Was it something I said? Sensitivities abound, and opportunities to put ones foot in it are correspondingly boundless. Photograph: Alamy
A rare carouse in a louche Glasgow wine bar one night last week was enchanted briefly by a nervous proposition. The stranger had approached me gingerly from the side and asked if I was gay, straight or bi. He was young, beautiful, immaculately groomed and thin as a packet of condoms. Im straight, as a matter of fact, I answered in what I felt was my deepest Glaswegian timbre.
I hope you dont mind me asking, he added politely. Absolutely not; youve made my night, I replied. May I ask you a question in return? I asked. Go right ahead, he replied.
What was it that sparked your interest? Well, he said. Its just that youre wearing a pink shirt; youre sipping a French martini and your legs are crossed.
This is not the first time an encounter like this has occurred in recent years. After each one, I have fretted over what ought to have been the most appropriate response in such situations. Some people are blessed with an instinctive liberalism that allows them to glide through the ever-changing landscape of modern manners without giving offence. Others, perhaps a little older and usually white and male, can experience difficulty in adjusting their footing to keep up with these intricate manoeuvres.
Its not that they are ignorant or lazy on the contrary; they aspire desperately to say and do the right things its just that they can, on occasion, be a little clumsy and maladroit at finding the appropriate words in unfamiliar situations. I fall into the latter category.
For most of our adult lives we lived a monochrome existence in which morals and social mores were well signposted and came colour-coded in either black or white.
Raised awareness of issues around feminism, sexual identity, the environment, ethnicity and multiculturalism have given a voice to many who had previously been denied one. The response by many on the right is to group these under the collective heading Political Correctness Gone Mad.
A more human approach might simply be Live and Let Live.
We possess good intentions, yet find we are let down in unorthodox situations by a form of social dyslexia
There is no users manual available for those of us who aspire to be liberal and possess good intentions yet find we are let down in unorthodox situations by a form of social dyslexia.
Nevertheless, in a spirit of shared humanity rooted in sympathy for my fellow aspiring but clumsy liberals, I offer the following short extract from my Good Liberals Guide to Modern Etiquette.
It is based on my own experience and the shared testimony of others who have reached uncertainly for the right words and yet found themselves shunned and resented.
You may have found that an increasing number of people are embarking on a transgender journey. This is a good thing as the misery of feeling trapped in the wrong body must be almost unbearable. Please avoid asking So hows your journey been so far? or Are you near the end? as if it were a day-trip to Girvan.
Instead, show interest and dont interrupt. Do not say: One of my friends is on a similar journey because youll probably be lying.
The young folks increasing knowledge of where we source our food has led to many of them embracing veganism in disgust at the vile practices and unhygienic methods that are often involved in getting farm animals on to our plates. When your daughter announces that she is a vegan, please, under no circumstances, make Spocks famous split-fingers sign from Star Trek. Instead, listen politely; make a mental note to Google vegan restaurants, and say youve heard that a lot of tasty curry recipes are vegan.
Look, lets be mature about this: everybody likes a good swear now and then, and as Moses is reputed to have said to Aaron in one of the as-yet-undiscovered Dead Sea Scrolls, an elegantly deployed profanity is a blessing to us all. Now some enterprising feminists have reclaimed the c-word. And, indeed, in some west of Scotland taverns the term is often used to express admiration. Tams a good...
There is, though, a risk of becoming desensitised to all this bold new use of the word. I would advise caution and stick to old standards such as bastard, bawbag, dickhead and tosser.
Admit it weve all encountered these wretched characters. There you are merrily WhatsApping away in the back of the cab when your driver insists on having a debate about Brexit. I dont know about you but I voted Leave, he says. Were letting too many immigrants in, and theyve declared sharia law in Pollokshields.
As an aspiring liberal, you know what you want to do. You want to tell the racist bawbag where to go. Instead, you try to give him a meaningful stare and pretend to have a conversation on your mobile. Id suggest waiting until you are within walking distance of your destination and tell him to stop, then disembark while studiously refusing to give him a tip. Hell get the message.
One of the most challenging dilemmas for the aspiring-but-not-quite-there-yet-liberal male is reconciling a love of AC/DC, Black Sabbath and Ted Nugent with a desire to be empathetic and sensitive to feminism. Songs such as Whole Lotta Rosie and Cat Scratch Fever can cause embarrassment when they crop up on your cars iTunes as youre giving your daughter and her pals a lift into town.
I tried telling them once that Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter was a thoughtful warning about what can happen if a father fails to play a significant role in his daughters life. They werent buying it. Have a playlist handy for these occasions with fey acts like Sohn or the Chemical Brothers or that George Ezra.
