Lady Etiquette | Honesty, respect, consideration … The key to creating happy homes, positive communities and productive societies – Jamaica Gleaner

Civility is contagious, and a society that tries can produce men and women who, daily, unconsciously express HRC (honesty, respect, consideration). Being cultured is a mannerism that everyone at some time or another takes seriously.

We may not practise etiquette every day but at some point, on some occasion, we wish we knew exactly how to act and inwardly hope that it would be second nature so that we could spend less time trying to be right and, instead, enjoy the company or surroundings.

Truth be told, from any socioeconomic background, we like to think we are cultured and like others to think we are cultured as well.

So where does culturing start? It starts where nurturing begins the home the first institution of learning. General social interactions should be genuine and intentional. When practised, they can become second nature.

In our homes, we should:

Cultivate a positive environment.

Practise greeting the members of your family morning and evening, addressing them by name.

Respect each others privacy.

Respect each others views.

If we are not in diapers, pick up after ourselves.

Be on time and show interest in family activities.

Communicate honesty in words and deeds.

Avoid negative words, phrases, or discussions, especially in the presence of children.

Sigh! Can I testify? Sadly, the home is not what it used to be. Adults are at their wits end, and more and more, my own interactions and those of other families tell me that we are losing, or have lost, control.

The familys vocabulary is laced with words such as idiot, fool, stupid, shut up; phrases like yuh ah idiot, yuh have sense?, stop behave like yuh a fool, idiot bwoy, idiot gal, and expletives. How did we get here? We must be honest. Respect and consideration. Gone!

While we know that our millennials are a different breed that parents seem ill-equipped to manage, should this be an excuse for our behaviour? Never!

Anger and frustration that lead to negative words and actions cause more harm than good. We expect others to be respectful, and its a good expectation to have, but do our mannerisms reflect how we would want others to behave?

We tell our children, for example, dont shout at me, but we shout at them. We embarrass them but feel very let down when they embarrass us. We say dont slap, but we slap them. We expect them to be nice and kind all the time when we are not. We destroy their self-esteem with negative words and actions and wonder why they are not confident. We tell them to put down the gadgets, but we spend an equal amount of time with those gadgets, too. Then we convince ourselves that we are adults and they are children.

As adults, we must lead by example. Yes, children now express the thoughts we as children would only ponder but never utter. They say to us, We are only expressing ourselves, children have rights, too and we feel like dem pickney yah feisty bad!

Back in the day, we could never make those statements to our parents, so why take it from them? If in our correcting we lose control or have lost control, what of our future. What of tomorrows society? What will we be passing on to generations to come? Can we hold ourselves blameless for the state the society is in?

Home HRC is a good start if we are to regain civility in our homes and the society:

GUIDE ONE: Live your expectations of others.

Show respect for others regardless of age or gender.

Give time for freedom to express feelings and deal with issues, using HRC.

Use mediums that reinforce positive values.

Use positive words and actions.

Make negative words and actions taboo.

GUIDE TWO: Allow every member of the family to feel valued, praise successes, and provide encouragement for failures.

GUIDE THREE: Spend quality time doing activities that everyone will enjoy. Allow each member a turn to choose an activity so that everyone is involved.

GUIDE FOUR: Do not practise favouritism. Remember that the individual with behavioural issues may need more love and attention but all need love and attention balance well!

GUIDE FIVE: Teach the children how to make good choices and avoid people and situations that try to reverse the efforts at home.

GUIDE SIX: Allow the children to be integral in making a gadget schedule. Be alert for screen addiction. Set appropriate and specific times for gadgets. Children should be given an hour at a time. It should not be the first interaction in the morning or the last before bed.

The children of today are the adults of tomorrow so:

C Teach them how to care by the care we give.

H Help them to become a better version of themselves.

I Nurture their individuality and help to develop a personality.

L Teach them how to love and demonstrate love.

D Teach them to show love in their deeds, as love is action.

R Show respect and teach respect.

E Respect must envelope every interaction.

N teach them to never lose sight of who they are and who they can be.

Practising honesty, respect, and consideration in the home goes a long way to making the home environment happy. Happy homes make up positive communities and positive communities make productive societies.

Rome wasnt built in a day, neither will the tower of Jamaican civility, but we can certainly try by laying the foundation blocks, one by one blocks of honesty, respect, and consideration ... HRC!

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Email feedback to jennifersavariaumorris@gmail.com and columns@gleanerjm.com.

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Lady Etiquette | Honesty, respect, consideration ... The key to creating happy homes, positive communities and productive societies - Jamaica Gleaner