Tradwives have been labelled ‘subservient’, but these women reject suggestions they’re oppressed – ABC News

Updated February 25, 2020 09:51:29

Danielle is a modern woman with a penchant for "old world charms".

The self-described traditional wife, or tradwife for short, is part of an increasingly visible sect of women embracing and in some ways, reclaiming the title of homemaker.

Though some may see it as a homage to the 1950s "happy housewife", for many of the women involved in the tradwife movement, the premise is simple: choosing to be a wife, mother and homemaker should not be seen as a sacrifice, nor should taking pride in "keeping the house in order" be misconstrued as subservience.

"Traditional housewifery in the 21st century is not an example of oppression, but rather an example of liberation," says the mother of two from the midwest United States.

"The modern traditional housewife is the ultimate example of female autonomy. She's not being forced to stay home with the kids; but at the same time she's also not forced to work outside the home. She makes the choice."

Though it is hardly a new dynamic, its increasing visibility born largely out of its social media following in the United States and United Kingdom has catapulted it into the public consciousness.

And it is a concept fraught with contention.

From headlines like "Meet the women radicalised into complete subservience to men", to "Why I submit to my husband like it's 1959", it's easy to understand why the movement has proven so divisive and it is not a conflict created in a vacuum.

Certain elements of the movement openly espouse submissiveness which is seen to honour "the natural dynamics between man and wife" and regard the concept of feminism as an attempt to "repeal and restructure" the natural order.

Others have likened it to an extension of white nationalism, propagating the belief that women should focus on their "natural" duties of childbearing and housekeeping.

But many of those who champion traditional housewifery fear they have been mischaracterised both by those within the movement seeking to further their own personal brand, and the media itself.

While acknowledging that parts of the movement may be seen as a pushback to what they view as the "more damaging elements" of third wave feminism, they argue tradwives are not a homogenous hive mind, and baulk at those who "pervert traditional values by lowering themselves to servant status in their marriage".

"Instead of viewing their relationship with their spouse as a partnership, they view the husband as a king and live only to attend to his every beck and call," says Danielle.

"This is a caricature of traditionalism, and it does start to look like something resembling brainwashing."

For mother-of-three and self-described tradwife Nadine, who is currently pregnant with her fourth child, being a homemaker was a "clear condition" of what she wanted in a marriage a dynamic that she says has brought "a lot of calm" into her family's daily life.

But she concedes there may be others within the movement who do not view their own relationships as an equal playing field.

"I told my husband that if we ever got married and had children, I would want to be at home with them and that I would want him to be the money maker," she says.

"Black sheep happen in every aspect in our society. I'm sure there are traditional wives that didn't have a choice and that are 'prisoners' in their marriage or that even don't know there are other options."

Though they refer to themselves as traditional wives, some within the movement note there is no single archetype of a tradwife.

Bec, who lives in Adelaide with her husband and runs a Facebook group for women who share traditional values, says the unifying factor is their beliefs.

"There are divorced ones, single ones who aspire to being one, many have children, a number do not," she says.

"Some go for the self-sufficient family farm, others live in towns. The unifying factor is beliefs that society and the individual are best served from the preservation of the family unit, the careful raising of the next generation to hold these values and the reintroduction of home and faith as the centre focus of life."

Bec concedes she's somewhat of an anomaly.

While the UK and US traditional wife movements have amassed a significant online following, it's a concept that has largely flown under the radar in Australia.

"Three years ago, I was the only Australian that I knew of in social media, but one by one more have been popping out of the woodwork," she says.

"I don't know if it's a case of the Australian following growing, or just more women becoming equipped with the language to be able to identify with the movement.

"I personally know traditional wives who just call themselves stay-at-home mothers or Christian wives but have all the hallmarks of the traditional movement."

There is, of course, the invariable argument around the social, cultural, economic and political conditions through which such movements are created.

While many women and men would relish the opportunity to have more flexibility around their personal and professional lives, it isn't always feasible.

The rising cost of child care, among other expenses, also means staying at home isn't always a choice as much as it is a necessity.

"There's lots of different pathways that women can pursue now, and it's interesting how they want to narrativise that," says Mary Lou Rasmussen, a professor of sociology at the Australian National University.

"It seems to be a very privileged position to make Because really, in many situations, there is no option but for both people in the relationship to be working."

Danielle openly acknowledges the traditional lifestyle is "very much a luxury in the 21st century", and that not everyone can afford to stay at home.

But, in light of her family's financial position, she made the decision to do so not only in order to be more available to her children, but to ensure her husband could be too.

"He doesn't have to come home from work and make dinner for the kids, or give them a bath, because all four of us were gone all day," she says.

"Instead, he gets to come home and be a dad. He comes in the door, throws his jacket on the hook and wrestles with the kids, reads them stories, and makes blanket forts."

Steeped in the ideals of the traditional housewife, however, is a darker undertone.

The preservation of traditional family values has been used by some as a dog-whistle for whiteness, and as Annie Kelly noted in The Housewives of White Supremacy, "running alongside what could be mistaken for a peculiar style of mommy-vlogging is a virulent strain of white nationalism".

The phenomenon rose to notoriety in 2017, when Ayla Stewart a self-described tradwife and blogger issued a "white baby challenge" to her viewers, asking them to "have as many white babies as I have contributed".

"The highest goal for a white supremacist woman is to stay home, keep her husband happy, and produce as many white warrior babies as she can," says Jessica Reaves, an expert in Anti-Defamation League's Centre on Extremism and the author of its recent report on the links between misogyny and white supremacy.

"This all ties into white supremacists' obsession with replacement theory."

While some within the movement are conscious of its perceived association with the alt-right, they say it is remiss to suggest that it is in any way a shared value or commonality within the tradwife community.

Nikki, a self-described tradwife who runs a Facebook group geared towards traditional women, says the premise is "laughable".

"The traditional wife [and] homemaker community is made up of women from various religions, ethnicities, ages, and upbringings," she says.

"So assuming we are Nazis or white supremacists is laughable to me."

It is a sentiment echoed by Crystal, who runs a club for traditional housewives.

"Women of different races in my group, all coming together to share recipes, cleaning tips, jokes, talking about life," she remarks.

"I don't see how any of that makes us brainwashed or Nazis. Anyone who characterises it that just blows my mind, I don't understand it at all."

A number of women who identify as tradwives lament these connotations have become associated with the modern movement, and worry they will be typecast for their decision.

But through social media, they have found a network of like-minded women, where they can celebrate and commiserate the challenges of day-to-day life together.

"I would say it is empowering for many, especially since many of these homemakers or those who desire this lifestyle do not get the support from family or friends in their real life," says Nikki.

"To come online and find that support, to feel validated in their decision, is all these women want, that what they desire to do with their life and for their families is normal."

Danielle does not mince words she is not out to "try and win hearts and minds" about her lifestyle.

But she says meeting others who share her values helped her realise that she was not a "disgrace" for choosing a different path to other women.

"I think the tradwife community serves as a response by rational women who are digging their heals in and saying, 'No! I want to get married, I want to raise a family, I want to make a home for myself and my loved ones'," she says.

"I think the empowerment comes from the realisation that there are other women who want what you want, and you're not a disgrace to your gender if you don't want to live alone in an empty apartment for the rest of your life."

Topics:community-and-society,family-and-children,marriage,social-systems,gender-roles,australia,united-states,canada

First posted February 24, 2020 06:06:33

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Tradwives have been labelled 'subservient', but these women reject suggestions they're oppressed - ABC News