I know these are just baby steps, but its a minefield out there.
More here:
A clumsy liberal's guide to saying the right thing - The Guardian
- Liberal | Define Liberal at Dictionary.com [Last Updated On: June 10th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 10th, 2016]
- Liberal | Define Liberal at Dictionary.com [Last Updated On: June 12th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 12th, 2016]
- Neoliberalism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia [Last Updated On: June 16th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 16th, 2016]
- Liberal Conspiracy [Last Updated On: June 16th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 16th, 2016]
- Urban Dictionary: liberal [Last Updated On: June 19th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 19th, 2016]
- Liberal - RationalWiki [Last Updated On: June 21st, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 21st, 2016]
- What Is a Liberal - What Is Liberal Bias [Last Updated On: June 21st, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 21st, 2016]
- Liberal, Kansas - City-Data.com [Last Updated On: June 21st, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 21st, 2016]
- Liberal Synonyms, Liberal Antonyms - Merriam-Webster [Last Updated On: June 21st, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 21st, 2016]
- Conservative vs Liberal - Difference and Comparison | Diffen [Last Updated On: June 21st, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 21st, 2016]
- What's a Conservative Ideology and What's a Liberal Ideology? [Last Updated On: June 24th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 24th, 2016]
- Our MPs | Liberal Party of Canada [Last Updated On: June 24th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 24th, 2016]
- Liberal Party of Canada [Last Updated On: June 24th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 24th, 2016]
- What's a Conservative Ideology and What's a Liberal Ideology? [Last Updated On: June 25th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 25th, 2016]
- Our MPs | Liberal Party of Canada [Last Updated On: June 25th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 25th, 2016]
- liberal - Dictionary Definition : Vocabulary.com [Last Updated On: June 28th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 28th, 2016]
- Real Change - Liberal Party of Canada [Last Updated On: June 28th, 2016] [Originally Added On: June 28th, 2016]
- Liberal, Kansas - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia [Last Updated On: July 3rd, 2016] [Originally Added On: July 3rd, 2016]
- Delaware Liberal [Last Updated On: July 14th, 2016] [Originally Added On: July 14th, 2016]
- Liberal Democrat Voice [Last Updated On: July 14th, 2016] [Originally Added On: July 14th, 2016]
- liberal - Wiktionary [Last Updated On: August 10th, 2016] [Originally Added On: August 10th, 2016]
- Liberal Party of Australia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia [Last Updated On: September 8th, 2016] [Originally Added On: September 8th, 2016]
- Liberal Party of Canada - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia [Last Updated On: September 8th, 2016] [Originally Added On: September 8th, 2016]
- Paul Krugman - The New York Times [Last Updated On: October 4th, 2016] [Originally Added On: October 4th, 2016]
- liberal - definition of liberal in English | Oxford Dictionaries [Last Updated On: October 15th, 2016] [Originally Added On: October 15th, 2016]
- What does Liberal mean? - Definitions.net [Last Updated On: October 25th, 2016] [Originally Added On: October 25th, 2016]
- Liberal Warren throws down gauntlet to President-elect ... [Last Updated On: November 12th, 2016] [Originally Added On: November 12th, 2016]
- Paul Krugman - The Conscience of a Liberal [Last Updated On: November 27th, 2016] [Originally Added On: November 27th, 2016]
- Main Street Liberal [Last Updated On: November 27th, 2016] [Originally Added On: November 27th, 2016]
- Liberal Studies - Interdisciplinary Studies - Clayton ... [Last Updated On: November 30th, 2016] [Originally Added On: November 30th, 2016]
- Quotes About Liberal (122 quotes) [Last Updated On: December 29th, 2016] [Originally Added On: December 29th, 2016]
- Neoliberalism - Wikipedia [Last Updated On: January 31st, 2017] [Originally Added On: January 31st, 2017]
- Liberal Party of Australia - Wikipedia [Last Updated On: February 2nd, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 2nd, 2017]
- Mona Fortier wins Liberal nomination for Ottawa-Vanier byelection - Ottawa Sun [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Pro-DeVos ads air, saying 'liberal' critics are full of 'rage and hate,' as anti-DeVos protests are held - Washington Post [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Goodbye to the liberal era - New Statesman [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- The 7 Most Outrageously Liberal Super Bowl Ad Campaigns of 2017 - NewsBusters (blog) [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Liberal Orthodox rabbis oppose OU ban on female religious leadership - Jerusalem Post Israel News [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- I'm A Liberal, And I Want Milo Yiannopoulos On My Campus - Huffington Post [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Cory Bernardi to quit Liberals to form own conservative party - The Guardian [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Fake news for liberals: misinformation starts to lean left under Trump - The Guardian [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Liberal Judicial Activism Borders On Insurrection - Daily Caller [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- House Science Chairman Sees Liberal Cover-Up on Warming Pause - Scientific American [Last Updated On: February 6th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 6th, 2017]
