7 Things You Absolutely Must Do If You Want To Be Respected – Forbes

Respect means a lot to all of us. This is how you can get more of it.

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The renowned Aretha Franklin sung about it, but everyone and I do mean everyone wants some of it. We want respect in our personal lives and in our professional lives as well. We want to be appreciated for the work we do and to get proper recognition for our contributions. When our colleagues respect us, they take us more seriously and view us as professionals who get things done in the right way while applying professional standards and ethics. If you want to be respected more by your boss, your staff or your colleagues, you absolutely must do these seven things consistently.

1. Apologize for what you get wrong but not for who you are or what you accomplish.

By all means, dont apologize excessively. Doing so might cause people to see you as inferior, especially when your inclination is to automatically apologize to others for not only the stuff you get wrong but for the stuff they get wrong too.

In no way am I recommending that you neglect to take ownership of your mistakes or the mistakes of your team. That is what weak leaders are known to do. Instead, I posit that strong leaders answer for their teams actions and their own actions by taking full responsibility for mistakes, and they are respected much more for doing so. But dont apologize for things that you have no control over, things outside your authority or for the things that make you who you are.

Apologize for being rude or arriving late to a meeting but not for another persons discomfort with your identity, professionalism, competence or expertise. Apologize for disrespecting or discounting someone else but not for setting performance standards and holding people accountable. Apologize for a process, service or quality failure, but never apologize for being confident, assertive or successful.

2. Have the audacity to point out whats not working and the diligence to propose methods that will.

If you are the resident fault-finder on the team, no one will like or respect you. While it is very important to highlight mistakes, flaws and areas for improvement, it is equally if not more important to add your ideas, recommendations and methods to the mix. People respect problem solvers and solution finders more than complainers.

To gain more respect, demonstrate your ability to be a strategic thinker and offer up thoughtful and comprehensive proposals with solutions. When you have the courage to not only point out what is wrong but also stand behind it with a well-thought proposal for how to make it better, you gain more respect. Even if people dont fully accept your proposal, they will respect you for providing one. It shows that you are truly invested in making things better, and you will gain a reputation for generating ideas, solving problems and improving processes.

3. Treat other people the way they want to be treated rather than the way you want to be treated.

Although well intentioned, the Golden Rule principle falls short. The Golden Rule suggests that we treat others the way we want to be treated. A better approach is to treat others the way they want to be treated. This is called the Platinum Rule, and it considers that when dealing with other people, it is best to try to make it about them. Focus on what they need and what they care about to the extent possible.

When you treat others the way you want to be treated, they might view you as arrogant and overly presumptuous. Think about it. How can we just decide that other people want to be treated the same way we want to be treated? Who gives us the right to presume that?

Youll gain more respect when you make it about other people. Another way to do this is to simply respect them. Regardless of position titles or status, find a way to show you value and appreciate the maintenance worker who cleans the bathrooms as much as you appreciate the chief executive. When you make it about other people and elevate their needs and concerns, they will elevate you and come to respect you more.

4. Ask more questions and remain open to new ideas.

In case you were wondering, people really dont like know-it-alls. If you go around diminishing others while acting like you have a monopoly on bright ideas, the best expertise or the best solutions, you will be disliked. People will respect you less because they dont feel you value their ideas or expertise.

A better strategy would be to show people that you are open to learn new things and think differently about processes. This will get you further than you will ever get by touting your expertise, college degrees or how much experience you have. In todays society, your ability to learn, unlearn, ask great questions and learn some more is truly valued, and this will garner you more respect with your colleagues.

5. Make your needs a priority, and deal with conflict even when its uncomfortable.

People respect people who respect themselves and value their own needs. When you avoid conflict, you send a message that your needs are inferior to anothers. When you do it excessively, people come to expect that you will certainly accommodate and prioritize their needs over your own.

There are five different conflict styles (collaborating, compromising, competing, accommodating and avoiding), and each style has a time and place for its suitability though we are inclined to lean on one or two styles more frequently. It is okay to sometimes avoid conflict, but if you tend to avoid it even when issues beg to be addressed, you become part of the problem. By being a reliable conflict avoider or accommodator, others become less and less interested in meeting your needs, and they lose respect for you.

Regardless of which conflict style you prefer, you have to get comfortable applying other styles when necessary. Go ahead and apply the collaborative style and even the competitive style when you need to fight or advocate for your needs or the needs of your team. As people see that you are adept with flexing between the styles, they will come to respect you more.

6. Be courageous enough to ask for help and invite critique from others.

Let go of the kind of thinking that says that only weak people need other people. Thats false. Strong people have the courage to admit they need help from other people. They have the courage to allow others to provide assistance. When you ask for help, you show your strength. You show that you are indeed confident in your abilities and have the willingness and courage to accept guidance. You show others that you dont believe yourself to be superior to those around you, and you create opportunities for others to contribute to your development.

Respected leaders seek opportunities to develop themselves and others. Let others help and advise you along the way. People will respect you more when they see that you welcome critique and feedback. Even when you might not really need the help, you can still benefit from asking for it. You will garner more respect just for creating opportunities for others to flex their intellectual or creative muscles more often!

7. Do the right thing even when it will cost more than you want to pay.

I learned a long time ago that an ounce of dishonesty will have far more impact on whether people respect me than a pound of accomplishment ever will. A lot of people get lost here. No advice about how to gain respect would be complete without a category on integrity and ethics.

Ethics is about how we meet the challenge of doing the right thing when that will cost more than we want to pay. -The Josephson Institute of Ethics

We can respect people even if we disagree with them, and we can respect people we dont even like. But you would be hard pressed to find someone who will tell you that they respect people they dont trust or cant count on to use good judgment to make ethically sound decisions especially when those decisions run counter to their own interests.

If you care about garnering more respect, you absolutely must commit to a set of professional standards that reflect high levels of integrity and ethics. Zig Ziglar said the most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity. Hes so right. Ethical leaders have integrity and work to bridge the ethical dilemma gap and build distinguishable standards for behavior. They then hold themselves and others across the organization accountable.

I know youve got this.

Just take a hard look at your behaviors and assess whether your actions may be diminishing the respect you garner from others. People advance professionally for many reasons, and commanding respect is certainly one of them. Make the necessary modifications to your own behavior so that you can gain more respect from your colleagues, your staff and your boss. The results will be reflected in positive and tangible ways that advance your career as well as your professional standing.

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7 Things You Absolutely Must Do If You Want To Be Respected - Forbes