Kirby: A Mormon mission to Mars – and beyond

But this was long ago, back when the idea of missionaries knocking on doors in communist countries was the stuff of fantasy. It seemed an impossible boundary to breach.

Not so much anymore. Mormons are all over the ex-Soviet Union today. And as soon as it figures out how to make money while maintaining its non-capitalist contempt for us, China is next. I should be scared now, right?

Mostly I wish I had paid more attention to the talk. It would be nice to recall whether that whole "wards and stakes" in previously unheard-of places condition also included outer space.

Now that NASA has announced its intention to colonize Mars sometime in the next 30 years, will off-world wards and stakes also be a precursor to the Second Coming?

As it has been with every other outward migration in human history, once a toehold is established somewhere missionaries soon follow.

For example, if there are more than three dozen Mars colonists by 2050 you can bet somebody at LDS Church HQ will be trying to figure out how to get Mormon missionaries there.

A space church mission is a whole other can of bugs than one to a country we were willing to atomize in the interest of global peace.

For starters, there's the fact that it's a one-way trip. People signing up for the NASA mission know they'll never be coming home. So a missionary called to Mars would never get released.

I can't tell you how much this would suck. The only thing that got me through the 77 days I spent with Elder Lekker was knowing that it couldn't last forever.

It wouldn't get any better as human colonization spread. If sharing a miniscule apartment with someone whose ability to draw a level breath drives you crazy, imagine having to share an oxygen bottle with him 105 astronomical units from the mission home.

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Kirby: A Mormon mission to Mars - and beyond