Married in New York, retiring in New Zealand: The couple with opposite personalities and cultures – Stuff

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When youre in a relationship with someone from a different culture, its about give and take.

Lance McGregor is an industrial designer originally from Lower Hutt who spent 20 years in London and New York designing lighting and fragrance bottles for everyone from Beyonc and Calvin Klein. He met his American wife Melissa, an HR consultant, in Manhattan in 2002. The couple, their daughters Dylan, 12, and Quinn, 9, and 8-year-old son Hunter, moved back to Wellington in 2020.

Melissa: I was born in New Jersey, went to university in New York then moved there for work, so that was my whole world.

Id been single for seven months when I met Lance. Id moved into my own apartment in the East Village and was living my best single girl life.

One night I was having cocktails with my Kiwi friend Catherine who asked if her friend Lance could join us. I was like, what do I care? Lance walked into the bar and it was an immediate wow! He was the hottest guy I had ever seen in my life! He was also super cool, a designer with a cute Kiwi accent. He was so creative compared to my life in the corporate world.

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I invited him to a party at my apartment but thought he wouldnt come because he was way too cool for me. But he turned up and stayed to help me clean up. Hed earmarked a Tiffany & Co catalogue I had and said, these are all the things I want to buy you from Tiffany!

Because Lance had just arrived in New York, he only had a pay-as-you-go phone so I couldnt call him and never heard from him.

In April 2003 Catherine told me it was his birthday so I called and left a message but again never heard from him. Two months later I saw Lance at a party, we started chatting and there was definitely chemistry. I made up a fake after-party so we could keep talking and then had to run around telling all my friends to come back to my place!

We finally kissed that night and had our first date a few days later. Weve been together ever since.

Of course I was attracted to his looks but Lance also has amazing style and taste hes decorated all our homes. Id also never been treated so nicely by someone. Seventeen years later, every day I still learn something new from Lance. He truly expands my world.

Dating someone from another culture wasnt an issue because Id always wanted to live abroad. Wed been talking about moving to New Zealand for a few years but then Covid hit and it seemed like the perfect time.

I do love it here but Im from a huge Italian family and miss them a lot. Lance isnt keen to move back to the United States so we might have to do the back and forth thing. But we both want to retire in New Zealand.

Lance is an incredible father whod do anything for our family. We have a lot of fun together. Im definitely a better person for being with him.

Lance: I had been single for two years when I met Melissa and hadnt actually been in New York that long. It was an obvious attraction because Melissa is the complete package. Id always loved the dark hair/Italian look and Melissa is part Sicilian so she was my dream girl.

Melissa always looked so put-together she wore beautiful dresses and high heels and had a real elegance about her. She also has a magnetic personality that everyone flocks to. Shes bubbly and outgoing, the exact opposite of my introverted personality. Melissa has a zest for life that I admire, which does rub off on me.

The reason I never called Melissa back after we met was because I was too nervous. I was completely captivated by her and thought she was totally out of my league. We come from such different worlds - I grew up in the Hutt and she was this cool New York woman. It took me a long time to summon the gumption to call her.

Wed been together two years when I decided to propose. We were coming to New Zealand for a holiday so she could meet my family and I could show her how beautiful this country is.

Melissa is a huge fan of Audrey Hepburn and Breakfast at Tiffanys, so the night before we flew out I went to Tiffanys and picked out a ring. But my account didnt cover the cost so I had to get money transferred from another account.

I rang the bank and even the salesperson got on the phone and eventually they transferred some over so I could buy the ring. The irony is that in 2017, I was invited to design an engagement ring box for Tiffany, which was like coming full circle.

We were in Cathedral Cove in the Coromandel, lying on the beach, when I pulled the ring out and proposed. Thankfully, Melissa said yes.

Were actually very different - Im extremely tidy and need a clean, clear space for my brain to work properly. But with Melissa it sometimes looks as though a tornado has hit the house! Im also organised and Melissa is a bit more fluid in her approach to life.

A key to our relationship is giving each other space. We do lots of things together but we also have our own interests. Because we work in different industries, we always have lots to talk about.

I love the United States, but dont want to live there again. But when youre in a relationship with someone from a different culture, its about give and take and trying to combine those two worlds and do whats best for the whole family.

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Married in New York, retiring in New Zealand: The couple with opposite personalities and cultures - Stuff