The All-American Glory of Yacht Rock – National Review

Kenny Loggins performs in Las Vegas, Nev., in 2002. (Ethan Miller/Reuters)Saluting the mellow sound that signals all is right with the world.

They say jazz is Americas musical signature: As Ken Burns wrote, the genius of America is improvisation, our unique experiment a profound intersection of freedom and creativity. . . . Nowhere is this more apparent than in jazz the only art form created by Americans, an enduring and indelible expression of our genius and promise.

Stirring words. Jazz is inventive, vibrant, and complex. Everything about it is great, except the way it sounds. Listening to jazz is like trying to chase down a housefly. Theres a reason why only French tourists pretend to like it. To quote a more honest writer, John OFarrell: Music is a journey. Jazz is getting lost.

Americas truly sublime musical innovation is Yacht Rock. Savor the wit of that oxymoron: How hard can you rock if youre on a yacht? The boat itself rocks like a baby, not like Led Zeppelin. So Yacht Rock is gentle, but it cant be sad. There is no moping on a yacht. If you want to be glum and wear black, get off the boat and go find a jazz club. Not that anyone would ever invite you on their yacht in the first place.

The essence of a Yacht Rock song (my Spotify playlist is here) is that you can picture it being blasted on the deck of a yar and saucy watercraft circa 1981. Girls in cut-off shorts and bikini tops toss their arms in the air and say, Whoo! while the owner and host a guy named Brad or Chad or Gary, who struck it rich with, say, a string of Camaro dealerships and is himself a sort of Camaro in human form high-fives the guests, bites his lower lip, and moves a little off the beat, occasionally interjecting, Awesome, man! Brad or Chad or Gary drinks only the classy beers such as Lowenbrau or Michelob and has a cooler stocked with colorful wine coolers for the girls. Only his one very special lady will be present later when he opens up a perfectly chilled bottle of Aste Spumante. His captains chair is made of rich Corinthian leather.

Yacht Rock isnt what youd call real rock, angry rock, rock with a point or an attitude or a message or even a smirk, because Brad or Chad or Gary is just here to have a good time (and here is on earth). There is no edge to Yacht Rock any more than there is an edge to the round, rolling sea. However, Yacht Rock is not Loser Rock or Wimp Rock. It may be smooth, but it isnt limp. When the Yacht Rock is blasting out of the JVC boom box, the sun is shining, the girls are swaying, the waves are rolling, and all is well. Any song about lost love or thwarted longing or the girl that got away is inadmissible unless it reminds Brad or Chad or Gary about that time he almost met Cheryl Tiegs in Puerto Vallarta, and hell tell you about this incident at length.

The line between Yacht Rock and Wimp Rock is, alas, being eroded daily by the programmers of Sirius XM, whose Yacht Rock station (Channel 105 at the moment, and also available on the app if you happen not to be driving much these days). Siriuss Yacht Rock station is a sort of National Archives of Yacht Rock, one of Americas greatest innovations since the development of the backyard bug zapper. But thanks to some programmers inability to grasp that no one wants to listen to ow-my-broken-heart songs on a yacht, Channel 105 Rock is programmatically almost indistinguishable from Channel 17, the Wimp Rock station dubbed the Bridge. Bridge over whiny waters, that is. The Bridge is nothing but moany-groany lovey-dovey songs by the likes of Air Supply and Bread and America, and I love it inordinately. But Im not playing anything as embarrassingly low-T as Baby Im-a Want You on a yacht, unless I want to invite mutiny.

Yacht Rock has to have a pulse; its got to make you feel like youre scything through the waves while youre enjoying a classy snack like cottage cheese on melba toast. Its got soul, but not real soul, just the blue-eyed kind. You cant play Marvin Gaye on a yacht because Marvin Gaye was a genius. The Eagles are not Yacht Rock: Theyre too great. Same for The Police and The Rolling Stones. (Most Europeans are automatically disqualified anyway; a European on a yacht conjures up an image of a 200-foot monster docking in Nice and skippered by a man named Baron von Ruprecht of Wienerwald. Who can party down in a white dinner jacket while holding a snifter of brandy?)

