Is technology getting in the way of togetherness? – Las Vegas Weekly (blog)

Thu, Feb 9, 2017 (midnight)

Two people sit together in a restaurant. They appear to be a couple sharing a meal, because they order food, its served and they eat. But theyre not speaking to each other. Are they together?

They spent most of their time each on their phones, so much so that I thought Id missed something, that maybe theyd gotten into a fight when I wasnt paying attention. They looked so completely disconnected, Katherine Hertlein says. And at the end of the meal they got up, held hands and walked out.

To Hertlein, a UNLV professor and director of the colleges Marriage and Family Therapy Program who has been practicing for nearly 20 yearsand to most of usthis is unusual behavior. But also, its not. The iPhone has only been around for 10 years, and yet theres clearly a ubiquitous tendency to ignore everything and everyone, especially spouses and partners, in favor of constant media consumption.

And its a problem. Even if its not the thing a couple cites as the problem, talking with them invariably reveals it, she says.

And the problem isnt just what couples are looking at while together, but saying to one another when theyre not. We just communicate differently now, Hertlein adds. Couples like using technology to communicate because they can do it quickly and more conveniently, but research tells us those communications have less content and are more task-oriented, very different from the conversations we used to wait to have when we get home and talk about our day.

When it comes to texting your significant other, more is actually less. Constant contact makes us think were better communicators than we are, but theres little meaning in a steady stream of emoticons. When youre trying to solve a problem, asynchronous communicationwhen you dont expect an immediate responsecan work well, Hertlein says. But when couples need to solve a problem, a sense of presence is really important. How many times have you texted and tried to get your partner engaged right away and then you get pissed off when theyre not answering? We have to remind ourselves what the goal is.

We also share more information about ourselves on social media, mundane stuff that happens throughout the day, but its more info that we used to first share with our partners, before we could blast random photos and anecdotes out into the universe. Its all about specialness. You want to feel like the most important person in the world to your partner, and you want them to feel that way, too, but that little screen is getting in the way. Its sucking all that specialness right through your face.

Its easy to vilify technology, Hertlein says. If I could say, Turn off your computer when youre with your partner, thatd be great, but the computer is everywhere you go. We need to figure out ways to use technology as an advantage in our relationships instead of assuming its a disadvantage.

Brock Radke has been writing about Las Vegas for more than 15 years. He currently covers entertainment, music, nightlife, food ...

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Is technology getting in the way of togetherness? - Las Vegas Weekly (blog)