Acting Like Superman Makes You Super, Man

Look stupid or be a jerk: Make a choice.

Whenever your beer guzzling, angry, politically incorrect dad makes fun of you for all the ridiculous and useless crap eggheads study at your "fancy-pants colleges that think they're better than your old man," show him this story. It will validate all his massively ignorant beliefs in one fell swoop.

Egghead scientists at Stanford University have been studying what happens when you pretend to fly like Superman. Let's just stop right there. Someone paid scientists to find out what happens we we pretend to fly like Superman. Meanwhile at Berkley, scientists are studying the effects repeatedly saying "Shazam" has on bullied nerds, and scientists at the School of Hard Knocks are trying to see what percentage of violently orphaned rich children go on to dress like bats and hunt criminals while leading a celibate love life.

Well, it turns out that if you put two groups of people in a simulator where they have to save children, one group as Superman and one group as a flightless dummy in a helicopter, the Superman group will be more likely to help others once the simulation is over.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!? Pretending to be Superman makes you more altruistic. Unfortunately, people who walk around all day pretending to fly like Superman might suffer from something far more serious than just being a butt-head.

Still, this is important information. Perhaps we could truly make the world a better place if more of us walked around with our arms out like flying idiots. I doubt I'd be so quick to call people idiots if I would just give it a shot.

If Superman were real, I'm sure he'd agree. In fact, given this scientific proof, it's not outside the realm of possibility that old Supes would help us enforce the "Pretend to fly" thing if it were ever turned into a law. Of course, that sort of totalitarian rule would make Batman angry, but the two of them can work that out on their own time. Meanwhile, we'll be over here having our government mandated Flying Time.

Seriously though, it's wonderful that Stanford eggheads discovered that pretending to be Superman makes you actually act more like Superman even once you're done pretending. Now why don't they do something really important and figure out why we can put a freakin' man on the moon but can't come up with a way to bring John Wayne back from the dead. C'mon eggheads, lets see you do that.

*Super awesome Superman costume courtesy of our friends at: http://www.halloweencostumes.com/

Evan Saathoff UGO Writer

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Acting Like Superman Makes You Super, Man