Yacht Rock is the unchallenging, mood-brightening background music of the ordinary Chad who struck it rich enough to get a starter yacht, albeit not rich enough to compete with Baron von Ruprecht, who had a 200-year head start. America is the land where anyone might get rich enough to own a yacht, and so Yacht Rock is a celebration of America. It makes you lift your foam beer-can insulator to the cerulean skies and bawl out, Meet you all the way or Yah mo B there.

Yacht rock has its own Lennon and McCartney, except they are named Loggins and McDonald. I know what youre going to say, but Ive done the research and it turns out that Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald are not the same guy. McDonald offered a foretaste of the smooth-it-down Eighties on the Doobie Brothers Takin It to the Streets (1976). This was the first hit single ever sung by McDonald, and was there ever a more adorable track about urban unrest? If you blasted that over loudspeakers in the midst of an actual riot, the looting and smashing would stop immediately, and everyone would beg you to stop ruining the mood. As McDonalds profile was rising, Loggins came by like the guy in the Mr. Microphone commercial: Hey good lookin, Ill be back to pick you up later! Soon the pair were collaborating on What a Fool Believes, (1979), which despite being about a loser is just bouncy enough to qualify as Yacht Rock rather than loser rock. Loggins and McDonald combined again for This Is It (1979), a spectacularly non-specific paean to get-er-done Americanism on the cover of which Loggins is depicted holding what appears to be a magical glowing orb obviously the mystical power cell of Yacht Rock. With Im Alright, the following year, Loggins crafted a tune that was not only the perfect Yacht-Rock track, complete with misspelled title, but inspired the perfect Yacht-Rock conversation: Did anyone see Caddyshack ?

The summer of Caddyshack 1980 was Yacht Rocks annus mirabilis. Along came a third natural master of styrofoam wave-coasting: Christopher Cross. Released at the tail end of 1979, his eponymous rookie album became the lodestar of Yacht Rock, containing both of the quintessential examples of the form. Not only did Cross come up with Ride Like the Wind, which actually sounds like the internal soundtrack playing in Brad/Chad/Garys mind as he rips across the water (and features McDonalds epic backup vocal), but at the same time gave us Sailing, a song without which no one ever would have thought up the term Yacht Rock. Sadly, Cross would later become a casualty of Wimp Rock with Arthurs Theme (The Best That You Can Do) and Think of Laura.

Yacht Rocks subtle distinctions sometimes elude even dedicated students of the form. For instance, Fleetwood Macs You Make Lovin Fun (Fun! Lovin!) is Yacht Rock. Fleetwood Macs Go Your Own Way (cutting, bitter) is not. Rockn Me (Steve Miller Band) is Yacht Rock. Rock the Casbah (The Clash) is not; its too good.

References to actually being on a boat definitely add Yacht-Rock cachet, because no one will ever accuse you of being too obvious on a boat; if anything, use of irony on the water will earn you nasty looks and maybe an order to clean out the bottom of the cooler. But Rock the Boat (Hues Corporation) is not Yacht Rock, its disco. Its a dance song. On a yacht, you dont dance, you dance around. Big difference. Dancing requires skill, or at least rhythm. Dancing around you can manage even if youre a Camaro in human form. Cool Change, with its serene lyrics about sailing on the cool and bright clear water, is Yacht-Rock splendor despite being an import, from Australias Little River Band. Australia, though, is the most American of all overseas countries big, confident, friendly, and party-minded. Australia is Americas honorary little brother. Love Will Find A Way is pure yachty bliss, not only because of the gentle, undemanding optimism of the song, not only because of the not-too-fast-buddy tempo, but because the band that performed it was Pablo Cruise. Pablo Cruise! They might as well have called themselves Boaty McBoatface.

Yacht Rock lyrics are not allowed to be profound, equivocal, or thoughtful. Paul Simon and Carole King are not Yacht Rock. Acceptable Yacht-Rock sentiments include:

While you see a chance, take it.

Ride into the danger zone.

Were still havin fun, and youre still the one.

Believe it or not, Im walkin on air!

You make-a-my dreams come true.

And if your yacht hasnt come in yet? Not to worry; all of these songs make the ideal soundtrack for backyard barbecuing, which is basically yacht-rocking on land. The ideal accessories are a badminton set, a Weber grill, a Coleman cooler. Get out the Bluetooth speaker, bring it into the yard, and revel in Americas glorious Yacht-Rock inheritance.

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The All-American Glory of Yacht Rock - National Review