week planning world domination

While federal NDP leader Thomas Mulcair was touring the Alberta oil-sands this week, premier Alison Redford was in Virginia at the infamously exclusive Bilderberg financial conference, which is open to only a few hundred of the worlds top movers and shakers. Jen Gerson imagines the week of the Alberta leader and former UN-lawyer:

Monday

Men in black cloaks arrived to deliver official invitation to the Bilderberg conference today. Take that, Christy Clark. Some of us who are actually relevant to the global economy receive invitations, too. And us elite power brokers get to do so much more than just fly naked on Richard Bransons back. (I remember well trying kite surfing as an adventurous young lawyer in South Africa. Nelson Mandela invited me to partake during a team-building exercise. It happened on one of the rare clear weekends when we were not trying to rebuild the countrys post-Apartheid legal structure. Kite-surfing? I did not care for it at the time.)

As instructed, local double-agents have been dispatched to obfuscate Bilderbergs long-term intentions under the guise of conspiracy theories. If only they knew word of our plans to create a one-world government to oversee a massively reduced global population were, in fact, spread by an Illuminati mole intent on making even the mere mention of such deeds seem ludicrous. The deflections pile upon themselves.

Anyway, the conference invitation proved to be well timed, as it would give me the opportunity to forgo a meeting with Thomas Mulcair. This was a great relief. It would be difficult to make economic arguments against the Dutch Disease theory with a straight face while simultaneously attempting to orchestrate the sublimation of the central Canadian economy!

Tuesday

Jason Payne/Postmedia News

B.C. premier Christy Clark

Christy proved too precious to attend Western Premiers Conference today, but no matter. We have the photographs. After mentioning upcoming Bilderberg attendance, found my fellow elected leaders to be surprisingly pliant with regards to a Canadian Energy Strategy. The oil must flow. The pipelines will be built and the coming economic empire that will become my domain will prove most useful to the lizard people chairing the first working group at Bilderberg.

Ive decided my first proposal there will focus on how to ensure ongoing favourable exchange rates.

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Dear Diary: Alison Redford’s week planning world domination