If Uni Life Was Game Of Thrones – Junkee

It's every man for himself.

Ever wanted to be inside the world of everyones favourite medieval softcore porn show,Game Of Thrones?If youre at uni, you kind of already are. As long as you replace ale with beer, swords with academic ridicule, and the word hodor with fucking parking inspectors dammit shit!

If you fall down here, no ones going to help you up. Whether youve been given an involuntary amputation or stranded without a computer in the library, you can expect bystanders to keep right on walking. And so they should.

Ruthlessness is survival, my friend.

Group assignment? Reclaiming the Riverlands for House Stark? Expect in-fighting, ceaseless suspicion of glory-stealing, and the odd leadership challenge. Personally, I hearThe Rains Of Castamereevery time I see that contact sheet.

Surely, could I not give less than half a groat for the meandering pomposity of yonder professor? Does he not shrivel ones ears? His vaunted tales of workforce maturation are as nipples on breastplates to me.

Oh, my sweet summer child! So you came down from the safety of your parents house and expected life in this bustling metropolis to be just dandy, did you? To quote someones creepy uncle: Life is not a song, sweetling.

Sure, the drinks are cheap, but every courtier hides a dagger in their smile, and every professor a penalty mark.

Do authority figures ever get tired of telling us that the case study is imperative or that winter is coming? I mean, it all sounds very grim and impressive at first, but eventually you just start tuning it out.

Yeah, yeah. My assessment is one month overdue. The Others march on Westeros. Whatever.

When it comes to uni, parents love to assume that youll be drawn into a world of orgiastic hedonism the likes of which Tyrion himself could not conceive. Then they see good oldGoTon your laptop and all their worst fears are confirmed.

But thats just intergenerational bias. We dont watch it for the nudity, we watch it for character development and cultural subtext! Right guys?

Right?

I swear by Tyrions broken bedsprings, in every crowd theres at least one smartarse who thinks its cool to act all big and start waffling on about the history of the Seven Kingdoms or this weeks mandatory tutorial chapters. And then they have thenerveto tell us what will happen next week.

Some of us prefer to be left in suspense. Thanks a lot, arsehole.

Theres so much foreshadowing and just not a lot else. I mean, everyone keeps talking about throwing insane parties and reclaiming their birthright, but it seems like most people just sit around and wait for someone else to do it.

Seriously, were this far in already and no-ones done a keg stand? Daenerys is still in Meereen? Just what the hell is this?

Though maybe not quite on the level of Jaime and Cersei Lannister, after the initial awkwardness of the first few tutes, your classmates will begin to notice each other. It starts off civil enough, but all it takes is onepub crawl, and suddenly everyone starts pairing off for the winter break.

Kind of gives gross new meaning to the words of House Stark.

Joel Svensson

Business major, journalism minor and sometime voice-actor, Joel Svensson pretends to be smart at La Trobe University in Melbourne.

(Lead image:Official HBOGame Of Throneswebsite)

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If Uni Life Was Game Of Thrones - Junkee