- Conservatives reject liberal humor in Trump era: Dave Berg - USA TODAY [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- Cory Bernardi says he resents being used in Liberal party 'proxy war' - The Guardian [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- All liberals are hypocrites. I know because I am one - Quartz [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- Scholars: 'Liberal' Reputation of 9th Circuit Overblown - ABC News [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- Dear Readers: Letter From an Anonymous Liberal Pastor in Trump Country - Religion Dispatches [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- LePage uses State of State to rip 'liberal' attack on Maine way of life - Bangor Daily News [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- 'What took you so long to man up?': Cory Bernardi unable to explain why he's quit the Liberals - The Sydney Morning Herald [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- Liberal Hashtag #NotMySuperBowlChamps Protests Patriots' Support of Trump - Fox News Insider [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- Supreme Court Nominee Gorsuch Reportedly Goes To a Very Liberal Church - Mediaite [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- Liberal Men Lash Out Against 'Unqualified' Woman Betsy DeVos - Daily Caller [Last Updated On: February 7th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 7th, 2017]
- How 'liberal' reputation of 9th Circuit Court of Appeals is overblown, scholars say - The Mercury News [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- NDP wants Liberal government to apologize for dropping electoral reform - CBC.ca [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- Strategies for Saving the Liberal Arts - Inside Higher Ed (blog) [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- 'Angry Malcolm' channels John Howard to impress the Liberal tribes - The Sydney Morning Herald [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- Liberal groups file lawsuit to block Trump's deregulation order - Washington Examiner [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- Liberal land - Richfield Reaper [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- Is Gorsuch a secret liberal? Trump, GOP have reason to wonder. - The Hill (blog) [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- Wisconsin governor Scott Walker proposes surprisingly liberal budget - Chicago Tribune [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- 10 Most Liberal Companies In The US - Insider Monkey [Last Updated On: February 9th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 9th, 2017]
- Tim Scott reads racist tweets by 'liberal left' over support for Jeff Sessions - Washington Times [Last Updated On: February 10th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 10th, 2017]
- BC Liberal staffer hired by government, but still did work for party - Vancouver Sun [Last Updated On: February 10th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 10th, 2017]
- Trevor Bauer Takes Issue With 'Liberal-Slanted' Anti-Donald Trump Articles - NESN.com [Last Updated On: February 10th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 10th, 2017]
- Why the liberal world order is worth saving - Irish Times [Last Updated On: February 10th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 10th, 2017]
- Trevor Bauer goes on long rant defending tweet about liberal bias - Yahoo Sports [Last Updated On: February 11th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 11th, 2017]
- Networks Swoon Over GOP 'Feeling the Wrath' of Liberal Town Hall Protesters - NewsBusters (blog) [Last Updated On: February 11th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 11th, 2017]
- Liberal Tolerance: Sen. Tim Scott Reads His Hate Mail On Senate Floor For Supporting Sessions As AG - Townhall [Last Updated On: February 11th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 11th, 2017]
- The Claws Out For Ivanka Trump Show Liberal Love For Women Is A Sham - The Federalist [Last Updated On: February 11th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 11th, 2017]
- Trump Takes a Running Whack at the Liberal Interventionists - The Nation. [Last Updated On: February 11th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 11th, 2017]
- Indians swept by Liberal in WAC action - Hays Daily News [Last Updated On: February 11th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 11th, 2017]
- Electoral reform 'not dead,' Liberal MP says at St. John's rally - CBC.ca [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- This liberal Brooklynite is on the hunt for conservative friends - New York Post [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- Here's why we report on liberals - Newnan Times-Herald [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- The Paranoid Style of Anti-Trump Politics - National Review [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- Liberal president Kent Johns blasts Ross Cameron as 'nothing more than a circus act' - The Sydney Morning Herald [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- Finley: Left bites Ivanka's liberal hand - The Detroit News [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- What the Liberal-One Nation preference deal could mean at the ballot box - ABC Online [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]
- A new, liberal tea party is forming. Can it last without turning against Democrats? - Washington Post [Last Updated On: February 12th, 2017] [Originally Added On: February 12th, 2017]