Report: Donald Trump Is Armed, Dangerous, and Text Messaging

For most of his 76 years on earth, Donald Trump has famously refused to engage with two popular modes of communication: emails and text messages. In 2007, in sworn testimony, he said he didnt have a computer at home or at the office. And on the 2016 campaign trail, he called himself not an email person, saying he was not a believer in it. Later that year, aides told Politico they had never received a text message from him, and during his testimony before the January 6 committee, Donald Trump Jr. told the panel his father doesnt text.

Setting aside that this aversion to technology made Trump look like a luddite, its actually served him incredibly well by preventing him from creating an electronic paper trail of his (potentially) criminal acts. (Literally shredding documents and possibly flushing them down the toilet helped on the actual paper front.) But apparently the siren song of LOLs and ROTFLMAOs has finally become too strong for him to resist.

The New York Times reports that Trump has at last become a texter, according to a trio of people familiar with his new hobby. According to reporters Jonathan Swan and Maggie Haberman, the ex-presidents text messages have recently shown up in the phones of surprised recipients, and while most of them have apparently been innocuous, such as new year greetings or political observations, some of his associates are concerned and fearful about what he might say. Like, for instance, something about doing another January 6 if the 2024 election doesnt go his way, or revealing that he took top secret documents from the White House as some kind of insurance in the event hes ever prosecuted by the federal government. Things like that!

Indeed, as the Times notes:

The former presidents [previous] resistance to texting frustrated investigators for the House Jan. 6 committee as they tried to track his thoughts and actions when he worked to overturn the 2020 election.

For years, people corresponding with him sent him text messages, which always went unanswered. He was unreachable by email. He sometimes asked aides to send electronic messages to reporters, referring to the missives as wires, like a telegram. People who have worked for Mr. Trump in the White House and in his private business say he has prided himself on being smart for leaving almost no documentation of his communications and discussions in meetings. Those who have witnessed firsthand his visceral aversion to record-keeping said they were shocked to learn about his new electronic habit.

For those of you wondering how Trumps prior lack of 21st-century communications habit jived with his very modern Twitter obsession, that was apparently an exception. As the Times reminds us, The former aide who helped set up his Twitter account once told Politico that when Mr. Trump, who initially relied on aides to write his posts, began to tweet on his own, it was akin to the scene in the film Jurassic Park when the velociraptors learned to open doors.

Anyway, good for the former guy for embracing new things. Would be a terrible shame if it accidentally led to him actually being held responsible for his actions for once!

Maybe next hell spray them with Agent Orange or place land minds around the Capitol

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Report: Donald Trump Is Armed, Dangerous, and Text Messaging