The rising tide of female gamblers need help. I know, I lost my home and job – The Guardian

A couple of clicks to bet on the football: a win. Little did I know that in such a short space of time those clicks would lead me to losing my home and my job. I started gambling during a period of intense loneliness in my life. I was in an abusive relationship and my self-esteem was at an all-time low.

My partner introduced me to online gambling in passing, sitting on the sofa one evening. It didnt feel like a big deal, just something to do on your phone while the TV played in the background. I won the very first time I made a bet. It gave me an instant buzz a feeling of gratification I think I had been missing in my life.

This first win would come to shape the way I viewed gambling. It hooked me in, and I gradually spent more and more time over the following months chasing that initial high. Many others are like me, seeking a buzz that they dont find in other places. For other women, its not a buzz but a numbness they seek from being in the gambling bubble. Gambling can sometimes be a reaction to depression or anxiety; in other cases it may be a cause. More often than not, its the people who are already struggling who are most at risk of developing an addiction.

Gambling was something I never sought out: Id never been in a betting shop, casino or arcade. Instead, through apps on my smartphone, gambling came to me. My experience isnt unique more and more women who would never think to enter the all-male spaces of high-street bookies are finding themselves using online gambling sites and apps. Gambling online allowed my addiction to escalate. If you can hide the screen, you can hide the problem.

I thought I could win millions and escape somewhere. But the more I chased this hope, the worse the problems I was trying to escape from became

It seemed as if by hitting a few buttons I could make money. This promised to become the answer to my debts another issue I was struggling with at the time. I thought I could win millions and escape somewhere. But the more I chased this hope, the worse the problems I was trying to escape from became. The longer you gamble, the more you lose; the more you lose, the more you gamble.

The debts began to rack up to the point that I lost not only my job but my home. That was when I reached rock bottom. The companies I was gambling with didnt question where I was finding the money. I was never offered a deposit limit that would restrict the amount of money I could spend, self-exclusion for a period of time or support when I began to realise I was struggling with an addiction.

I almost lost everything, including my life at my lowest point. As a woman, it somehow felt harder to ask for help: I worried Id be judged for not being able to cope. Women are usually the ones who hold everything together, and I felt embarrassed that I wasnt able to. Gambling addiction is still seen as an issue that only affects men. The reality is more and more women are gambling, and we need to raise awareness so they can access support. Specialist services available across the UK arent gender specific, theyre available to everyone and most importantly theyre provided for free.

At the time, not knowing where to go, I reached out to my GP and was referred to GamCare. Through them I accessed therapy and support that helped me make positive changes to my life. I was able to view my situation from a different perspective, and to understand the aspects of my life that made gambling so attractive. I can now recognise what might trigger me to want to gamble, so I can make a healthier choice for me and my family.

There is light at the end of the tunnel if we talk. Talk to one another, talk to your GP, talk to your therapist and talk to an adviser on the national gambling helpline. Rebuilding my life has been tough, but now I have a lovely home again, and Im the happiest Ive been in a long time. Ive finally been honest with my loved ones, and with their ongoing support Ive said goodbye to gambling for ever.

Free help and advice about problem gambling is available online at BeGambleAware.org or by calling the National Gambling Helpline on 0808 8020 133

In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at http://www.befrienders.org

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The rising tide of female gamblers need help. I know, I lost my home and job - The Guardian